It is 3:37am right now as I write this. I feel that I wish to share my experience, the very first one, with Lady Lilith. =)
I just finished praying and talking to and with the Goddess Lilith on my balcony. For the longest time, I have shut out the feminine power in my life, in myself, and shut out and off my sexuality and many different aspects of myself, as a defense mechanism, and out of fear.
Admittedly, I have also always been jealous and envious of Lady Lilith also, because She is Father Satan's first wife and most favoured of His wives.
But the Demon with me brought this to my attention, and that I need to deal with this personal issue, right.now.
I stopped to think, and thought about my own personal feelings, thoughts, insecurities, and reasons for feeling the way I do and holding the beliefs that I do: about Her, about myself, about Father, about the Goddesses. Then I objectively started looking for why I hold these thoughts and feelings.
I was honest with myself, through the tears and fear of it all.
I know I was being tried and tested.
I also realized that the Gods in our lives have been there with us since the beginning. And that They have influenced us in ways that we cannot imagine, helping to form the person we are now, and will become.
Why, I wondered. Why destroy one, help another, favor others, and choose others to be Their lovers, Their children, Their spouses, Their soldiers?
The Gods love whom They will, favor whom They will, help and hinder and smite whom They will. They have Their reasons. They are the Gods, how can one begin to fathom what They think about and do?
They are mysteries.
I had to think out loud, as the enemy kept attacking me mentally. It helped.
I decided that I have to step out, step up, and face my fears, whatever they may be.
I went outside to the balcony and prayed to Father. I told Him my fears, my thoughts, my worries, my insecurities and jealousies, but also my thanks and gratitude.
Then I prayed to Lady Lilith.
Frankly, I have always been scared of Her. Intimidated, envious, in awe, and with respect. But anything negative that I feel, I know that they are self-projections of my own fears, insecurities, hang-ups.
I told them all to Her. I was just honest about both my positive feelings and negative ones too (in a respectful manner, of course.)
I felt Her energy clearly, and I felt as if She was speaking to me in a voice that was more then what parted from Her lips, as if Her very essence and spirit was talking to me, finding something somewhere vital inside of me, and hitting that point, like a note vibrating more clearly then anything and anyone ever in my life, after Father Satan and the Gods. I felt Her so strongly. It was scary, exhilirating, exciting, overwhelming.
She is the Triple Goddess/Goddess of Three forms and faces:
Kali, the Destroyer, Bringer of Death and Destruction, but also of renewal, change, rebirth.
Uma/Parvati Mother Goddess Mother Earth, Mother of All.
Shakti-The Divine Feminine
She is Mother, Destroyer, Creator, Lover, Sister, Friend, Chaos, and Order in Chaos. She is a beautiful maiden, a Goddess of War, a Force to be reckoned with.
I hope the above is correct, from my studies. (If it isn't, please do feel free to correct me!)
She is the powerful Divine Feminine that resides in every woman, the power that can change the world, that resides in the universe, and the darkness, that complements and contrasts with Father Satan, who is of light.
She is of change, upheaval, destruction, life, death, rebirth, the churning out of dross in people, lives, situations. She is the strength and power inside every woman.
She is the Queen of Vampires, Queen of the Underworld/Hell, and She rules Hell beside Father.
She is equal to Him, and there is none like Her, not before, not after. Her spirit resides in Her children, but She is the only Goddess of Her kind. There is none like Her.
She is the driving force behind every woman: desire, strength, power, desire, attraction, beauty, femininity, sexuality, eroticism, fierceness, knowledge, wisdom, maternal, loving, vengeful, ever changing and moving.
She felt loving, stern, powerful, chaotic, overwhelming; as a elder Sister, Mother, Mentor, Teacher.
She pointed out to me tonight that She is in my life, and always has been. She has (and does continue to) influence me, and I am who I am because She helped to make me. I also thought of other people I have come across (one non-Satanist in particular) but who is clearly Her son and child, and I see Her spirit emblazoned upon Him in every way.
