Is "free will" good or bad?

[Head Guardian Sophiles Phylax]

...

You describe how your karma has both negatives and positives. When we speak of removing negative karma, we are removing the negative elements whilst keeping the positives. In this case, you have made the "chains" work for you, not against you. This is reflected in how Saturn can work, for example, but also any other energy.

If you are operating from a place of poor judgment, whatever this objectively means, then many of your rationalizations may be wrong, including what you think of as your purpose in life. We see this in people who only want money, even to the point of hurting people. In this case, they failed to respect the other aspects of life, due to their low level of evolution.

What one person defines as fulfilling is based on their inherent state. What is fulfilling to the Gods is different from that of a normie today. However, one of these is much more noble and beautiful, due to the individual(s) holding such dreams.

When you clean, empower, prune negative karma, and so on, you are never destroying yourself, only creating a more beautiful version of who you really are. If you are doing energy work of some kind on yourself and getting horrible results, then something is going wrong.

 

[The Outlaw Torn]

There’s no “free will” unless you are a God. Even if you clean yourself of negative karma you’re still a slave to biology. You have to eat and and sleep and do other things that an advanced being IE God doesn’t have to which means you are not free.

 

[tabby]

I realised after I submitted my post that you might have an issue with the fact that it was because of my actions that your wife was in pain when she projected to me. Even so, I think it would be wrong for me to apologise for this. I learned the hard way how dangerous it can be connect to others, and vowed to never again connect to the mind of someone I don't trust with my life. Whether it is I, or someone else, that attempts to establish the connection, shouldn't make a difference in that regard. I hope that this served as a warning to her to be careful who she approaches in astral projection; whereas I only care about shutting others out for my own safety and peace of mind (I like to think of my mind as a tranquil, private garden just for me and my fiancé, surrounded by thorns), there are many who are far more dangerous to approach, sometimes without even trying as their personal issues might rub off automatically on others who connect to them. I think even from your point of view, it's probably preferable that she was scared off in this manner, rather than that she actually succeeded in getting through. Due to my nature, I have a tendency to draw out people's most deeply repressed issues and potential when they connect to me, which, while this can be an opportunity for people to overcome things and grow, can also be very overwhelming and potentially dangerous; likewise, everyone affects others in their own unique ways depending on their personality, so I believe approaching others on the astral is not something that should be taken lightly.

Since the effects of protective workings can be a bit subtle, I usually measure their effectiveness by how they affect my dreams. This trick I mentioned in particular, caused the frequency of nightmares to go down from about once a month, to once every few months, so it appears to be very effective in keeping attacks and harassment at bay. But if the only verifiable effect is on my dreams, then that begs the question: what if it's just my imagination? So, for her to publicly share that it is working exactly as intended, and that the pain successfully dissuaded her from even looking at the face of the dummy, let alone prying deeply enough to realise it was only an illusion, is very reassuring, and it boosted my confidence a lot. And since then, my confidence in my psychic defences has grown enough for me not to mind revealing this one trick, as I'm not so dependent on it anymore.

That said, I understand that it may be unpleasant to hear this, so I am sorry to you if I came off as rude with how I phrased it.

You don't know what you're talking about. Tabby is fine, and you didn't affect her at all.

Your last comment was all well and good, but I can't believe you're actually trying to flex right now. Tabby is so much more powerful than you are.

Whatever. Keep flexing if you want to, but we're not part of your astral fantasy world.

Really... flexing :lol: Dick move, Meteor.

I was referring to this post:

You are right, however I unfortunately cannot really talk in depth about this, but trust me that if you knew what Siatris meant (something I was unaware of while making my replies to meteor), you'd be disgusted and furious beyond words.

Take Siatris's words as they are, it's really true...

If this is ever meant to be known, you will know it by that time. I just want people to understand that there in more behind this than what can be openly stated at this time and consider that when judging all of this.

Hail Satan!

I'll assume that my senses were potentially wrong then. When I astral projected to them to get to the bottom of this confusion, and felt the amount of pain coming from them, I couldn't get any closer because it hurt. I couldn't see their face either since the figure was balled up with their back to me.

I wonder if my own karmic patterns are going through a new repeat by reflecting through this mess, but I'll deal with that in my personal time.

