At the bottom of this post, I've listed key things I've learned from my experience. Skip to there if you are not interested in reading my personal experience.
When I was 14, I had the honor of raising my Serpent. The sensation can be described in many ways, but in spite of sounding inappropriate, the best word I have for it is "orgasmic."
As written in the JoS texts, raising the Kundalini is no easy feat. It can be the result of a lifetime of work. Some have done more work in past lives and can activate its rise sooner. In my experience, it was like a tectonic shift in the brain - it could be touching your own Godself, the purification of your energy, touching the highest divinity, limitless consciousness, and many more beautiful things. The Kundalini is an ancient and very important part of your self development and mastery. But it can be intimidating. I'd like to share my experience and very key points I've learned from it.
When I experienced it, it took a lot of energy illuminating the brain for the rise to happen. Massive amounts of golden energy from the base of the spine is necessary. The chakras must be open and in balance for this amount of energy to flow without disruption, and a soul without proper foundation could be inviting issues if certain things haven't been attained yet. Key abilities like the ability to ground one's energy, to block out or at least discard intrusive thoughts, the ability to visualize and breathe energy in a certain direction, the ability to protect oneself, and more. I neglected some of these things and experienced years of consequence - not necessarily bad consequence, but a collection of mental and physical reaction of my own body and mind to this immense energy going unchecked.
When I managed to raise my Serpent, it took probably an hour of meditation to bring that colossal amount of base energy up. But the experience when achieving the rise was ecstasy. When the serpent fully ascended, beautiful golden fireworks shot off in my brain. Hundreds of dazzling golden fireworks all exploded in my mind, and I could see them as well as feel them; it felt as if the brain was having an orgasm. It was a feeling of pure ecstasy in the third eye, the physical brain, the top of the head, and the skin. My eyes fluttered and moved erratically on their own as my entire brain was engulfed in this golden radiance. This sensation lasted as long as I willed it; the exploding golden fireworks didn't cease until I brought my focus to the earthly and consciously ended the experience. After I ended this, the brain positively shined with an unending golden light. It was permanently bathed in golden energy, something that seemingly changed the chemistry of my brain.
What I had failed to do was bring this energy back down. Bringing the energy back to the lower chakras and grounding oneself is, from my experience, as essential as breathwork. Failure to bring the energies back down can lead to years of unchecked, extremely high energy that can manifest as various mental and physical illnesses. For me, I left this high energy unmastered and paid dearly for it.
For years after this, I experienced cripplingly high anxiety that heightened with every passing day. I never made this connection; instead I worried that I was becoming increasingly mentally ill. I'd see things that weren't there; shadows, orbs, people. Things that made no sense. Things that evoked emotional response. Things that caused fear. I can realize now what these things were - not an attack from the enemy, not a curse from thoughtforms. It was a heightened sensitivity to the spirit realm. I would hear my name as I fell asleep, see people run past me only to look back and see nothing. I could describe these seen people to my coworkers, what they were wearing, their skin color, their hair color, but every time I would be met with confusion. In shadows especially, people and animals can become clear to see.
I was so scared for a long, long time. Worried I was being attacked and followed constantly. I stopped my practice for a time, hoping to dull the sensations and visions. A gift from my higher self, or from the Gods, so easily turned into something to fear by a mind that wasn't ready for it. My anxiety worsened. I didn't leave my house alone and continued to live in immense fear, even at my job. The physical body could no longer handle the pressure of such energy and would vomit when it got too high. Any amount of nervousness would destroy me, because I was already under such immense energy. Any test, any class, any job, and any morning could induce vomiting. I was always shaking.
It took a very warm, sunny afternoon to finally come to the other side of this. Years of being unable to leave the house myself was surmounted by this sunlight. I felt a strong nudge to go on a walk. Something I'd been too afraid to do for a long time. I decided it would be short; to a nearby park and right back. I brought various weapons to protect myself. I thought about turning around, but came to the park anyway and sat in the grass, feeling the energy of the sunlight, the subtle vibrations in the trees, the beauty of the life surrounding me. I was still very nervous, but felt as though things would be... okay. I would be okay.
