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I request the deletion of my account

Dark Lawyer1 min to read
HP. Zevios Metathronossaid:

I say goodbye to the forum.

Unfortunately, my problems have not been solved - in fact, the situation is worse - and I have neither the energy nor the time to keep trying.

Thanks for the helpful and constructive comments from everyone - special mention to Henu the Great and Blitzkreig. I hope I have contributed something to the forum with a few posts. You all keep fighting and keep improving, it is great what you are doing.

#21
Dark Lawyersaid:
F_For_Flamingosaid:


Im glad you are feeling better brother!

Never forget that this path is a marathon!

Keep walking!

We do not know each other, and yet how many of you have taken the time to write to me and encourage me.

What else can I do to thank you than to get back in the saddle and have already done today's Ritual and KT. :)

Now you just have to treat women, like a man treats women and u will make a lot of Progress.

[ email redacted ]

"Don’t quit. Suffer now,
and live the rest of your life as a Champion.“

Read the Temple of Zeus: Learn the truth and knowledge that has been secret and forbidden for MILLENIA!!

STAND TALL, BE PROUD, BE STRONG, YOU ARE PART OF ZEUS‘S HOUSE!

HAIL LADY INANNA!!
HAIL LORD APOLLO!!
HAIL BAAL-ZEBULON!!
HAIL FATHER ZEUS!!

#22

I know I don't have the right to say these words, but I still want you to hear them.
I live in China and the worst here is far worse than what you said.
1.Some factories in China are only 6RMB (1 USD) per hour,If you work 12 hours tomorrow with no rest for a month, it's only $360.Maybe that might seem like more than your salary, but that sometimes doesn't cover a day's worth of food.And the labor in these factories is very tiring and dirty, and no matter how bad the lawyer job you do, it is more decent than these factories.(There will be a lot of accidents in the factory, if these workers unfortunately die, they will only give compensation to their families about $10,000, which is a person's life) :|
2.House prices in China are very expensive, with independent villas priced above 10 million RMB ($1,482,000,),The average apartment dwelling is priced at around 4 million RMB ($592,800).Combined with the previous point, some people cannot afford to buy a house in their entire life, and can only rent a house with their monthly salary, or live in a factory.
3.In China, there are very many poor people between the ages of 40 and 50 who do not have a spouse.
Maybe your country is not very rich, but the price is not too high. You can look at us here, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.There are many people who meet the above three points at the same time, and they are still trying to make a living.In your country, you can protest and march against vaccines; in my country, if you say "no" to vaccines, the police and some statisticians will come to you and ask why. If you don't have a reason to convince them, not only will you be forced to get vaccinated, but you'll lose your job because of it.As for protests and marches, the police simply don't give people a chance to shout in the streets.
Maybe I can't stop you from leaving here, but I hope you don't lose faith in life, there will always be people in this world more miserable than yours, and if they don't give up, you shouldn't either.
I think you might be able to change your mind about the way you work.
Finally, have a nice day!I hope one day in the future, to see you come back with good news of victory! :)

holy crap that's appauling 590,000 for a house i assume thats USA money too 858,884$ australian money WTF!!!!! man so basically its impossible to own your own home in china unless you leave and get the money up then return and buy a house why the hell you'd ever want to return is beyond me that is bullshit i could pay you less then 1 hr wage in my country and you would make 8 dollars more an hour then you do all day can i help you out some how

"None of you know me here but you will"

#23
STanBlanksaid:

I know I don't have the right to say these words, but I still want you to hear them.
I live in China and the worst here is far worse than what you said.
1.Some factories in China are only 6RMB (1 USD) per hour,If you work 12 hours tomorrow with no rest for a month, it's only $360.Maybe that might seem like more than your salary, but that sometimes doesn't cover a day's worth of food.And the labor in these factories is very tiring and dirty, and no matter how bad the lawyer job you do, it is more decent than these factories.(There will be a lot of accidents in the factory, if these workers unfortunately die, they will only give compensation to their families about $10,000, which is a person's life) :|
2.House prices in China are very expensive, with independent villas priced above 10 million RMB ($1,482,000,),The average apartment dwelling is priced at around 4 million RMB ($592,800).Combined with the previous point, some people cannot afford to buy a house in their entire life, and can only rent a house with their monthly salary, or live in a factory.
3.In China, there are very many poor people between the ages of 40 and 50 who do not have a spouse.
Maybe your country is not very rich, but the price is not too high. You can look at us here, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.There are many people who meet the above three points at the same time, and they are still trying to make a living.In your country, you can protest and march against vaccines; in my country, if you say "no" to vaccines, the police and some statisticians will come to you and ask why. If you don't have a reason to convince them, not only will you be forced to get vaccinated, but you'll lose your job because of it.As for protests and marches, the police simply don't give people a chance to shout in the streets.
Maybe I can't stop you from leaving here, but I hope you don't lose faith in life, there will always be people in this world more miserable than yours, and if they don't give up, you shouldn't either.
I think you might be able to change your mind about the way you work.
Finally, have a nice day!I hope one day in the future, to see you come back with good news of victory! :)

