help

[soldier]

I really want to focus on just one rune and one square, one god, even if my hands are covered in blood. Life keeps repeating the same cycles and setbacks. Give me one god, one rune, one Kabbalistic square to overcome this. My chart is predominantly water, but I visualize fire with the elements.

These individuals often have suppressed emotions that they keep under control. They may appear very distant, cold, and withdrawn. In many cases, one or both of their parents were harsh and/or unloving. There is often shyness, bad luck in love, and sometimes poverty. Those with Venus aspecting Saturn often remain in a bad relationship due to a sense of duty. They may feel unworthy of love and happiness. Especially if Saturn is in Leo, they may have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Those with this aspect often feel sorry for themselves, especially in childhood. In some cases, those with this placement neglect the importance of money, and in extreme cases, reject all materialism; in both cases, they remain in poverty. In other words, money and material wealth are not taken as seriously as they should be. Their imagination is well-developed, and they can be pessimistic. They often fear and anticipate the worst regarding the future and potential problems. In some cases, such as with Neptune/Sun aspects, and if other factors in the chart support this, the father, Saturn/Neptune, may somehow, even unintentionally, victimize their child. This is one aspect of the cynical person. These individuals can be harsh and learn throughout their lives that they can trust very few people, or even no one. They have often been through difficult times and learned to survive. This aspect gives a cold and even ruthless emotional nature along with a strong will. They may experience serious conflicts with people in positions of authority and power. These individuals may feel persecuted and may resort to violence in some way. Please consider these characteristics and help me; these are present in my life.

 

[Power of Justice [SG]]

My personal advice depends on your circumstances. If your current situation is very difficult and you don't have the luxury to meditate on a regular basis, focus more on improving your situation than learning how to meditate and do magic, as at this point, magic would be more of a mental escape than a solution. At most, do trance and prayers to the Gods; this way you can receive some guidance and reflect better on your situation.

If you are able to dedicate time to meditation, a single rune, square, or God ritual won't change your life. True spirituality requires many skills learned and applied over a period of time. It's like a bridge where you stand on one end and on the other lies your goal. You need to lay the bricks to build the bridge; otherwise, you can't get to the other side. In the beginning, it may seem like you're not making any progress because the learning curve is huge, but in reality, you just need to keep laying more bricks [learning and applying more skills, like trance, visualization, empowering the soul, cleaning, etc.] to actually start to move forward. This takes a lot of consistent practice over a long period of time, and it's not something that can happen if you are undisciplined or simply can't dedicate the time due to life circumstances. As I said, if that is the case, learning meditation right now may not be the best option for you right now.

 

[Astrid]

Please take what SG Power of Justice has stated into consideration It is worth any and all time and effort to learn to commit to the development of your soul and mind. It is a lengthy but significant task for one's growth and evolution in their lifetimes.
With a lot of water element you may find that you have a talent/sensitivity for spiritual endeavours! Don't give up before even trying.

My advice for now is to begin practicing and learning about some of what I call a "spiritual hygiene" system.
Void meditation (when done correctly, it is an effortless sense of finding the calm-focused and brain 'tingly' part of relaxation, like the common experience of when you unfocus your gaze and drift into an unthinking state; i.e., "zoning out" ~ this can be done outside while looking into the leaves on the trees or the grass, clouds in the distance ~ though I have been advised to try not to let the eyes blur during Void!) and awareness meditations (I've linked you to one that has helped me immensely) will stop you from ruminating on the negatives in life and ways in which you feel powerless or persecuted, your traumatic experiences don't define who you are as a whole person, they definitely don't define your future.
In addition, do regular aura cleaning and aura of protection each day and night.

You can do a constructive method of journaling about the struggles you've had, and optionally (but recommended!!) recite them to the Gods (after you've written them down) as prayers. Keep the prayer aspect in mind as you journal; e.g., To my Great Guardian God, I am writing about a situation I would like my mind to heal from, this is how it has impacted me in the past and I am working on improving my self-concept so that I no longer identify as a victim/have unhelpful thoughts/etc and relive the same cycle....etc.....
Study your thought patterns, reflect consciously (not unconscious venting, though this can be necessary sometimes) by writing it down so it isn't trapped in your head bouncing around. Set it down by writing it down.

You can learn about some other healthy psychological coping mechanisms that are more suitable for you as well! The chain from unhelpful thoughts -> feelings -> reactions can be broken and rebuilt better.

When you feel comfortable, you can begin a simple emotional healing working like this Self Love one or this Healing Emotional Body one by High Priestess Lydia.

Many of us are living proof that change is possible! You are worth the effort.