Being strong

[hateeternal90]

This is my lifestory composed.

I have noticed over the years that I am a very austere, intelligent person,devoid of emotion and possess minor autistic traits. Although I do get along very well with smart people and I do have a sense of humour I don't like partying and pampering myself. Being bullied in school over the years as well as believing in the non-existent christian god and my father dying of cancer when I was eight and my mom being a judgemental douchebag has left me angry,bitter and hateful towards stupid, ignorant people as well as the world itself and humanity altogether. I have learned to channel my hate towards useful things, like studying,strength training,martial arts and now satanism. I believe that life is a fight, a never-ending war against the frailty of our nature, our flaws, our ignorance, our general weakness as being only human. Now Void meditation has caused me to have these sort of berserk rages, where I cry, scream and throw stuff. I turned the other cheek for so long I was afraid to take vengeance against my bullies,because our teacher was a religious fanatic and I was only a kid, I ate all the crap she lectured me about forgiveness, letting go of anger and "violence only breeds more violence" and everything else she said. I realized only later on when I was doing karate and strength training that all the bullies I had to face everyday were actually cowards who I could have crushed if had chosen to.I gradually started to lose my faith in the xtian god, only believing in myself instead. This one time when I was 14 one of my bullies just came and kicked me in the groin, I fell to the ground and the bully ran away. I went berserk. The next recess I hunted him down and punched him in the stomach as hard as I could. I fractured his ribs. I was able to contain myself. In reality I would have wanted to torture him first and then kill him and everyone else. It felt so good to see him in pain. What happened after that just proved how stupid christians can be. I was demanded to resign my karate club. I told my sensei what happened and I was allowed to continue training. I couldn't score chicks since then. Girls were afraid that I would beat them: "you are so violent" they said. My principal defended my bullies: "you have to understand, your bullies are not stupid they are just different because they have ADHD,dyslexia and their parents are divorced." With all the shit I have gone through I have never felt like bullying anybody, I just held all that rage and bitternes inside me. I am trying to get over the shitty life I have had so far and I believe now I am starting to. Now I am studying and living in a different city and I feel like my life has only just begun.

Despite all what has been done to me, I always knew I was better than anybody else, I was more intelligent,tougher and stronger than the others kids at school and I know for sure that whatever shit life has in store for me I will survive, I will prevail, I will overcome.I was 18 When I found out about the JOS website. I started to read it out of curiosity. At first I was scared and confused "is this real?" I decided to find out and now I know that this is! Since dedicating to Father Satan, I don't feel fear or doubt anymore. I can't let go of my hatred though. I feel like it fuels me, it drives me to excel to be better than anybody else. I feel like I have never been loved by anyone and I have never truly cared for anyone except for my 2 brothers. Although as grim as I am I now feel like feeling love and real happiness is possible for me. I can't wait to make friends with Father Satan and his Demons. Someone who could finally truly understand what I am about and accept me the way I am has proven difficult for me to find in other humans. I had a long chat with my other brother some time ago. I finally told him how I really feel, how angry and devoid of emotion I am. He told me he understands and accepts me for who I am. I haven't told him or anyone else that I am a satanist. I propably will tell him when I can prove that I am right, something like performing telekinesis or pyrokinesis as well as introducing him to the JOS website would feel great to do. I am not a monster just because I am unemotional. I feel like true happiness can be achieved only through hard work,pain,dedication and sacrifice and doing what we have to do (and that is to work/study, practice satanism and strain ourselves physically). Everything else is virtually futile,fake and false in the end. Joy caused by partying and having a good time is deceiving and misleading. I don't eat candies or drink soda, I don't smoke and I am thinking about giving up alcohol entirely.

Yesterday I was very drunk. I fell of my bike and hurt my lower spine/tailbone area. I may have fractured bones as I am still in some pain. Never in my life have I done anything I should regret when drunk until now. I feel like I have failed myself, I could have been paralyzed when I fell of that bike. I believe it is possible for me to quit drinking altogether when my life force increases because everytime I have been in a party I always felt like I was wasting my time. What is the point in all this? People dancing to shitty, soulless music and acting like idiots.

I am embarrased to admit that I am a virgin. I am 21. Women don't understand me. They all seem to think I am a monster, perhaps I should just lie about my feelings . I have a lot of female friends but I can't persuade them to start dating me. This makes me angry. I have a decent body and a decent face. I wear the same kind of clothes everyone else wears. Why should I not feel how I feel for everything I have experienced in my life? I will never forgive or forget! My hatred is undying and it will never fully go away. Being bullied half my life has perhaps prepared me mentally for dealing with greys and reptilians and other hostile shitheads. I can't wait to become strong enough to KILL THEM ALL when they start harrassing me!!! It shall be glorious to see them die.