Sorry, I missed your post. I guess I didn't get a notification.

Thank you very much, because you have written some very thought-provoking things. You have confirmed me, and as you can see, I have not left the forum. :)

Stay strong in China!

#24
Dark Lawyersaid:

I say goodbye to the forum.

I wouldn't slam the door just yet. Hold your horses for a while longer.

You may not believe this but I've been there, too.

All this happy-smiley positive horseshit aside, the Runes and vibrations will only get you this far. I guess I am one of those who can't find 60+ minutes daily for lenghty vibrations. Spoiled lazy brats in western nations could afford this but most of them even don't care. For me, it's either lack of time, lack of energy to stay awake or lack of privacy.

I can only tell you what I did to gain a more in-depth understanding of my own situation: I took the time and compiled my birt chart (the planets, signs, houses and major aspects between planets). Then I began to interpret them using the Azazels Astrology. Every single problem in my life was described there in black and white (the childhood, employment, relationships with others, education, personality etc). Once I had these topics laid out in front of me, I had a good starting point. Also my attitude changed. If you are unaware of your planetary situation, you just go with the flow like the rest of the sheeple, complaining, drinking and whatnot. Now I'm aware (at least partially).

If some planets cast doom on your life, you can deliberately use certain instruments like the planetary squares to alleviate problems one by one. Please also note that the discontentedness you feel is a strong force if channeled correctly. Instead of all the negatives, focus your anger on finding ways out of this shitty mess. To paraphrase an old anecdote: you can't be angry at the Gods for not giving you a jackpot if you didn't bother going out and buying the lottery tickets.

In addition to that, be aware that some of the limitations in your life may be self-imposed, like when you believe that a career change at 40+ is considered a bad thing in your country. If they close the door, breach the fucking window and try again, considerately of course. I have had positive things happen in my life that everyone else believed to be impossible. I just had to believe, channel the mental energy, take the necessary physical actions and follow through. Planetary timing and void Moon are extremely important, check the Satanic calendar for your timezone. And yes, you have to carefully plan the timing of important things, even job applications.

This is my .02 cents. Take care, hope to see you around.

#25
Dark Lawyersaid:

But I am uncertain about Blitzkreig's words:

"The Gods are always available to help, such as guiding you on what steps you should take. They can do this despite your advancement level or communicative abilities. They will most certainly not let you starve."

But I wish Blitzkreig was right. All I know is that once again, I didn't get a job after a job well done interview. I'm doing my best but I can't find a job for over 1 year, I'm destitute and without money I can't prepare for the hard times. And without preparation, survival is "mission impossible".

Yes, the statement about the Gods is completely true. They have been aware of the current situation we face for at least 100 years, but probably more. With that being said, they are fully prepared to ensure at least our basic survival during these times. Perhaps you may feel unworthy, so think of it from a utilitarian perspective: If we die, how can Zevism progress in the future? Therefore, the Gods protect their investment.

In regards to how the Gods can do this, or how you can do this, the energy creates situations that manifest in your life. Those who have received direct support from the Gods can get it in the form of literally finding money. In a broader sense, they can engineer the conditions in which you can receive food and water.

As Stormblood said, yes there will be massive damage to our society, but Ritual's mitigate this by removing curses on Gentiles, and more importantly, backfiring all of this onto the enemy. From the ashes, the Gentile world will come out stronger than before, free from the corrupting influence of the enemy. Most who perish can be reincarnated.

We are fighting a battle, and our leadership has told us to hold firm and that reinforcements are on the way. Yet, if we decide to freak out and run out of the trench, rather than continuing with our spiritual efforts and warfare, our situation will become dramatically worse. In history, the majority of battle casualties happen when morale collapses and a route occurs. Discipline is required to prevent this, and that is represented by the Nauthiz rune.

