my meditation *wall of text*

May 30, 2012#1

From: Mike <misza2@...;
To: ;
Subject: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Tue, May 29, 2012 5:04:43 PM

May 30, 2012#2

Hey Lydia :D
Inspirational? I guess :D I was always complaining about not advancing, not feeling anything and the like so even this little looks like a huge improvement. Took me long enough. And it's still only a very little step forward so much more work still left to do.
And the smell... I doubt it as it was only it and nothing else. Later on I found remains of a scented candle that I stashed in my room. Guess what scent it was? Cherries. Case solved. Still, it's a bit weird that I was able to smell it, given the fact that it was lying across the room (and my room is quite big) and, as I wrote before, there were just remains so it wasn't even alight. Maybe that signifies something else: that I was actually able to get into a trance (even if only a mild one) and my senses got a bit more... well... sensitive :D
I know that we all have our own pace but this is also a little bit discouraging. After so long I'm still not good enough with even the most basic of basics and even then, I'm here only because I have so much free time (still no job :/). Not good enough or not confident enough which is basically the same.
Still, it's good to hear from You Lydia, as always :D
Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike
From: "lydia_666@..." <lydia_666@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:08 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

That's awesome! Very inspirational :)

The smell, could be your GD's plant or something. When I went into trance before knowing my GD, I smelled hyacinth. Which was weird since I didn't know what that flower even looked like, being from a northern area of Canada (it's native to the Mediterranean and doesn't do well in the cold), but I just *knew* it was hyacinth. When I looked it up on JoS, Set was the only Demon who matched.

Hail Father Satan!

--- In , Mike <misza2@... wrote:

Hail Brother and Sisters :D

Hope You're all well and in good health.

/wall of text on

I just wanted to write about something fairly weird thet happened during my today's meditation. Even though I still can't visualize properly (got slightly better at it though, for some time I can see flashes of colours, like bright white or electric blue, only for a split second though - still better than nothing xD) and gets distracted quite easily, I managed to get a bit better with at least concentration/focus (loosing focus is still an issue however) and relaxing. It happened three days ago that I was able to get really relaxed, calmed down and focused like never before and since then it is a lot easier to quiet myself down. Working on feeling my energy/chakras without trying to visualize extensively, which is pretty hard btw... I'm a very visual dependant person.
But to the point: today during meditation, once I calmed down and relaxed and started to deepen the state I was in, I suddenly realised that I'm smelling a very nice aroma. I was unable to identify it, though I think it might have been either an aroma of strawberries, raspberries or cherries (fruity in general) or vials. It was really strong, as if someone put my nose into a bowl full of those. Now, considering the fact that I was home alone, all the windows were shut tight (because of the noise coming from the street) and it wasn't there when I was sitting to the meditation, it couldn't have been anything from the outside. That's my guess at least. I also stopped smelling it once I finished the session. It was also becoming stronger when my focus was tighter and seemed to fade away once I was loosing focus.
Hm... come to think of that, it actually isn't The first time... I've smelled that before but because I had windows open I thought that maybe it was some passer's by perfumes or something. Back then it was more like vials, really pleaseant scent :D

Another thing is that for some time now, after meditation (though it is more like trying to meditate that a proper meditation itself as far as I can tell) I'm in a strange mood. Got used to it already and I like it but still. I feel calmer, my mind is a bit clearer, my body feels lighter and I feel like watching something really emotional, even heartbreaking or otherwise sad or epic or listening to that kind of music. I do that - and really like it. It's like discovering all those strong, tears making emotions that I have within me... And then, after some time (which is getting a bit longer every time) I'm back to normal. Not to mention sporadic feeling appearing during meditation itself like fear (more like uncertainty about the future and my current course of action, probably coming from my daily problems).
Seems those "side effects" that were listen on JoS are starting to appear. I guess it's some indication of progress, if anything else :D

/wall of text off

I'm just excited that my practice is finally starting to show some signs of progress. It's really hard to keep up when You can't see any. Some time ago meditation started to feel like a labour; it's a lot different now. Everyday I look forward to see what it will be like this time. That's a good feeling.

Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike

Hey Lydia :D
Inspirational? I guess :D I was always complaining about not advancing, not feeling anything and the like so even this little looks like a huge improvement. Took me long enough. And it's still only a very little step forward so much more work still left to do.
And the smell... I doubt it as it was only it and nothing else. Later on I found remains of a scented candle that I stashed in my room. Guess what scent it was? Cherries. Case solved. Still, it's a bit weird that I was able to smell it, given the fact that it was lying across the room (and my room is quite big) and, as I wrote before, there were just remains so it wasn't even alight. Maybe that signifies something else: that I was actually able to get into a trance (even if only a mild one) and my senses got a bit more... well... sensitive :D
I know that we all have our own pace but this is also a little bit discouraging. After so long I'm still not good enough with even the most basic of basics and even then, I'm here only because I have so much free time (still no job :/). Not good enough or not confident enough which is basically the same.
Still, it's good to hear from You Lydia, as always :D
Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike
From: "lydia_666@..." <lydia_666@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:08 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

That's awesome! Very inspirational :)

The smell, could be your GD's plant or something. When I went into trance before knowing my GD, I smelled hyacinth. Which was weird since I didn't know what that flower even looked like, being from a northern area of Canada (it's native to the Mediterranean and doesn't do well in the cold), but I just *knew* it was hyacinth. When I looked it up on JoS, Set was the only Demon who matched.

Hail Father Satan!

--- In , Mike <misza2@... wrote:

Hail Brother and Sisters :D

Hope You're all well and in good health.

/wall of text on

I just wanted to write about something fairly weird thet happened during my today's meditation. Even though I still can't visualize properly (got slightly better at it though, for some time I can see flashes of colours, like bright white or electric blue, only for a split second though - still better than nothing xD) and gets distracted quite easily, I managed to get a bit better with at least concentration/focus (loosing focus is still an issue however) and relaxing. It happened three days ago that I was able to get really relaxed, calmed down and focused like never before and since then it is a lot easier to quiet myself down. Working on feeling my energy/chakras without trying to visualize extensively, which is pretty hard btw... I'm a very visual dependant person.
But to the point: today during meditation, once I calmed down and relaxed and started to deepen the state I was in, I suddenly realised that I'm smelling a very nice aroma. I was unable to identify it, though I think it might have been either an aroma of strawberries, raspberries or cherries (fruity in general) or vials. It was really strong, as if someone put my nose into a bowl full of those. Now, considering the fact that I was home alone, all the windows were shut tight (because of the noise coming from the street) and it wasn't there when I was sitting to the meditation, it couldn't have been anything from the outside. That's my guess at least. I also stopped smelling it once I finished the session. It was also becoming stronger when my focus was tighter and seemed to fade away once I was loosing focus.
Hm... come to think of that, it actually isn't The first time... I've smelled that before but because I had windows open I thought that maybe it was some passer's by perfumes or something. Back then it was more like vials, really pleaseant scent :D

Another thing is that for some time now, after meditation (though it is more like trying to meditate that a proper meditation itself as far as I can tell) I'm in a strange mood. Got used to it already and I like it but still. I feel calmer, my mind is a bit clearer, my body feels lighter and I feel like watching something really emotional, even heartbreaking or otherwise sad or epic or listening to that kind of music. I do that - and really like it. It's like discovering all those strong, tears making emotions that I have within me... And then, after some time (which is getting a bit longer every time) I'm back to normal. Not to mention sporadic feeling appearing during meditation itself like fear (more like uncertainty about the future and my current course of action, probably coming from my daily problems).
Seems those "side effects" that were listen on JoS are starting to appear. I guess it's some indication of progress, if anything else :D

/wall of text off

I'm just excited that my practice is finally starting to show some signs of progress. It's really hard to keep up when You can't see any. Some time ago meditation started to feel like a labour; it's a lot different now. Everyday I look forward to see what it will be like this time. That's a good feeling.

Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike

May 30, 2012#3

Oy Brian, hope you're good mate :D
I think it is like a chain reaction: the more You do it, the more You'll change and the more You'll notice. That in turn will motivate You more and so on.
Heh, I just sounded as if I have achieved something amazing yet it is just a small step forward. Better than nothing xD Baby steps. But considering the pace, Magnum Opus may be out of my reach in this lifetime. Oh well, I'll just do as much as I can then.
And it's good to know that You'll always throw Your two cents into the topic :D Same as Lydia xD Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike
From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...
To: ; "misza2@..." <misza2@...
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:31 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

From: Mike <misza2@...;
To: ;
Subject: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Tue, May 29, 2012 5:04:43 PM

Oy Brian, hope you're good mate :D
I think it is like a chain reaction: the more You do it, the more You'll change and the more You'll notice. That in turn will motivate You more and so on.
Heh, I just sounded as if I have achieved something amazing yet it is just a small step forward. Better than nothing xD Baby steps. But considering the pace, Magnum Opus may be out of my reach in this lifetime. Oh well, I'll just do as much as I can then.
And it's good to know that You'll always throw Your two cents into the topic :D Same as Lydia xD Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike
From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...
To: ; "misza2@..." <misza2@...
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:31 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

From: Mike <misza2@...;
To: ;
Subject: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Tue, May 29, 2012 5:04:43 PM

May 31, 2012#4

Jun 1, 2012#5

Hey Brian.
I know, You're a security officer now xD Do people address You as "Mr Officer"?Anyway, that's what I keep telling myself - that at least I can work on meditations since I don't do anything else. But it is frustrating to see my money reserves drying out so quickly... And another annoying thing is that I've been sending resumes/CVs for so long now and barely got any answers... Even from agencies employing for a really low-paid jobs. I'm starting to think there's something fishy about it.
As far as meditations themselves go... My pace seems to be really sluggish heh. I keep reading people posting about how they can see this or that, feel their energies and stuff, do this or that and it sometimes make me feel like a spiritual caveman...On the other hand it makes me want to advance even more so it seems to be a good thing.
Oh and Brian, all the best to You and your other half :D Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!
/Mike
From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...
To:
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 11:51 PM
Subject: Re: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

Jun 1, 2012#6

As Lydia said very inspirational stuff mike! I have barely begun my meditations and I havnt seen much improvement obviously, but reading this encourages me to try harder!

As for the smell, you said it was a candle half way across the room, and that your senses may have heightened when in a trance.. I've had the same thing occur but not with smell, with music. I had music playing very softly and I concentrated so hard on it that it got so amazingly loud like I was listening to it through a stereo, with huge amounts of bass. I then suddenly jolted out of the trance and the music was quiet again..

Anyway good luck for the future mate! :)

HAIL SATAN !

--- In , Mike <misza2@... wrote:

Hey Lydia :D

Inspirational? I guess :D I was always complaining about not advancing, not feeling anything and the like so even this little looks like a huge improvement. Took me long enough. And it's still only a very little step forward so much more work still left to do.

And the smell... I doubt it as it was only it and nothing else. Later on I found remains of a scented candle that I stashed in my room. Guess what scent it was? Cherries. Case solved. Still, it's a bit weird that I was able to smell it, given the fact that it was lying across the room (and my room is quite big) and, as I wrote before, there were just remains so it wasn't even alight. Maybe that signifies something else: that I was actually able to get into a trance (even if only a mild one) and my senses got a bit more... well... sensitive :D

I know that we all have our own pace but this is also a little bit discouraging. After so long I'm still not good enough with even the most basic of basics and even then, I'm here only because I have so much free time (still no job :/). Not good enough or not confident enough which is basically the same.

Still, it's good to hear from You Lydia, as always :D

Â
Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!Â
/Mike

________________________________
From: "lydia_666@..." <lydia_666@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:08 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

Â
That's awesome! Very inspirational :)

The smell, could be your GD's plant or something. When I went into trance before knowing my GD, I smelled hyacinth. Which was weird since I didn't know what that flower even looked like, being from a northern area of Canada (it's native to the Mediterranean and doesn't do well in the cold), but I just *knew* it was hyacinth. When I looked it up on JoS, Set was the only Demon who matched.