Is she not the one who decided to get involved in that "astral fantasy world" at that time?
Whatever. I didn't want to harm her in the first place; I'm just glad she was deterred, as I intended, meaning my working was effective. "Couldn't get any closer because it hurt"? That was exactly the point, and she admitted it herself. That helped me worry less.

Misunderstandings are so commonplace here. I guess we're both outta here, huh? I've just about lost my patience with this nonsense again, to be honest. But I agree with you that it's far more important to focus on practical, physical matters than a bunch of astral fantasy, so perhaps I misunderstood what you meant when you mentioned me standing up to spiritually empowered Satanists. But if you only meant verbally rather than spiritually, then what does spiritual empowerment have to do with it? A contradiction.
You secretly really do care about that precious little astral fantasy world of yours, don't you? Don't worry, I like hypocrites.
Of course, that is in jest. The astral is precious to all of us, even if it can be confusing at times. Heh.

Take care, both of you.
Hail Satan!

I kept my description of what I experienced brief and vague. It's rather controversial and risky to reveal what one sees psychically when they have no ability to provide physical proof and people have to take their word for it or call them a liar or deluded even if they're telling/seeing the truth, or people can lie in defense of their image against the others senses. At the time, I confused my wording, calling what I did with you as astral projection and have since learned what astral projection actually feels like, and now know that I was doing what I always do with people. Seeing them from afar with my senses. I don't require connecting with ones aura to see them, and that has not been the only time I've seen you since. Only people more spiritually powerful than myself have been able to hide from me. Either way you had already established a connection with me and I with you because we decided to be friends and then had a heated argument. So long as you did the dedication ritual and don't abandon it, we are connected as Zevism regardless.

I had/have no intention of doing anything to you, only learn the truth about you and your situation. I would be violating our rules here if I attempted anything else, and going against my own code. What I sensed back then was your pain, what I saw was the reflection of that pain, and I chose not to push further because I am an empath and your pain was too much. Your body was radiating with it as if you had butchered yourself with black energy. Your light body was dark with a thin glow of aura around it, and the pain was emotional pain. You say others have not been "deterred" and felt nothing when they actually tried to do things to you. My experience with you is no confirmation that your programming worked because I did none of what you programmed your aura to deter against. I wasn't harmed, only upset to see what you've done to yourself. Your programming will not deter anyone or anything who is more powerful than you, and anyone you let your guard down around.

Talking about my karmic pattern was referring to that fact you had been a cult leader.

 

[tabby]

...

I kept my description of what I experienced brief and vague. It's rather controversial and risky to reveal what one sees psychically when they have no ability to provide physical proof and people have to take their word for it or call them a liar or deluded even if they're telling/seeing the truth, or people can lie in defense of their image against the others senses. At the time, I confused my wording, calling what I did with you as astral projection and have since learned what astral projection actually feels like, and now know that I was doing what I always do with people. Seeing them from afar with my senses. I don't require connecting with ones aura to see them, and that has not been the only time I've seen you since. Only people more spiritually powerful than myself have been able to hide from me. Either way you had already established a connection with me and I with you because we decided to be friends and then had a heated argument. So long as you did the dedication ritual and don't abandon it, we are connected as Zevism regardless.

I had/have no intention of doing anything to you, only learn the truth about you and your situation. I would be violating our rules here if I attempted anything else, and going against my own code. What I sensed back then was your pain, what I saw was the reflection of that pain, and I chose not to push further because I am an empath and your pain was too much. Your body was radiating with it as if you had butchered yourself with black energy. Your light body was dark with a thin glow of aura around it, and the pain was emotional pain. You say others have not been "deterred" and felt nothing when they actually tried to do things to you. My experience with you is no confirmation that your programming worked because I did none of what you programmed your aura to deter against. I wasn't harmed, only upset to see what you've done to yourself. Your programming will not deter anyone or anything who is more powerful than you, and anyone you let your guard down around.

Talking about my karmic pattern was referring to that fact you had been a cult leader.

You're right. Towards you specifically, I feel such sorrow and regret. You've inspired me so: even just yesterday, something you recommended long ago came to mind, and I tried it and it was wonderful. The light-hearted chitchat you entertained me with made me think of you as a friend, even. Now I find myself unable to stop thinking about it, wondering why I put those things to waste.

