I loved reading through the replies! It's so diverse yet so relatable on many different levels.
Like many of you, I grew up in a Christard/conservative home and was indoctrinated every Sunday. I only gave into the reptillian collective's "love" for a few short days (during camps) where for a whole week you are taught nothing but stories of the bible. We did outdoor activities/games, had songs and every night had these musical prayer worship things. One time we did this mass-baptism in a swimming pool and as we waited in a circle for the "un"holy diving board with our feet in the water. We all could feel swirling motions and we could feel and hear sonorous bangs of this thing our cabin leader called "the holy spirit", which seemed to spread a fake collective love now that I think of it in retrospect.
As soon as I'd leave somehow I'd revert back instantly to rationality, thinking about the witch hunts and all the "weird" people that were slaughtered by this so called benevolent thing and its followers. The flip literally was like the lifting of a spell.
Every time we drove there I would listen to black metal and hate g-d. I was secretly gay and I hated the idea of resting all my hopes and life on something that isn't tangible. I'd been let down enough by my actual parents and went into foster care very young. My homosexuality was something I never disclosed until I was 16. I was a weird kid and mostly into arts.
I was about 13 when I was into black metal but before that it was mostly The Offspring, Nirvana, Slayer, Metallica, Sabbath, etc. I had always had a fascination with everything dark/morbid like horror movies, unexplained mysteries and ghost stories. I think a part of this was a rebellious spirit I had. I got interested in the occult around 16 and wanted to do magic. Nothing I found online clicked for me (Wiccan crap, Thelema, etc) when I one day found the JoS. I was completely enthralled as every word pierced me like a long-forgotten truth and everything just clicked.
I dedicated a few weeks after and was a full on Satanist. Months into it I've felt love from Satan I never felt anywhere else and I saw him once when (for no apparent reason) I suddenly became fully awake at 3 AM (Satan's hour) and I saw his radiating and glowing presence at the foot of my bed, wearing white sleeveless robes with the collar in a v-shape parted at his chest. He had medium-long parted blonde hair and he was simply beautiful, smiling and gazing at me with such love as though he saw nothing but goodness in me. He was there for only a few seconds and this is the biggest reason I'll never leave this path. At the time I didn't know what Satan looked like and I was still pretty ignorant. The picture I later found on the JoS blew my mind.
After school I started working full time and going to college. It's here I was 24-7 in 3D land and I fell off the band-wagon big time; partying, smoking pot, joining a hippy mindset of peace and love. (Kill 'em with love I used to say). I started getting into organic food and that's when I woke up, realizing how the governments are trying to basically kill everyone.
The one thing I couldn't shake from my parent's lessons was the idea of treating everyone with respect. If someone is rude, assume they are having struggles and don't judge them at face value. Rather, get to know the reasons 'why' and seek to understand them through empathy and understanding. If that fails, leave the situation and don't dwell on it. Rather have hope you made some impact, no matter how small.
After a point in my more recent years I've realized that this is a fools errand and we should choose our battles more wisely rather than giving ourselves willingly to others, because people latch onto that for self validity. Logically it seems like it would be an ideal world if we could change others so easily, but instead I found it's better to plant seeds in them by inspiring them ask questions and think open-mindedly, like "here's a strange coincidence, but who knows..."
We shouldn't make it a struggle in ourselves to placate others. I decided that I will be myself and if someone doesn't like it they are small minded and not worth my time.
It's a tough go because I was born Virgo and I'm very empathetic naturally. The path to self discovery in Satanism is arduous and I think it could've started early for me without my realizing it. Such is Satan's power and reach over us. It took me such a long and round-about way to come to the right conclusions regarding Satanism and Nazism.
If anyone on these forums ever complains "why doesn't Satan just finish his work on the world" I'd tell them he is through us and he's working very hard. Could you imagine the chaos the world would be in if Satan imposed his path on the world overnight? This would lead to pandemonium. Satan is truly brilliant and amazing. These things can't be overstated.
I'm sorry for the long read there. Thank you Maxine, HoodedCobra666, BlackDragon666 and (the one with the A, sorry I forgot
... Al lucificas or something), our guardians and all the others.
Hail Satan!!