---------------

When you use these energies of wealth, like Fehu, Sowilo, Sun, Jupiter, or Venus, you are creating the vibrations literally of abundance, prosperity, and wealth into your soul and life. Imagine the energies pulsing out like a signal or magnet attracting wealth to you. Yet, if you somehow doubt this process, you are sending out contradictory signals which ruin this.

The above is why people who are naturally confident attract better outcomes. The Sun relates to wealth, but also our ego. Someone with a strong Sun will naturally think of themselves as worthy and able to be successful wherever they go. Spiritually, this is like constantly sending out signals of wealth and success.

If you do a working specifically for wealth, you are therefore imprinting these positive karmic factors of prosperity onto you. So yes, the world will undergo trouble, but your soul will remain prosperous regardless. That is why it is important for you to not give up now, while there is still time to set up these necessary preparations.

The Sun will soon go into Leo, giving a good time for starting either a Sun Square or Sun-based regular working. By the way, such an important working should not be restricted to just 40 days. Extend it out 120 days and reap the large rewards that come with that.

#26
Enigmatic_Rabbitsaid:

I re-read both your posts. Thanks for your thorough reply! I don't have much to add. I agree with many of your thoughts.

I'll just add that you didn't mention that I worry about some of the people and animals that are important to me.

However much we philosophise, the reality is that I could have done a lot for their safety in the last 1 year if I had found a job. I understand what you are writing, and of course, for example, I feel good while running, etc. This does not change the fact that I would not be normal if I threw away my concerns about the people I care about and lulled myself into some illusion of "happiness". I am a human being, not an ostrich. Not many people are important to me, but They are important. And already now, in the next few months, 20-50 million hungry migrants are coming to Europe. (Europe could accommodate around 4 million migrants in its current situation.) - https://hiddencomplexity.substack.com/p/the-coming-chaos

And here we come to a misunderstanding. When I wrote about how much I needed the job, it wasn't because the job was needed for my happiness. Or rather, not primarily because of happiness. I feel good with a book, a film, etc. The work is urgent mainly because the money I get for it is a tool to do things for safety before winter. Sure I like the law, it would be nice to have social esteem, talk to smarter people, not be bored at work, etc. And of course I'm not an ascetic, I desire, for example, a wonderful Fatbike (which is extremely expensive). :) But this is not the priority. The priority is that work (= money) would be a tool for survival. That is why I wrote that I am not very interested in the other points I listed. But as long as I can see what's coming - and this is not a case where there's a hypothetical possibility of a bus - and I can't do anything, I can't be calm. (And even if I get hit by a bus, the food I collect, etc. will still benefit my loved ones. The problem is that I can't collect.)

Thanks for the tip, I will check my MBTI type and write it. I know that of the 4 personality types, I am strongly and quite clearly of the melancholic type.

#27
Ramsessaid:

Thank you for your thorough and constructive reply. Fortunately I was only on the floor for a few days. I am doing spiritual warfare again. (I did the 40 day program last year.)

I'm usually stable, but I was devastated not to be hired for the job I wrote about. I felt that after 1 year this was the last straw for me. But after a few days I was able to stand up again, and all of you on this topic helped me a lot, thank you.

"the reduction of alcohol and drugs is an obvious sign that you are beginning to change"

I haven't had any alcohol at all for almost 3.5 years. And I have never once tried drugs, nothing. :)

#28
Dark Lawyersaid:

Any ideas on these three questions, Henu? Sorry to ask again. I think I've got the basics together, but for the remaining technical questions I don't know where to look for the info.

1. On the purification of the Satanic Rosary, you wrote: "You could also try to chant Surya while engulfing the mala in white-golden light." Is there an optimum duration, number of repetitions, or planetary hour? (And I assume it is best to do the cleansing close to the new moon, and certainly not during void moon.) In addition, I would also like to do an Ritual and KT to cleanse the rosary. For this, the hour of Saturn is the most ideal, and should I choose a time close to the new moon? As I understand it, such cleansing is best done during a waning moon, as close to the new moon as possible.

2. What I am always unsure about. What is safe to suggest to a person who is not a Zevist? But does not follow a hostile agenda. Of course yoga can be suggested. But for example, can such a person cleanse their own aura? Can he work on building a protective aura? Can empty meditation or 40 days of work with runes be recommended for him? Can he cleanse and protect his pets and loved ones?

