You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
magus.immortalis16 min to read
I don't think it was a mistake. You didn't share any information that leads us to your country, name, your address, etc etc.. No worries:)
And sometimes we just need to vent. This is my opinion though.
HAIL SATAN!!
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In , Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
0
I don't think it was a mistake. You didn't share any information that leads us to your country, name, your address, etc etc.. No worries:)
And sometimes we just need to vent. This is my opinion though.
HAIL SATAN!!
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In , Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@... wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@..." <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
0
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@... wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@..." <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
I guess I am just paranoid. You're right though, we do need to vent. I cannot tell my friends on the social networking sites I frequent because they don't get it. I cannot tell my doctor because he doesn't get it either. I am glad I can talk to you guys though. Hail Satan!
From: hailazazel <hailazazel@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 8:12:59 AM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I don't think it was a mistake. You didn't share any information that leads us to your country, name, your address, etc etc.. No worries:)
And sometimes we just need to vent. This is my opinion though.
HAIL SATAN!!
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In , Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
0
I guess I am just paranoid. You're right though, we do need to vent. I cannot tell my friends on the social networking sites I frequent because they don't get it. I cannot tell my doctor because he doesn't get it either. I am glad I can talk to you guys though. Hail Satan!
From: hailazazel <hailazazel@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 8:12:59 AM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I don't think it was a mistake. You didn't share any information that leads us to your country, name, your address, etc etc.. No worries:)
And sometimes we just need to vent. This is my opinion though.
HAIL SATAN!!
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In , Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Hail Satan!
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@... wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@..." <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
0
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Hail Satan!
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@... wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@..." <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Â Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.Â
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.Â
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
0
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Â Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.Â
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.Â
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
Hello,
I am unsure what kind of music would interest you. But I am very fond of Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Tartini, J.S. Bach. Wagner is good too. If you like movie soundtracks, Hans Zimmer and Trevor Morris are quite good.I really liked the Skyrim soundtrack (there are four cds) by Jeremy Soule. I know it's a video game but the music is quite good. Same with Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, also by Soule.All can be found on youtube.
Unsure if this is up your alley, but give it a try and let me know how you like it. :)
Thanks for sharing your post, I enjoyed reading it.
Hail Satan!
From: tjs4satan <tjs4satan@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 6:54:24 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Â Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: "
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.Â
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.Â
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
0
Hello,
I am unsure what kind of music would interest you. But I am very fond of Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Tartini, J.S. Bach. Wagner is good too. If you like movie soundtracks, Hans Zimmer and Trevor Morris are quite good.I really liked the Skyrim soundtrack (there are four cds) by Jeremy Soule. I know it's a video game but the music is quite good. Same with Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, also by Soule.All can be found on youtube.
Unsure if this is up your alley, but give it a try and let me know how you like it. :)
Thanks for sharing your post, I enjoyed reading it.
Hail Satan!
From: tjs4satan <tjs4satan@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 6:54:24 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. Â Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@...
To: "
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You are smart for you cautiousness though.Â
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@...
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.Â
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
Tj you can also try the heavier side of opera. Whitechapel, Job For a Cowboy, and The Black Dahlia Murder are all extremely good. I also enjoy Through The Eyes Of The Dead and All Shall Perish. This type of music always helped me, but then again Tartini, Bach, and Wagner are genius. I hope you figure everything out with oyur roomate.
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Hello,
I am unsure what kind of music would interest you.Â
But I am very fond of Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Tartini, J.S. Bach. Wagner is good too.Â
If you like movie soundtracks, Hans Zimmer and Trevor Morris are quite good.
I really liked the Skyrim soundtrack (there are four cds) by Jeremy Soule. I know it's a video game but the music is quite good. Same with Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, also by Soule.
All can be found on youtube.
Unsure if this is up your alley, but give it a try and let me know how you like it. :)
Thanks for sharing your post, I enjoyed reading it.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: tjs4satan <tjs4satan@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 6:54:24 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. ÃÂ Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: "
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You areÃÂ smart for you cautiousness though.ÃÂ
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.ÃÂ
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her
anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
0
Tj you can also try the heavier side of opera. Whitechapel, Job For a Cowboy, and The Black Dahlia Murder are all extremely good. I also enjoy Through The Eyes Of The Dead and All Shall Perish. This type of music always helped me, but then again Tartini, Bach, and Wagner are genius. I hope you figure everything out with oyur roomate.
