Can get myself to like Satan or the Gods

[Usthepeople666]

Hello everyone,
I have been away for really long to get back life in order.
Its been over a year since I have posted during this time I have meditated, improved myself and some good things mixed with bad.
So coming to my question- I find it impossible to trust the Gods anymore, I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all. I still am not able to understand how a god or being so powerful who would give signs before every ritual date not let me know about my parents death before it happened, i would have taken some action to prevent it. My views on the entire satanic community has been divided- was I not ready to change the society for the better before I joined this place? Questions like where I stand as a being in this god human communication is disorienting to me. It feels good to see people even around me now to blame the enemy and much more throughtout the world. However I feel nothing that motivates me anymore, I have nothing to live for after the death of my parent. I was attacked during the interview of a company I strongly wanted to be associated with. So so many attacks in the past year. Everyday feels like a war. And when I look around me I see people my age living their lives, falling in love( I too fell in love with my succubus long back, constantly asked about why was given no dreams to help my parent, now I have done a "break up" ritual if you will, which by how frequently she comes, i am certain has not been accepted). What do I live for then? No family because of the succbus, questions about the death of my parent which I have repeatedly placed before the Gods to get no answer, to get cursed so frequently in the past year. I dont know if anybody here belives it or cares enough, i cant erase the memory of my dead parent who was attacked in his sleep, only to wake up panting. My own sibling cursed and woken up from sleep in an another related incident. The Gods then show up once a week, charge me up with energy, the succubus makes me feel loved and what not only to return to the reality on ground. A dead parent, endless curses, no chance of a family and so many broken promises from the Gods. Dreams that never came true, how then every dream during the ritual dates came true is beyond me.
I have mentioned several times to the Gods in my prayers, I have no family neither do you allow me one. Ofcourse I get filled with sadness for a while then again back to reality. All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion. What about people like me, who would prefer the LaVey version of the Gods than bow down to someone I dont trust anymore. Life is tough as is, life with satan is tougher. We blame the enemy for it, but it is. How many times have I been shown this utopia? How many times have I lived my life only in the service of the Gods? I guess I should have never dedicated, even in the past lives. I have actions in my life I can show that I have done for the Gods for nothing in return. " They are of no value to me" - I repeat this sentence in my mind often, maybe I wish to be of no value to a God who never came for me in my toughest moments. Ofcourse seeing how these posts are often dealt with, let me make it easy for everyone - I must be schizophrenic,neurotic, delusional and every other thing i have read on the forums for people who dont beleive in the glory of the Gods. I have no interest in working for the powers of Hell, the day I get my answer is the day I am out. Maybe then I can live a "life" that wont make me cry every single day.

 

[Fuchs]

Hello everyone,
I have been away for really long to get back life in order.
Its been over a year since I have posted during this time I have meditated, improved myself and some good things mixed with bad.
So coming to my question- I find it impossible to trust the Gods anymore, I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all. I still am not able to understand how a god or being so powerful who would give signs before every ritual date not let me know about my parents death before it happened, i would have taken some action to prevent it. My views on the entire satanic community has been divided- was I not ready to change the society for the better before I joined this place? Questions like where I stand as a being in this god human communication is disorienting to me. It feels good to see people even around me now to blame the enemy and much more throughtout the world. However I feel nothing that motivates me anymore, I have nothing to live for after the death of my parent. I was attacked during the interview of a company I strongly wanted to be associated with. So so many attacks in the past year. Everyday feels like a war. And when I look around me I see people my age living their lives, falling in love( I too fell in love with my succubus long back, constantly asked about why was given no dreams to help my parent, now I have done a "break up" ritual if you will, which by how frequently she comes, i am certain has not been accepted). What do I live for then? No family because of the succbus, questions about the death of my parent which I have repeatedly placed before the Gods to get no answer, to get cursed so frequently in the past year. I dont know if anybody here belives it or cares enough, i cant erase the memory of my dead parent who was attacked in his sleep, only to wake up panting. My own sibling cursed and woken up from sleep in an another related incident. The Gods then show up once a week, charge me up with energy, the succubus makes me feel loved and what not only to return to the reality on ground. A dead parent, endless curses, no chance of a family and so many broken promises from the Gods. Dreams that never came true, how then every dream during the ritual dates came true is beyond me.
I have mentioned several times to the Gods in my prayers, I have no family neither do you allow me one. Ofcourse I get filled with sadness for a while then again back to reality. All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion. What about people like me, who would prefer the LaVey version of the Gods than bow down to someone I dont trust anymore. Life is tough as is, life with satan is tougher. We blame the enemy for it, but it is. How many times have I been shown this utopia? How many times have I lived my life only in the service of the Gods? I guess I should have never dedicated, even in the past lives. I have actions in my life I can show that I have done for the Gods for nothing in return. " They are of no value to me" - I repeat this sentence in my mind often, maybe I wish to be of no value to a God who never came for me in my toughest moments. Ofcourse seeing how these posts are often dealt with, let me make it easy for everyone - I must be schizophrenic,neurotic, delusional and every other thing i have read on the forums for people who dont beleive in the glory of the Gods. I have no interest in working for the powers of Hell, the day I get my answer is the day I am out. Maybe then I can live a "life" that wont make me cry every single day.

If you care about your parent/s then learn to communicate with them.
Help their souls to reach the next live, if needed empower them.

At least you have your succubus, a being that cares trully and fully about you(the gods also do, but not at a so personal level). In monogamous cases even only about you. Which is rare in humans.

I think if you could have changed, the event that took your parents the gods would have shown you how. I guess, because you could not do anything about it, they did not warn you, so you can advance as best as possibel until this day.

If you want to blame one, then that, it is the enemy forces that devolved us to this mortal stage of being we are living.

Instead off in your sadness, blindly accusing the gods, to not care about you.

As they clearly do through your succubus.

It´s good that you write about your problem, so you can get a answer from different perspectives on your situation.