1. Any time is okay since it is one off kind of deal, not a working. Ideally during the day when the Sun is at its highest during the hour of Sun. Doing it during Void of Course Moon is okay, but not when you decide to make a working out of it. It's simply cleaning, it will not be nullified by doing it during VoC.

2. Yoga is safe and healthy for all of us. Well, technically all the practices on ToZ, but the thing is that people who are not dedicated are not under direct protection of Gods. That would be risky due to people drawing the attenttion of enemy upon them and getting attacked. Not having the knowledge, protection, nor guidance can be devastating. So someone practicing something, like raising energy with runes and cleaning aura, and next thing they know they are under psychic distress which ends up them quitting what they did, setting them back. Other than that, I would not see any large problems. The main problem however, is a very large one. That being said, I do not hold anyone from trying the above practices, but the risks should be aknowledged. Safest options would be Yoga and void meditation, I think.

3. Both of those runes are okay. Waxing Moon would be the time to do such working. Cancer Moon is not the only one which suits the objective, although it would be very good time. Planetary hour of Sun, Venus and Jupiter would be great. Repetitions such as 36, 50, 88, 100, 111 and 216 all are okay, but not limited to this. Ideally you would want to choose good planetary hour and the amount of repetitions, but not doing so is better than not doing the working in the first place (as long as you start during Waxing Moon and during okay or good sign).

To supercharge your magickal experience: Hera's Guidance

For beginners: A Beginner's Guide

#29
Nikois666said:

Thank you for your reply! I did my initiation on Beltane night 2019, since then I am a Zevist.

My life definitely got better after I joined the Zevism. I received a lot of great help. In the last 1 year since I graduated as a lawyer, the momentum has slowed down. I am usually stable, but the rejection after my last job interview sent me to the floor for a few days. Suddenly I felt like that was the last straw.

The request to delete my profile was an overreaction. As you can see from previous posts, I will stay on the forum and continue the fight.

Thank you again for your thorough and helpful reply. I know the sermon on the crown chakra, very valuable information indeed. Glad you reminded me and provided the link, I will save it.

#30
Dark Lawyersaid:
Nikois666said:

Thank you for your reply! I did my initiation on Beltane night 2019, since then I am Zevism.

My life definitely got better after I joined the Zevism. I received a lot of great help. In the last 1 year since I graduated as a lawyer, the momentum has slowed down. I am usually stable, but the rejection after my last job interview sent me to the floor for a few days. Suddenly I felt like that was the last straw.

Oh, I assumed your forum joining date as your dedication date.
Anyways, good to know you are sticking around.

Good luck.

"If you want to lead others, you need to lead yourself first"
"To me, ignorance has it's own price."
"To create, you must destroy, and to destroy, you must create." ~ ∞8∞

Hail Father Zeus! Hail Mother Hera! Hail Lady Athena! Hail Lord Cimeries! Hail Lord Abraxas! Hail Lord Bartzabel!


Silentium est Aureum

#31
Dark Lawyersaid:
HP. Zevios Metathronossaid:

I say goodbye to the forum.

Unfortunately, my problems have not been solved - in fact, the situation is worse - and I have neither the energy nor the time to keep trying.

You will come back right here. So stop being emotional. I do it too here sometimes but I get over it by focusing on and doing the things I love to do.

Unless your problems are of legal matter which is really fo concern, you shouldn't behave like this as a Zevist and because you will feel ashamed later.

If it's not a legal or health problem, then just relax.

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#32
Dark Lawyersaid:

Should I do the rosary cleansing Surya mantra separately from my cat? If I understand that I have to do the all cleaning work in a separate room. Unless I'm cleaning my cat or the Ritual is the cleaning tool.

I am worried because my parents have had 3 vaccinations and the person closest to me has had 2. And the chiropractor gave her some energy I don't know anything about.

https://mobile.twitter.com/TheNo1Waffler/status/1549834043738525701

The cat does not need a full Satanic rosary worth of energy to clean it. You can use a few chants of Surya, perhaps 5-10. You don't want to overwhelm the animal's soul.

In regards to your family, if they have not yet had serious issues from the vaccine, then that is a positive sign. This means they endured the initial damage, and the effects of the vaccine will be much less now.

Generally, you should focus on yourself in regards to energy, but you can do something simple like a small AOP for your whole family (which will build over time). This defends against all sorts of damage, not just energy attacks. Additionally, you could briefly clean them, perhaps 1 person every few days. They do not need as intensive cleaning as someone trying to advance.