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
Hello,
I am unsure what kind of music would interest you.Â
But I am very fond of Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Tartini, J.S. Bach. Wagner is good too.Â
If you like movie soundtracks, Hans Zimmer and Trevor Morris are quite good.
I really liked the Skyrim soundtrack (there are four cds) by Jeremy Soule. I know it's a video game but the music is quite good. Same with Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, also by Soule.
All can be found on youtube.
Unsure if this is up your alley, but give it a try and let me know how you like it. :)
Thanks for sharing your post, I enjoyed reading it.
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: tjs4satan <tjs4satan@...
To:
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 6:54:24 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
Â
--- In , Magus Immortalis <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
Or our faces :p I think a lot of us got some haters hating on us in these groups. Can never be too careful!
Hope you are doing well, Brother. ÃÂ Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: Enkiss'on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: "
Sent: Sunday, March 31, 2013 12:30:52 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
Don't sweat it too much. As long as your name and address isn't enclosed then there is no way to connect your identity with your words. You areÃÂ smart for you cautiousness though.ÃÂ
From: magus.immortalis <magus.immortalis@
To:
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:53 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
I really enjoyed it. At one point I was taking Kendo and Iaido. But this was before I became a Satanist. I left Iaido because you know how dojos are supposed to feel like a second home? Well, the place where I went didn't. My teacher was afraid of me for some reason because his "spirit guide" told him something about me. Lies, of course.
And this other teacher who was there, would watch me discreetly while he was warming up.
I never felt welcome there, so I left.
The same thing happened with my Kendo classes, but it wasn't so bad. Once I save up enough money I might get back into it.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts, experiences and stories, but I think that was a mistake on my part, now. It's dangerous to reveal too much about ourselves on these forums.
We're all in this together, Brother. And we have Lord Satan and the Gods with us! Hail Satan!
--- In mailto:, Enkiss on Descarte <enkisson_descarte_666@ wrote:
You will not regret dedicating yourself to martial arts. If you can combine martial arts with yoga and power meditation you are bound to reach unparalleled levels of bliss and euphoria. Martial arts would be a much smarter choice though.
And thank you for posting it. When other people open up I feel like I can do the same. I don't feel so alone you know.
------------------------------
On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 6:27 PM PDT Magus Immortalis wrote:
I keep getting the nudge to do more exercise, maybe take up some form of martial arts. I feel it would probably help me too. I am glad to hear that music and athletic activity help you. I tried taking up the violin for a time but my fingers and hand were not up to it.
Thank you for reading my post Enkisson. And thank for sharing your story.ÃÂ
Hail Satan!
________________________________
From: "enkisson_descarte_666@" <enkisson_descarte_666@
To: mailto:
Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:43:40 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
ÃÂ
This is a very beautiful post Magus. You deserve a lot of respect for opening up like this. Anyone who thinks you are weak for expressing your feelings because you are a Satanist doesn't know what Satanism is all about. In fact it makes you stronger. I am going through the same thing and I am going through extremely slow changes that will mold me into a new person.
Music and athletic activity is what helps me. It helps me more than any drug or therapist ever could. It took me awhile to reach this point though. In fact it seems we have similarities. I managed to keep skyrim in my closet in a duffle bag ^.^... I might have to do a binding ritual on that game lol! I have been changing so much that it is ridiculous. Compared to 1 year ago I am a completely different person. I have found it is the things that a person does is what makes them. 1 year ago I was a death metal fanatic and wore all black and enjoyed hitting inanimate objects. Now I am in love with Trees, Animals, and Viloin. I would consider some christians inanimate objects right? Still listen to death metal though..
I also have a problem that hopefully will be fixed. I put up a shell of complete unemotionalism so that no one can reach my propensity. I try to hide my true feelings to the point that it seems like I have none. At one point I was even convinced that I would never truly be happy. Everytime I looked at people I Had to create a fake smile and even a fake laugh. Everyone around me seemed so happy yet it was artificial happiness. I could see through it because I had become a pro at it. I noticed this in people who didn't even have real problems. This made me wonder what chance I had of happiness if people who had never felt complete solitary and genuine usefullness.
