Giving it all up when the going’s rough

[MercuryWisdom]

Okay, so here’s a pattern that happens to me when I’m met by something really hard that affects me.

I either transform this pain to become the best possible version of myself, I meditate consistently, go to the gym consistently and start having big breaks in making money or career.

Or I break down and just don’t care about anything at all and just give it all up and give in to my worst instincts, habits, and escapism.

Usually I can’t get better unless I hit absolute rock bottom.

And even the disciplined/higher version of myself it seems it doesn’t last forever, just until the pain’s gone/under control.

Now this used to be okay when I felt younger and had more transformative fire and capacity. Now it’s just painful and tiring and disorienting.

I just noticed this because this year I had this transformation twice, I hit absolute rockbottom and then I had a break up with someone that meant the world to me.

So I got to work and took all this pain into becoming better. I did multiple workings and squares and took up learning kickboxing, hitting the gym often, starting my business and booking meetings, healing my mental health, entering a healthy weight, doing the schedule rituals and translations, and had a super good mentality and positive self-love.

After a while I tried to reach out to the person again because I felt a very strong spiritual and emotional bond and we started talking again after a while. Then once we started talking consistently again she blocked me suddenly.

I was devastated again and felt great pain and grief that was too much to me and I felt that everything I was doing just had no meaning again.

Then I entered a great depression where I wouldn’t care much if I was dead or alive. I stopped everything I was doing and my routine went to shit and I just stayed in bed all day with no motivation for anything at all and nothing means anything to me. Even if I know how important it is.

Now, I don’t understand why I do this. I’m still stuck in this I’ve quit it all and I haven’t gotten out of this rut yet.

I think it might be due to my obsessive personality I don’t care about anything unless I’m obsessed with it. I was obsessed with all these other things then when I was reunited with my girl again she was my obsession again and then when she left again I just don’t care about much anymore.

Something’s wrong with me but I don’t know what to do about any of it. I understand the importance of discipline but now I don’t understand what to do. As life itself has no meaning for me at this point and I couldn’t care about anything at all. It might be depression but I don’t understand it.

I just wish I can be more reliable with myself and just do stuff that’s good for me LONG-TERM but this just never happens long-term.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Bump

 

[V12-POWER]

Relationships come and go. Relax. I am just like you, lots of virtues, but a woman can crush me if I allow it. Mostly when I was a teenager this was stronger, not so much now…

However I have gone through similar states of believing a girl was for me and that without her I would be nothing, or useless, or empty, stressed and wasting my mental energy only to find out it was all pointless as time went by.

This is just garbage coming out of your system and that’s how it manifests. Intense feelings you can’t understand why, feelings you can’t control, etc.

Keep your lifestyle in check, keep meditating and doing yoga and remain in proximity to the gods. In the end, these are the only things that can get you out of that state

And hey, you will have fluctuations and struggles in life, never desist. There are +8,000,000,000 persons in the earth, I’m sure you can find another partner…

 

[ModernMage]

Okay, so here’s a pattern that happens to me when I’m met by something really hard that affects me.

I either transform this pain to become the best possible version of myself, I meditate consistently, go to the gym consistently and start having big breaks in making money or career.

Or I break down and just don’t care about anything at all and just give it all up and give in to my worst instincts, habits, and escapism.

Usually I can’t get better unless I hit absolute rock bottom.

And even the disciplined/higher version of myself it seems it doesn’t last forever, just until the pain’s gone/under control.

Now this used to be okay when I felt younger and had more transformative fire and capacity. Now it’s just painful and tiring and disorienting.

I just noticed this because this year I had this transformation twice, I hit absolute rockbottom and then I had a break up with someone that meant the world to me.

So I got to work and took all this pain into becoming better. I did multiple workings and squares and took up learning kickboxing, hitting the gym often, starting my business and booking meetings, healing my mental health, entering a healthy weight, doing the schedule rituals and translations, and had a super good mentality and positive self-love.

After a while I tried to reach out to the person again because I felt a very strong spiritual and emotional bond and we started talking again after a while. Then once we started talking consistently again she blocked me suddenly.

I was devastated again and felt great pain and grief that was too much to me and I felt that everything I was doing just had no meaning again.

Then I entered a great depression where I wouldn’t care much if I was dead or alive. I stopped everything I was doing and my routine went to shit and I just stayed in bed all day with no motivation for anything at all and nothing means anything to me. Even if I know how important it is.

Now, I don’t understand why I do this. I’m still stuck in this I’ve quit it all and I haven’t gotten out of this rut yet.

I think it might be due to my obsessive personality I don’t care about anything unless I’m obsessed with it. I was obsessed with all these other things then when I was reunited with my girl again she was my obsession again and then when she left again I just don’t care about much anymore.

Something’s wrong with me but I don’t know what to do about any of it. I understand the importance of discipline but now I don’t understand what to do. As life itself has no meaning for me at this point and I couldn’t care about anything at all. It might be depression but I don’t understand it.

I just wish I can be more reliable with myself and just do stuff that’s good for me LONG-TERM but this just never happens long-term.

You do not need a woman's approval to have self worth. Do positive things for yourself because they are good for you. When you are feeling good and grounded in yourself then you can share this energy with others. Your value is not determined by others.

Also most women do not like all or nothing attitudes. Be light hearted in your interactions with others. Focus on your passions and not so much on the girl. When you make everything about her then it seems to her that's all you got going on. She should be part of your world not what your world revolves around.

 

[Demonic]

......

Have you ever tried doing a working with nauthiz to be more consistent?

The issue here is consistency and lacking will power to do it.

