AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
Hello, dear forum members! Good day to my Zevist family!
I need to hear your advice and, in general, you can express your opinion regarding my situation.
Last year I graduated from the Institute of Secondary Vocational Education, receiving a degree in economics. Then, of course, I planned to go to higher education, only in a different direction - linguistics. (Economics did not resonate with me, as well as sedentary work with a pile of papers) I made plans, prepared. I found out that this year a project was being prepared in my direction, cooperation with another university. Trips, flights at the expense of the educational institution to the university with which they cooperate and all that. Naturally, the competition will be high. I was worried, decided to ask the Gods for help. Unfortunately, I am still learning to understand the Gods, and since at that time I had been in Satanism for more than six months, then, of course, I could have made a mistake in interpreting my feelings. They seemed favorable to me. In addition, I meditated, did affirmations, directed energy, communicated with the Gods, tried to immediately do what was offered in exchange for help in admission. In the end, I didn't pass the linguistics competition and entered philology. Although the university in my small town isn't famous for its popularity, there are literally not enough students for other programs, and here there is an influx of guys from other cities (!) because of such a project. Of course, I was upset, I never blamed the Gods, but I sincerely didn't know what went wrong. So the Gods thought it was necessary? So yes, and I don't need it.
As a result, two months after my studies, I dropped out because I couldn't study there, although the teachers, the group were good, the subjects were interesting, but I couldn't physically be there at all. I dropped out after seeing an ad for a job in my area. A state hospital. Within walking distance, without experience, where my SPO diploma would do. This is probably luck... ahaha
There were some acquaintances of my mother who worked in this hospital, only in a different specialty, so they quickly accepted me. The first 3 months were unbearable, then I dreamed of leaving, but I held on. I was 19 when I came, and I think because of immaturity, some people working on my floor did not hesitate to "poke" at me, talk in an unpleasant tone, and it is unfair to blame me for something that was not explained to me.
I'm still learning, trying not to screw up, but I still endure some attacks regarding my work. I understand that working in such a place is already serious, a mistake can lead to consequences. Here, as everywhere, there are good and bad days, something worked out, something didn't, there the boss scolded, here a day without incident. For good work they won't praise or notice, for a screw-up they'll scold.
The thing is that I am a very sensitive person who takes everything to heart, avoids all conflicts, plays the conflict dialogue over and over in my head, worrying, and wants to be friendly with everyone. For 3 months I felt disgusting, to the point where everything lost its meaning and I didn’t want to live. I started doing cleansing meditation, doing yoga, putting my soul in order – I pulled myself out of this swamp, thank God. To this day, when I have bad days at work, I try to wash away all the dirt with the help of meditation.
This year I will be applying again, to a different university, but in the correspondence department. I was inspired by the fact that I was able to find something for myself, because the choice of a specialty is an important moment in life. I was thinking about psychology. But my father began to insist that it would not bring me anything good in life, like, look at the situation more seriously, the capitalist regime, everything revolves around money, the market is overcrowded with psychologists, now you are already gaining experience, continue your studies in economics, build a career. And to some extent he is right, it is difficult to find a favorite thing from which you can earn good money, it is difficult to find a place where you will be accepted without experience. And circumstances lead to me staying here to gain experience and earn money to pay for my studies.
Sorry for the long post, I tried to put it all in short. I wanted to ask the question differently at first: which God would be best suited to ask for help in becoming more confident and less soft-hearted (my eye fell on the name Shaks, but I wanted to clarify). After six months of working in the hospital, I still find it difficult and feel broken. But I really wanted to share what is scratching at my soul, maybe you have some opinion on this matter? Your words will be a comfort to me, I will be very glad to hear from you!
I asked the Gods what is the smartest thing to do, I talked to the Guardian Demon, but it seems that mentally I am still too weak to see or feel anything.
I need to hear your advice and, in general, you can express your opinion regarding my situation.
Last year I graduated from the Institute of Secondary Vocational Education, receiving a degree in economics. Then, of course, I planned to go to higher education, only in a different direction - linguistics. (Economics did not resonate with me, as well as sedentary work with a pile of papers) I made plans, prepared. I found out that this year a project was being prepared in my direction, cooperation with another university. Trips, flights at the expense of the educational institution to the university with which they cooperate and all that. Naturally, the competition will be high. I was worried, decided to ask the Gods for help. Unfortunately, I am still learning to understand the Gods, and since at that time I had been in Satanism for more than six months, then, of course, I could have made a mistake in interpreting my feelings. They seemed favorable to me. In addition, I meditated, did affirmations, directed energy, communicated with the Gods, tried to immediately do what was offered in exchange for help in admission. In the end, I didn't pass the linguistics competition and entered philology. Although the university in my small town isn't famous for its popularity, there are literally not enough students for other programs, and here there is an influx of guys from other cities (!) because of such a project. Of course, I was upset, I never blamed the Gods, but I sincerely didn't know what went wrong. So the Gods thought it was necessary? So yes, and I don't need it.
As a result, two months after my studies, I dropped out because I couldn't study there, although the teachers, the group were good, the subjects were interesting, but I couldn't physically be there at all. I dropped out after seeing an ad for a job in my area. A state hospital. Within walking distance, without experience, where my SPO diploma would do. This is probably luck... ahaha
There were some acquaintances of my mother who worked in this hospital, only in a different specialty, so they quickly accepted me. The first 3 months were unbearable, then I dreamed of leaving, but I held on. I was 19 when I came, and I think because of immaturity, some people working on my floor did not hesitate to "poke" at me, talk in an unpleasant tone, and it is unfair to blame me for something that was not explained to me.
I'm still learning, trying not to screw up, but I still endure some attacks regarding my work. I understand that working in such a place is already serious, a mistake can lead to consequences. Here, as everywhere, there are good and bad days, something worked out, something didn't, there the boss scolded, here a day without incident. For good work they won't praise or notice, for a screw-up they'll scold.
The thing is that I am a very sensitive person who takes everything to heart, avoids all conflicts, plays the conflict dialogue over and over in my head, worrying, and wants to be friendly with everyone. For 3 months I felt disgusting, to the point where everything lost its meaning and I didn’t want to live. I started doing cleansing meditation, doing yoga, putting my soul in order – I pulled myself out of this swamp, thank God. To this day, when I have bad days at work, I try to wash away all the dirt with the help of meditation.
This year I will be applying again, to a different university, but in the correspondence department. I was inspired by the fact that I was able to find something for myself, because the choice of a specialty is an important moment in life. I was thinking about psychology. But my father began to insist that it would not bring me anything good in life, like, look at the situation more seriously, the capitalist regime, everything revolves around money, the market is overcrowded with psychologists, now you are already gaining experience, continue your studies in economics, build a career. And to some extent he is right, it is difficult to find a favorite thing from which you can earn good money, it is difficult to find a place where you will be accepted without experience. And circumstances lead to me staying here to gain experience and earn money to pay for my studies.
Sorry for the long post, I tried to put it all in short. I wanted to ask the question differently at first: which God would be best suited to ask for help in becoming more confident and less soft-hearted (my eye fell on the name Shaks, but I wanted to clarify). After six months of working in the hospital, I still find it difficult and feel broken. But I really wanted to share what is scratching at my soul, maybe you have some opinion on this matter? Your words will be a comfort to me, I will be very glad to hear from you!
I asked the Gods what is the smartest thing to do, I talked to the Guardian Demon, but it seems that mentally I am still too weak to see or feel anything.
