A'ight, so let's break this down one step at a time.
Kieith666 said:
There’s literally nothing I can do about my situation. Won’t do a working to attract a partner cause I’m just not interested in other people. It just wouldn’t work out. And an incubus in not an option for me either.
Other Zevists in my situation can get either of those things and have success. I can’t. My mentality is, after years of doing things for Satan, Im not even allowed to be with one incubus?? Not wanting to be with other people is something I can’t help. I’m just plainly not interested, yet not good enough for an incubus despite taking care of myself. (And yes, being open enough)
Sometimes I think it wouldn't work out for me either because I'm just such an eccentric person, in addition to the fact that I, too, have little interest in others, or at least non-Zevists. I even created my own Polish term for non-Zevists so that I could talk shit about them in public without them overhearing and going "Oh shit, that dude's a
Zevist, someone shoot him."
This speaks to the complexity of human psychology, but if you're not interested in associating with others, why do you think you're suffering from loneliness? If you are lonely and, as a result, feel a drive to have some manner of contact with someone other than yourself, does that not mean that you actually are interested in other people and have just convinced yourself somehow that you're not? It should also be noted that not wanting to be around or with others can, indeed, just be a symptom of your current depression. I went from not really minding the presence of non-Zevists to, admittedly, outright despising them. This represents a shift in my perspective, and such shifts can swing in any one direction. So as you get past your depression, that's something that could change within you, even though you'll likely respond to this with something like "No, it won't ever change, etc.." That's just patently false. The brain, the soul, these things change over time, so saying it won't ever change can automatically be dismissed as incorrect. I need not know you to know this to be fact, for the same reason that I don't need to visit the Mediterranean Sea and stick my foot in it to know that, if I stick my foot in it, my foot will get wet. It's just reality.
You say that an incubus is not an option for you, and that you're "not allowed" one. Why? Have you tried? I imagine you must have, but frankly I don't know. Your defeatist words here are making me think you may not have bothered with it enough to make it happen because you've accepted that you're undeserving or that Father Satan doesn't care about you or whatever else. I want to stress as well to you that this whole "Other Zevists can do and get these things just fine" is inaccurate as well. Numerous, numerous Zevists here have struggled with these things, from attracting an incubus/succubus, to getting a response from Satan/the Gods that satisfies their expectations, and so on. I've prayed to Father Satan many times, called upon Him for help with an issue I'm having at the time, and whilst He very likely has helped me in unseen ways, I've never met Him. He and I have never sat down and had an astral cold one together. This alone is sometimes enough to get people thinking that Satan doesn't hear them and/or doesn't care, but many times, His works manifest in ways that can easily slip underneath our radar.
I know I come off as a greedy brat here, but I just can’t see it as fair. I would rather be permanently dead than live through this shit. As for my signature, yes I still believe that. But due to the circumstances, I DONT believe Satan gives a damn about me. We’re gonna win this war with or without me. I don’t matter. And I think Satan has made this clear.
HP Mageson has written before that the future is not set in stone. While, chances are, we're going to win this fight and things are looking up for Team Gentile, it's still theoretically possible for us to lose. It's still possible, even if we ultimately don't lose, for the enemy to pull some shit here on Earth that sets our progress back some. We'll still clean up their mess, of course, but it'll be made harder by virtue of their efforts. An example would be them convincing regular Ritual-performing Zevists that they don't matter so that they cull their Rituals, perhaps altogether. Kind of like what they're doing to you now. You've deceived yourself into thinking that you don't matter and the enemy has helped you do it. Father Satan didn't make that clear, the enemy is actively trying to make that your reality.
As of recently I’ve lost motivation to meditate consistently and keep up with warfare. (Usually just 1-2 Rituals a day if at all) I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m just gonna be alone no matter what. Being “positive” won’t do squat for me here, just self delusions. It’s pased the point where I can just “suck it up”. I’ve been doing that for years. I’m at my breaking point and I’m really honestly considering suicide.
There is literally nothing I can do about being lonely. Satan doesn’t care either (why would he?) so I’m in a corner here.
I really never wanted to admit this here because it's something I'm deeply ashamed of, but I feel it's pertinent. I've never done more than one Final Ritual a day. There've been times as of late where I go
days without even meditating, to say nothing of the many more days of not doing the Final Ritual. This is a mark of great shame that I'll never be able to erase, but it would also be disingenuous for me not to admit that such is my reality. From experience, you don't want this reality. It's embarrassing and can actually serve as substantive evidence of one being a failure as a Zevist.
The "why" for why Satan cares about you, in addition to the fact that you are a dedicated Zevist, His flesh and blood made manifest here on Earth, is because you are one of only thousands on this near-eight-billion populated planet that is actively advancing His cause. There's your why. And if you doubt this because it doesn't seem like He's helping you, again, consider things that can slip your notice. Contemplate the possibility that you could've ended up in some shitty situation that you avoided completely without even knowing because Satan and the Gods protected you from it in some way. Something even as simple as distracting you so you leave your house a little late and avoid a drunk driver that would've slammed into your vehicle and killed you. It's hard to prove such situations, but they definitely do and have happened for many Zevists here.
You speak more of the loneliness, how there's nothing you can do. Again, if you're so lonely, are you
really not interested in others, or is that just a self-delusion you claim to be free of? I feel lonely at times, but rarely, and it doesn't weigh me down all that much except for a few minutes, because I actually am disinterested in non-Zevists. I feel at ease and comfortable when I'm alone. The presence of other people, especially strangers, causes me heightened distress and even rage. If this loneliness is a major factor in you feeling like there's no point and that you'd rather just die than continue fighting, then I highly, highly doubt that you have no interest in being with others. If anything,
that's your delusion, and it's a delusion that the enemy is targeting and actively amplifying because they can see the level of pain it's causing you. They've found the weak spot in your armor. The wound they can stick a knife into and twist. And they're plaguing you with a mindset that's actively discouraging you from doing anything to improve yourself.
With you being more advanced than I am, you constantly affirming shit like "There's literally nothing I can do," "nothing will change," so on and so forth, that's causing you more harm than I think you fully realize. You may think it's just true - another delusion because nothing is permanent - but such is an extremely common mindset amongst depressed folk, including the Zevists you claim are able to improve themselves and receive help whereas you can't.
I imagine that all of this still won't convince you to take a good, hard look at your mindset and how this could be contributing to your feelings, so please, let's keep this going. Sometimes depression is a matter of repetition of objective truth as opposed to false, depressed thinking, I can personally attest to this.
![The Alchemist7 [SG]](/data/avatars/m/1/1057.jpg?1762556650){kind=avatar}
