I was curious on something. So, as many of you know, I have been on the forums for a while(been on the forums with multiple accounts since the old forum was shut down)
To clarify, I didn't make new accounts because I was banned, rather, because I didn't want to be associated with the person I was when I created the account as I had matured and involved. I don't intend on abandoning this account.
Anyways,
There is a specific member, whom I have seen on the forums, which, I have never interacted with, however, the first time I saw X forum account replying to a member, I had an intense attraction to X for some reason.
It's an attraction that makes my upper body feel light, myself short of breath, as well as what feels like my heart trying to crawl out of my throat or get out of my body like metal to a magnet and my face becoming flush(blushing) and myself become giddy with a feeling of wanting to hide, laugh softly, and smile(basically I become embarrassed and shy).
This reaction occurs whenever I either think of X(Which only happens when I see X posts.) or, when I see something one of X replies. X actually made a new account, and I remember seeing one of X posts on an old account, and noticing X hadn't logged in for a year and felt a intense feeling of grief and sadness wash over me, man it was really fucking bad. The only thought in my mind was "I'll never see [thier] posts again..." and it was enough to make me cry.
Then, I saw X new account and felt that usual reaction, coupled with happiness and relief, like, a really warm and happy feeling.
Now, I don't know what the fuck to do about this. I've been avoiding responding to any of X posts(thankfully X didn't quote me in anything) and avoided thinking about X(void meditation <3).
My question is, what should I do about this. I'm not sure if this a positive reaction or a negative reaction which is, out of what I suppose is fear of ruining myself due to emotion again, I have purposely avoided X wherever possible.
The strange thing is, this reaction and these feelings for X haven't dissapeared even though it's been years. Like, literal years that I've felt this way for X. Ever since I first noticed X account which was years ago. And, evertime I see it, it's like the first time I saw X, same reaction, same intensity, same everything.
Anways, thank you ahead for your advice my family. Haha, I feel kind of awkward inadvertantly "confessing my feelings to x" but it's not like I've ever interacted with X or that X even know who I am or see my post. Then again, there's the part of me deep inside that hopes X have also felt this same weird ass shit and that's why X never responded to me even though all my accounts combined have well over a thousand posts, and you'd think there would be at least one X respond to yea?
The reason I'm asking for advice is because I don't know whether this is positive or negative, and, I need guidance on what I should do.
Thank you all ahead of time! <3
To clarify, I didn't make new accounts because I was banned, rather, because I didn't want to be associated with the person I was when I created the account as I had matured and involved. I don't intend on abandoning this account.
Anyways,
There is a specific member, whom I have seen on the forums, which, I have never interacted with, however, the first time I saw X forum account replying to a member, I had an intense attraction to X for some reason.
It's an attraction that makes my upper body feel light, myself short of breath, as well as what feels like my heart trying to crawl out of my throat or get out of my body like metal to a magnet and my face becoming flush(blushing) and myself become giddy with a feeling of wanting to hide, laugh softly, and smile(basically I become embarrassed and shy).
This reaction occurs whenever I either think of X(Which only happens when I see X posts.) or, when I see something one of X replies. X actually made a new account, and I remember seeing one of X posts on an old account, and noticing X hadn't logged in for a year and felt a intense feeling of grief and sadness wash over me, man it was really fucking bad. The only thought in my mind was "I'll never see [thier] posts again..." and it was enough to make me cry.
Then, I saw X new account and felt that usual reaction, coupled with happiness and relief, like, a really warm and happy feeling.
Now, I don't know what the fuck to do about this. I've been avoiding responding to any of X posts(thankfully X didn't quote me in anything) and avoided thinking about X(void meditation <3).
My question is, what should I do about this. I'm not sure if this a positive reaction or a negative reaction which is, out of what I suppose is fear of ruining myself due to emotion again, I have purposely avoided X wherever possible.
The strange thing is, this reaction and these feelings for X haven't dissapeared even though it's been years. Like, literal years that I've felt this way for X. Ever since I first noticed X account which was years ago. And, evertime I see it, it's like the first time I saw X, same reaction, same intensity, same everything.
Anways, thank you ahead for your advice my family. Haha, I feel kind of awkward inadvertantly "confessing my feelings to x" but it's not like I've ever interacted with X or that X even know who I am or see my post. Then again, there's the part of me deep inside that hopes X have also felt this same weird ass shit and that's why X never responded to me even though all my accounts combined have well over a thousand posts, and you'd think there would be at least one X respond to yea?
The reason I'm asking for advice is because I don't know whether this is positive or negative, and, I need guidance on what I should do.
Thank you all ahead of time! <3