I burned all those pleasantries down to ashes, by being far too talkative about things that should've been kept hidden deep inside; "taboo". And the only reason Siatris was even able to spread rumours about me in the first place, is because I kept trying to post about what happened back then; while HP Zevios disapproved most of those posts, enough got through for others to recognize me.

Black is the most absorptive type of energy. From the start, black was the easiest colour for me to invoke and use. That summer, I deliberately engulfed myself in that darkness, because I wanted to steal people's sorrows and worries from them and bear them myself, so I could see them more cheerfully. They became so absurdly overconfident and manic, and I thought that was a good thing, even as they reached the greatest heights of insanity I've ever witnessed, that I wished to be true; but then it all came crashing down.

Where there was a thirst before, there is now a well that never stops overflowing. The darkness no longer hurts me or drowns me, it soothes and co-exists peacefully with the light within, obscuring it like a dense barrier. I can't even distinguish it from my natural self anymore, as it has become the very skin I wear. I used to feel so empty inside, and perhaps I thought that if I absorbed those I like, I would become someone I like. But if this feeling of fullness inside means I've finally become someone, then why am I still so... dark? Why does everyone else look so bright and shiny, while I'm like this?

Is this my true nature? Absorption, concealment, confusion, chaos, knowledge of taboo, endurance? Or am I just being edgy?
I don't feel tainted anymore. Hehehehehehe... Hahahahahahahahaha!

You know, I used to wish for a world without hypocrisy; but then I realised that hypocrisy is something humans need in order to survive. If not for baseless self-righteousness, people would be left defenceless to the things they don't understand. Whether it is more important to be "fair", or to shield oneself from the dangers of the unknown, is a dilemma for many; but by being hypocrites, people can shield themselves from what they don't understand, yet simultaneously convince themselves that they're being completely fair. I can hardly blame them, or myself. Hehehe...

The darkness that embraced me, is really the darkness that exists within all people, is it not? It's just hidden, locked away, repressed... People are out of tune with it. So what if you turned a Soul inside out, putting it all on the very surface... wouldn't that be "True"?
Indeed; no matter how many people believe in something, no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is: a lie will remain a lie.

People should not neglect the beauty and chaotic tranquil of the darkness. Pretty lights can lead people astray into dazzling delusions, and structure can lead to stagnation. It's always been from the chaos and darkness that the most brilliant progress was borne.
https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Color.html

You really don’t get it. You energy ripped people’s emotions and negativity, willingly taking that into yourself thinking of all things you could have done that would make them cheery? You didn’t help those people you completely imbalanced them, and you still hold those people’s energies. The reason it’s not even clean away is because you’ve identified with it as being part of you. Taking away the emotions and worries of people doesn’t solve their problems, it makes them worse.

I’m not talking about darkness as in the opposite of light as we understand it. I mean literally your light body was not bright and shiny as if it’s clean. Your light body is not suppose to look that dark, it means there’s dross and negative energy remaining in your soul and you haven’t cleaned it out. Not some edgy nonsense about your personality.

Why don’t I show you some of my notes from sensing you recently, yeah?


21:17, Jan 22nd.

The false image Meteor has programmed to protect himself with is not the one he thinks he’s programmed, like that one he believes deters unwanted connections. Everything that he’s done to himself to make and believe himself to be female, is all there on the surface to be read energetically. He attempts to adhere to the outward image of what most of society falsely believes makes up a stereotypical woman. The energy of it appears as a shield around him like its own aura, and has been programmed with a fear response that when pushed at shrinks in on itself and in anger quickly tries to aggressively shove away the person. Subconsciously it seems he’s made it that he can’t be friendly with anyone who doesn’t accept his shield or tries to see the real him, which explains why he gets physically angry and irrational at anyone who tries to help him in a way that is opposite of his shield, including his rational mind. It may explain why he manages to never understand properly and twist around what people tell him in discussions, making inaccurate connections and false meanings that satisfy his shield and feeds its existence. This seems to happen passively. It draws in and attaches with only people and thoughts that accept it and attempts to reject the ones that don’t. It’s effectively holding him hostage like a thoughtform.