What you basically do is, you take the motivation from bad events (which gives you will power to do things) and use this to propel yourself forward, which is great, but motivation doesnt last long and you will end up in the same loop again. Consistency lasts, motivation is short lived, but that motivation can be used to create a consistency.

You should deep clean yourself a lot be consistent to it, ask yourself do you want to fall in same loop again? Or do you want to end it for once and all?

Do it, you have all the tools available.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Have you ever tried doing a working with nauthiz to be more consistent?

The issue here is consistency and lacking will power to do it.

What you basically do is, you take the motivation from bad events (which gives you will power to do things) and use this to propel yourself forward, which is great, but motivation doesnt last long and you will end up in the same loop again. Consistency lasts, motivation is short lived, but that motivation can be used to create a consistency.

You should deep clean yourself a lot be consistent to it, ask yourself do you want to fall in same loop again? Or do you want to end it for once and all?

Do it, you have all the tools available.

I keep trying to be consistent. Throughout the years I only got ups and downs. I go through periods of intense focus and everything’s going great until it doesn’t.

Seeing my past messages with people who tried to help me from here it seems the only thing that’s consistent is my inconsistency.

I don’t know how to trust myself again. But I keep trying at least and stick with a beginner’s mind and that this time things workout.

I should have no problem with consistency with the amount of Earth/Saturn I have in my chart but maybe it’s Neptune and Uranus making me so unreliable and chaotic.

 

[Demonic]

....

We all can tell you to do this and that, we can motivate you and help you in the ways we can but in end its YOU who is going to do it.

If you feel issue lies with some natal planets then free yourself, its all there.

In my opinion, You should start with little, do yoga, basic cleaning with vibrations protection and working for being consistent.

You can even program energies to be consistent in just your spiritual work and take it from there,If you feel like consistency in every region is way too much for now then just target it for your spirituality.

You can read a thousand things, and have opinions of 100s of people and their advises but if you dont take actions then it was all for nothing.

You can do it its not that tough, its easy believe in yourself. Start meditating for everyday from now.

 

[CharlesBenetton]

In my opinion, your problem is you are ready to become comfortable and relax when its possible. It seems like you have finish line in your subconcious mind, you get what you want and after that you lose all ambitions for going further. You lose someone who you meant a lot to you then you try to regret(?) her, "See what you lost" or a from different perspective "what can i do without you, you were everything for me I gave up all things for you and see what you have done to me" like these thoughts may run on your brain/subconcious mind.

At least what it seems like to me.

You should try to have a short routine for 1-2 hours daily(meditate, gym, anyway) it will give you some grounding in chaos. and when you have a resistance against your routine you should command your brain and overcome it. (Trance and affirmations can work) Ask yourself "I know if i meditate/lift weights/ i will get better mental health, aura, energy sense, more muscle mass and more close to the gods. But why dont I do it? What is stopping me? Some emotions? Some thoughts? Feeling sad do stop me? What is that thing prevent me to become better?"

Also you should never never make a person your whole life. Your life is in your hands and you are the center of your world, not others. If you fail, you fail, not others. If you achieve you achieve and you can help others.

I think most of what I said you know them but still wanted to say. Love and have a faith in yourself brother.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Ask yourself "I know if i meditate/lift weights/ i will get better mental health, aura, energy sense, more muscle mass and more close to the gods. But why dont I do it? What is stopping me? Some emotions? Some thoughts? Feeling sad do stop me? What is that thing prevent me to become better?"

Good question.
I think it comes down to self-sabotage.

Which might have to do with fear.

Maybe I’m afraid to be better and be the highest version of myself.

I think fear and self-doubt got the best of me. That voice in my head that when I’m doing better and doing good and achieving and rising that this is not me and that I will fail again or that I won’t succeed, that I won’t have the money, the body, the advancement and the love.

When I do my daily good habits and I don’t instantly have the money, the body, the advancement and the love (although I do get very good results and progress) that fear and voice is very painful and I try to learn patience, but something feels missing.

It’s so damn easy then to sabotage it all because that’s what’s comfortable and how I see myself.

I was doing better because of the sun and mars square but when they are over do I return to my old ways?

Humans are weird sometimes.

 

[serpentwalker666]

I keep trying to be consistent. Throughout the years I only got ups and downs. I go through periods of intense focus and everything’s going great until it doesn’t.

Seeing my past messages with people who tried to help me from here it seems the only thing that’s consistent is my inconsistency.

I don’t know how to trust myself again. But I keep trying at least and stick with a beginner’s mind and that this time things workout.

I should have no problem with consistency with the amount of Earth/Saturn I have in my chart but maybe it’s Neptune and Uranus making me so unreliable and chaotic.

You just keep pushing things back in place until it sticks.

That means everytime you are inconsistent. Push yourself back into consistency.

It's not a race and this varies alot. Just do this however long it takes, and you'll be golden.

Keep fighting, moving along, and consistently develop and you'll better navigate the ups and downs of existence.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Everyone struggles and things can move back and forth for awhile. The best thing to do is weather this and be consistent and strong in your efforts and do your best. Eventually, things begin to stablise and upwards growth is created.

Do not doubt yourself. You can do this, I believe in you.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

You just keep pushing things back in place until it sticks.

That means everytime you are inconsistent. Push yourself back into consistency.

It's not a race and this varies alot. Just do this however long it takes, and you'll be golden.

Keep fighting, moving along, and consistently develop and you'll better navigate the ups and downs of existence.

I just feel tired you know? I’ve been going through pain, loneliness, failures, transformation for years now.

