Workings #76772 Validation seeking behaviour

[AskSatanOperator]

I distinguish this from "attention seeking behaviour"

I keep saying stuff or doing stuff for the purpose of others praise and admiration, for example tooting my own horn too much. It is somewhat warranted because I am very talented, but it also feels very cringe and embarassing and I hate that I did that after when i am by myself in silence

But i still end up doing it again and talkig too much

What can I do to stop this

 

[GoldenxChild1]

It's okay to show off and have pride in what you're good at—that's healthy.

However. if you "need" to brag about your abilities to others, you are likely lacking self-esteem (which can come with maturity), and it seems you recognize that considering the title you chose. You're self reflective enough to acknowledge your hubris, so develop some self control via void meditation, for instance. The reason I am not writing a specific working is because I don't think it's necessary. The next time the opportunity arises, try and control yourself. You don't need to tell people your talents when they will been shown your talents overtime, anyway.

 

[Rocca]

What can I do to stop this

you don't need to stop this or feeling guilty about it!

it might have something to do with your chart (most likely it is)
a hard aspect between 2 planets or points can do this.
acceptance, awareness and handling the problem calmly is essential here

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

I distinguish this from "attention seeking behaviour"

I keep saying stuff or doing stuff for the purpose of others praise and admiration, for example tooting my own horn too much. It is somewhat warranted because I am very talented, but it also feels very cringe and embarassing and I hate that I did that after when i am by myself in silence

But i still end up doing it again and talkig too much

What can I do to stop this

I speak to you from experience. People don't know what to esteem and appreciate, and anyway if you were better than them they wouldn't understand it. So if you have a talent there will be those who appreciate it maybe because that activity is also about them or because they are your romantic accomplice who likes you for who you are. Otherwise, don't expect others to understand.

I have maximum IQ scores, meaning that for all kinds of tests I have the highest achievable scores. I am VERY physically handsome, VERY MUCH so, I am charismatic, I fight with great skill, I have advanced spiritual power and all sorts of knowledge that can be acquired from some textbook. And I still have to justify myself to people who think I waste my time being who I am just because I don't devote 5 hours to video games.

No, I guarantee you, there is no point in trying to get your value recognized. If people knew what it means to have value, they would not throw away their lives the way they are throwing away their lives without acquiring any talent.
Follow this guide on how to treat people:

The Temple of Zeus Ethics

 

[Power of Justice [TG]]

This is a lack of fire element and/or self-esteem. There are dates for a Sun square coming up, I strongly encourage you to do one for self-esteem. You can affirm something like "My self-esteem is improving in a positive way for me, now and forevermore."

 

[DarkPagan666]

I agree this may stem from a lack of self-esteem. Perhaps you didn’t receive enough recognition when growing up, which lead you to seek praise to reinforce your self-worth, and to feel like achievements must be acknowledged to be 'real.'

Currently, the Moon is waxing in Leo (at least in my timezone, GMT+1). This is a favorable time for magickal workings related to the Sun. You can already begin a working using the Sanskrit mantra 'Suryae' or 'Aum Suryae,' or working with the rune Sowilo. Also, combining Sowilo with Wunjo can help strengthen self-confidence and self-worth as well.

 

[Rocca]

This is a lack of fire element

not by necessarily

he might have a normal or even strong fire but the problem is else where.
for example
Sun in Aries (very strong extrovert sign)
but Sun square Moon in Cancer (very introvert sign) & hard aspect
also Moon opposition Venus can gives this seeking validation and needs for company.

iam not being predictive, but my point is it's not always lack of fire.

 

[Epiphany]

I distinguish this from "attention seeking behaviour"

I keep saying stuff or doing stuff for the purpose of others praise and admiration, for example tooting my own horn too much. It is somewhat warranted because I am very talented, but it also feels very cringe and embarassing and I hate that I did that after when i am by myself in silence

But i still end up doing it again and talkig too much

What can I do to stop this

It's good that you have self awareness because most who are full of themselves and behave this way don't.

It's true, nobody wants to hear how great you think you are. It can be cringey and the only people it will dazzle is the weak, incompetent, gullible and impressionable. Truly great men don't need to talk about it, they be about it.

