So very Lost and Confused ( It's very long )

[JackBlackJordan .]

I am New here and would like to introduce myself. I have been practicing Spritiual Satanism for around 9 months and would also like to thank anyone who helped create the Joy of Satan website, it was very helpful. I have a few questions, some pretain to my life, and the questions might be difficult to answer, so If a high prist/pristess could answer them I would be very grateful.

I don't know if this info is needed or not but it might be helpful. I was born into a average christain family, they weren't all very active like trying to be sinless except my aunt at least that was what I believed back then, but all still christians. Since I am a very, very emotional person, I practiced the only religion I knew whole-heartly. I was a very christ like child. I was born a very good natured person, always wanting to help, and all I ever really wanted in life was to go to heaven and fall in love with that so-called soul mate person, and have one daughter ( I learned about sex around the age of 8/9 )and have a perfect love life. As I grew older my life psycially was pretty good, and I was kind of spoiled. But my mental and emotional life was practically Hell on Earth ( a metaphor ). I am going to explain a few experiances I had that changed me entirely, I can't recall most of my child-hood even though I am still only 15, I believe because some of it was just to tragic to remember.


I set the questions and stories into chapters so, everyone doesn't have to read the whole thing, and can answer what they know.

Sex Changing and Gender issues: I'll try to be very brief and quick

The first will be about my sexuallity. I don't know if a mortal can be born in the wrong gender or their soul be the opposite sex but that has always been what I believed. I am a Male that wishes I was born a female, my life would have been much easier that way. I am heterosexual, so I do prefer woman than men. My mother informed me that when I was younger me and my brother played house together and that I always wanted to be the mom, when she told me that I thought it went back that far. From what I can recall, those feelings started at the same time that I was starting to get interested in women, like age 10. Since I was young the thoughts of being a girl were innocent and not weird or painful and they were mild. As I grew so did those emotions, I started to feel akward and a little sad. Then I started questioning was I gay, imdeniantly I had a thought were I slept with a man. It lasted around 3 seconds afterward I felt discussed, I didn't hate homosexuals, but I knew I wasn't gay, it was heart acheing. Eventually curosity kicked in I hit the point were one day I tried on my mom's underwear and bra, at first I smiled but then I relized what I was doing, I was only like 12 so I thought I was going crazy, It still haunts me till this day. Around the age of 13 the pain of wanting to be a female grew so big that I would cry myself to sleep. I thought I was too young to go through this. I started wanting to commit suicide, I had held the knive to my wrist too many times to count. Eventually I hit the point were I begged Jehova and Satan to both kill me, I didn't care where I went, I just wanted to die. I would lay there crying for hours, still begging someone to help me, no one came. I did this frequently. I started thinking of getting a sex change. I would sit and wait till that day came, I started doing slight cross-dressing like fishnet gloves and if only I had thigh-high stockings. Eventually I gave up sex changing, because I wanted to be a girl naturally, not be given an artifical vagina and take pills every day, to boost femine hormones. Still till this day I have sex pain, but as I got older I have grown use to the pain.

First Questions:

1. Is there a way, that I can change my gender using my soul, like through empowerment? 2. Does the soul itself have a sex? 3. Has anyone else been through something similar? 4. If I asked a demoness to have a sexual relationship with me, then got my sex changed what would happen?


Greys and what they can do:

This is my first experiance with greys and what incouraged me to write this post. It happaned today, before I knew it I was sleeping. It was a day after I had given up on life, if you had lived mine you would understand. I woke up and it was 1:someting. I saw shadows which wasn't unusually, I have always seen things and eyes watching me. But I felt a strong eerie or akward feeling. I jumped to turn on the light when I did the light burned my eye, I closed them and layed back down. I opened my eyes. When I did I saw this huge grey thing crawling on the wall. It lasted about 2 seconds. I started thinking how long has that been next to me, my whole life, after I started spiritual satanism. Then I thought has that been whats been stoping me from empowering myself. I looked around the room and saw a creature that looked just like the one before but it was on the floor. Then I thought why would greys be messing with me, didn't they mess with important or strong people, I can't even open my chakras, I'v been trying meditation for months and have gotten nowhere. Then I started visioning them draining my energy, tried to banish the thought but it was hard. I started thinking is this why I can't empower myself, they drain any energy I bring up. Eventually I thought why, why, now that Nina's gone greys come after me and why me, doesn't Father protect his children.

Second Questions:

1. What exactly are Greys? 2. Can Greys steal energy kind of like psychic vampires? 3. Are Greys montrious or beautiful looking? 4. Why do they hate us mortals? 5. Can Greys stop a human from empowering themselves?

I would be grateful if anyone can help. I got tired of recalling things and writing, so I will make a part two later.

 

[kreckian_lord]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "soul.deletion" <soul.deletion@... wrote:

I am New here and would like to introduce myself. I have been practicing Spritiual Satanism for around 9 months and would also like to thank anyone who helped create the Joy of Satan website, it was very helpful. I have a few questions, some pretain to my life, and the questions might be difficult to answer, so If a high prist/pristess could answer them I would be very grateful.