With Satan all of these things will eventually dissappear.
Eventually i will be a completely new person. A clean person. Since the day of my birth i was alone. My dad was in prison and had all sorts of drug and personality problems. He couldn't even take control of his own life let alone a child's. My mother which I don't know anything about gave up her parental rights as soon as she was done recuperating from the repercussions of birth. Consequently I went to a foster home because my father was unknown since he was not on my birth certificate. From that point I was in and out of foster homes until I was 4 years old. The psychological effects of this kind of external surroundings of a child is scarring to say the least.
It all got way worst when My dad's brother took me in from Health and Human Services since they couldn't find a foster home for me at the time. My dad's brother has extreme problems and used to beat his siblings during his childhood and he had all sorts of other problems. At the time he worked for a truck driving company. He was gone all the time and his wife was responsible for taking care of me. This women was extremley cruel and hated me with every inch of heart. She definitely showed me this. I used to have my coloring books ripped up, I would get beatings for any little things, I would be locked in my room, and she would even resort to calling me names. Not to mention every other member of her family HATED me. My dad's brother was gone all the time so he was ignorant of what was going on. This lady used to make me read the bible and other books from the time I got home from the little country school to the time I went to bed. I was too
young and
fragile to do anything. There was even a point of time when this lady starved me for about a month and only gave me a Gatorade bottle of water that I could refill everyday. After a week or so the hunger took over my fear of disobeying her and I started to steal food. It would be the only reason why I breathe now. This continued until I ran away when I was 12. I was sent away and I have been to group homes, juvenile detention centers, and other foster homes. Just an extremely dry cut reason why I need to heal.
The good thing is that I do have a god that loves me very much and has my interests in his best interest. The same can be said about me to him. It is amazing that I still have my sanity and a completely healthy and strong body. Good Genes probably;).Sadly good genes does not heal lonliness. Even when I had Girlfriends while I was an atheist I still felt alone. Since of late I have not been able to put up with christians because they disgust me. How can I bond with someone if I hate what they stand for. Everyone here is cristian and it is sickening. Just remember you are not alone in the lonliness that we all share.^
--- In mailto:, "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@ wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
Amazing posts!!!! thank you for this, my life hasnt been as rough as I have had a father that was always there for me, but then again he was always working, and my mother never was there for me, I completely understand lonliness as i havent found my guardian yet, and all I have is my self, and this negative influence (this roomate that is harder than fuck to get rid of, I am trying to do it right so he doesnt in-act the law and end up staying there for even more months, which is why i am letting him get a place to stay and setting a time frame) This person has caused my so much grief and hatred and pain not only hatred towards him but to myself over the past 2 years... until i learned i could fix it through strengthening myself, he provoked me even to a point of no return were i ended up really hurting badly my beloved dog. I can only thank the gods that she survived. I then got rid of her as i felt i wasnt responsible nor strong enough for her
anymore..... this still bothers me greatly today as i wish i was stronger against his extremely negative/abusive influence, not only that he took the girl that was with me at a time*(she was the one that showed me JOS), and turned her into his obedient slave in a kinda S/M relationship type thing. which i had to deal with for about a year of them fucking., until she had to leave because of law issues. (the law issue was that she ran away from her abusive christian mother and i felt really inclined to help her, and kept her safe as long as possible)
My life has seemed really fucked up in the past, not only fucked up becuase what i did on my own either out of curiousity, or stupidity, but mostly what i did out of regards of being influenced by the wrong people. I was so foolish, and weak, it makes me so sick to think about it.
These posts really helped make my day as I was really thinking about a lot of negative things after working on my third eye/during and i was ultimately blaming myself. which I know I should not do.
Can anyone compile a list of music for me, I havent listened to music and really enjoyed it in a long time and I dont know why, but I feel it might help me. Thank you brothers and sisters.
The best thing for my emotional and spiritual healing, is the things I do for nature and for my animals and other animals. plus Martial Arts has really helped me. I know we arent supposed to talk about our beliefs to just anyone, but as I do go to Taekwondo, there is a particular ranked master that i train under that is an atheist and doesnt like christianity, when i recently went back, i brought it up to him, and he took it very well, and with an open mind.