However, there is a fine line between just being real, making your skills & experience known in a proper fashion and context, and being a blowhard.

I agree with TG PoJ, this sounds like a self esteem/confidence issue. But you have to do some introspection to find out what is driving this behavior.

Why do you want attention and validation so bad?

What is it that makes you feel so bad about wanting attention? Or, doing things for attention? Do you feel bad in the moment, or only long after the fact?

Be specific and break it down. Analyze it. Once you understand it on a deeper level then you can find the root issue that's causing you distress and fix it. All the details matter.

Maybe it's not a lack of fire. Maybe you have a fire emphasis but other factors(programming, trauma, astrology placements, etc) make you feel guilty about being seen and wanting to be valued. This can be the case regardless of your "fire".

Maybe it's not about any of this at all, and it's your social sensibility that's offended. Maybe your self expression overrides your desire for balance/harmony/humility/etc in the moment, and later on you feel bad about this. An inner conflict. Your sense of embarassment is suggestive of this.

Either way, you have to accept yourself as you are. Good and bad. Once you do this then you will be at peace with yourself and you won't need to look outward for assurance of your "okayness", and it will be easier to work on yourself.

 

[Power of Justice [TG]]

not by necessarily

he might have a normal or even strong fire but the problem is else where.
for example
Sun in Aries (very strong extrovert sign)
but Sun square Moon in Cancer (very introvert sign) & hard aspect
also Moon opposition Venus can gives this seeking validation and needs for company.

iam not being predictive, but my point is it's not always lack of fire.

Being an extrovert/introvert has nothing to do with self-esteem. Self-esteem means esteem for yourself, i.e., that you value yourself more than others value you. It means you don't need to get your validation from others. If you do, then you don't have much self-esteem.

 

[AskSatanOperator]

It's good that you have self awareness because most who are full of themselves and behave this way don't.

It's true, nobody wants to hear how great you think you are. It can be cringey and the only people it will dazzle is the weak, incompetent, gullible and impressionable. Truly great men don't need to talk about it, they be about it.

However, there is a fine line between just being real, making your skills & experience known in a proper fashion and context, and being a blowhard.

I agree with TG PoJ, this sounds like a self esteem/confidence issue. But you have to do some introspection to find out what is driving this behavior.

Why do you want attention and validation so bad?

What is it that makes you feel so bad about wanting attention? Or, doing things for attention? Do you feel bad in the moment, or only long after the fact?

Be specific and break it down. Analyze it. Once you understand it on a deeper level then you can find the root issue that's causing you distress and fix it. All the details matter.

Maybe it's not a lack of fire. Maybe you have a fire emphasis but other factors(programming, trauma, astrology placements, etc) make you feel guilty about being seen and wanting to be valued. This can be the case regardless of your "fire".

Maybe it's not about any of this at all, and it's your social sensibility that's offended. Maybe your self expression overrides your desire for balance/harmony/humility/etc in the moment, and later on you feel bad about this. An inner conflict. Your sense of embarassment is suggestive of this.

Either way, you have to accept yourself as you are. Good and bad. Once you do this then you will be at peace with yourself and you won't need to look outward for assurance of your "okayness", and it will be easier to work on yourself.

I loved your response @Epiphany

The problem is I have a lot of fire and martial/plutonian energy but it is all in the brain (3rd/Mercury) and things just blurt out because of the speed of my cognitive processes and a powerful urge to communicate and preach. There is also the issue of dominating conversations, which happens impulsively.

I didn't go to University, so it just pisses me off that people look down on me and think I am inferior or stupid when I am literally 10x them in the domain of intelligence, so I think it stems from a desire for acknowledgement/recognition and unconsciously trying to compensate for the lack of "official" accolades.

The problem I have with it is the concept of "kalos kagathos" which HP speaks of... I am very sensitive to the expression of beauty and grace in my manner, but the fire in my brain overpowers it alongside a debilitated Sun and other self-confidence issues (I have researched my natal chart more in-depth on this topic since posting the question).

