Issues with learning addiction, photographic memory, and maintaining human relationships

[sinbad]

Should ISA be used at this point? Or something else?

Void meditation and pointed-focus has helped narrow my interests down a bit, but the tendency and desire is still there.

But also, in a way, it kinda made things worse. My mind has become even more obsessive, just chanelled a bit more productively at least.

For example, I am interested in coding > ok, so make app > big money > donate to ToZ... there is a pragmatic end goal.

The negative is I have mentally lost all interest in everything besides knowledge/skill acquisition and don't feel like making time for friends/family/relationships/pets and turning into a complete recluse avoidant of biological interactions.

Like I still enjoy interacting with people, but I don't want to get close to anyone because they always start being demanding of my time and become f***ing irritatingly clingy.

I see no value interacting with someone unless I can extract/knowledge from them or form a business partnership, but I seem to be condemned to a life of interacting with midwits or something, which living in the "hood" hasn't helped.

I like to dissappear for 6+ months and do my own thing, so I am starting to wonder if I am just incompatible with the concept of human relationships.

So the main question here is, can I avoid the dodgy effects of celibacy if I just masturbate?

My Mars/Venus are in a position which seems to make it okay to just obsessively focus on the Gods and abandon close relationships, but I want to make sure.

Hitler was apparently celibate for a very long time until he met Eva Braun despite his 7th/Venusian emphasis and he seemed fine, although, I suspect he may have deliberately cultivated that image of himself.

The positive effect of void/pf has been that I've started to regain my photographic memory, but now everything is more traumatic.

Every little bad memory or event becomes unforgettable and difficult to let go. They become visceral and sensory, and the moment repeats itself.

I initially got in the habit of doing void meditation and erasing my thoughts/memories as they enter to deal with the daily bullshit of brain cancer inflicted upon me, but then it got to the point I started to consistently forget thoughts from literally just 5 seconds ago... so clearly that was the wrong strategy as well, of which I have lost huge swaths of knowledge because of how this habit atrophied my memory storage.

Am I just cooked...?

 

[Antireligioso]

If you have used substances, even just psychotropic drugs, on a constant and continuous basis, they can cause brain damage of this type, goldfish memory but also with loss of affectivity and passions... but it is not always due to substances or psychic attacks... it could also be some neurodegenerative disease in which you can no longer remember what you think in a few seconds. There is little to compare with famous historical people, they did not have romantic social relationships because they were full of curses and negative Christian influences. Especially if they are so famous, they were also the most affected by Jewish curses, for example, which are on all Satanists just because they are on the side of Ea. You understand that even average people can become mines, for souls affected by the reptilian enemy. Loneliness is quite normal, because no one can stand up to the level of Satanist meditators. This means that if the adept doesn't protect himself well, disasters can arise with average people. For example, during the Middle Ages, these people were hunted (by the Inquisition and tortured and killed). Even if witches, for example, were isolated on the paths, Catholic monsters would go there to torture and kill. There weren't always warriors to protect these people, or they didn't even arrive in time to protect them; there were no cars.
By this, I meant that you should try to build an aura of protection or meditate more and do the final RTR, or even have a neurological examination if you don't remember less than the goldfish

 

[sinbad]

...

In terms of loneliness, I'm going to focus my attention on befriending the Gods instead, but I will try once more when I go to University.

However, I don't think human connections of this shitty era will satisfy me outside of intelligent Zevist souls, so maybe in another 10 years.

Also yeah, I did probably give myself minor brain damage but I've removed the issue which tanked 95% of my potential.

My brain feels powerful again and my magick also got 10x'd after some shifts. It felt in comparison as if I had never meditated in my life, lol.

And yeah, I am probably heavily cursed, but I can also tell I am protected from it all. So I don't fear anything.

Very often I go outside, some random black tries to pick a fight with me simply for existing. But they get neutered and I can see their aggression dissolve instantly, I don't have to do anything but stand there and wait.

 

[sinbad]

...

But do you think it's necessary to form romantic relationships/friendships?

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I still enjoy interacting with people, but I don't want to get close to anyone because they always start being demanding of my time and become f***ing irritatingly clingy.

Some people are naturally more solitary, and this can be seen in the planetary positions in one's birth chart.

I've always felt the same way; I find it incredibly boring to try to establish deep connections with non-spiritual people and outsiders. For me, a suitable profession would be one that isn't public-facing, where I only have to interact with a few people daily, and I can dedicate the rest of my time to my spiritual development, my work for ToZ, and my private life.
And when you get older, after 40 it's the opposite; you feel even more inclined to focus on your private life and less on socializing.