SatyaSitamanas
New member
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2025
- Messages
- 6
Hello Zevists, I am eager to start a working and planetary square. I've been trying to figure it out on my own with where to start, but I've been thinking about this so much I can't see what would be optimal anymore! These are relationship based. I've given the options I've come up with at the end, but if you can see something that would encompass all these, or suggest the optimal one to start with because it will have a positive cascade effect to the others, please let me know.
1) I have a strong insecure/anxious attachment which causes me to think the worst of situations (blame myself/self critical), which my body/nervous system believes, even though I have no proof in the present moment.
2) It is challenging to stay present when my triggers are touched. My mind will attach them to the past and create BIG problems over things that are actually very minor. I haven't been able to differentiate the past from the present in these cases, which wreak havoc for my current relationship. I really am trying to change the outcome now that I know I am able to, thanks to Zevism <3
3) I had a realization a couple days ago that I use my partners nearly 100% for my emotional support/validation. When I am single I can give both to myself. When in a relationship I displace that need to my partners in an unhealthy amount. I drank the Disney juice as a child and believe/d that I was powerless as a female and needed a man to rescue me. I am now cognizant of this conditioning but struggle with how to reprogram myself to believe that I can be powerful AND feminine AND be in a relationship at the same time. I do Alternate Nostril Breathing as part of my meditations to help balance my left/right brain.
4) I struggle with expecting the worst news from my partner: if I don't hear from them, if they haven't said they love me or miss me, my brain automatically fears they hate me, want to break up with me, are ignoring me on purpose, want to hurt me on purpose. This is a very stressful way to exist!! And all my own doing (I learned vengeance from my mom, what an awful trait!). Sometimes I can stop this thought by telling myself evidence that disproves the anxious thoughts, but most of the time I can not.
5) I am aware of the behaviors I do when I am triggered (seeking revenge, emotional dysregulation, seeking other sources of validation to get my fix because its not intrinsically in me yet). Sometimes I can pause the gratification, most of the time it is automatic.
I want to do a planetary square (Lunar?) to correct something that has caused me to repeat these thoughts/behaviors my whole life, but I'm not sure what would be the optimal planetary square for me with the options Ive narrowed it down to.
*My fear of abandonment comes from my parents emotionally neglecting me, not giving me enough/consistent validation, and ignoring me a lot. I *think* I have come to terms with not being angry at them anymore, but I am still left with these behaviors that I am desperate to be free from. I have done so much therapy and medications, and while they helped protect me from the pain, they didn't allow me to address these things with a clear mind and actually be free from them. I am no longer on medications so I could get to the root of my ailments and do workings to be free of them*
This is what I've narrowed my options down to for a Working and doing a Planetary Square for the main issue I want to address:
*As a side note, of all my chakras, my Heart Chakra spins, but it can be clunky while the others spin smoothly. My throat chakra feels like I can barely contain its spinning because it spins so much and so fast, if anything it needs to be more contained and managed. I want to focus on fixing and taking action to advance myself, not just venting and repeating the same behaviors.
Any suggestions or if you think a certain working and planetary square would be optimal for me? I have been sitting on these 5 options and am ready to take action.
Thank you family!!
1) I have a strong insecure/anxious attachment which causes me to think the worst of situations (blame myself/self critical), which my body/nervous system believes, even though I have no proof in the present moment.
2) It is challenging to stay present when my triggers are touched. My mind will attach them to the past and create BIG problems over things that are actually very minor. I haven't been able to differentiate the past from the present in these cases, which wreak havoc for my current relationship. I really am trying to change the outcome now that I know I am able to, thanks to Zevism <3
3) I had a realization a couple days ago that I use my partners nearly 100% for my emotional support/validation. When I am single I can give both to myself. When in a relationship I displace that need to my partners in an unhealthy amount. I drank the Disney juice as a child and believe/d that I was powerless as a female and needed a man to rescue me. I am now cognizant of this conditioning but struggle with how to reprogram myself to believe that I can be powerful AND feminine AND be in a relationship at the same time. I do Alternate Nostril Breathing as part of my meditations to help balance my left/right brain.
4) I struggle with expecting the worst news from my partner: if I don't hear from them, if they haven't said they love me or miss me, my brain automatically fears they hate me, want to break up with me, are ignoring me on purpose, want to hurt me on purpose. This is a very stressful way to exist!! And all my own doing (I learned vengeance from my mom, what an awful trait!). Sometimes I can stop this thought by telling myself evidence that disproves the anxious thoughts, but most of the time I can not.
5) I am aware of the behaviors I do when I am triggered (seeking revenge, emotional dysregulation, seeking other sources of validation to get my fix because its not intrinsically in me yet). Sometimes I can pause the gratification, most of the time it is automatic.
I want to do a planetary square (Lunar?) to correct something that has caused me to repeat these thoughts/behaviors my whole life, but I'm not sure what would be the optimal planetary square for me with the options Ive narrowed it down to.
*My fear of abandonment comes from my parents emotionally neglecting me, not giving me enough/consistent validation, and ignoring me a lot. I *think* I have come to terms with not being angry at them anymore, but I am still left with these behaviors that I am desperate to be free from. I have done so much therapy and medications, and while they helped protect me from the pain, they didn't allow me to address these things with a clear mind and actually be free from them. I am no longer on medications so I could get to the root of my ailments and do workings to be free of them*
This is what I've narrowed my options down to for a Working and doing a Planetary Square for the main issue I want to address:
- I can potentially always be triggered, but if I don't have wounds anymore then I won't be triggered (Healing the Emotional Body)
- If I currently have woulnds, then I need to handle my reactions to my triggers better (Inner Strength and Resilience for Emotional Regulation)
- If I felt more secure and had real self love, then I wouldn't doubt my worthiness, my subconscious could tell the difference from the present and the lies of the past. (Self-Love/Validation)
- If I felt sure of myself and intrinsically knew my power, then I wouldn't be so emotionally helpless and insecure in a relationship (Accepting I am Powerful and Balancing Masculine/Feminine Energy)
- Forgiving myself for taking on these behaviors as my own and forgiving my parents for unknowingly teaching me these behaviors (Self Compassion/Forgiveness/Letting Go)
*As a side note, of all my chakras, my Heart Chakra spins, but it can be clunky while the others spin smoothly. My throat chakra feels like I can barely contain its spinning because it spins so much and so fast, if anything it needs to be more contained and managed. I want to focus on fixing and taking action to advance myself, not just venting and repeating the same behaviors.
Any suggestions or if you think a certain working and planetary square would be optimal for me? I have been sitting on these 5 options and am ready to take action.
Thank you family!!