Underneath the shell he’s created around himself is nothing but fear, vulnerability, instability, concentrated dross buildup, and who he really is. He’s someone who is afraid of the world around him and of himself. The energies within him are incredibly chaotic, imbalanced, and I sense more than just his within him. I sense pollution. His consciousness is very unhealthy, and there are self-worth issues clouding it. His lower chakras appear hidden in negative energy, and the rest of his body looks as if it’s been poisoned. There is a lot of concentrated negativity towards the lower area of his body, along with a deep feeling of misery, pain, and longing. He’s programmed so much negativity into that area of his body, it’s not hard to understand that he naturally wants it to be gone and heal. It’s making him sick energetically, but his conscious mind thinks that cutting out all that negativity by removing the face of it physically (his genitals) will save him from it. His genitals aren’t the problem. I guess it’s similar to how one wants to cut out an aggressive cancer growth but cuts out the entire vital organ instead.

End of notes.

That’s the fake puppet doll people see when they connect to you, and when they look deeper they see exactly what you’re afraid of people seeing. There is no pain that is inflicted from sensing all that, the pain is your emotions that leak through your shield and the amount of toxic negative energy within you. You’re an open book and are fooling no one but unenlightened idiots, and yourself.

You asked if free will is a good or bad thing, yet once again this thread is actually just about the persona you’ve created around you. All you’re doing is rephrasing the same questions and story, having the same arguments and discussions, and making it all look pretty with a semi-serious question of free will as bait into talking about the same problem, while you do nothing to legitimately help yourself. All you want to know is if you can justify continuing to harm yourself and waste energy on making things worse and learning nothing. You’re sinking in your own muck and dragging others down to swim around in it with you, and for whatever reason you think this is a good and perfectly reasonable thing to be doing to have a fulfilling life...

 

[Crystallized Mushroom]

well i can't help but feel bad for Meteor how does someone get to such a point in their life where they believe they deserve to suffer and want to cut off their Penis thinking it will help even though it will likely cause more problems.

also heres a link to a documentary by RT about trans people who regret their sex change

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pxxBQm114k

 

[Crystallized Mushroom]

I kept my description of what I experienced brief and vague. It's rather controversial and risky to reveal what one sees psychically when they have no ability to provide physical proof and people have to take their word for it or call them a liar or deluded even if they're telling/seeing the truth, or people can lie in defense of their image against the others senses. At the time, I confused my wording, calling what I did with you as astral projection and have since learned what astral projection actually feels like, and now know that I was doing what I always do with people. Seeing them from afar with my senses. I don't require connecting with ones aura to see them, and that has not been the only time I've seen you since. Only people more spiritually powerful than myself have been able to hide from me. Either way you had already established a connection with me and I with you because we decided to be friends and then had a heated argument. So long as you did the dedication ritual and don't abandon it, we are connected as Zevism regardless.

I had/have no intention of doing anything to you, only learn the truth about you and your situation. I would be violating our rules here if I attempted anything else, and going against my own code. What I sensed back then was your pain, what I saw was the reflection of that pain, and I chose not to push further because I am an empath and your pain was too much. Your body was radiating with it as if you had butchered yourself with black energy. Your light body was dark with a thin glow of aura around it, and the pain was emotional pain. You say others have not been "deterred" and felt nothing when they actually tried to do things to you. My experience with you is no confirmation that your programming worked because I did none of what you programmed your aura to deter against. I wasn't harmed, only upset to see what you've done to yourself. Your programming will not deter anyone or anything who is more powerful than you, and anyone you let your guard down around.

Talking about my karmic pattern was referring to that fact you had been a cult leader.

You're right. Towards you specifically, I feel such sorrow and regret. You've inspired me so: even just yesterday, something you recommended long ago came to mind, and I tried it and it was wonderful. The light-hearted chitchat you entertained me with made me think of you as a friend, even. Now I find myself unable to stop thinking about it, wondering why I put those things to waste.

I burned all those pleasantries down to ashes, by being far too talkative about things that should've been kept hidden deep inside; "taboo". And the only reason Siatris was even able to spread rumours about me in the first place, is because I kept trying to post about what happened back then; while HP Zevios disapproved most of those posts, enough got through for others to recognize me.