As I got up to leave, I noticed something on the ground near the entrance of the park. As I neared, I was absolutely enchanted by it. It was a giant, beautiful, perfectly intact owl feather. I'd never seen something like this before in the wild. It was the kind of feather you'd only see at hobby shops or in a hunter's prize cabinet. It was about the size of my forearm and the colors were a gorgeous array of browns, oranges, black, and white. I immediately thought, "is this a reward?" A reward for my bravery. An acknowledgement that the Gods were still with me? I wasn't sure. I'd dulled my senses, so if there was an energy attached to it, I wasn't picking up on it. But either way, this timing and coincidence was immense and not to be ignored. For a long time, I saw it as a reward from Father Zeus for my bravery.
After much thought and refection, I associate this experience more with Goddess Astaroth. The kind, gentle counselor of humanity. She pushes us to become more, and is the kind of courteous and loving Goddess that would push us forward with things like this. Through her guidance, I was brought to many new things. All these years later, I've overcome my crippling fears. I tried to raise my kundalini again and was met with a vision of golden white clouds, and my serpent looking upward directly. Its scales were a beautiful translucent white and it was looking toward this sky. I heard The word "Deification" and "This is the start of Deification" in my mind, echoed as I saw winged people reaching out to me. I'd like to share the essentials of what I've learned.
1 - Fear
Fear can be a common crippling force in spiritual ascension. Intrusive thoughts, worries, an ever chattering mind can all serve as limiting factors when trying to come to a higher consciousness. My steps to mastering this through much trial and error are as follows:
- Accept that you're feeling fear. Observe the sensation. I've tried to integrate an "unfeeling" approach and it never worked. If I'm sweating, panicking, feeling sick from fear, I can't just tell myself "I'm not feeling this" and expect everything to get better.
- Go through with what you need to do anyways. Feel it, but don't let it stop you from doing what needs to be done. This could be something simple, like walking into a dark room, or or something bigger like taking a risk.
- Don't force yourself into scary situations just to prove something. Like a muscle, exercising a skill like fear mastery is important and will lead to a stronger ability. But overexertion can lead to unnecessary damage and pain, much like pulling a muscle.
2 - Lowering energy and energy mastery
Risen energy going unchecked leads to many things. Anxiety, burnout, fear, vomiting, shaking, digestive issues, depression - all things that must be avoided for a healthy body and mind. Being able to raise (higher functions like clairvoyance, clairaudience, astral sensation) and lower energy (grounding, feeling like "yourself,") is essential for self mastery and ascension. Being able to bring energy back down after a higher working is as essential as breathing for your health.
- Risen anxiety is a symptom of higher energy going unchecked.
- Lowering energy after an intense working is vital, as vital as breathing. Failure to do so can lead to an imbalance that causes hypervigilance and fear, and an illness of body and mental state. I personally experienced this as a consequence of unchecked higher energy.
- When lowering energy, it can sometimes be expected to see scary or unpleasant things. Flashing and disturbing images may present themselves. These are subconscious fears and negative energies being purged, as higher and purer forms of vibrational energy descend into the lower body and chakras. The higher energy naturally purges and cleanses these things, and you may see them as they leave if you are highly visually attuned to the spiritual. Do not let it scare you, as it is a sign of them being purged. Cleanse your chakras and aura, and allow your chakras and energy to become balanced again.
As we grow into our higher selves, it is important to make sure that we have a strong foundation for handling energy. Otherwise, it is possible we are overcome with these higher vibrational energies and can fall into undesired situations. Please take care of yourselves and walk always with the Gods of Truth. They will guide you to the unseen, more ecstatic experiences you will ever have.
Ave Satanas, Hail Goddess Astaroth, and know that they love you and want to guide you to wonderful things.