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#165 Meaning in Life?

AvatarAsk Zeus Operator3 min to read

Hi.
I've been meditating and doing some things (god rituals, personal magic work, Rituals, etc.) for a few years now, but I've hit a wall, a very thick wall...

I think it's been 7~8 years since I started the path, many ups and downs, but I keep moving forward... Although I never achieved great things like opening the 3rd eye, for example, but it is undeniable that the path of Father Satanas made my life better. Today I am 23 years old.

But the thick wall I hit is the lack of purpose in life. Besides the 4+ suicide attempts, I never found anything worth living for in a civilian life, and yes I had a "good" life, "good" salary, good friends, not so bad family... but still this inner emptiness only grew, maybe because of the lack of love from a faithful partner, since it is one of the ultimate goals of a species, maybe I was born broken in mental health, I really don't know...

This lack of purpose has screwed me over to the point where a simple yoge breath causes severe pain, I can't even do my "lazy" meditation routine (10~20 yoge breaths, Aura Cleansing, Aura Shielding, 3-5 minutes of void meditation and maybe a vibration like SATANAMA) anymore. And no, I can't even heal myself, at least not through meditation, but when I got a glimpse of the flame of life, all the symptoms just disappeared like they were nothing...

The question here is:
I'm about to do some crazy shit, something that can be done once in a lifetime almost. I've found a reason to live, but it's not a very happy one, because it involves risking my life and killing others in the process. Flying away, with money I can't even dream of having, from this shithole country that is slowly turning, if not already, into a dictatorship like Venezuela/China/North Korea, for example. Would that make me a bad human being in the eyes of the gods? Would they hate me for trying to live? For trying to find a purpose in life?

Since meditation alone will not solve most of your physical problems, nor will it develop your character, this emptiness has made me cultivate only hatred, which I don't know where to put or use in this life.

Note: Yes is ironic trying to "live" while desliving others...
But since the military carrier, not the easy high salary one, but the full adrenaline mode one was the only thing i found to grab my self, what can i do? Don't the gods tells us to be us?

Hail Satanas, Hail Beelzebul, Hail Astarte and Hail Azazel.

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#1

I know you want to escape. I know you feel like there is no solution. I know that you don't know what you're feeling or even what to feel.

So what if you become a mercenary? It will NOT change your mental health. You will still feel like shit, you will still have the desire to escape from reality AND you will have the additional risk. The only reason you are thinking about that is because you're scared of ending everything, but you are aware that if you die now you will most likely reincarnate so it's a good enough excuse for you to behave recklessly. Adrenaline is bullshit, it is purely temporary. What you need is good mental health and not an escape into hedonistic pleasure.

Your CURRENT suffering will follow you into your next life. You are doing a HUGE mistake if you think neglecting this will not have consequences; you would have to face this over and over again endlessly.

So what is the solution? Well, have you ever looked back onto your past? Have you ever looked back into your childhood and felt "damn... i feel like i deserved better"?
If you do not face your past, it will haunt you for your entire life and perhaps into the next as well. You were deeply neglected in childhood and it has its consequences.

You CAN be fixed. You CAN be loved. You DESERVE love.

You need someone who can support you irl, instead of having the balls to kill others you should have the balls to open up to a professional about your emotions. This is nothing to be ashamed of, make your purpose fixing yourself, for your current self and your future self. You have nothing to lose so please, try it.

All the best 💙

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#2

The military carrier is not for Zevism, at least not the lower ranks.

The purpose of life is to advance yourself and others, for example your purpose now is to leave behind this depressive state and keep moving forward, building up your life and advance spiritually. If you haven't opened your chakras in 8 years than consider doing something differently, doing things better.

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#4

Killing people for money is what would make you a bad person for starters.
Don't do that.
And you're delusional if you think you're flying anywhere with a pile of cash.
1 million USD in hundred dollar bill weighs approximately 18lbs and fits in a large shopping bag, you'll get into an airport easy enough, but you'll be leaving in handcuffs.
Moving cash isn't as easy as it used to be and washing it is expensive and risky.
You'd have an incredibly hard time finding the proper country and experienced locals to integrate you with an appearance of legitimatcy.
This is simple escapism on your part, focus on your real problems and you'll find real solutions that don't involve Hollywood nonsense.

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#6

The general meaning of life pertains to fulfillment of achievements, which is a solar energy matter. Similarly, solar energy or our natal Sun also pertains to self-esteem and happiness. We also know the 5th/solar house reflects how we have fun; it is a house of life. Solar runes like Sowilo give motivation, which you noted as lacking in your meditations.

These feelings you describe are common for PTSD military veterans and other emergency workers who do this type of Plutonian work. The plutonian element of this is your idea of purpose, which is that it can only occur under full adrenaline or life/death situations. Pluto deals with extremes, so we can analyze the dichotomy here, which is that you either feel depressed or you feel maximum exhileration.

Tying the concept of acheivement back into this plutonian idea, basically you are finding yourself in a situation of either zero "impact" in life or maximum impact (bullets flying, etc). What other people perceive as normal achievements of life, your brain has devalued to basically mean nothing, which results in depression. This is why you then feel like you have to return to what you previously did, as only then will you feel some sort of "real" achievement.

Excellent analysis, thank you for writing this.

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What is the meaning of our existence?
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