Nihil
New member
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2019
- Messages
- 4
Hello, I am new here and I hope that you won't attack me but try to understand/help me. Few days ago I posted a reddit post I wrote facebook groups.
One guy that read it got in touch with me. He is a JoS supporter. He read it and said to me that I have a serious drug problem. Before this night I thought that drugs helped me spiritually and that I am similar to Crowley.
which he read and again saw that I am in a problem. He is a very smart person with strong spirit wanting to help a fellow Satanist. He directed me to this board and JoS website. I knew about those before but I used another system of belief called chaos magick. There I read that usage of drugs could be helpful when doing rituals. As this person convinced me... I was wrong. Drug usage is actually a characteristic of weak people... Now when I am writing this it is late at night and I been awake for 2 night straight, and I feel hungry and exhausted. I feel like shit. I am all out of amphetamines and the effects are wearing off. I see that the guy that talked with me was right the whole time, the drugs are really going to kill me and are not helping at all. I was/am in delusion and I didn't even realize it. Now in this moment of clarity I will write about my problem... I have been using various sorts of drugs since 2012. I would smoke weed all day, snort speed all day, take DMT /LSD or shrooms, sometime snort a gram of cocaine if I had more money. Each day I would take 5 do 10 different drugs at the same time. I lived that way from early 2012. till late 2013. In 2013. I took some strange chemical called 4-aco-DMT, along with other stuff that I take daily and I got paranoid schizophrenia. I started mixing reality with fiction, I had strong hallucinations and strong delusions from morning till night... I didn't know the difference between reality and the things that are only in my head. I was thinking that I am God and Satan at the same time and that we are living in Holographic Simulated Universe. Suddenly when people didn't understand me and my behaviour I got paranoid and thought that people are trying to kill me... I thought that my father and my mother made plans to kill me, and that if I go out of the house the people in the neighborhood will try to kill me. because "they knew I was Satan". This lasted for several days and it got worse so one day my parents didn't know what to do and they called me an ambulance. I got locked up in mental hospital for 3 months. When I got out the hospital I continued using drugs like nothing happened. Now I take both drugs and very strong anti-psychotic drug Clozapine. Also once a month I got injection of Haloperidol that releases in my body for a month when I go for another injection. So, can you people help me a and how. I will listen to your advice.
One guy that read it got in touch with me. He is a JoS supporter. He read it and said to me that I have a serious drug problem. Before this night I thought that drugs helped me spiritually and that I am similar to Crowley.
which he read and again saw that I am in a problem. He is a very smart person with strong spirit wanting to help a fellow Satanist. He directed me to this board and JoS website. I knew about those before but I used another system of belief called chaos magick. There I read that usage of drugs could be helpful when doing rituals. As this person convinced me... I was wrong. Drug usage is actually a characteristic of weak people... Now when I am writing this it is late at night and I been awake for 2 night straight, and I feel hungry and exhausted. I feel like shit. I am all out of amphetamines and the effects are wearing off. I see that the guy that talked with me was right the whole time, the drugs are really going to kill me and are not helping at all. I was/am in delusion and I didn't even realize it. Now in this moment of clarity I will write about my problem... I have been using various sorts of drugs since 2012. I would smoke weed all day, snort speed all day, take DMT /LSD or shrooms, sometime snort a gram of cocaine if I had more money. Each day I would take 5 do 10 different drugs at the same time. I lived that way from early 2012. till late 2013. In 2013. I took some strange chemical called 4-aco-DMT, along with other stuff that I take daily and I got paranoid schizophrenia. I started mixing reality with fiction, I had strong hallucinations and strong delusions from morning till night... I didn't know the difference between reality and the things that are only in my head. I was thinking that I am God and Satan at the same time and that we are living in Holographic Simulated Universe. Suddenly when people didn't understand me and my behaviour I got paranoid and thought that people are trying to kill me... I thought that my father and my mother made plans to kill me, and that if I go out of the house the people in the neighborhood will try to kill me. because "they knew I was Satan". This lasted for several days and it got worse so one day my parents didn't know what to do and they called me an ambulance. I got locked up in mental hospital for 3 months. When I got out the hospital I continued using drugs like nothing happened. Now I take both drugs and very strong anti-psychotic drug Clozapine. Also once a month I got injection of Haloperidol that releases in my body for a month when I go for another injection. So, can you people help me a and how. I will listen to your advice.