I just wish something can work out for me for once and I don’t have to sail upwards through hell to get it. (Because I have no energy or vitality to sail against the currents anymore)

I thought this relationship with SS/Zevist girl was the fruits of my labor and hurt and loneliness and that I’ll be happy and loved for once. (and it was for a short while)

Only for the universe to tell me for how many times that I’m still too weak, too poor, too fucked up, and too unlucky in love for the how many times now? And it still hurts like the first time.

I swear I’ve been going through what I’m still going through since I was 16. I hate to tell my 16 year old self all the tireless nights, emotional pain, loneliness, back against the wall, and I’m still at zero. In fact my 16-17 year old seems to be my prime? What a fucking joke.

I don’t want money and power, I need it, like it’s a very serious need, it shows all over my chart and I’m destroyed without it. Why am I still at zero and so impoverished. Money used to be the only thing that would ease and soften all my emotional pain and loneliness now it’s elusive too.

 

[Aquarius]

Dopamine addiction, your brain is addicted to a higher lever of dopamine and that makes it harder to focus on the more "boring" things that take consistency to do every day. You probably use social media which spikes your dopamine levels and fries them. You need to do everything in your life from a conscious point of view, controlling yourself to not get your phone out just for the novelty of what it offers. After a while you'll be conscious of what really needs to be done and what your brain will ask you to do to get that sweep dopamine spike.

Digital minimalism by cal newport explains that.

Your dopamine levels need to be "controlled" by not doing things that spike it in a unhealthy way. After a while of doing things you'll find much more enjoyment from life and normal things.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Dopamine addiction, your brain is addicted to a higher lever of dopamine and that makes it harder to focus on the more "boring" things that take consistency to do every day. You probably use social media which spikes your dopamine levels and fries them. You need to do everything in your life from a conscious point of view, controlling yourself to not get your phone out just for the novelty of what it offers. After a while you'll be conscious of what really needs to be done and what your brain will ask you to do to get that sweep dopamine spike.

Digital minimalism by cal newport explains that.

Your dopamine levels need to be "controlled" by not doing things that spike it in a unhealthy way. After a while of doing things you'll find much more enjoyment from life and normal things.

I was actually going to start a dopamine detox monk mode going cold turkey but somehow I wasn’t able to tolerate the emptiness and emotional pain of the break up especially so I opened my phone again and went back to escapism and numbing the pain and wasting my time.

So I think dopamine addiction is a very real part of this but it’s a symptom of general escapism not the root cause.

Today I decided I will take very small steps towards doing better even if they might be micro in the big scheme of things like doing at least 1 pull up, meditating for 1 minute, and show gratitude for one thing. Just to get out of the rut and get the ball rolling again.

Soon I’ll hit the gym as well and hope stuff gets better from there.

I know if I mediate consistently again stuff gets so much better as well but something inside me’s avoiding it, maybe I don’t want to face what happened last month and that I have to start over again and a part of it also seems I’m scared of getting better for some reason.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

I should have no problem with consistency with the amount of Earth/Saturn I have in my chart but maybe it’s Neptune and Uranus making me so unreliable and chaotic.

Just to be brief, these are all solar concerns, mixed with relationship problems. Anything that deals with self-esteem and motivation for life is generally solar, so I would look here, rather than Neptune or Uranus. A Neptune concern relative to time management would be like assuming one has way more time than they really do, not becoming depressed.

I think fear and self-doubt got the best of me. That voice in my head that when I’m doing better and doing good and achieving and rising that this is not me and that I will fail again or that I won’t succeed, that I won’t have the money, the body, the advancement and the love.

I was doing better because of the sun and mars square but when they are over do I return to my old ways?

No, you do not regress after stopping the workings, but it may feel like this since their active influence is gone. However, when they are done properly, there is a lasting influence, whether mental, physical, or spiritual. Probably the intensity of your sensations might make you think otherwise, but this is not the case.

If you had already identified that you are getting hindered by self doubts, then this is a great first step, and you should be able to define further what is specifically triggering you to feel depressed or powerless.

In matters of pride, you can identify previous actions, lessons, or victories, which should create the basis of self-esteem to at least maintain the ego, or give motivation to move further. To some this may come naturally, but it seems like you for you this may have to be consciously enforced during periods of depression, like a skill.

Look to your chart to see where you can best do this. One's sun placement can create a sense of pride or value by nature which can offset depressive episodes if intentionally applied. For example, if someone has Sun in Aries, this person can likely exercise to feel better about themselves, "refueling their tank" so to speak so they can better handle other problematic parts of their life.

Additionally, try not to focus so much on the lack of success so intensely, because if you are sensitive to this, this can create a negative spiral, whereas you want to do things that create the positive spiral. Again, this is subjective.

Think about a game plan such as: 1) You had identified that fears and triggers are involved. 2) You have or can discover tools, thoughts, and behaviors that make you feel better. 3) You can define progress made in problematic areas, which serves as the basis for success.

What you had described with your relationships does sound very painful. Despite this pain, you did gain experience in regards to handling it, whether by sheer resilience, or by the thoughts and behaviors you employed for and during your recovery.

All of these things form the basis of success. Even sensitivity to a lack of success itself can be redefined as a skill, as you can learn to sense when something is not ok earlier than someone else, but be able to handle the spiral feeling. It does not have to be as bad as "something is [permanently] wrong with me" just because this area of life is not yet smoothed out, or may be more chaotic for you than someone else, just due to your chart or whatever.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

I just feel tired you know? I’ve been going through pain, loneliness, failures, transformation for years now.