She pointed out that I need to change, to face myself, my fears, my sexuality, my own divine feminine power, and the power within, that darkness that I have always carried around, and which is from Her.
I feel Her spirit and presence now, around me, within me, though me.
Her spirit in all of Father's children and followers. For Father and She are one, seperate, complimentary, contrasting, one yet also two. Individual sides of the same coin. Yin and Yang, darkness and light, change and stability, chaos and order.
After prayer, I sat and hugged my knees to myself, and talked more to Father Satan, and to Lady Lilith. I thought of how She has changed the world, changed humanity, and Her influence in the world in the past 100 or more years. I thought of the books that women write in honor of Her, about Goddesses, about women's rights and powers, as well as those inspired by Her.
I thought of the powerful Divine Feminine power inside every woman. This power can change the world. Women CAN change the world. But it has been suppressed, and held back from us, by wise men who knew and were scared of it, and by patriarchal religions.
In the soul and essence of woman: an ocean with no shore. But religion, society, and our own fears have created shores, cliffs and mountains for the waves to crash against. These are borders and currents that go against us, the ones that we put up or let it be erected for 'safety's sake.' This should not be.
As I was going to my bedroom, the words came to me:
"I am an ocean with no shore, as are all women, yet I have created limits and bridges. Mountains and sharp crags to contain my own feminine powers. This should not be."
The walls of my doubts, fears, of myself and of the world, of Father, of Her, but mostly, about myself, came tumbling down tonight. I see more clearly then I ever have.
It's when we take the first step in facing our fears, and that is the first step to finding ourselves.
After praying to Lady Lilith, and after the embers died down, I returned to my room, and felt Her presence and spirit clearly inside me, as if I have invoked Her. I felt Her clearly, powerfully, and even when I spoke to myself, considering some things, I heard Her voice and Her words.
It is an honor to meet and be in Her presence.
Hail Father Satan!
Hail Lady Lilith!
Hail Lord Beezulbul!
Hail Lord Andromalius!
Hail Lady Astaroth!
Hail to all the True Gods of Duat!
Hail to all Demons and Demonesses under Father!
Hail to all Satanic Brothers and Sisters!
I just finished praying and talking to and with the Goddess Lilith on my balcony. For the longest time, I have shut out the feminine power in my life, in myself, and shut out and off my sexuality and many different aspects of myself, as a defense mechanism, and out of fear.
Admittedly, I have also always been jealous and envious of Lady Lilith also, because She is Father Satan's first wife and most favoured of His wives.
But the Demon with me brought this to my attention, and that I need to deal with this personal issue, right.now.
I stopped to think, and thought about my own personal feelings, thoughts, insecurities, and reasons for feeling the way I do and holding the beliefs that I do: about Her, about myself, about Father, about the Goddesses. Then I objectively started looking for why I hold these thoughts and feelings.
I was honest with myself, through the tears and fear of it all.
I know I was being tried and tested.
I also realized that the Gods in our lives have been there with us since the beginning. And that They have influenced us in ways that we cannot imagine, helping to form the person we are now, and will become.
Why, I wondered. Why destroy one, help another, favor others, and choose others to be Their lovers, Their children, Their spouses, Their soldiers?
The Gods love whom They will, favor whom They will, help and hinder and smite whom They will. They have Their reasons. They are the Gods, how can one begin to fathom what They think about and do?
They are mysteries.
I had to think out loud, as the enemy kept attacking me mentally. It helped.
I decided that I have to step out, step up, and face my fears, whatever they may be.
I went outside to the balcony and prayed to Father. I told Him my fears, my thoughts, my worries, my insecurities and jealousies, but also my thanks and gratitude.
Then I prayed to Lady Lilith.
Frankly, I have always been scared of Her. Intimidated, envious, in awe, and with respect. But anything negative that I feel, I know that they are self-projections of my own fears, insecurities, hang-ups.
I told them all to Her. I was just honest about both my positive feelings and negative ones too (in a respectful manner, of course.)
