Hello!
It's amazing you're aware of how you're feeling, and venting about it in a safe space is also good practice. I'm wondering now what you're going to do to overcoming these feelings that concern you.
Have you thought what's the single, smallest step you can take today to build a version of yourself that doesn't feel that way?
In fact, how would you like you future self to feel about themselves? Think about that, if you haven't already. Write it down, don't just think about.
Pick up a journal, a piece of paper and split it into 2 columns:
Those are the titles.
On the left side, then you write a list of those feelings; on the right side, you write a list with the feelings that answer the question.
Then turn the paper around, and split the paper again in 2 columns:
on the left, "what can I do to feel the way I want to?"
on the right, "what are the first 3 smallest steps to achieve those feelings?"
And you think about the question on the left-hand side first. Once you reach an answer, write it down.
Then go over to the right column and reflect on the second question. Write the conclusion down.
Once you've finished, re-read everything.
Do it now that you've finished reading this post. "Later" never comes. The only way to make progress in these instances is to start right now.
Once you've done it, focus your mind on step 1. Do it immediately.
There is no other way.
Tonight, after all is done and done, I suggest going thgrough the Pythagorean Day MeditationExternal ↗. How much more have you accomplished compared to yesterday? Even 1% or 0.1% is better than nothing. If you keep working through those small steps, you'll see you'll overcome those feelings and build the version of yourself you want to be.
Tomorrow, go over all 4 lists again as a reminder, and act... keep building. That's the way forward.
All the best!