I just wish something can work out for me for once and I don’t have to sail upwards through hell to get it. (Because I have no energy or vitality to sail against the currents anymore)

I thought this relationship with SS/Zevist girl was the fruits of my labor and hurt and loneliness and that I’ll be happy and loved for once. (and it was for a short while)

Only for the universe to tell me for how many times that I’m still too weak, too poor, too fucked up, and too unlucky in love for the how many times now? And it still hurts like the first time.

I swear I’ve been going through what I’m still going through since I was 16. I hate to tell my 16 year old self all the tireless nights, emotional pain, loneliness, back against the wall, and I’m still at zero. In fact my 16-17 year old seems to be my prime? What a fucking joke.

I don’t want money and power, I need it, like it’s a very serious need, it shows all over my chart and I’m destroyed without it. Why am I still at zero and so impoverished. Money used to be the only thing that would ease and soften all my emotional pain and loneliness now it’s elusive too.

Karmic situations can unfold later in life, so I don't think it is fair to compare to your teenage self in these affairs.

Also, your own chart and situations are unique to you, but if you are defining success based on how others may have it, this can create a overly harsh perception of failure, like robbing yourself of what victories you do have.

It is better to accept what is in your chart that may be responsible for this, as it is like your destiny, with the highest transmuted forms being what you can and will achieve, rather than the current turbulence that may exist.

For example, if someone has Saturn in an aspect or house, this will cause harsh situations by nature of the energy being here in the soul. Someone else who has Jupiter here is much less likely to experience this, but they will have their own Saturn influence elsewhere. Further, the success of the former will be defined differently than the success of the latter, because they are undergoing different challenges.

Try to look at the higher forms of what can exist in your chart, given you continue on your Zevist path, as this gives clues as to possible solutions to one's problem, as well as optimism for the future.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Just to be brief, these are all solar concerns, mixed with relationship problems. Anything that deals with self-esteem and motivation for life is generally solar, so I would look here, rather than Neptune or Uranus. A Neptune concern relative to time management would be like assuming one has way more time than they really do, not becoming depressed.



No, you do not regress after stopping the workings, but it may feel like this since their active influence is gone. However, when they are done properly, there is a lasting influence, whether mental, physical, or spiritual. Probably the intensity of your sensations might make you think otherwise, but this is not the case.

If you had already identified that you are getting hindered by self doubts, then this is a great first step, and you should be able to define further what is specifically triggering you to feel depressed or powerless.

In matters of pride, you can identify previous actions, lessons, or victories, which should create the basis of self-esteem to at least maintain the ego, or give motivation to move further. To some this may come naturally, but it seems like you for you this may have to be consciously enforced during periods of depression, like a skill.

Look to your chart to see where you can best do this. One's sun placement can create a sense of pride or value by nature which can offset depressive episodes if intentionally applied. For example, if someone has Sun in Aries, this person can likely exercise to feel better about themselves, "refueling their tank" so to speak so they can better handle other problematic parts of their life.

Additionally, try not to focus so much on the lack of success so intensely, because if you are sensitive to this, this can create a negative spiral, whereas you want to do things that create the positive spiral. Again, this is subjective.

Think about a game plan such as: 1) You had identified that fears and triggers are involved. 2) You have or can discover tools, thoughts, and behaviors that make you feel better. 3) You can define progress made in problematic areas, which serves as the basis for success.

What you had described with your relationships does sound very painful. Despite this pain, you did gain experience in regards to handling it, whether by sheer resilience, or by the thoughts and behaviors you employed for and during your recovery.

All of these things form the basis of success. Even sensitivity to a lack of success itself can be redefined as a skill, as you can learn to sense when something is not ok earlier than someone else, but be able to handle the spiral feeling. It does not have to be as bad as "something is [permanently] wrong with me" just because this area of life is not yet smoothed out, or may be more chaotic for you than someone else, just due to your chart or whatever.

I’m so thankful for your reply brother and it did help a lot.

So I tried to take small steps to get better today. (1 pull up, 1 min of meditation, and 1 thing to be grateful about.)

Right now I’m actually at the Gym haha.

I’ll get better I promise.

 

[Aquarius]

I was actually going to start a dopamine detox monk mode going cold turkey but somehow I wasn’t able to tolerate the emptiness and emotional pain of the break up especially so I opened my phone again and went back to escapism and numbing the pain and wasting my time.

So I think dopamine addiction is a very real part of this but it’s a symptom of general escapism not the root cause.

Today I decided I will take very small steps towards doing better even if they might be micro in the big scheme of things like doing at least 1 pull up, meditating for 1 minute, and show gratitude for one thing. Just to get out of the rut and get the ball rolling again.

Soon I’ll hit the gym as well and hope stuff gets better from there.

I know if I mediate consistently again stuff gets so much better as well but something inside me’s avoiding it, maybe I don’t want to face what happened last month and that I have to start over again and a part of it also seems I’m scared of getting better for some reason.

Escapism is triggered by your brain knowing there's easier paths - that of dopamine spiking with whatever you do when you do escapism activities.

Monk mode won't work, the idea of it is another dopamine spike, because you're chasing the idea of it. Monk mode can't work in this society, because society itself went digital, and you'll be left behind if you don't adopt it.
What you need to do is adopt a conscious use of digital systems.

Also boredom is very necessary - When you have a 24 hour access to dopamine spiking media, your brain will never get bored of it, and as thus doing more normal things like reading or training becomes boring. Instead when you catch yourself being bored and going to social media you can halt that, feel the boredom and use the boredom to your advantage to do the things you need to do, as they will look more exciting when you don't immediately jump to social media.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Escapism is triggered by your brain knowing there's easier paths - that of dopamine spiking with whatever you do when you do escapism activities.