After telling you all this. What do you think? Should I give up drinking? Am I missing out on life? Is my hatred gonna burn me out? Is it possible for me to eventually feel blissful joy? Can I truly stop being pissed off all the time? Are my enemies gonna use my hate against me?

Let my story inspire you all to excel and prosper. Life is always worth living no matter what happens. Just stop caring what other humans think about you and live your life exactly the way you want to live it. You want something, just take it. You have to do something, just do it. No excuses. We satanists will prevail and failure is never an option!

HAIL SATAN AND ALL THE GODS OF HELL!!!!

 

[lydia_n_666]

It really seems like you and I have a lot in common, except I'm a woman. I went through what you're talking about, with the lack of feelings, etc. I don't need to quote it back to you

My point is, it gets better. Believe me. I am now 26 and almost... "normal", for lack of better word. (Well, better than "normal" people as I'm advancing my soul etc, but I hope you understand what I mean.) I have also given up alcohol, not that I've ever been a drinker, I saw from a young age that the partying lifestyle isn't for me, so why should I bother? Sure I don't have a ton of friends, but I'd rather have a few good friends who accept me for me than people who just want to drink all the time. (Not dissing those people, just saying it isn't for me.) You sound like you know you'd be happier not drinking.

And don't be embarrassed about being a virgin. I for one would rather get into a relationship with a virgin than a player. Most men my age are all about sleeping with as many women as possible. Quite a turn-off for me.

In closing, just be yourself, accept yourself for being unique, and remember that we all evolve, who you are now will only get better.

-Lydia

Hail Satan!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "hateeternal90" <tapioilvesniemi@... wrote:

This is my lifestory composed.

I have noticed over the years that I am a very austere, intelligent person,devoid of emotion and possess minor autistic traits. Although I do get along very well with smart people and I do have a sense of humour I don't like partying and pampering myself. Being bullied in school over the years as well as believing in the non-existent christian god and my father dying of cancer when I was eight and my mom being a judgemental douchebag has left me angry,bitter and hateful towards stupid, ignorant people as well as the world itself and humanity altogether. I have learned to channel my hate towards useful things, like studying,strength training,martial arts and now satanism. I believe that life is a fight, a never-ending war against the frailty of our nature, our flaws, our ignorance, our general weakness as being only human. Now Void meditation has caused me to have these sort of berserk rages, where I cry, scream and throw stuff. I turned the other cheek for so long I was afraid to take vengeance against my bullies,because our teacher was a religious fanatic and I was only a kid, I ate all the crap she lectured me about forgiveness, letting go of anger and "violence only breeds more violence" and everything else she said. I realized only later on when I was doing karate and strength training that all the bullies I had to face everyday were actually cowards who I could have crushed if had chosen to.I gradually started to lose my faith in the xtian god, only believing in myself instead. This one time when I was 14 one of my bullies just came and kicked me in the groin, I fell to the ground and the bully ran away. I went berserk. The next recess I hunted him down and punched him in the stomach as hard as I could. I fractured his ribs. I was able to contain myself. In reality I would have wanted to torture him first and then kill him and everyone else. It felt so good to see him in pain. What happened after that just proved how stupid christians can be. I was demanded to resign my karate club. I told my sensei what happened and I was allowed to continue training. I couldn't score chicks since then. Girls were afraid that I would beat them: "you are so violent" they said. My principal defended my bullies: "you have to understand, your bullies are not stupid they are just different because they have ADHD,dyslexia and their parents are divorced." With all the shit I have gone through I have never felt like bullying anybody, I just held all that rage and bitternes inside me. I am trying to get over the shitty life I have had so far and I believe now I am starting to. Now I am studying and living in a different city and I feel like my life has only just begun.

