The correct thing you want is not to suicide, it is this: "I want to rinse myself all over."
You want to clean your soul, and eventually, you will learn to love yourself, to care about yourself, and stop blaming yourself for all the negative actions directed towards you. The light and the hope will arrive, but you must live for this. Likely you are at the worst time right now and it will not be like this in the future, but you must persist now. You will succeed in life and you must not destroy yourself for what OTHERS are doing to you. Since you know you have a good self and good intents, you should live and you deserve to live.
We know you can do it, stay strong, right?
Also don't feel restrained to share whatever is going, because you are not alone.