Monk mode won't work, the idea of it is another dopamine spike, because you're chasing the idea of it. Monk mode can't work in this society, because society itself went digital, and you'll be left behind if you don't adopt it.
What you need to do is adopt a conscious use of digital systems.

Also boredom is very necessary - When you have a 24 hour access to dopamine spiking media, your brain will never get bored of it, and as thus doing more normal things like reading or training becomes boring. Instead when you catch yourself being bored and going to social media you can halt that, feel the boredom and use the boredom to your advantage to do the things you need to do, as they will look more exciting when you don't immediately jump to social media.

I really hate how I can’t seem to read a book. I love reading and I want to be the type of person who reads a lot. Literature, novels, and non-fiction too.

But my brain is too fried I really need to learn patience with reading. I can love the book but I always end up checking the phone and I forget about the book completely.

Thank you for this reminder.

 

[CharlesBenetton]

I think fear and self-doubt got the best of me. That voice in my head that when I’m doing better and doing good and achieving and rising that this is not me and that I will fail again or that I won’t succeed, that I won’t have the money, the body, the advancement and the love.

When I do my daily good habits and I don’t instantly have the money, the body, the advancement and the love (although I do get very good results and progress) that fear and voice is very painful and I try to learn patience, but something feels missing.

I think you're too hard on yourself that's why you do burnout. You are in a hurry to become better but life is not like that as you know well.

Do you think you have perfectionism? It's the reason of your fear. You want to be the best and that feeds your fear: your "good level" because it feels like you are not enough(of course it is false and unrealistic). You should always remind yourself that's not a 100m marathon. That's life: sometimes fail sometimes achive. Sometimes win sometimes lose. If you take one step further daily, it is good. As you climb the mountain you will find new mountains.

Do not lose hope on yourself. You deserve a better life and you have power for it.

 

[soulisbrighter]

I like what you said in the beginning about what you did when you are met with something hard. Pushing yourself to be your better self , meditating and going to gym. We all have our struggles. Most times that is what 's it for, to push ourselves to become better. But hey I'm no expert. I do the best I can. And lately I've been hit with personal things that I see as healing reminders. You can never go wrong with bettering you. Whatever you're feeling from this particular person, it may be a reminder of what you have to truly see about yourself and others. If a person walks out of your life, maybe they are not meant to be on this journey with you. Just keep doing what you're doing in being productive.

 

[Edward Lonsa]

I just feel tired you know? I’ve been going through pain, loneliness, failures, transformation for years now.

I just wish something can work out for me for once and I don’t have to sail upwards through hell to get it. (Because I have no energy or vitality to sail against the currents anymore)

I thought this relationship with SS/Zevist girl was the fruits of my labor and hurt and loneliness and that I’ll be happy and loved for once. (and it was for a short while)

Only for the universe to tell me for how many times that I’m still too weak, too poor, too fucked up, and too unlucky in love for the how many times now? And it still hurts like the first time.

I swear I’ve been going through what I’m still going through since I was 16. I hate to tell my 16 year old self all the tireless nights, emotional pain, loneliness, back against the wall, and I’m still at zero. In fact my 16-17 year old seems to be my prime? What a fucking joke.

I don’t want money and power, I need it, like it’s a very serious need, it shows all over my chart and I’m destroyed without it. Why am I still at zero and so impoverished. Money used to be the only thing that would ease and soften all my emotional pain and loneliness now it’s elusive too.

Greetings, Brother! Sorry, I am late as usual.

From what I read in your posts in regards to astrology and some other things, relationship sphere specifically seems not the one to play out easy.

What other people said here in regards to stop being dopamine dependent is very important and probably an answer in the long run. All this situation of not being able to handle yourself in some way is connected to extreme lack of self-discipline and healthy asceticism. When I say asceticism, I mean what they call austerity, the first leg of the Dharma Bull.

The four legs of Dharma Bull: austerity, purity, truthfulness and compassion. Austerity is about being able to handle yourself and make yourself do the right thing.

Satya Yuga contains all 4 legs, while the next Yuga lacked austerity and ended badly, the third one lacked also cleanness etc. All other epochs except Satya Yuga are known to end badly because they were not based on ability to deny oneself pleasures (dopamine dependence) and put oneself into place when needed. It was not a problem of one person but the whole epochs. They all contained ego-worship to this or that extent, Kali one being the worst.

Right now 21 century is most horribly ego-centered and self-love dependent. Religion of this insane century is "your ego is sacred, you can't deserve punishment, you must self-love self-forgive and self-everything as an answer to literally every misfortune" mentality. While humanity was not always that self-centered. There were centuries when self was not that worshiped or when you at least must have deserved it first. For example Alexander Macedonian the Great had real reasons to self-something, but right now every pinko fag, every street drug abuser is entitled to "self love". "Self love" is an answer to any deserved depression, any rightful punishment of fate, any rightful rejection by others (and yes, to any well-deserved mental disorder if one mishandled their ego severely in past lives). No one needs deserve anything and if one gets rejected they go smooth themselves instead of looking at their own behavior towards this world. Everything is explained by "trauma" (which usually never happened in the first place), while no one considers one single moment that trauma itself might have been deserved and inflicted by one to this world first. I strongly disagree with such stance of 21 century. No, human ego is not an object of endless undeserved worship, and if it wants to become such it must deserve it by the impact into civilization and Earth.

For example: in the West they pushed insane laws of legalizing drugs. This of course is also based on the theory that "one can everything, because one is a prince". As a result White underage boys and girls lie dying in streets like vegetables. In reality yes, one can everything, but one is responsible for what they do to themselves and to their state. You can easily see what this "do what thy want" mentality did to Europe - it is all raped and used for sex trade.