Black is the most absorptive type of energy. From the start, black was the easiest colour for me to invoke and use. That summer, I deliberately engulfed myself in that darkness, because I wanted to steal people's sorrows and worries from them and bear them myself, so I could see them more cheerfully. They became so absurdly overconfident and manic, and I thought that was a good thing, even as they reached the greatest heights of insanity I've ever witnessed, that I wished to be true; but then it all came crashing down.

Where there was a thirst before, there is now a well that never stops overflowing. The darkness no longer hurts me or drowns me, it soothes and co-exists peacefully with the light within, obscuring it like a dense barrier. I can't even distinguish it from my natural self anymore, as it has become the very skin I wear. I used to feel so empty inside, and perhaps I thought that if I absorbed those I like, I would become someone I like. But if this feeling of fullness inside means I've finally become someone, then why am I still so... dark? Why does everyone else look so bright and shiny, while I'm like this?

Is this my true nature? Absorption, concealment, confusion, chaos, knowledge of taboo, endurance? Or am I just being edgy?
I don't feel tainted anymore. Hehehehehehe... Hahahahahahahahaha!

You know, I used to wish for a world without hypocrisy; but then I realised that hypocrisy is something humans need in order to survive. If not for baseless self-righteousness, people would be left defenceless to the things they don't understand. Whether it is more important to be "fair", or to shield oneself from the dangers of the unknown, is a dilemma for many; but by being hypocrites, people can shield themselves from what they don't understand, yet simultaneously convince themselves that they're being completely fair. I can hardly blame them, or myself. Hehehe...

The darkness that embraced me, is really the darkness that exists within all people, is it not? It's just hidden, locked away, repressed... People are out of tune with it. So what if you turned a Soul inside out, putting it all on the very surface... wouldn't that be "True"?
Indeed; no matter how many people believe in something, no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is: a lie will remain a lie.

People should not neglect the beauty and chaotic tranquil of the darkness. Pretty lights can lead people astray into dazzling delusions, and structure can lead to stagnation. It's always been from the chaos and darkness that the most brilliant progress was borne.
https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Color.html

You really don’t get it. You energy ripped people’s emotions and negativity, willingly taking that into yourself thinking of all things you could have done that would make them cheery? You didn’t help those people you completely imbalanced them, and you still hold those people’s energies. The reason it’s not even clean away is because you’ve identified with it as being part of you. Taking away the emotions and worries of people doesn’t solve their problems, it makes them worse.

I’m not talking about darkness as in the opposite of light as we understand it. I mean literally your light body was not bright and shiny as if it’s clean. Your light body is not suppose to look that dark, it means there’s dross and negative energy remaining in your soul and you haven’t cleaned it out. Not some edgy nonsense about your personality.

Why don’t I show you some of my notes from sensing you recently, yeah?


21:17, Jan 22nd.

The false image Meteor has programmed to protect himself with is not the one he thinks he’s programmed, like that one he believes deters unwanted connections. Everything that he’s done to himself to make and believe himself to be female, is all there on the surface to be read energetically. He attempts to adhere to the outward image of what most of society falsely believes makes up a stereotypical woman. The energy of it appears as a shield around him like its own aura, and has been programmed with a fear response that when pushed at shrinks in on itself and in anger quickly tries to aggressively shove away the person. Subconsciously it seems he’s made it that he can’t be friendly with anyone who doesn’t accept his shield or tries to see the real him, which explains why he gets physically angry and irrational at anyone who tries to help him in a way that is opposite of his shield, including his rational mind. It may explain why he manages to never understand properly and twist around what people tell him in discussions, making inaccurate connections and false meanings that satisfy his shield and feeds its existence. This seems to happen passively. It draws in and attaches with only people and thoughts that accept it and attempts to reject the ones that don’t. It’s effectively holding him hostage like a thoughtform.

Underneath the shell he’s created around himself is nothing but fear, vulnerability, instability, concentrated dross buildup, and who he really is. He’s someone who is afraid of the world around him and of himself. The energies within him are incredibly chaotic, imbalanced, and I sense more than just his within him. I sense pollution. His consciousness is very unhealthy, and there are self-worth issues clouding it. His lower chakras appear hidden in negative energy, and the rest of his body looks as if it’s been poisoned. There is a lot of concentrated negativity towards the lower area of his body, along with a deep feeling of misery, pain, and longing. He’s programmed so much negativity into that area of his body, it’s not hard to understand that he naturally wants it to be gone and heal. It’s making him sick energetically, but his conscious mind thinks that cutting out all that negativity by removing the face of it physically (his genitals) will save him from it. His genitals aren’t the problem. I guess it’s similar to how one wants to cut out an aggressive cancer growth but cuts out the entire vital organ instead.

