Unbelievable anger.

[jxk2080]

Between recent Mars and approaching Mars transits, as well as the general inconsistency in pretty much anything and everything in my life for the past few years, I feel like my rage is only increasing.

More specifically I am almost certain I have a range of physiological upsets from ocd, adhd, manic depressive and the list goes.

I sometimes feel like anger is the only thing that gets me out of the bed to stop moping about and get shit done and it feels good, but now it is a near constant, and I am not sure how much longer I can contain myself before I go on a rampage and destroy my whole damn house or hurt myself or someone else.

It feels like every example in my life to work hard and earn your keep and establish lasting good health is just eluding me, mocking me, and Im getting incoherently pissed off at every little thing now, if Im not decaying spiritually in my room.

Not sure exactly what the fuck is wrong with my body, too many different ailments to count, and I have gotten advice before, but it was too fucking out of reach for my tiny head to practically use apparently, that or I was just too lazy...

Sigh, not sure what the point is coming on here, but Im losing my shit, meditation is practically non existent with me, for whatever reason I cannot even begin to void lately.

The only reason Im putting this on the health forums is I don't have any damn insurance or way what so ever to medically treat jack shit with me, I have no job, and its not exactly easy to find in this area.

My Saturn is in my 6th, if I am not keeping busy doing too much for other ungrateful assholes, I am just decaying in my disillusionment and anger.

Im actually beginning to contemplate suicide and its not even an exaggeration.

My best years in SS are behind me, and despite all the intellectual prowess Ive developed over the last year or so, I feel none of it is able to reason through this unbearable frustration in futility.

I have liver pains, my jaw frequently aches, most if not all of my joints crack pop since I was a child etc, not with pain, but a whole lot of my tendons and muscle ends hurt lately this year specifically.

Some days my intellect goes in the toilet when Im trying to njoy learning something I should have already been adequate at.

Im getting lonelier, angrier, drained, and useless as these months fly by with not one single ounce of meditation.

Im not even sure all the pranayama and yoga I did back in highschool ever changed a single thing in me, besides acting as a catalyst for me quitting it in my indifference.

Anyway, do with this shitty fucking rant what you will, or if you are a moderator delete it I dont care, Im at my wits end and am starting to lose my head after years being an SS.

Ive always been so mediocre and weak, and Im just getting done with it.

I don't want life tips or advice, I want a FUCKING CURE for whatever the fuck is stopping me from doing ANYTHING, or feeling passion for life again.

Somehow I have the passion to keep myself swinging in action for menial daily things like chores or such, but even that is starting to just aggravate me and sizzle out.

I can't fucking take anything anymore, its all I can do just not to smash this laptob into 50 fucking pieces.

I used to do more for our cause, now I can barely even enjoy a sermon which I used to love reading.

Im going to stop before I type my lifes story damn it.

 

[centralforce6661]

This post describes the cure...

It is a continuous meditation dependent upon the presence of anger...

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/SSH ... topics/698

 

[jxk2080]

Ive seen it but I will genuinely reread this as I find your work very informative and useful.

I calmed down quite significantly after I took a long bike ride and it got the right juices flowing which sort of ridded the frustration while maintaining my aggressive determination to defy decay.

Thank you for your reply, your work is appreciated.

 

[Pan Sham]

Apart from that, I think you need to burst yourself in workout for the time being ! Just exhaust yourself as much as you can! 
Have you tried any martial arts? 
I've once read, Yoga ups your Yin , but you need to do also physical excercise to up your Yang. Or you don't have balance. Since you are bursting atm, it's probably energy not being used properly, kept inside for years and years. 
Maybe try some martial art stuff, even punching, kicking the air for like 30 mins - 1 hour -2 hours - 10 hours, as much as you need to calm your temper! Just do it until you are about to faint, maybe it can work , martial arts is always helpfull and you can see many videos in yt , maybe some traditional kung fu stuff, works good with energies and you get some power going as well! 
And maybe, doing hard work would help? Like, being a builder, farmer , something like this? I suppose you can find a job like that everywhere. 



Στις 9:17 π.μ. Παρασκευή, 22 Δεκεμβρίου 2017, ο/η "aoiveae666@... [SSHealth]" <[email protected] έγραψε:


  Ive seen it but I will genuinely reread this as I find your work very informative and useful.

I calmed down quite significantly after I took a long bike ride and it got the right juices flowing which sort of ridded the frustration while maintaining my aggressive determination to defy decay.

Thank you for your reply, your work is appreciated.

 

[ed8874]

Hey man not sure if it is the same situation but like 2 years ago, before I ever worked out, I was bursting in anger, like for no reason I would just be so angry and destroy everything, I once even destroyed my phone by anger, I was REALLY craving to work out, like I did that or I would explode. Maybe start working out if you still dont?

 

[tapapakiastinseira]

Except for the good advice the other members have posted (the link from CentralForce; and to start working out), another thing you could consider (this is just a suggestion/idea) is if this could come from past lives? (the anger)
The more we meditate the more stuff from past lives (and suppressed stuff into our souls) come into the surface.

Also, check to see how you could deal with the Mars transits spiritually if possible. What opposites you could do (even if the planets are not at the best sign).

Most importantly though, find a way to let out your anger. Even to just go for a run would help.

These are indeed tips and advice and not a cure. I thought I should give my two cents anyway.