This epoch severely lacks stoicism, asceticism and self-discipline. Children are not anymore raised in modesty, chastity, denial of pleasures and self-discipline. People from most young age are not taught to spend their days in virtuous study and disciplines like they did before, instead they are taught to worship pleasures. They literally live their life for pleasure and if it is refused to them (especially when it comes to love and relationship) they consider themselves in full right to go destroy themselves. They are never told that pleasures are not and never were any worthy life spending at all let alone being anyone's life purpose.

I fully understand you say you need things to survive, not that you "want" or feel "entitled". I only mean that if no one is going to give it to the world first there will be no place where one might take it from or whom one might take it from. Whether it is to survive or for whatever. And that this is severe problem with 21 century. It sits inside economical collapse. Example.

Maturity is when one understands that things must be built and given for them to exist. They do not emanate from the Earth, and relationship - the least. Relationship karma is raised from giving not taking. Child mode (when one "needs love") is not a state that you enter any serious relationship in, except those with your parents and Gods where you are indulged to no end. Yet, if no one is going to take this position of Gods and parents, who will be indulged then?

The problem with being loved is answered by: turning 180 degrees and trying to look not from the position of your 1th onto your 7th, but from the position of your 7th house onto your 1th: how did you treat the world? Was it always happy with you in it? Did you give it any love? Do you treat it always fairly? These are questions people ready for relationship ask themselves, not vice versa.

What you relate about feeling at the square one where you have been at 16, raises some questions: when you were 16, did you really look on the world from the position of "is this world happy with me? Is it treated fairly by me?" or did you look from the position of "did this world treat me fairly? am I happy in it?" If I suddenly found myself in the position of my youth, this would raise questions in me: when I were that young, did I fully understand another with all their needs? How did I treat them? Did I meet their emotional needs? Were they happy with me? How did I think at 16 - what did I care more about: how much I give or how much I get? And since I feel now as I felt then, did I really changed to the better? Do I NOW treat them better? Is the other side NOW happy?

The situation you described in your other posts sounds extremely serious for the person who considers you as their future spouse and parent of their children. Just because someone needs love does not mean life should turn into a nightmare for the innocent other. You don't want pregnant White Zevist woman caught in some kind of situations really. SerpentWalker666 is a man, he physically can handle this. Yet despite of sex, the question that anyone who seeks to create a family would want to ask themselves would be: am I really able right now to provide the full care, love, protection (including the one from my own dark sides), full emotional presence and guarantee of everything that an adult has to provide for his family? This will be 24/7 emotional, physical, financial investment, which you will have to combine with your job, work for ToZ and other things lifelong. Ask yourself, in your very specific situation to say the least, do you think you might make another really happy and feel fully sheltered and protected for lifetime? If not, then what means do you need to build it? What is your path towards it? Every such case is individual, in regards to what you wrote (if what you wrote is whole story, not the part of it) I believe that the path exists but it has to be trodden. And the path is understanding what is true mature love, altruism and self-sacrifice, and learning how to give it to another, which might be consulted with the Gods as well. You have to sow before you reap, and Gods teach exactly this.

Now, answering some your questions. "Going against the currents" usually means trying to go against that side of your self that is called fate and is related to your 7th mostly, but also more or less to all Western hemisphere and relationship houses, Venus etc. Usually this is what you yourself did to this world maybe very very long ago in the times immemorial now seen as fate or doom. Fate factor is also very much connected to society (country, state, civilization, people) we live in, because it is what we built in past lives. If this is what you meant, then maybe looking at the situation from the perspective of fate i.e. 7th i.e. others in this situation and the society itself, would provide that "working for once" pill you want because it would provide the karmic key to the whole problem. With this you will know what exactly to change because you will look into 7th (fate) as into mirror, and adjust your magic accordingly.

As for all or nothing attitudes, different cultures create different women. Eastern [White] women are loyal to death and do-or-die attitude because others here are considered whores and non-women. People also can have astrologically fatal loyal love patterns and be very compatible with your way. Not every country has feminist "culture". Not everyone is light hearted. I think there is nothing wrong to have a person as a center of one's life to be loyal to death and beyond as far as it is deserved and as far as it goes hand by hand with the life's purpose. Again 21 century people will say "you are your most important person, you should treat like this only yourself". Why? Because they got crap. Yet people get crap because they GIVE crap. For centuries. Our Ancestors understood it and dealt with it. They did not need cancerous egocentrism to survive. Psychopathy towards the innocent is a wrong answer to being treated in psychopathic way by someone else. And this choice is done in 1th not in 7th. And 1th is in one's field of reach. For example, HPS Maxine told that there is absolutely nothing wrong in making Zeus the center of your life, and trusting him 100%. Because he never does crap to others. Nor his Gods do. Learn from them - THIS is the key.

We live to give something to our society, to leave better planet behind. And we will reincarnate in the planet we left. Relationship is one of the means to do it and should be treated as such.

I desire you greatest success, Brother. From what I read I believe in you.

***If you need astrological consultation, at the 2nd Tier and beyond High Priest Hooded Cobra helps with this and questions how to handle specific things. Via Hall of Osiris.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Greetings, Brother! Sorry, I am late as usual.

From what I read in your posts in regards to astrology and some other things, relationship sphere specifically seems not the one to play out easy.

What other people said here in regards to stop being dopamine dependent is very important and probably an answer in the long run. All this situation of not being able to handle yourself in some way is connected to extreme lack of self-discipline and healthy asceticism. When I say asceticism, I mean what they call austerity, the first leg of the Dharma Bull.

