If you have truly been meditating daily for 5 years and are a dedicated Satanist, then you would be properly on your way to godhead and maybe have achieved it. I've been dedicated 3 years in June and for most of that I have been meditating daily. Just a few months ago I was visited by Raum and have conversed with him in a dream/vision. I have also see my GD Agares and she has shown me and lead me to so much knowledge... It seems to me you are not telling the whole truth and are a little misguided. Goto
www.joyofsatan.com and start with the beginner meditations. That will provide you a real base to build on.
Hail Father! Hail Agares and Raum!