End of notes.

That’s the fake puppet doll people see when they connect to you, and when they look deeper they see exactly what you’re afraid of people seeing. There is no pain that is inflicted from sensing all that, the pain is your emotions that leak through your shield and the amount of toxic negative energy within you. You’re an open book and are fooling no one but unenlightened idiots, and yourself.

You asked if free will is a good or bad thing, yet once again this thread is actually just about the persona you’ve created around you. All you’re doing is rephrasing the same questions and story, having the same arguments and discussions, and making it all look pretty with a semi-serious question of free will as bait into talking about the same problem, while you do nothing to legitimately help yourself. All you want to know is if you can justify continuing to harm yourself and waste energy on making things worse and learning nothing. You’re sinking in your own muck and dragging others down to swim around in it with you, and for whatever reason you think this is a good and perfectly reasonable thing to be doing to have a fulfilling life...

i know this is kinda off topic but can you sense me and my energy and if so what is it?

 

[Kavya Shukra]

I'm hungry for food for thought that I can't obtain from people who like me, so I'll be relying on you again.

If I want something so much that I'm unable to give up no matter what, then technically my will isn't free. But is that a bad thing? Being unwilling / unable to give up drastically increases the likelihood of eventual success, and with immense desire comes immense fulfilment in success, which I know for certain as I've experienced it countless times by now due to my obsessive personality.

Acting in accordance with one's circumstances and inclinations, and taking the course of action one is most drawn to, seems like the opposite of free will, and yet it makes a lot of sense. It is simply to accept and fulfil one's "destiny", in the sense that it is the most predictable course of action if all the factors involved are known. Destiny is also often compared to karma, which are the chains that subconsciously bind a person's mind and can even affect their surroundings through their aura. To be free of such chains appears to be considered a virtue by many here. However, is there not also great satisfaction in manifesting what one believes to be one's destiny, whether proudly or spitefully?

What merit is there in freeing myself from the chains of karma, if those chains also inherently give me direction and purpose in life?
It only seems detrimental to me. But if that is really the case, then why is "free will" regarded as such a good thing?

For that matter, is there anything more important in life than long-term fulfilment, regardless of how it is found? Even acts of altruism appear to be done for the sake of emotional satisfaction, or to garner goodwill for the sake of cooperation. Therefore, is the greatest purpose in life not simply whatever one deems it to be, regardless of how one rationalises it?

All feedback is welcome; I'm simply thinking aloud, mildly dissatisfied with my conclusions.

A flower doesn't choose when it will replace it's older wilted version, but it always buds when it feels light. It chooses to bloom, and blossoms, and in its wisdom, knows that when it wilts, another flower will take its place. Even if a silk flower is immortal, the natural one will one day surpass it. Such is how powerful free will really is.

 

[tabby]

You're right. Towards you specifically, I feel such sorrow and regret. You've inspired me so: even just yesterday, something you recommended long ago came to mind, and I tried it and it was wonderful. The light-hearted chitchat you entertained me with made me think of you as a friend, even. Now I find myself unable to stop thinking about it, wondering why I put those things to waste.

I burned all those pleasantries down to ashes, by being far too talkative about things that should've been kept hidden deep inside; "taboo". And the only reason Siatris was even able to spread rumours about me in the first place, is because I kept trying to post about what happened back then; while HP Zevios disapproved most of those posts, enough got through for others to recognize me.

Black is the most absorptive type of energy. From the start, black was the easiest colour for me to invoke and use. That summer, I deliberately engulfed myself in that darkness, because I wanted to steal people's sorrows and worries from them and bear them myself, so I could see them more cheerfully. They became so absurdly overconfident and manic, and I thought that was a good thing, even as they reached the greatest heights of insanity I've ever witnessed, that I wished to be true; but then it all came crashing down.