In regards to physical means of building health, encourage them to eat balanced, whole foods and cut out obvious junk. Encourage them to do basic exercises such as walking, running, or simple yoga like the Tibetan 5 Rites. Encourage them to reduce or eliminate digital distractions like video games, phone apps, and excessive television use, as this will help them become more likely to do chores or other "boring" work.

Besides chiropractic care, encourage them to seek out holistic doctors. Generally, any variety will do, but I understand and have a preference for Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).

The Gods do protect our family, but I don't believe they will stop the larger astrological causes that may lead to natural death. For example, they may blunt the vaccine's damage so your family member recovers easily, but they may not stop the person from doing bad behaviors which lead to cancer in 20 years.

#33
Blitzkreig [JGsaid:

" post_id=378350 time=1659304217 user_id=21286]
In regards to your family, if they have not yet had serious issues from the vaccine, then that is a positive sign. This means they endured the initial damage, and the effects of the vaccine will be much less now.

I don't believe this to be true. There's people who take the vaccine who are all fine and well only to die of heart attack at age 30, six months later.

I am reaching towards a green apple.

#34
Henu the Greatsaid:

Blitzkreig [JGsaid:

" post_id=378350 time=1659304217 user_id=21286]

Thank you for your answers.

I did not clean my cat or myself. I cleaned the rosary itself, the object, with 40 Surya mantras. And for that I went to the bathroom.

Yes, I know that Ritual is not a cleaning tool. But according to the advice I received on the forum, I did the Ritual while holding the rosary in my hand so that the Ritual would destroy the Buddhist blessing that was performed on the rosary earlier. This is what I meant when I used the word "cleaning". I always clean myself after the Ritual, yes.

And yes, of course, this time, as in the last three years, I spoke to Satan alone. But I don't knew what to think about protecting those who are important to a Zevist person but are not themselves Zevism persons. That is why I asked the experienced members of this forum. I now have reassuring answer, thank you.

The person I mentioned is not a member of my family, but She is the most important person to me. She was unwell for a few days after the vaccination, but there were no health problems.

Later she had a stomach ache, maybe because of the vaccine. But I hope that this is only a superficial phenomenon. I have already found a TCM doctor we are going to see.

#35
Dark Lawyersaid:

No job, no home, no money, no independence, no partner. And I have no more ideas. And please Henu, no mention of karmic obstacles. I have 80 days of Fehu work behind me. Also, we have performed the rituals for material prosperity together in the anti great reset ritual. And I had interviews that went well. I just needed a hair of spiritual help to get hired after one of my successful interviews and/or we would sell the house the serious the potential buyers. Saying "I didn't trust the rune-work enough" or "my rituals didn't work because of karmic obstacles" is no different from Christian "reasoning". There, too, it is said that if the believer does not get rid of harmful habits, etc., even after many confessions, then "his faith in confession was not strong enough". It's easy to find more and more reasons why a spell doesn't work, isn't it? And tell me, how the fuck am I supposed to "believe" in it when all I see is that it doesn't work even with the most promising combinations? You got a recipe for that? Because only cults expect sustained blind faith without experience.

1. The rate at which you see tangible results will vary a lot. When comparing oneself to past oneself one can see that results come faster when one is more experienced and more powerful. Expecting results right after you completed your working is not realistic at this point of your evolution.

2. One, or two workings will not remove all obstacles, especially when instead of removing obstacles you try to attract something without removing obstacles first. This is what you did. Plus, you need not only better, but more.

Your situation has screamed extreme from the time you first posted. Yet, you have not reported doing not a single freeing of the soul working.

Self-doubt and mindset in general are key components in successful magick... Your mindset has not exactly been the most success-inducing.

These are simple facts, nothing Christian about how I view one should tackle obstacles.

To supercharge your magickal experience: Hera's Guidance

For beginners: A Beginner's Guide

#36
Dark Lawyersaid:

...

Just to repeat, this is not a situation where results do not happen, but that it is hard to measure until finished. If you are working on big problems, or problems with a lot of stress, it is understandable that you may get stressed and doubt yourself.

Instead of trashing everything, it is better that you keep your expectations on a lower end. For example, do a working to permanently improve your wealth, knowing that this changes your reality and made your soul simply obtain and hold wealth easier than others. This can manifest over time or in many ways. Don't jump to super high standards like "well I did not get a job that is hard to get within 2 weeks".