Hail Father Satan!

--- In , Mike <misza2@ wrote:

Hail Brother and Sisters :D

Hope You're all well and in good health.

/wall of text on

I just wanted to write about something fairly weird thet happened during my today's meditation. Even though I still can't visualize properly (got slightly better at it though, for some time I can see flashes of colours, like bright white or electric blue, only for a split second though - still better than nothing xD) and gets distracted quite easily, I managed to get a bit better with at least concentration/focus (loosing focus is still an issue however) and relaxing. It happened three days ago that I was able to get really relaxed, calmed down and focused like never before and since then it is a lot easier to quiet myself down. Working on feeling my energy/chakras without trying to visualize extensively, which is pretty hard btw... I'm a very visual dependant person.
But to the point: today during meditation, once I calmed down and relaxed and started to deepen the state I was in, I suddenly realised that I'm smelling a very nice aroma. I was unable to identify it, though I think it might have been either an aroma of strawberries, raspberries or cherries (fruity in general) or vials. It was really strong, as if someone put my nose into a bowl full of those. Now, considering the fact that I was home alone, all the windows were shut tight (because of the noise coming from the street) and it wasn't there when I was sitting to the meditation, it couldn't have been anything from the outside. That's my guess at least. I also stopped smelling it once I finished the session. It was also becoming stronger when my focus was tighter and seemed to fade away once I was loosing focus.
Hm... come to think of that, it actually isn't The first time... I've smelled that before but because I had windows open I thought that maybe it was some passer's by perfumes or something. Back then it was more like vials, really pleaseant scent :D

Another thing is that for some time now, after meditation (though it is more like trying to meditate that a proper meditation itself as far as I can tell) I'm in a strange mood. Got used to it already and I like it but still. I feel calmer, my mind is a bit clearer, my body feels lighter and I feel like watching something really emotional, even heartbreaking or otherwise sad or epic or listening to that kind of music. I do that - and really like it. It's like discovering all those strong, tears making emotions that I have within me... And then, after some time (which is getting a bit longer every time) I'm back to normal. Not to mention sporadic feeling appearing during meditation itself like fear (more like uncertainty about the future and my current course of action, probably coming from my daily problems).
Seems those "side effects" that were listen on JoS are starting to appear. I guess it's some indication of progress, if anything else :D

/wall of text off

Â
I'm just excited that my practice is finally starting to show some signs of progress. It's really hard to keep up when You can't see any. Some time ago meditation started to feel like a labour; it's a lot different now. Everyday I look forward to see what it will be like this time. That's a good feeling.

Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!Â
/Mike

As Lydia said very inspirational stuff mike! I have barely begun my meditations and I havnt seen much improvement obviously, but reading this encourages me to try harder!

As for the smell, you said it was a candle half way across the room, and that your senses may have heightened when in a trance.. I've had the same thing occur but not with smell, with music. I had music playing very softly and I concentrated so hard on it that it got so amazingly loud like I was listening to it through a stereo, with huge amounts of bass. I then suddenly jolted out of the trance and the music was quiet again..

Anyway good luck for the future mate! :)

HAIL SATAN !

--- In , Mike <misza2@... wrote:

Hey Lydia :D

Inspirational? I guess :D I was always complaining about not advancing, not feeling anything and the like so even this little looks like a huge improvement. Took me long enough. And it's still only a very little step forward so much more work still left to do.

And the smell... I doubt it as it was only it and nothing else. Later on I found remains of a scented candle that I stashed in my room. Guess what scent it was? Cherries. Case solved. Still, it's a bit weird that I was able to smell it, given the fact that it was lying across the room (and my room is quite big) and, as I wrote before, there were just remains so it wasn't even alight. Maybe that signifies something else: that I was actually able to get into a trance (even if only a mild one) and my senses got a bit more... well... sensitive :D

I know that we all have our own pace but this is also a little bit discouraging. After so long I'm still not good enough with even the most basic of basics and even then, I'm here only because I have so much free time (still no job :/). Not good enough or not confident enough which is basically the same.