The four legs of Dharma Bull: austerity, purity, truthfulness and compassion. Austerity is about being able to handle yourself and make yourself do the right thing.

Satya Yuga contains all 4 legs, while the next Yuga lacked austerity and ended badly, the third one lacked also cleanness etc. All other epochs except Satya Yuga are known to end badly because they were not based on ability to deny oneself pleasures (dopamine dependence) and put oneself into place when needed. It was not a problem of one person but the whole epochs. They all contained ego-worship to this or that extent, Kali one being the worst.

Right now 21 century is most horribly ego-centered and self-love dependent. Religion of this insane century is "your ego is sacred, you can't deserve punishment, you must self-love self-forgive and self-everything as an answer to literally every misfortune" mentality. While humanity was not always that self-centered. There were centuries when self was not that worshiped or when you at least must have deserved it first. For example Alexander Macedonian the Great had real reasons to self-something, but right now every pinko fag, every street drug abuser is entitled to "self love". "Self love" is an answer to any deserved depression, any rightful punishment of fate, any rightful rejection by others (and yes, to any well-deserved mental disorder if one mishandled their ego severely in past lives). No one needs deserve anything and if one gets rejected they go smooth themselves instead of looking at their own behavior towards this world. Everything is explained by "trauma" (which usually never happened in the first place), while no one considers one single moment that trauma itself might have been deserved and inflicted by one to this world first. I strongly disagree with such stance of 21 century. No, human ego is not an object of endless undeserved worship, and if it wants to become such it must deserve it by the impact into civilization and Earth.

For example: in the West they pushed insane laws of legalizing drugs. This of course is also based on the theory that "one can everything, because one is a prince". As a result White underage boys and girls lie dying in streets like vegetables. In reality yes, one can everything, but one is responsible for what they do to themselves and to their state. You can easily see what this "do what thy want" mentality did to Europe - it is all raped and used for sex trade.

This epoch severely lacks stoicism, asceticism and self-discipline. Children are not anymore raised in modesty, chastity, denial of pleasures and self-discipline. People from most young age are not taught to spend their days in virtuous study and disciplines like they did before, instead they are taught to worship pleasures. They literally live their life for pleasure and if it is refused to them (especially when it comes to love and relationship) they consider themselves in full right to go destroy themselves. They are never told that pleasures are not and never were any worthy life spending at all let alone being anyone's life purpose.

I fully understand you say you need things to survive, not that you "want" or feel "entitled". I only mean that if no one is going to give it to the world first there will be no place where one might take it from or whom one might take it from. Whether it is to survive or for whatever. And that this is severe problem with 21 century. It sits inside economical collapse. Example.

Maturity is when one understands that things must be built and given for them to exist. They do not emanate from the Earth, and relationship - the least. Relationship karma is raised from giving not taking. Child mode (when one "needs love") is not a state that you enter any serious relationship in, except those with your parents and Gods where you are indulged to no end. Yet, if no one is going to take this position of Gods and parents, who will be indulged then?

The problem with being loved is answered by: turning 180 degrees and trying to look not from the position of your 1th onto your 7th, but from the position of your 7th house onto your 1th: how did you treat the world? Was it always happy with you in it? Did you give it any love? Do you treat it always fairly? These are questions people ready for relationship ask themselves, not vice versa.

What you relate about feeling at the square one where you have been at 16, raises some questions: when you were 16, did you really look on the world from the position of "is this world happy with me? Is it treated fairly by me?" or did you look from the position of "did this world treat me fairly? am I happy in it?" If I suddenly found myself in the position of my youth, this would raise questions in me: when I were that young, did I fully understand another with all their needs? How did I treat them? Did I meet their emotional needs? Were they happy with me? How did I think at 16 - what did I care more about: how much I give or how much I get? And since I feel now as I felt then, did I really changed to the better? Do I NOW treat them better? Is the other side NOW happy?

The situation you described in your other posts sounds extremely serious for the person who considers you as their future spouse and parent of their children. Just because someone needs love does not mean life should turn into a nightmare for the innocent other. You don't want pregnant White Zevist woman caught in some kind of situations really. SerpentWalker666 is a man, he physically can handle this. Yet despite of sex, the question that anyone who seeks to create a family would want to ask themselves would be: am I really able right now to provide the full care, love, protection (including the one from my own dark sides), full emotional presence and guarantee of everything that an adult has to provide for his family? This will be 24/7 emotional, physical, financial investment, which you will have to combine with your job, work for ToZ and other things lifelong. Ask yourself, in your very specific situation to say the least, do you think you might make another really happy and feel fully sheltered and protected for lifetime? If not, then what means do you need to build it? What is your path towards it? Every such case is individual, in regards to what you wrote (if what you wrote is whole story, not the part of it) I believe that the path exists but it has to be trodden. And the path is understanding what is true mature love, altruism and self-sacrifice, and learning how to give it to another, which might be consulted with the Gods as well. You have to sow before you reap, and Gods teach exactly this.

Now, answering some your questions. "Going against the currents" usually means trying to go against that side of your self that is called fate and is related to your 7th mostly, but also more or less to all Western hemisphere and relationship houses, Venus etc. Usually this is what you yourself did to this world maybe very very long ago in the times immemorial now seen as fate or doom. Fate factor is also very much connected to society (country, state, civilization, people) we live in, because it is what we built in past lives. If this is what you meant, then maybe looking at the situation from the perspective of fate i.e. 7th i.e. others in this situation and the society itself, would provide that "working for once" pill you want because it would provide the karmic key to the whole problem. With this you will know what exactly to change because you will look into 7th (fate) as into mirror, and adjust your magic accordingly.

