About my father

[Blackdragon666]

I grew up with an absent father. Basically he was absent from my first birthday. My mom actually left him because he was too abusive and he never bothered to reach out to me. Consequently, I had a rough upbringing and missed out on a lot of things as a child, and I also had a weak mother which added to the problems.

I never bothered much with my father and anytime I asked my mom she would shoot the topic down. This month is pretty much the first time I have ever really thought deep and mulled over my father, the first time I have actually felt something strong with regard to him. Recently I've been cleaning some issues from my soul and one of the things coming out is how I truly feel about my father. I feel this deep resentment for him.

He passed on some years ago and so I will never have the luxury of talking to him, finding out if he felt some regret or changed, getting closure in general. I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way. Even though that doesn't explain why he never reached out or tried helping in any way.

I now feel some strong hatred for him. He was quite wealthy and I suppose this will follow him into his next lifetime. I feel like he doesn't deserve a good lifetime after what he put me through. It bothers me that he may get a beautiful childhood and loving family yet he neglected a son one lifetime ago. Where is the justice in that? I believe he is already reincarnated by now. At times I get the urge to send curses at his soul wherever he is. But then I ask myself, did he really owe me anything? Why do I feel so entitled to his absent care, support and love? Perhaps I should just accept that it happened and there's nothing much I can do.

If I had kids I would give absolutely anything for them and bring them up the best way possible. So I don't understand why my father never bothered with me. I try hard to understand men who dump their kids and I just don't see why. Maybe it's a serious psychological issue that can cause one to lack sympathy for their offspring. Even animals provide for their offspring. I'm in a dilemma which will hopefully end the more I clean my soul.

 

[Henu the Great]

I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.

Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.

Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,

“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.

Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.

I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.

 

[victory666]

Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

I grew up with an absent father. Basically he was absent from my first birthday. My mom actually left him because he was too abusive and he never bothered to reach out to me. Consequently, I had a rough upbringing and missed out on a lot of things as a child, and I also had a weak mother which added to the problems.

I never bothered much with my father and anytime I asked my mom she would shoot the topic down. This month is pretty much the first time I have ever really thought deep and mulled over my father, the first time I have actually felt something strong with regard to him. Recently I've been cleaning some issues from my soul and one of the things coming out is how I truly feel about my father. I feel this deep resentment for him.

He passed on some years ago and so I will never have the luxury of talking to him, finding out if he felt some regret or changed, getting closure in general. I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way. Even though that doesn't explain why he never reached out or tried helping in any way.

I now feel some strong hatred for him. He was quite wealthy and I suppose this will follow him into his next lifetime. I feel like he doesn't deserve a good lifetime after what he put me through. It bothers me that he may get a beautiful childhood and loving family yet he neglected a son one lifetime ago. Where is the justice in that? I believe he is already reincarnated by now. At times I get the urge to send curses at his soul wherever he is. But then I ask myself, did he really owe me anything? Why do I feel so entitled to his absent care, support and love? Perhaps I should just accept that it happened and there's nothing much I can do.

If I had kids I would give absolutely anything for them and bring them up the best way possible. So I don't understand why my father never bothered with me. I try hard to understand men who dump their kids and I just don't see why. Maybe it's a serious psychological issue that can cause one to lack sympathy for their offspring. Even animals provide for their offspring. I'm in a dilemma which will hopefully end the more I clean my soul.

I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.

So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.


Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the yehuborim, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.

 

[Truth4ever]

I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.

I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?


Hail Father Satan

 

[Tyrone1978]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

He was selfish and too lazy from cannabis to be useful to you.

Oh well you're a survivor and put it behind you now and move on.

What you fight you become so save your energy from the anger and resentment.

Burn your energy on worthy things instead of on anger and resentment. It's not like he actually did something against you for you to be vengeful now. If it's neglect of your need and suffering then just turn your back on him too. Especially since he's not with us anymore.

And in my opinion what would seeing him on his deathbed have done for you. It's a solicitor he needed to call to leave you something in his final will and testament.

Sometimes you can think that without the bad there would be no good because there would be no differentiation.

So put it down to life experience. Experience it, rise above it and move on.

I actually also have a father that's still alive that never took me out once. I only got to know him once I was grown up and had my own transport to seek him out at his house.

I found him to be a lovely chap. But also a heavy and long time cannabis user making him extremely lazy.

I now live abroad from my country of birth. I've stopped calling him now because he's very work averse.

He talks a good talk but I don't know him. I feel like a family friend that used to visit.

He tends to run out of money and I've sent him money on a couple occasions because as he says he's in dire straits. Starving with bare shelves.

But this problem recurs because he's horizontal by just smoking pot and being the worst of laziness I know of. So when he's desperate he talks about getting back on his feet and putting himself right.

Then after he gets money to survive he continues doing nothing and smoking. I cannot take any stock in such a person.

I've come to the conclusion that he never had anything to offer me and he still doesn't.

So he may think I'm horrible by not helping him financially but he makes his bed and he will have to sleep in it.

That's life and reality. Justice not equality.

Life is not all fun and roses. Sometimes you need to steel your heart and mind.

Forget about useless people. Move on and rise above it.

Each one to their own. Relationships usually are mutually beneficial. If they're not just move on. Save your energy and power by not revisiting the past. There's nothing here to draw you back to it so release it and move on.

 

[Blackdragon666]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

 

[Blackdragon666]

Remember you have a responsibility as a man. You must not fail those depending upon you.

Not a million years. Thanks Jack.

Well said. It was one of those moments buried things come out as the soul is cleaned. I am much better now.

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

Saw your reply from my email I sent you. Just touching base so you aren't thinking I'm a like or infiltrator.
Thanks for the info. It was necessary.

 

[Blackdragon666]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

Saw your reply from my email I sent you. Just touching base so you aren't thinking I'm a like or infiltrator.
Thanks for the info. It was necessary.

Alright.