Where there was a thirst before, there is now a well that never stops overflowing. The darkness no longer hurts me or drowns me, it soothes and co-exists peacefully with the light within, obscuring it like a dense barrier. I can't even distinguish it from my natural self anymore, as it has become the very skin I wear. I used to feel so empty inside, and perhaps I thought that if I absorbed those I like, I would become someone I like. But if this feeling of fullness inside means I've finally become someone, then why am I still so... dark? Why does everyone else look so bright and shiny, while I'm like this?

Is this my true nature? Absorption, concealment, confusion, chaos, knowledge of taboo, endurance? Or am I just being edgy?
I don't feel tainted anymore. Hehehehehehe... Hahahahahahahahaha!

You know, I used to wish for a world without hypocrisy; but then I realised that hypocrisy is something humans need in order to survive. If not for baseless self-righteousness, people would be left defenceless to the things they don't understand. Whether it is more important to be "fair", or to shield oneself from the dangers of the unknown, is a dilemma for many; but by being hypocrites, people can shield themselves from what they don't understand, yet simultaneously convince themselves that they're being completely fair. I can hardly blame them, or myself. Hehehe...

The darkness that embraced me, is really the darkness that exists within all people, is it not? It's just hidden, locked away, repressed... People are out of tune with it. So what if you turned a Soul inside out, putting it all on the very surface... wouldn't that be "True"?
Indeed; no matter how many people believe in something, no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is: a lie will remain a lie.

People should not neglect the beauty and chaotic tranquil of the darkness. Pretty lights can lead people astray into dazzling delusions, and structure can lead to stagnation. It's always been from the chaos and darkness that the most brilliant progress was borne.
https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Color.html

You really don’t get it. You energy ripped people’s emotions and negativity, willingly taking that into yourself thinking of all things you could have done that would make them cheery? You didn’t help those people you completely imbalanced them, and you still hold those people’s energies. The reason it’s not even clean away is because you’ve identified with it as being part of you. Taking away the emotions and worries of people doesn’t solve their problems, it makes them worse.

I’m not talking about darkness as in the opposite of light as we understand it. I mean literally your light body was not bright and shiny as if it’s clean. Your light body is not suppose to look that dark, it means there’s dross and negative energy remaining in your soul and you haven’t cleaned it out. Not some edgy nonsense about your personality.

Why don’t I show you some of my notes from sensing you recently, yeah?


21:17, Jan 22nd.

The false image Meteor has programmed to protect himself with is not the one he thinks he’s programmed, like that one he believes deters unwanted connections. Everything that he’s done to himself to make and believe himself to be female, is all there on the surface to be read energetically. He attempts to adhere to the outward image of what most of society falsely believes makes up a stereotypical woman. The energy of it appears as a shield around him like its own aura, and has been programmed with a fear response that when pushed at shrinks in on itself and in anger quickly tries to aggressively shove away the person. Subconsciously it seems he’s made it that he can’t be friendly with anyone who doesn’t accept his shield or tries to see the real him, which explains why he gets physically angry and irrational at anyone who tries to help him in a way that is opposite of his shield, including his rational mind. It may explain why he manages to never understand properly and twist around what people tell him in discussions, making inaccurate connections and false meanings that satisfy his shield and feeds its existence. This seems to happen passively. It draws in and attaches with only people and thoughts that accept it and attempts to reject the ones that don’t. It’s effectively holding him hostage like a thoughtform.

Underneath the shell he’s created around himself is nothing but fear, vulnerability, instability, concentrated dross buildup, and who he really is. He’s someone who is afraid of the world around him and of himself. The energies within him are incredibly chaotic, imbalanced, and I sense more than just his within him. I sense pollution. His consciousness is very unhealthy, and there are self-worth issues clouding it. His lower chakras appear hidden in negative energy, and the rest of his body looks as if it’s been poisoned. There is a lot of concentrated negativity towards the lower area of his body, along with a deep feeling of misery, pain, and longing. He’s programmed so much negativity into that area of his body, it’s not hard to understand that he naturally wants it to be gone and heal. It’s making him sick energetically, but his conscious mind thinks that cutting out all that negativity by removing the face of it physically (his genitals) will save him from it. His genitals aren’t the problem. I guess it’s similar to how one wants to cut out an aggressive cancer growth but cuts out the entire vital organ instead.

