Laughing at the "absurdity of it" isn't healthy, it's understandable mind you in todays age, but not all laughter is created equally. As an example, and this was for a while, I couldn't stop laughing and smiling like a child over The High Priest Hooded Cobras profile picture, but this laughter was of just pure joy. You see I'm the sort that is very out of step with the modern age and to watch a man grow into himself, become like gold and earn himself a place to share with everyone an image of himself, like that, frankly, was "orgasmic" if you'll mind the vulgarity. It was like watching a general be given a statue, or a hero get a parade with flowers tossed on them. I couldn't stop thinking "You Deserve IT" and it brought me happiness. On the outside this seemed like an insult because one could not view inside my mind.
Yet Joy and Duty should go together and for every ounce of seriousness you have, you should have that properly balance against it, "absurdity." Like a butterfly is a beauty of a creature, but is also kinda like floating paper. It's wild when you think about it a floating piece of paper, and it's healthy to develop sides of yourself that seek the same goal in this way.
You can be a dutiful goal bound "serious" person yet be laughing at the same time, they are not mutually exclusive: it's just that we humans often are quite limited in our view of emotions due to so many having so little complexity to them for so long.
After all the "laughing poetic warrior" is something we should all strive to be: "having fun in battle, yet be deep in thought when taking a bath." The simple fact is you can be more than a single thing at the same time, and from the outside you might appear one way, yet be devastatingly another on the inside. On the whole emotional balance isn't easy and it's ok to have any fault so long as you honestly work towards mending it. Think literally nothing ill of yourself other than your sick and in need of healing. You don't yell at cancer victim saying it's all their fault and they should feel bad over it, you encourage them to feel better over their illness and get them to help fight it off however they can: in this the Gods are the same, and we must strive to be like them.
I will however leave you with a final question though, would you want someone laughing at your name? Even if it's a "strange/dumb/odd" sounding name, one mans crab is another mans tomato. ( This is in reference to when people thought of crab as gross and tomatoes as poisonous **does the more you know shooting star**
) Your feelings of loving it just might stem from being afraid of being punished and your laughter is a way to deal with the stress over it as you see something your told is Holy but can make no sense of. Not saying this IS your problem just offering that the situation might be complex and you should do what
MasterJ192216 suggested and meditate on it.