I can only Thank Satan for all the People in my life that arent christian and coincidentally have a very open mind to my beliefs
I believe its the events and the left kind of perception and reflection of those events in ones life that make us truly strong, for me personally, i am really spiritually degraded in this life, i know it because I am having so many troubles with the very very simple basics such as even visualizing, but I do not fear, nor do I worry, I stay persistent, and keep a perservering attitude and knowingly in soul and mind I will NEVER give up on my work towards Making my Self a Better Human being through Satan and all the Knowledge He as Given us!!!
Stay STRONG brothers and sisters!!!!
Hail SATAN!!!!!!!!
Hail all the Gods of Duat!
GLory and Protection to all Dedicated Warriors of Satan!
and a happy Ashtar :)
Yes, crying is a part of the awakening. I start to cry during the most inconvenient times. I try not to let people see it though.
I am sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I hope you two are able to make it work out and you can be together more often.Crying is good for the soul. Let it all out!
Thanks for sharing your story. From: lordenki1223 <lordenki1223@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 1:15:36 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
"I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few."
Does Crying is part of this awakening because I never could cry before even when If I really wanted to.
Me what makes me cry deep from my soul is the distance with my girlfriend and I. She's in Mexico and me Canada and the reason I cry is that everything seems to just fall on us like if we are trying our best to find a way to come back together but time doesn't want this :( plus there's my stupid Depths which I regret I listened to my mom..
Each time I think of her make's me sad and most of the time's I cry just because I really Love her and things turn out always bad... I can barely listen to some of my Dubstep music because it make's me think of her too much. Been 10 month's I didn't see her physically and it's emotionally HARD I don't know how long I could hold myself more... It's funny because I was always the type of guy who is emotionally strong type of a tuff guy but everything changed and not even sure if that's normal or even ok... My father always told me when I was young to never cry in my life and be strong like a "man".
The only person that heals my soul is when I do Standard ritual and talk with father one on one, I let everything out but for this I have to wait only saturday's night.
I find it really weird what happens to me since I'm a Zevist, all my emotions have changed especially the crying part that's new to me and it looks like it will never end the crying part or maybe it will if I let everything out :/ I'll try this saturday..
that's my weird story, PASSION LOVE.
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!
0
Yes, crying is a part of the awakening. I start to cry during the most inconvenient times. I try not to let people see it though.
I am sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I hope you two are able to make it work out and you can be together more often.Crying is good for the soul. Let it all out!
Thanks for sharing your story. From: lordenki1223 <lordenki1223@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 1:15:36 PM
Subject: Re: Healing at the Soul Level-Thoughts and Advice?
"I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few."
Does Crying is part of this awakening because I never could cry before even when If I really wanted to.
Me what makes me cry deep from my soul is the distance with my girlfriend and I. She's in Mexico and me Canada and the reason I cry is that everything seems to just fall on us like if we are trying our best to find a way to come back together but time doesn't want this :( plus there's my stupid Depths which I regret I listened to my mom..
Each time I think of her make's me sad and most of the time's I cry just because I really Love her and things turn out always bad... I can barely listen to some of my Dubstep music because it make's me think of her too much. Been 10 month's I didn't see her physically and it's emotionally HARD I don't know how long I could hold myself more... It's funny because I was always the type of guy who is emotionally strong type of a tuff guy but everything changed and not even sure if that's normal or even ok... My father always told me when I was young to never cry in my life and be strong like a "man".
The only person that heals my soul is when I do Standard ritual and talk with father one on one, I let everything out but for this I have to wait only saturday's night.
I find it really weird what happens to me since I'm a Zevist, all my emotions have changed especially the crying part that's new to me and it looks like it will never end the crying part or maybe it will if I let everything out :/ I'll try this saturday..
that's my weird story, PASSION LOVE.
--- In , "magus.immortalis" <magus.immortalis@... wrote:
You're probably used to my long posts by now, so here's another one. Lol.
I understand that the Kundalini awakening process drudges up emotions to the surface, a variety of them: anger, love, bliss, ecstasy, sadness, loneliness, to name a few.
It's a long process, and it's slow (for me...I wish it would go faster but my Serpent knows what is best...likely it's the proper pace.)