I felt Her energy clearly, and I felt as if She was speaking to me in a voice that was more then what parted from Her lips, as if Her very essence and spirit was talking to me, finding something somewhere vital inside of me, and hitting that point, like a note vibrating more clearly then anything and anyone ever in my life, after Father Satan and the Gods. I felt Her so strongly. It was scary, exhilirating, exciting, overwhelming.
She is the Triple Goddess/Goddess of Three forms and faces:
Kali, the Destroyer, Bringer of Death and Destruction, but also of renewal, change, rebirth.
Uma/Parvati Mother Goddess Mother Earth, Mother of All.
Shakti-The Divine Feminine
She is Mother, Destroyer, Creator, Lover, Sister, Friend, Chaos, and Order in Chaos. She is a beautiful maiden, a Goddess of War, a Force to be reckoned with.
I hope the above is correct, from my studies. (If it isn't, please do feel free to correct me!)
She is the powerful Divine Feminine that resides in every woman, the power that can change the world, that resides in the universe, and the darkness, that complements and contrasts with Father Satan, who is of light.
She is of change, upheaval, destruction, life, death, rebirth, the churning out of dross in people, lives, situations. She is the strength and power inside every woman.
She is the Queen of Vampires, Queen of the Underworld/Hell, and She rules Hell beside Father.
She is equal to Him, and there is none like Her, not before, not after. Her spirit resides in Her children, but She is the only Goddess of Her kind. There is none like Her.
She is the driving force behind every woman: desire, strength, power, desire, attraction, beauty, femininity, sexuality, eroticism, fierceness, knowledge, wisdom, maternal, loving, vengeful, ever changing and moving.
She felt loving, stern, powerful, chaotic, overwhelming; as a elder Sister, Mother, Mentor, Teacher.
She pointed out to me tonight that She is in my life, and always has been. She has (and does continue to) influence me, and I am who I am because She helped to make me. I also thought of other people I have come across (one non-Satanist in particular) but who is clearly Her son and child, and I see Her spirit emblazoned upon Him in every way.
She pointed out that I need to change, to face myself, my fears, my sexuality, my own divine feminine power, and the power within, that darkness that I have always carried around, and which is from Her.
I feel Her spirit and presence now, around me, within me, though me.
Her spirit in all of Father's children and followers. For Father and She are one, seperate, complimentary, contrasting, one yet also two. Individual sides of the same coin. Yin and Yang, darkness and light, change and stability, chaos and order.
After prayer, I sat and hugged my knees to myself, and talked more to Father Satan, and to Lady Lilith. I thought of how She has changed the world, changed humanity, and Her influence in the world in the past 100 or more years. I thought of the books that women write in honor of Her, about Goddesses, about women's rights and powers, as well as those inspired by Her.
I thought of the powerful Divine Feminine power inside every woman. This power can change the world. Women CAN change the world. But it has been suppressed, and held back from us, by wise men who knew and were scared of it, and by patriarchal religions.
In the soul and essence of woman: an ocean with no shore. But religion, society, and our own fears have created shores, cliffs and mountains for the waves to crash against. These are borders and currents that go against us, the ones that we put up or let it be erected for 'safety's sake.' This should not be.
As I was going to my bedroom, the words came to me:
"I am an ocean with no shore, as are all women, yet I have created limits and bridges. Mountains and sharp crags to contain my own feminine powers. This should not be."
The walls of my doubts, fears, of myself and of the world, of Father, of Her, but mostly, about myself, came tumbling down tonight. I see more clearly then I ever have.
It's when we take the first step in facing our fears, and that is the first step to finding ourselves.
After praying to Lady Lilith, and after the embers died down, I returned to my room, and felt Her presence and spirit clearly inside me, as if I have invoked Her. I felt Her clearly, powerfully, and even when I spoke to myself, considering some things, I heard Her voice and Her words.
It is an honor to meet and be in Her presence.
Hail Father Satan!
Hail Lady Lilith!
Hail Lord Beezulbul!
Hail Lord Andromalius!
Hail Lady Astaroth!
Hail to all the True Gods of Duat!
Hail to all Demons and Demonesses under Father!
Hail to all Satanic Brothers and Sisters!
