I have finally been able to perform my dedication ritual. Hail Satan! Now for my problems...
I am totally unable to do visualizations. Being raised in a very strict christian family and having a husband who is a devout protestant, my imagination has been stifled since a child (if I said I had an imaginary friend, I was whipped until I denounced the existance of said friend.) I was able to talk to spirits of those who have passed on but now it seems even they have given up on me since I haven't heard from any of them in quite a while.
I was raised, literally, as if in the stone age. No TV, radio was either country music or christian radio, didn't have my first date until I was 18 years old, and even then my brothers had to go with me...You get the picture. The men in my life were hand picked by my family and I was raised to ignore my own dreams and desires. It didn't matter what I wanted, it was what the men wanted and desired and I had to do what they said or wanted. Children were meant to be seen and not heard! So the story goes. My mother tried to help me, but being in the same boat as I, I am unable to fathom how she was able to do the things she did without getting caught. (She as you know was a 5th generation witch, and would have been literally burned at the stake if anyone found out)
So how do I go about getting rid of the blocks that have been ingrained since childhood? It seems, according to all I have read, that visualiztion is key when preforming rituals or chakra work or anything for that matter.
I know that visualiztion is key to talking to demons and spirits, as well as the will and desire. But if they all coincide with each other, then nothing I say or do will matter and the communication is lost. I've tried chakra work, but again, visualiztion is lost.
Also, are there specifics when calling or talking to demons? I am not in tune with my surroundings it seems, so if I did happen to call a demon I wouldn't be able to hear or feel them, whatever the case may be.
If there is anyone who can specifically help me, I would deeply appreciate it. Conversing by email would be best since I can go to the library to access my emails without my husband finding out. He has Pandora on the home computers so he can tract my usage at home.
I would deeply appreciate any help I can get as I am bound and determined to live my own life and need all the help I can get to become stronger and eventually get out from undwer the thumb of my christian home and upbringing.