Despite all what has been done to me, I always knew I was better than anybody else, I was more intelligent,tougher and stronger than the others kids at school and I know for sure that whatever shit life has in store for me I will survive, I will prevail, I will overcome.I was 18 When I found out about the JOS website. I started to read it out of curiosity. At first I was scared and confused "is this real?" I decided to find out and now I know that this is! Since dedicating to Father Satan, I don't feel fear or doubt anymore. I can't let go of my hatred though. I feel like it fuels me, it drives me to excel to be better than anybody else. I feel like I have never been loved by anyone and I have never truly cared for anyone except for my 2 brothers. Although as grim as I am I now feel like feeling love and real happiness is possible for me. I can't wait to make friends with Father Satan and his Demons. Someone who could finally truly understand what I am about and accept me the way I am has proven difficult for me to find in other humans. I had a long chat with my other brother some time ago. I finally told him how I really feel, how angry and devoid of emotion I am. He told me he understands and accepts me for who I am. I haven't told him or anyone else that I am a satanist. I propably will tell him when I can prove that I am right, something like performing telekinesis or pyrokinesis as well as introducing him to the JOS website would feel great to do. I am not a monster just because I am unemotional. I feel like true happiness can be achieved only through hard work,pain,dedication and sacrifice and doing what we have to do (and that is to work/study, practice satanism and strain ourselves physically). Everything else is virtually futile,fake and false in the end. Joy caused by partying and having a good time is deceiving and misleading. I don't eat candies or drink soda, I don't smoke and I am thinking about giving up alcohol entirely.

Yesterday I was very drunk. I fell of my bike and hurt my lower spine/tailbone area. I may have fractured bones as I am still in some pain. Never in my life have I done anything I should regret when drunk until now. I feel like I have failed myself, I could have been paralyzed when I fell of that bike. I believe it is possible for me to quit drinking altogether when my life force increases because everytime I have been in a party I always felt like I was wasting my time. What is the point in all this? People dancing to shitty, soulless music and acting like idiots.

I am embarrased to admit that I am a virgin. I am 21. Women don't understand me. They all seem to think I am a monster, perhaps I should just lie about my feelings . I have a lot of female friends but I can't persuade them to start dating me. This makes me angry. I have a decent body and a decent face. I wear the same kind of clothes everyone else wears. Why should I not feel how I feel for everything I have experienced in my life? I will never forgive or forget! My hatred is undying and it will never fully go away. Being bullied half my life has perhaps prepared me mentally for dealing with greys and reptilians and other hostile shitheads. I can't wait to become strong enough to KILL THEM ALL when they start harrassing me!!! It shall be glorious to see them die.

After telling you all this. What do you think? Should I give up drinking? Am I missing out on life? Is my hatred gonna burn me out? Is it possible for me to eventually feel blissful joy? Can I truly stop being pissed off all the time? Are my enemies gonna use my hate against me?

Let my story inspire you all to excel and prosper. Life is always worth living no matter what happens. Just stop caring what other humans think about you and live your life exactly the way you want to live it. You want something, just take it. You have to do something, just do it. No excuses. We satanists will prevail and failure is never an option!

HAIL SATAN AND ALL THE GODS OF HELL!!!!

 

[Tapio Ilvesniemi]

Thanks, I know I will be fine. I started to open my chakras 2 weeks ago, and I am already having rapid changes in my personality and attitude towards life. Yesterday I tried to open the heart chakra, I felt like the meditation was not a complete success, but I am taking another shot at it today, I didn't have as much convulsions with this one than the previous ones. I did the meditation correctly, but then I thought, what if I spin the heart chakra? And then came the seizure-like convulsions . I also had this sensation of warmth in my chest and upper parts of my stomach. On the other hand I was tired when I did the exercise, and being tired along with being hungry are the only things in life that I can't handle (mentally that is, I lose focus and get angry). Now I do feel like the chakra exists, and focusing on any on the chakras I have awakened so far causes me to have a physical reaction, as for the three lower chakras I can't feel their existence, but I know this will be corrected when I get to deal with them too. I can't wait how awakening all of the chakras affects me mentally and emotionally. I feel new and improved already! I think letting go of my hatred will be easier in the future, I feel like it's the only thing the enemy can use to hurt me, because now I realize that I was slowly being consumed by my own hatred, being pissed off every single morning when I woke up. I don't want to live like that anymore. The fact that my life has been and still is unfilfilling on some levels doesn't bug me as much. I don't want to skip a single day of meditating because I already know this makes me depressed and filled with rage. Setting Satanism as my top priority in life now makes me actually... happy, a word that makes me teary-eyed now as I am writing this. I Can't remember the last time I actually felt happy, it was propably when I was 6 years old and my father was still alive, one of the few things from my past I want to cherish and remember.

HAIL SATAN AND ALL THE GODS OF HELL!!!!!!