I really do mean no disrespect to you at all. I just want you to stay away from jewhovian territory entirely.
Those beings are dangerous, and you are more than likely to encounter them practicing that. You're better than chaos magick, and our enemy. You might check to see through past life regression, and other subconscious delving means to see if you have any connections to the enemy seeking such things as a Satanist.
It may take you some time too, but it'll be well worth it to make sure.It's not an entirely alarming thing to have subconscious enemy attachments, it's exactly like xianity, you just deprogram it. To advance, you will have to. I have some bullshit the enemy did to me before I Dedicated to get rid of, although not alone, I will have help and guidance while doing it. Satan, and the other Gods/Goddesses are always there to help if you happen to need it until you assume your independence through effort, and capability.
I know I have been helped beyond words lately. That would probably be your best bet. To explore why you would want something like that, as these things come from the Soul, whether the enemy put them there, or if like natural things like being with Satan, and being Dedicated in your Spiritual Journey and being with Family(which is a strong Pagan attribute) for example are natural to our Souls. Things such as chaos magick are not as we are not naturally beings of chaos. We seek to help build, and elevate chaos magick is as it implies, to wreak havoc. Natural destruction is a good thing in order for creation, but chaos is worthless and ruins everything.