I don't know if this info is needed or not but it might be helpful. I was born into a average christain family, they weren't all very active like trying to be sinless except my aunt at least that was what I believed back then, but all still christians. Since I am a very, very emotional person, I practiced the only religion I knew whole-heartly. I was a very christ like child. I was born a very good natured person, always wanting to help, and all I ever really wanted in life was to go to heaven and fall in love with that so-called soul mate person, and have one daughter ( I learned about sex around the age of 8/9 )and have a perfect love life. As I grew older my life psycially was pretty good, and I was kind of spoiled. But my mental and emotional life was practically Hell on Earth ( a metaphor ). I am going to explain a few experiances I had that changed me entirely, I can't recall most of my child-hood even though I am still only 15, I believe because some of it was just to tragic to remember.


I set the questions and stories into chapters so, everyone doesn't have to read the whole thing, and can answer what they know.

Sex Changing and Gender issues: I'll try to be very brief and quick

The first will be about my sexuallity. I don't know if a mortal can be born in the wrong gender or their soul be the opposite sex but that has always been what I believed. I am a Male that wishes I was born a female, my life would have been much easier that way. I am heterosexual, so I do prefer woman than men. My mother informed me that when I was younger me and my brother played house together and that I always wanted to be the mom, when she told me that I thought it went back that far. From what I can recall, those feelings started at the same time that I was starting to get interested in women, like age 10. Since I was young the thoughts of being a girl were innocent and not weird or painful and they were mild. As I grew so did those emotions, I started to feel akward and a little sad. Then I started questioning was I gay, imdeniantly I had a thought were I slept with a man. It lasted around 3 seconds afterward I felt discussed, I didn't hate homosexuals, but I knew I wasn't gay, it was heart acheing. Eventually curosity kicked in I hit the point were one day I tried on my mom's underwear and bra, at first I smiled but then I relized what I was doing, I was only like 12 so I thought I was going crazy, It still haunts me till this day. Around the age of 13 the pain of wanting to be a female grew so big that I would cry myself to sleep. I thought I was too young to go through this. I started wanting to commit suicide, I had held the knive to my wrist too many times to count. Eventually I hit the point were I begged Jehova and Satan to both kill me, I didn't care where I went, I just wanted to die. I would lay there crying for hours, still begging someone to help me, no one came. I did this frequently. I started thinking of getting a sex change. I would sit and wait till that day came, I started doing slight cross-dressing like fishnet gloves and if only I had thigh-high stockings. Eventually I gave up sex changing, because I wanted to be a girl naturally, not be given an artifical vagina and take pills every day, to boost femine hormones. Still till this day I have sex pain, but as I got older I have grown use to the pain.

First Questions:

1. Is there a way, that I can change my gender using my soul, like through empowerment? 2. Does the soul itself have a sex? 3. Has anyone else been through something similar? 4. If I asked a demoness to have a sexual relationship with me, then got my sex changed what would happen?


Greys and what they can do:

This is my first experiance with greys and what incouraged me to write this post. It happaned today, before I knew it I was sleeping. It was a day after I had given up on life, if you had lived mine you would understand. I woke up and it was 1:someting. I saw shadows which wasn't unusually, I have always seen things and eyes watching me. But I felt a strong eerie or akward feeling. I jumped to turn on the light when I did the light burned my eye, I closed them and layed back down. I opened my eyes. When I did I saw this huge grey thing crawling on the wall. It lasted about 2 seconds. I started thinking how long has that been next to me, my whole life, after I started spiritual satanism. Then I thought has that been whats been stoping me from empowering myself. I looked around the room and saw a creature that looked just like the one before but it was on the floor. Then I thought why would greys be messing with me, didn't they mess with important or strong people, I can't even open my chakras, I'v been trying meditation for months and have gotten nowhere. Then I started visioning them draining my energy, tried to banish the thought but it was hard. I started thinking is this why I can't empower myself, they drain any energy I bring up. Eventually I thought why, why, now that Nina's gone greys come after me and why me, doesn't Father protect his children.

Second Questions:

1. What exactly are Greys? 2. Can Greys steal energy kind of like psychic vampires? 3. Are Greys montrious or beautiful looking? 4. Why do they hate us mortals? 5. Can Greys stop a human from empowering themselves?

I would be grateful if anyone can help. I got tired of recalling things and writing, so I will make a part two later.

well basically let me explain afew things first off the soul has no 'true gender' but if you reincarnate as the same sex over and over again it'll be pretty much well ingrained into you possibly you were a female for several lifetimes and this is well ingrained in your psyche its okay besides there's nothing truly wrong with you.

second off gray's can be alot of thing's but in my experience's there usually a form of parasitic creature....there quite ugly to me but then again my sense of beauty is rather reversed there are other creatures that are also parasitic in nature this is why one should clean there aura regularly to kill said creature's also yes they can stop one from empowering by draining their excess power away and i do not know why some creature's hate humanity but some of them some of the other parasitic creature's are infact just like tick's flee's etc. parasite's that have to feed on something and human's are the best meal to be found here on earth.

i'll answer any questions you have if you wish and if you want a more direct approach to me email me at dr.sethfcm@... or add me to msn or yahoo messenger i had a friend with very similar trouble's before and i wouldn't mind talking to you about anything you want.