 

[Epiphany]

I loved your response @Epiphany

The problem is I have a lot of fire and martial/plutonian energy but it is all in the brain (3rd/Mercury) and things just blurt out because of the speed of my cognitive processes and a powerful urge to communicate and preach. There is also the issue of dominating conversations, which happens impulsively.

I didn't go to University, so it just pisses me off that people look down on me and think I am inferior or stupid when I am literally 10x them in the domain of intelligence, so I think it stems from a desire for acknowledgement/recognition and unconsciously trying to compensate for the lack of "official" accolades.

The problem I have with it is the concept of "kalos kagathos" which HP speaks of... I am very sensitive to the expression of beauty and grace in my manner, but the fire in my brain overpowers it alongside a debilitated Sun and other self-confidence issues (I have researched my natal chart more in-depth on this topic since posting the question).

I'm glad you enkoyed it.

Yes, I've experienced the same duality between mars and venus. Over time you get to know yourself, what to expect, and find your peace with it. You find freedom of expression and harmony. Walking the path will help set things right.

As for feeling that you're percieved as stupid, this sounds like Saturn in the 3rd/9th house axis, aspecting Mercury or the Sun, or perhaps in Gemini/Sagittarius.

I can say that it is probably not the case that people think you're stupid or inferior, but you percieve yourself that way and project that perception onto others. You percieve that others percieve you the same way you percieve yourself.

You may also influence them to percieve you a certain way because of unconscious behaviors that stem from how you see yourself. For example, excessive deferment to others due to a lack of self confidence could lead others to doubt your competence or composure.

The feelings of inadequacy can be helped by challenging yourself and doing things that, by some measure, you're "unqualified" for, such as in the sense that you don't have the formal education. Cultivating an inner sense of competence through outward actions and accomplishments will soothe the feelings of inadequacy and give you self assuredness.

You might be very intelligent

 

[Epiphany]

I accidentally posted the last reply before I was done.

I'm glad you enkoyed it.

Yes, I've experienced the same duality between mars and venus. Over time you get to know yourself, what to expect, and find your peace with it. You find freedom of expression and harmony. Walking the path will help set things right.

As for feeling that you're percieved as stupid, this sounds like Saturn in the 3rd/9th house axis, aspecting Mercury or the Sun, or perhaps in Gemini/Sagittarius.

I can say that it is probably not the case that people think you're stupid or inferior, but you percieve yourself that way and project that perception onto others. You percieve that others percieve you the same way you percieve yourself.

You may also influence them to percieve you a certain way because of unconscious behaviors that stem from how you see yourself. For example, excessive deferment to others due to a lack of self confidence could lead others to doubt your competence or composure.

The feelings of inadequacy can be helped by challenging yourself and doing things that, by some measure, you're "unqualified" for, such as in the sense that you don't have the formal education. Cultivating an inner sense of competence through outward actions and accomplishments will soothe the feelings of inadequacy and give you self assuredness.

You might be very intelligent

You might be very intelligent, but that is only one part of the formula. Accolades are important because they certify to the world that you have met a standard of knowing a subject to a certain standard level. It is an easy way to encapsulate a range of knowledge that people can expect you to have, as well as the intelligence and discipline to acquire that knowledge.

They aren't everything, but they are extremely valued by society and it is difficult to advance in the system without them unless you have other talents such as people skills, or unless you strike out on your own and pursue entrepeneurship.

You should consider pursuing some accolades, whether that's a degree or a certification, and see if it helps you with your self esteem. The status that it gives you from society is just icing on the cake.

The main thing is that you need to prove yourself to yourself somehow. True validation and self esteem isn't going to come from others, it's going to come from within.

 

[Epiphany]

I used to be similar in some ways. There are still phantoms of the old mindset I had. But now I don't care so much anymore.

I don't worry so much if others think I'm stupid, because I know I'm not. I've witnessed how I easily see things that others miss, and understand things that others don't.

I also accept myself now for overlooking what others see plainly, and being slower to grasp what seems to come naturally for others. I didn't get the education that others did, but I still got an education of my own that others didn't. We're both better off for it.

I know who I am. I am who I am. And that's enough for me.