Citorro
New member
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2025
- Messages
- 4
For as long as I can remember, I’ve walked through life scared of the world around me. My earliest memory was when I was still in the crib, at around two years old. I was surrounded by darkness, except for two glowing red eyes that illuminated the room. My mother told me that I was a communicative child, often talking to family members that had passed away before I was born, or talking to paintings and inanimate objects. But I was terrified to go to sleep each night, because I thought that the ghosts would arise from their hiding places to get me, and that I would never wake up again from eternal sleep. Since I was young, I took up drawing, and I would create images of scary ghosts, evil clowns, violence. I honestly never understood why I was drawn to these things. As I have been embarking on my spiritual journey, I have been reflecting on the forces that shaped who I am. I realized that a shadow has lurked within me for a long time, something that I thought was part of me, but is actually the unresolved trauma of my mother that has repeated itself.
My mother has always been a force to reckon with. Much of her chart is in Sagittarius; she’s very opinionated, always ready for a debate or competition where she can physically dominate you. She suffered from sexual assault at a young age, which made her into a resilient warrior, and caused her to leave her small farming hometown at a young age to go to college. However, she endured a traumatic injury in her early 20s, falling off the side of a cliff at high speed and breaking her back. She received a botched spinal fusion, which as the years went by, stiffened her back and spine. This has caused her immense pressure in her lower back. Shortly after this, I was born against the odds after a life threatening cesarian, which she still has the scars from. She spent long painful stretches of time bedridden, unable to play with me in childhood, or even sit down for an hour long flight or car drive.
Around the age of ten, for about six months, I developed an intense fear and hatred for men. This included my own father and grandfather, and up until that point, I had been extremely close to both of them. There was no particular explanation for this; they are loving and kind men who would never ever harm me. But at this age, I hated them. I thought that they were going to take advantage of me sexually. This was around the age that my mother suffered her assault, and I think she was the cause of these thoughts. A few years later, I hit puberty and shared many of the characteristics that my mother did. We both dealt with depression and an eating disorder; hers made her gain weight, while mine made me loose weight (perhaps because I was being fed on). She was much more concerned when I gained weight back after the eating disorder, despite how skinny and lifeless I was during the episode. That shows her thought process. Looking back, there was no reason for me to develop either of these issues. I didn’t face any of the trauma that she did, she never left my father like her mother did. But our relationships to our respective mothers parallel each other in an eery ‘coincidence.’
I always thought this was inside of me, apart of me. I’ve had many issues with my Aries moon, as I’m often battling with emotional aggression. But I’ve come to this realization through reading about psychic vampires (I highly recommend the book Vampires: The Occult Truth by Konstantinos that I found on here). From what I’ve gathered, she attached to my sacral, heart, and throat chakras. This may have started when she was suffering from her physical illnesses, and she needed energy to stay in equilibrium, so she unknowingly took it from me. This hit its peak about two years ago, as she was constantly taking medication after surgeries for developing cysts in her spine that gave her ‘brain zaps,’ explosive episodes, and delusion. I’m now a young woman who no longer lives at home, yet I have still lived in fear of her. She doesn’t approve of my life choices, and she has threatened me, locked me in the car while screaming at me, gossiped about me to my family, and cornered me at my most vulnerable moments. I’ve had enough.
Last night, I performed a banishing and aura cleansing following Zevist guides as well as information from the book on psychic vampires. I cut any ties that she had to me. I finally feel clean for the first time. I’ve also worked on myself extensively now, and I’ve overcome a lot of my past insecurities. If anyone has any advice for me, or any similar experiences, I’d love to hear them. I still have work to do, but I see a bright future. I wish everyone a blessed day! Moral of the story is it’s not you, it’s a psychic vampire!! (Kidding, unless it rings true to you)
My mother has always been a force to reckon with. Much of her chart is in Sagittarius; she’s very opinionated, always ready for a debate or competition where she can physically dominate you. She suffered from sexual assault at a young age, which made her into a resilient warrior, and caused her to leave her small farming hometown at a young age to go to college. However, she endured a traumatic injury in her early 20s, falling off the side of a cliff at high speed and breaking her back. She received a botched spinal fusion, which as the years went by, stiffened her back and spine. This has caused her immense pressure in her lower back. Shortly after this, I was born against the odds after a life threatening cesarian, which she still has the scars from. She spent long painful stretches of time bedridden, unable to play with me in childhood, or even sit down for an hour long flight or car drive.
Around the age of ten, for about six months, I developed an intense fear and hatred for men. This included my own father and grandfather, and up until that point, I had been extremely close to both of them. There was no particular explanation for this; they are loving and kind men who would never ever harm me. But at this age, I hated them. I thought that they were going to take advantage of me sexually. This was around the age that my mother suffered her assault, and I think she was the cause of these thoughts. A few years later, I hit puberty and shared many of the characteristics that my mother did. We both dealt with depression and an eating disorder; hers made her gain weight, while mine made me loose weight (perhaps because I was being fed on). She was much more concerned when I gained weight back after the eating disorder, despite how skinny and lifeless I was during the episode. That shows her thought process. Looking back, there was no reason for me to develop either of these issues. I didn’t face any of the trauma that she did, she never left my father like her mother did. But our relationships to our respective mothers parallel each other in an eery ‘coincidence.’
I always thought this was inside of me, apart of me. I’ve had many issues with my Aries moon, as I’m often battling with emotional aggression. But I’ve come to this realization through reading about psychic vampires (I highly recommend the book Vampires: The Occult Truth by Konstantinos that I found on here). From what I’ve gathered, she attached to my sacral, heart, and throat chakras. This may have started when she was suffering from her physical illnesses, and she needed energy to stay in equilibrium, so she unknowingly took it from me. This hit its peak about two years ago, as she was constantly taking medication after surgeries for developing cysts in her spine that gave her ‘brain zaps,’ explosive episodes, and delusion. I’m now a young woman who no longer lives at home, yet I have still lived in fear of her. She doesn’t approve of my life choices, and she has threatened me, locked me in the car while screaming at me, gossiped about me to my family, and cornered me at my most vulnerable moments. I’ve had enough.
Last night, I performed a banishing and aura cleansing following Zevist guides as well as information from the book on psychic vampires. I cut any ties that she had to me. I finally feel clean for the first time. I’ve also worked on myself extensively now, and I’ve overcome a lot of my past insecurities. If anyone has any advice for me, or any similar experiences, I’d love to hear them. I still have work to do, but I see a bright future. I wish everyone a blessed day! Moral of the story is it’s not you, it’s a psychic vampire!! (Kidding, unless it rings true to you)