As for all or nothing attitudes, different cultures create different women. Eastern [White] women are loyal to death and do-or-die attitude because others here are considered whores and non-women. People also can have astrologically fatal loyal love patterns and be very compatible with your way. Not every country has feminist "culture". Not everyone is light hearted. I think there is nothing wrong to have a person as a center of one's life to be loyal to death and beyond as far as it is deserved and as far as it goes hand by hand with the life's purpose. Again 21 century people will say "you are your most important person, you should treat like this only yourself". Why? Because they got crap. Yet people get crap because they GIVE crap. For centuries. Our Ancestors understood it and dealt with it. They did not need cancerous egocentrism to survive. Psychopathy towards the innocent is a wrong answer to being treated in psychopathic way by someone else. And this choice is done in 1th not in 7th. And 1th is in one's field of reach. For example, HPS Maxine told that there is absolutely nothing wrong in making Zeus the center of your life, and trusting him 100%. Because he never does crap to others. Nor his Gods do. Learn from them - THIS is the key.

We live to give something to our society, to leave better planet behind. And we will reincarnate in the planet we left. Relationship is one of the means to do it and should be treated as such.

I desire you greatest success, Brother. From what I read I believe in you.

***If you need astrological consultation, at the 2nd Tier and beyond High Priest Hooded Cobra helps with this and questions how to handle specific things. Via Hall of Osiris.

Thank you brother for your reply and insights.

I’ve recently realized that I’m not ready to love and be loved. It’s painful because it’s a very important and painful need and ache.

But it seems love’s not right for me and won’t be for a very long time or maybe ever if I’m not careful.

 

[Edward Lonsa]

Thank you brother for your reply and insights.

I’ve recently realized that I’m not ready to love and be loved. It’s painful because it’s a very important and painful need and ache.

But it seems love’s not right for me and won’t be for a very long time or maybe ever if I’m not careful.

Brother, I very much advise you to learn psychology and psychiatry for yourself.

First, because it will obviously and powerfully sublimate any and all low octave energies of 12 house and related. Lacking empathy [not your case specifically] that characterizes worst disorders might include severely low grade octaves of water especially 12 house / Pisces related to compassion and empathy. Yet I believe that any aggravated 12 house/Pisces/Neptune will hugely relieve from serious knowledge of psychiatry because it invokes a lot of stagnated empathy. Which will insure that you never hurt another which is the most important.

Second, again rather obvious: if you yourself are professionally armed you will protect yourself from jewish psychiatrists who hunt on literally any Gentile in hope to force their narcotic drugs down their throat to only make things worse. Always consider TCM or whatever you find from Ancient Pagan knowledge on it. Books attached below.

I believe that unless you do actual real evil to another, everything can be sublimated into its higher octaves of talents and genius it is originally designed for. I saw interview with BPD people who successfully healed and made great success as psychologists. I think they intuitively sublimated their energies into their higher octave natural sphere.

Let you always be blessed by Gods.

The psyche in Chinese medicine : treatment of emotional and mental disharmonies with acupuncture and Chinese herbs : Maciocia, Giovanni : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

xxix, 651 p., [3] p. of plates : 26 cm

archive.org

https://cetrainingworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/BPD-Workbook.pdf

Internet Archive: Digital Library of Free & Borrowable Texts, Movies, Music & Wayback Machine

archive.org

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Brother, I very much advise you to learn psychology and psychiatry for yourself.

First, because it will obviously and powerfully sublimate any and all low octave energies of 12 house and related. Lacking empathy [not your case specifically] that characterizes worst disorders might include severely low grade octaves of water especially 12 house / Pisces related to compassion and empathy. Yet I believe that any aggravated 12 house/Pisces/Neptune will hugely relieve from serious knowledge of psychiatry because it invokes a lot of stagnated empathy. Which will insure that you never hurt another which is the most important.

Second, again rather obvious: if you yourself are professionally armed you will protect yourself from jewish psychiatrists who hunt on literally any Gentile in hope to force their narcotic drugs down their throat to only make things worse. Always consider TCM or whatever you find from Ancient Pagan knowledge on it. Books attached below.

I believe that unless you do actual real evil to another, everything can be sublimated into its higher octaves of talents and genius it is originally designed for. I saw interview with BPD people who successfully healed and made great success as psychologists. I think they intuitively sublimated their energies into their higher octave natural sphere.

Let you always be blessed by Gods.

The psyche in Chinese medicine : treatment of emotional and mental disharmonies with acupuncture and Chinese herbs : Maciocia, Giovanni : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

xxix, 651 p., [3] p. of plates : 26 cm

archive.org

https://cetrainingworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/BPD-Workbook.pdf

Internet Archive: Digital Library of Free & Borrowable Texts, Movies, Music & Wayback Machine

archive.org

I’m the one that gets hurt actually it seems. My taste in women doesn’t help because I have a type of evil/toxic/avoidant/fiery women, when I’m the complete opposite. (Not necessarily in a good or bad way, it is just how it is)

I’m saying I’m not ready though mainly also because it seems so far and for what I’ve done for my life I’m just a boy. This is what I’ve learned in my last relationship despite wanting to be more, currently I’m not more. I don’t have the finances, emotional maturity, wisdom, patience, age, aesthetics and masculinity to be in a serious relationship.

Unfortunately, I’m a serious lover, and I love deeply and I can also be clingy, needy, obsessive, and highly anxious in love.

So both those combinations and realizations make me not ready for love.

Only thing I’m ready for is building myself and if I fail to build myself, since I currently have nothing and am kind of nothing, I don’t think any thinking about love is a good idea.

Right now I’m married to my work and building myself up. Money is #1 priority.