End of notes.

That’s the fake puppet doll people see when they connect to you, and when they look deeper they see exactly what you’re afraid of people seeing. There is no pain that is inflicted from sensing all that, the pain is your emotions that leak through your shield and the amount of toxic negative energy within you. You’re an open book and are fooling no one but unenlightened idiots, and yourself.

You asked if free will is a good or bad thing, yet once again this thread is actually just about the persona you’ve created around you. All you’re doing is rephrasing the same questions and story, having the same arguments and discussions, and making it all look pretty with a semi-serious question of free will as bait into talking about the same problem, while you do nothing to legitimately help yourself. All you want to know is if you can justify continuing to harm yourself and waste energy on making things worse and learning nothing. You’re sinking in your own muck and dragging others down to swim around in it with you, and for whatever reason you think this is a good and perfectly reasonable thing to be doing to have a fulfilling life...

i know this is kinda off topic but can you sense me and my energy and if so what is it?

No. Meteor is the only member here aside from my partner that I have gone this deep into sensing and made notes for, purely because I wanted personally to understand the root of this madness and the truth of his situation, and as my last attempt to maybe help Meteor understand outside of the haze what he needs to do to heal. Afterwards I had to spend a couple hours cleaning my own energy, as Meteor is a very unhealthy individual.

If you are wanting to know about and understand your own energy, sit and meditate for a couple minutes, just focusing on feeling your energy with even breaths. Is your energy warm? Is it Cold? Tingly? Burning? What colour do you sense it could be, lighter or darker shade? Is there a difference in the feeling of your energy in one area of your body compared to another? If you do, do you experience problems in this area compared to others? How does your energy feel when you're sick vs when you are healthy and happy? What changes in your energy when you tell a lie vs when you tell the truth? etc etc. Experiment and be curious to try with different situations, and work to empower your psychic abilities and intuition.

It's a matter of learning how to read yourself, like reading a coded book. Everyone wants to know about themselves but few actually take the time to introspect and turn inward to find the answers. Most instead look for any external people or sources to provide the answers for them either because they don't know what they're looking for or they're too afraid to trust themselves. Empower your abilities and practice with yourself, and in time you won't need others to tell you how to help yourself.

This is a good habit to have, since if one is prone to trusting negative people or has say a situation like Meteor's where he is trusting the words of non-spiritual doctors to tell him answers to his spiritual problems, you are less likely to find yourself in troubled positions that get you stuck or leave you worse off.

 

[everyonehatesus]

how does someone get to such a point in their life where they believe they deserve to suffer and want to cut off their Penis thinking it will help even though it will likely cause more problems.

People get to that point of wanting to self-mutilate and kill themselves because of internalized self-hatred. I am a gay man and I was suicidal for most of my life. More than 30 years. I utterly hated myself because most of the world hates gay people. I wanted to die because most of my lifetime everyone told me I was worthy of death.

Society makes gay people hate themselves through their hate. And then says “why are gay people so crazy?? they must just be fundamentally bad/mentally ill/deviant.” When those same people are the source of gay people hating themselves.

OP you don’t have to hate your sexuality. My life dramatically changed for the better after coming to my own conclusions about my sexuality. Being gay is actually beautiful and soul affirming if you stop listening to everyone else's hate.

 

[Crystallized Mushroom]

how does someone get to such a point in their life where they believe they deserve to suffer and want to cut off their Penis thinking it will help even though it will likely cause more problems.

People get to that point of wanting to self-mutilate and kill themselves because of internalized self-hatred. I am a gay man and I was suicidal for most of my life. More than 30 years. I utterly hated myself because most of the world hates gay people. I wanted to die because most of my lifetime everyone told me I was worthy of death.

Society makes gay people hate themselves through their hate. And then says “why are gay people so crazy?? they must just be fundamentally bad/mentally ill/deviant.” When those same people are the source of gay people hating themselves.

OP you don’t have to hate your sexuality. My life dramatically changed for the better after coming to my own conclusions about my sexuality. Being gay is actually beautiful and soul affirming if you stop listening to everyone else's hate.

well to tell the truth every now and then i have thought about cutting off my Penis but never did it due to the fact i would be worse off and i used to hate being bisexual cause of almost becoming a muslim.