I hate to sound like a whimpering child (I probably will, but oh well -shrugs-), but I feel like my soul is hurting. You're probably thinking- "you're a Satanist, you're supposed to be strong, deal with it. Suck it up like the soldier you're supposed to be. Satanism is for the strong! And we are the strongest of the strong!"
Yeah, I know. I know. But I have not been dealing with it face-on. In fact, I have been distracting myself and studying. Force-feeding myself with funny videos and 9gag.com. Telling jokes with my friends on FB. (As if laughter will chase away the hurt and close up the hole in my chest.)
Distracting myself with Skyrim. Anything to get away from myself.
But you cannot get away from yourself forever. You have to face it at some point.
The best way to describe the way I feel is this example:
You love someone with all your heart and being. You trust them. You have been with them/known them for many years. You have a strong friendship/relationship. And then one day, they betray you. They leave you, and you are hurting from the inside out. It hurts in your chest.
That's the kind of emotional pain I am talking about.
The only thing is, that's not my situation. There's no one in my life that has done this to me at the moment. But that's how I feel, and it's from this current life and likely from past ones too.
It feels like a knife in my heart, only my heart takes up the whole of my stomach and chest. It just hurts so much and it's unfamiliar to me. It scares me a bit. I don't really want to deal with it. But this evening, as I was practicing harp, my Guardians tell me in a thought package to write about this in the group. So yeah. It's time to deal with it.
I know that power meditation and hatha and kundalini yoga heal you in some way. One time I was doing hatha yoga and I started crying, and it felt like I was healing somehow. I caught a glimpse of a past life.
Over 1.5 years ago I was in front of my computer, headphones plugged in and listening to music. I listen to music when I do power meditation. Makes it more pleasant.
I start breaking down and crying, from the depths of my soul. And the physical world wavered, and it was like I was someone else, somewhere else, in a different time. Another past life. And I was crying very hard in this past life, like I was doing in my current one, at the same time.
After I finished crying, I felt better, like I had passed an obstacle of sorts.
Lord Horus was very kind and I think it was He who visited me before this happened. It was very brief, but I felt His kindness and love.
Like He was telling me that everything would be okay. Of course I didn't get it until after my crying spell.
In early February or March 2011, Lord Satan came to me while I was composing at the piano and He said, "music will heal you." (I think it was Him, at least. It sounded like Him. His voice is medium-toned and very kind and understanding.)
I stopped composing music. Now I play the harp. My Guardians insist that I do not give it up. They have told me this on more then one occasion. They know what is best for me, so I listen. Although I am not as consistent with it as I should be. But I find playing music healing. My teacher asked me if I wanted to take classes in harp therapy. That is when you go to sick people, elderly folk or those with cancer or are bed-ridden, and you play the harp for them. It is supposed to heal them on some visceral level.
I am not that good, I only started the harp in June 2012. And my repetoire could be bigger. But if the harp heals them, surely it will heal me too. Not sure if I will take these classes yet.
My Guardians have pointed out this book on Trees and healing. I got a brand new copy at a second hand bookstore for a discounted price. They always pulled my eyes towards this book in different bookstores for some now. And FINALLY I caught on and bought it.
It's a bit new-agey but if I apply Satanic principles to it and critical thinking and reading, I am sure to get something out of it. Therefore I cannot recommend it because I haven't finished reading it yet.
But in my experience, I find trees pleasant friends to be around. I believe each has their own spirit and personality. There is one that I always go to in the park about 20 minutes drive from where I live. I am not sure what tree it is, but my dad said it is one of the types of the oldest trees in the world. This was in late 2011 or early 2012. I went up to this tree and made friends with it. I touched it, and told it my name and how I was doing. It likes me. After communing with it, I always feel lighter, better, stronger, more clear of mind and not as heavy of soul. One time I told it some things, and started crying a bit. This tree understood me. They communicate not in words but something like emotion and expression without words. It's hard to explain. You'd have to communicate with a tree to get what I mean.
I find walking in parks helps. Once the snow melts, spring is in full and the trees have awakened from their winter slumber, I will bug my parents to take us every week for a walk in the park.
I find that being in nature really helps me in some way. I feel better. It must be the air, the environment.
So, for me, music and trees are very healing for me. So are power meditation and yoga.
What about you? What heals your soul? Do you want to share your experiences?
Hail Satan! Hail the Powers of Hell!