New here. I got some questions [WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT]

[Zinterth]

I started 4 days ago and I have been meditating daily. I wanted to get a feel for it first, before dedicating to Satan and creating an account.

I can't feel energy at all, nor can I see auras or chakras. I just visualize them, but I cannot actually feel it. I think I feel more energized and motivated after absorbing energy, though. I also felt sensations from the third eye opening meditation and for the 6th chakra, but nothing interesting happened yet. I will continue, though. I was a bit skeptical at first, but now I'm sure, this is real.

I dedicated to Satan yesterday, but I don't have my astral senses yet, so I couldn't see or hear anything. However, soon after doing it, I have seen the number 88 three times in little time, so I think it worked. It must be a signal.

My question is, will He accept me? I don't want to go into too much detail, but many times I had really bad thoughts and intentions (like, homicide and sadism. I fantasized on it and wanted to do it so many times, but I never did anything.) However, since I got pretty much complete control over my emotions, I almost never did anything bad to anyone. My self-control used to be pretty bad when I was a kid, but once I became like 11 years old, I quickly began to gain it. I also have many sexual deviations since childhood (again, I never really harmed others because of it, but I still have them), but I was never sexually abused, although I still suffered a lot of psychological trauma. On top of that, I was born with mental disorders, ADHD and high-functioning autism. Could all of this be a sign of a lot of trauma from past lives, and a damaged and dirty soul? I have been cleaning it daily, but I didn't feel any difference yet. I find it hard to consider myself a good person, since I'm not particularly altruisic, but I'm not exactly evil, either. I'm still extremely loyal and honest with those I really care about, but I completely lack empathy with the rest of people. Will this change if I keep growing spiritually?

Thank you all, and thanks to Satan too. This will completely change my life.

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

I can't feel energy at all, nor can I see auras or chakras. I just visualize them, but I cannot actually feel it.

Seeing astral energies and what is in the astral is very, very advanced. Really advanced. What you actually have to do is visualization. As it says on the site. The focus in meditation is visualization. If you read the various meditations on the JoS site, the focus is visualization.

I think I feel more energized and motivated after absorbing energy, though.

This is a sign that meditation has worked. I speak from experience. But even without giving my personal experience, obviously if you raise energy or bring it into yourself, you will be more energetic as a result of having done it well.

I also felt sensations from the third eye opening meditation and for the 6th chakra

This is another sign that it worked. Personally, I find it easier to pinpoint the exact location of a chakra while I'm meditating on it. Even before, I can do it very well and effortlessly, but while I'm meditating on it, I can feel it in a perfectly natural way.

but nothing interesting happened yet

You are literally on the fourth day. You do not have years of experience. What do you expect on only the fourth day, dear Brother?

I was a bit skeptical at first, but now I'm sure, this is real

But meditation is already working if you are expanding your state of awareness after you have entered into certain topics. Keep it up.

I dedicated to Satan yesterday

A warm welcome from all your Brothers and Sisters to our Family! We are very happy for you!

I don't have my astral senses yet, so I couldn't see or hear anything

You've never worked on these things, so you haven't developed them, and, in any case, it's still quite early to do so.

I have seen the number 88 three times in little time, so I think it worked. It must be a signal

I am almost completely sure that it is a sign too. I know because I see the number 88 and only that in every type of situation, even very "exaggeratedly coincidental". They can be signs that you are doing well or that the Gods are watching over you.

will He accept me?

Satanas accepts all Gentiles (non-Jews). You sought Satanas with noble intentions, not as someone who wants to abuse Satanism or anything like that. Your good will shines through in your topic. Yes, he accepts you.

bad thoughts and intentions

These things are called "intrusive thoughts", those who have a minimum knowledge of psychology know well that they do not outline the character or nature of a person. As you advance, perhaps in void meditation, etc. you will have more control over your mind and therefore fewer intrusive thoughts. Personally, I have never had intrusive thoughts, even before starting to meditate, but I know that people have them, in fact most of them. It is not something to feel guilty about. It is highly normal.

However, since I got pretty much complete control over my emotions, I almost never did anything bad to anyone

In fact, it is not the thought that is important: what matters is what you do, your concrete actions. Intrusive thoughts are normal, but this does not mean that we find them right or manifest them in reality. They are things that come into our mind, but are not "part of us". Therefore, when they come, we are able to recognize that it is precisely something "intrusive" and not "ours".

My self-control used to be pretty bad when I was a kid, but once I became like 11 years old, I quickly began to gain it

You can't even think about comparing yourself today to your state of consciousness when you were 11. People mature. I don't have the same sense of humor I had when I was 5. I don't play with action figures of superheroes anymore that I did when I was 5, and stuff like that, etc. You grow up in life.

I also have many sexual deviations since childhood

I can't help you here. And I don't even want to try to understand better: your sexual tastes are your business. There are normal things (like some types of fetishes) and things that are actually deviant (out of a general sense of sexual decency I won't give examples).

If you see that something is really very deviant, my advice is to look at it as if it were an extreme: do you really consider certain things "beautiful and fascinating"? If analyzed in the extreme, certain things appear to us for what they actually are, disgusting. But these are rare cases, very often people have simple, very normal "fetishisms". You know what to analyze, I want to maintain decency here on the forum.

although I still suffered a lot of psychological trauma

It is early now, but when you are ready you will find that there are spiritual ways to heal from trauma. Also, simple meditation helps a lot in overcoming trauma. I won't lie to you, very often you may have to be confronted face to face with the trauma to overcome it, but with meditation you will emerge victorious.

I was born with mental disorders, ADHD and high-functioning autism

Meditation can also help in this because it acts in a positive way on your mind. It is proven by several researches. I had, for example, read from a response of our High Priest Hooded Cobra that in America they had implemented meditation in schools and this helped a lot the people who experience this type of mental disorders in their lives.

I have been cleaning it daily, but I didn't feel any difference yet

Soul cleansing can take years and years to significantly remove the garbage that has accumulated in the soul when it was neglected. There are things like Witches Sabbats that help greatly in cleansing as they are days of power for this type of spiritual work, etc.

I find it hard to consider myself a good person, since I'm not particularly altruisic, but I'm not exactly evil, either.

There are ethical values that the Gods teach, you can find it all on JoS. As you connect more with the Gods you may be led to rediscover their values and find a tendency towards their noble virtues.

I'm still extremely loyal and honest with those I really care about,

This is a great foundation to work on, really. Some are dishonest and approach Satanism with superficiality and disrespect, arrogance, etc. If you are loyal and honest, however, Satanas has a way of working with you. Think of it like growing a beautiful plant, but planting the seed in very fertile soil.

but I completely lack empathy with the rest of people

As you evolve, your nobility of soul will also evolve with you. For example, I have always loved helping others since I was a child, as a natural personal tendency of mine. As I evolved in Satanism I began to understand how important this thing actually was, I began to understand that compassion is one of the highest and most important values one can have.

People have always made me feel wrong to feel compassion in this world, as if it was something for "weak" people to try to help others. As if the "strong" ones were those who mistreat and abuse others, crushing them. And I convinced myself of this and instead of giving others a good example with my behavior, I was ashamed of having this tendency to help others feel better and I tried not to show it around that I was doing good deeds, etc.

The Gods have made me grow and mature and today I can clearly see that compassion is a truly "strong" value and in every way positive. As you progress, you will be able to understand certain things and your awareness and nobility of soul, your very values, will evolve with you.