May Father be praised; I start anew..

[exarkuun1991]

Some of you have read my past posts, recent posts even, and that I have been having problems..well, I hope I fixed that.I understand how busy the gods are, but I think I did it perfectly correct this time..
I took my black book(cute little composition book. Some pages were ripped out but they were old crap), and drew Father's second sigil on a page. Not a full page drawing, it has a shortened list of the runes' names, number, and symbols.So I drew his sigil that I could draw, and asked him to communicate through my pendulum. I got a strong yes.Well.. I made him swear, TWICE, on the sigil, that he was truly Father Satan, leader of Hell, or he would be struck down.Well, if this failed, I don't know what the hell I am even doing in this..PATH. I cannot find a word for it. I asked him to swear, TWICE, that he was the devil himself, or he would be struck. I felt the blue energy, the calming, and felt..protected.
So, finding out the Buer is NOT my guardian(I swear by I am confused in this regard, I have heard from other demons that he is/was but now I am lost, as to why that was false?), I asked for some assistance. He agreed. I went through the entire list of demons, landed on Crocell/Pucell/Procel, and it was she. She is apparently my guardian. I drew her sigil, somewhat sloppy as I will do it better(I can never draw a sigil well on the first try. But hers is kinda crazy..)I asked, pendulum through sigil, if she was my guardian. She responded with a strong yes. I also seem to see and hear her. "Being busy is no excuse, not to welcome a new Satanist"..I could be paraphrasing; given my track record, doubting my clairaudience is a small matter.
I asked her to swear, and she did. But I am not one to try to strike at ANY image of a demon, or even think about it. If I strike a real one, I'm a corpse! If it's fake, it's probably strong..
But I asked my guardian to clear up this confusion, and I got a resounding "Why? I am already here".She seems legitimate..but my gut is nothing to go on.I've done this and the void..aura..ultraviolet thing. "You are calm enough to not make the same mistake twice". That's what I get.I really really REALLY want this to be real, but I just..doubt myself. She is as the site dictates..long blonde hair, blue robe(mistook it for a skirt, whoops!), and blue wings..but I focus on the face in all seeing. SEeing a whole body makes my brain go hot.
Please..anyone..help me out. I want to know. I've done what I know to test, but I've gotten this. Long post, I know..

 

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You are putting too much stress on finding your GD, I suggest you to continue empowering your soul. Your Guardian Demon/ess certainly will him/herself reveal to you,undoubtedly. Most probably in a dream if you are not astrally open yet.