Still, it's good to hear from You Lydia, as always :D

Â
Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!Â
/Mike

________________________________
From: "lydia_666@..." <lydia_666@...
To:
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:08 PM
Subject: Re: my meditation *wall of text*

Â
That's awesome! Very inspirational :)

The smell, could be your GD's plant or something. When I went into trance before knowing my GD, I smelled hyacinth. Which was weird since I didn't know what that flower even looked like, being from a northern area of Canada (it's native to the Mediterranean and doesn't do well in the cold), but I just *knew* it was hyacinth. When I looked it up on JoS, Set was the only Demon who matched.

Hail Father Satan!

--- In , Mike <misza2@ wrote:

Hail Brother and Sisters :D

Hope You're all well and in good health.

/wall of text on

I just wanted to write about something fairly weird thet happened during my today's meditation. Even though I still can't visualize properly (got slightly better at it though, for some time I can see flashes of colours, like bright white or electric blue, only for a split second though - still better than nothing xD) and gets distracted quite easily, I managed to get a bit better with at least concentration/focus (loosing focus is still an issue however) and relaxing. It happened three days ago that I was able to get really relaxed, calmed down and focused like never before and since then it is a lot easier to quiet myself down. Working on feeling my energy/chakras without trying to visualize extensively, which is pretty hard btw... I'm a very visual dependant person.
But to the point: today during meditation, once I calmed down and relaxed and started to deepen the state I was in, I suddenly realised that I'm smelling a very nice aroma. I was unable to identify it, though I think it might have been either an aroma of strawberries, raspberries or cherries (fruity in general) or vials. It was really strong, as if someone put my nose into a bowl full of those. Now, considering the fact that I was home alone, all the windows were shut tight (because of the noise coming from the street) and it wasn't there when I was sitting to the meditation, it couldn't have been anything from the outside. That's my guess at least. I also stopped smelling it once I finished the session. It was also becoming stronger when my focus was tighter and seemed to fade away once I was loosing focus.
Hm... come to think of that, it actually isn't The first time... I've smelled that before but because I had windows open I thought that maybe it was some passer's by perfumes or something. Back then it was more like vials, really pleaseant scent :D

Another thing is that for some time now, after meditation (though it is more like trying to meditate that a proper meditation itself as far as I can tell) I'm in a strange mood. Got used to it already and I like it but still. I feel calmer, my mind is a bit clearer, my body feels lighter and I feel like watching something really emotional, even heartbreaking or otherwise sad or epic or listening to that kind of music. I do that - and really like it. It's like discovering all those strong, tears making emotions that I have within me... And then, after some time (which is getting a bit longer every time) I'm back to normal. Not to mention sporadic feeling appearing during meditation itself like fear (more like uncertainty about the future and my current course of action, probably coming from my daily problems).
Seems those "side effects" that were listen on JoS are starting to appear. I guess it's some indication of progress, if anything else :D

/wall of text off

Â
I'm just excited that my practice is finally starting to show some signs of progress. It's really hard to keep up when You can't see any. Some time ago meditation started to feel like a labour; it's a lot different now. Everyday I look forward to see what it will be like this time. That's a good feeling.

Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War!Â
/Mike

Jun 1, 2012#7

From: Mike <misza2@...;
To: ;
Subject: Re: Re: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Thu, May 31, 2012 11:29:33 AM

Jun 1, 2012#8

From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...;
To: ; misza2@... <misza2@...;
Subject: Re: Re: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Fri, Jun 1, 2012 8:53:58 AM

Jun 1, 2012#9

From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...;
To: ; misza2@... <misza2@...;
Subject: Re: Re: my meditation *wall of text*
Sent: Fri, Jun 1, 2012 8:53:58 AM

Jun 12, 2012#10