The above mindset is how you maintain optimism. Simply know that your energy has been applied and you need not worry. However, if you have very high expectations and a cynical mindset, it is easy to find failure. Reduce your expectations to an area that you cannot doubt.

Second part: Ask a demon or Satan to help you guide this energy, because it is important for you. They can do this easily. Then, you this removes any doubt about the energy being applied. All you have to do is continue to supply and program it as normal.

Third: Because you have limited time, make sure that you are keeping up with all the other aspects of our path. It is important that you keep your soul as strong as possible. If you are not training yourself, then your workings will be weaker.

Lastly, do not give up just yet, because this upcoming Esbat is great for wealth. Soon after, the Sun will enter Sagittarius, which is another great point for wealth. You can do either of these, or both, as long as you keep time for your training and don't only focus on these.

#38
This is the targeted message.
Blitzkreig [JGsaid:

" post_id=397218 time=1667415895 user_id=21286]

I stopped the rune work yesterday, so I have completed 87 days. That's all I could fit in. Now I don't have time to keep experimenting with exercises with completely uncertain outcomes, because I'm working 12 hours and looking for a new job. If I want to somehow survive the imminent collapse of the country, I have to urgently get rid of my current job. Until that happens, I cannot afford the luxury of spirituality.

I don't know what "high expectations", "impatience" or "getting a job in under 2 weeks" you mean. I repeat: with a summa cum laude law degree and a dr., I have been working for 16 months (1 and 1/3 year) in a job that requires 8 primary school classes.

And I have been actively looking for work for 8 months. I am not only applying for jobs as a lawyer, but also for general graduate jobs. In fact, I'm not only applying for graduate jobs, but also for jobs that require a secondary school leaving certificate and pay a guaranteed minimum wage (one step above the minimum wage). My expectations are very low, but I don't get hired anywhere. And after 16 months, it's no longer a game, because we're getting closer to total economic collapse and world war.

I tried to give up law and do the Pathology prosector training. But I couldn't start because I need at least 6 months of autopsy assistant (corpse washer) practice to apply for the training. And it is not even certain that the training will start, because at least 12-15 autopsy assistants have to apply to start the training. But autopsy assistant jobs are rarely advertised, typically you can get the job internally. Now I would like to apply for an autopsy assistant job at the local hospital, and then maybe next year I could start the Pathology prosector training. But I would probably be unemployed with that too. Here in Eastern-Central Europe the perception is very different. People are pigeonholed. Career changes are rare, and people like me who didn't get anywhere until they were 40 typically not hired for any job because they are distrusted.

#39
Dark Lawyersaid:

...

Brother, I am not looking to get into heated arguments. I understand where you are coming from and I am simply stating why and how (as does Brother Blitzkreig). If you choose to refuse, okay, that's on you. All of what this Path is about is optional and no one forces anything on you. But you will miss out if you choose to opt out.

To supercharge your magickal experience: Hera's Guidance

For beginners: A Beginner's Guide

#40
Henu the Greatsaid:

But you will miss out if you choose to opt out.

Oh, there's a misunderstanding: I don't want to opt out, I'm not leaving the forum. I just thought it would be better to I write about these off topics in this topic.

I missed most things 20 years ago, but thanks for the encouragement.

#41

I don't know if this reply might help you but yoU should find a law company or whatever and go there and tell them you want the job so much that you are willing to work almost for free and serve the boss basically take it from the bottom JUST TO LEARN

Pride will take you only down. in fashion industry to get a job means go there and serving and kissing ass long years before getting a proper position. And trust me, with all the money in the world is still necessary for the LEARNING PROCESS.

You need to LEARN.

Cut your life style to a minimum. Move to a single room the cheapest keep only some basics or whatever you need to wear. Cut the expenses. Find a relative willing to support you for a while, while you transition this stage.

I Know a boy in his 20s he was working shitty jobs strictly to survive but to have enough time to learn programming. Everybody was laughing about him for sharring a room, eating frugally and cycling to work long distances. Now guess who's laughing. So I would say sacrifice now for a later better tomorrow.

You said you carry good charm rooks and things in your pocket - all of this is useless. Go to a firm and tell them you want to mop their floors up until they will consider you for a position. You might impress your boss that THIS IS HOW MUCH YOU ARE WILLING TO DO FOR THE JOB.

And when it comes to meditations insist on cleaning and more cleaning and more cleaning before proeceding with any empowerment. The basics insist on it SEVERAL times a day