My original response to the first person to e-mail me:
Temptation? No, more like desire. Ever since I was a young child I have always loved the villains in movies and wanted them to win. My first memory of this is when watching Beauty and the Beast and wanting Gaston to win and even made an "ugly laugh" which would be described more maturely as an evil laugh. I am very well educated on The Bible, though I do not follow it and am currently agnostic. For some time now I have been having dreams of Hell. Beyond lucid, very layered, realistic, and relative time like dreams where I would be in Hell for 10 years or more. Or I die and everything goes to the "upside down" world or the "nether region." To describe it, everything is like how it was before I died, except everything was dark. One example of my dreams was I was in a car crash and died, but I didn't know I was dead yet. I left the car and went to search for a phone to call for help. I was not aware I was dreaming at this point, this was many years ago and my dreams have progressed to "night terrors" as science would call it. In my dream I found a house with two teen boys and I told them the situation and they said I could use their phone. As I went in the house everything became dark. The two boys necks broke and their heads were hanging sideways. I found a shotgun on their wall and I ran and grabbed it and shot one in the face. It knocked it back a ways but its head came back around and his teeth became like razor sharp fangs and started to laugh at me. I went running down the stairs and the other teenage boy looked the same way and was walking up towards me. Eventually I woke up when I was corned in the stairs and they ate me alive.
Despite these dreams I have a fascination with power and things of human desire and wordly things. Things that are considered sins. I guess you could say selfish humanism. I have always been interested in having a direct connection with Satan and having his guidance, even if it meant my soul would be damned to the Christian hell I know well about. But I know Satan is the most beautiful fallen Angel and the most intelligent. Hence why 1/3rd of his army fell from grace as well. So I know he can be a master manipulator. I have no problem performing the ritual and giving my soul over to Satan and denouncing the Trinity. I only wonder what the gains from this would be, as anyone with a brain would have a suspicion that it might just be a lure to invite Satan and his demons to infest your life in a negative way and have power over you with nothing to gain from it. I read that he would "redirect" you and refocus you when you are down. But I am not one for meditation, I believe mostly in science and western medicine. I also cannot help but think this is also part of some religious fanatic extremist "cult" if you would. Similar to say, Heaven's Gate, or Jones Town, and I simply don't want to mindlessly drink the kool aid. I see that you also try to recruit under age members. That seems malevolent in nature to me for an undeveloped mind to make that kind of conscious choice that cannot be undone. Now I am in no way trying to attack, undermine, or condescend this base. I am simply curious to something I have been looking for but cannot take a blind leap of faith without details. I have looked for a long time for ways to gain power, respect, dominance, wealth, and attraction, but have winded up one silly wiccan or other spirit keeping websites that talk about people like Ed and Lorraine Warren as their heroes.
With all respect and gratitude,D.