My fault and rising (Please read to end)

[littlesttitan]

Hello again all of you sexy peoplez!!!? ill try to make this as quick as possible. I recently discovered that i have wasted my 2 years of hope as a satanist meditating, turns out that without concistance and will my life turned even worse. I was so super excited that if i meditate every day ill become really powerful and get to do so many things that normal people cant but for some reason i just got lazy and didnt do meditations really at all after the 40 day meditations, there i fealt like it was the most important and crucial thing ever so i didnt stop doing what i had to do NO MATTER WHAT even if it was 2 hours past the time i usualy go to sleep or if i was somewhere else with people i did what i fealt i had to do, and again i just got lazy afterwards and caught up with watching people play games on youtube (a good amount of it was probably all the evil entities and energies that attatched themselves to me after all the RTRs ive done without any protection meditation and "mental bumps" i had every night) I take one of those deep thinking in the shower movie moments and i finaly realize that i DID fuck up MAJORLY that i became even worse in most ways than i was before BUT i also activated my chakras, gained certain knowledge ill never forget, and meet some really cool freinds along the way (if you read every one of my posts then you know who you are ^-^). One thing i lack is discipline and theres no other way i can learn that except for teaching it to me myself. Idk what it is that makes me "like this" probably the alchoholic dad and drugy user mom plus the number of different races my dads side has ?. Ugggghhh! I was gonna go on with more problems i have but i think youve had enough of that ?. Now we get into the RISING part? (continuing from the shower part) i KNOW i can be something big, at some points i felt like theres nothing good left to happen in my life soon but now i say to myself "YOU WILL GET NOTHING GOOD IN LIFE IF YOU DONT DO ANYTHING GOOD YOURSELF, BY DOING NOTHING USEFUL/HELPFUL YOU WILL GET NOTHING USEFUL/ HELPFUL" And the other way around. So now i will dedicate my life following now to use all the time i have to be doing something useful no matter how irritating and boring meditating may seem (idk why i feel that way now, i cleaned my aura real good and didnt feel anything different. Now THATS something wrong with me XD feeling that meditations arent worth my time, ill get over it though) whatever the occasion, even in the worst of situations and grimest moments i ALWAYS pull through in the end and i am sooooo proud of myself for. I really dont know what else i can say ? AGAIN AND AGAIN i prove to myself that I AM STRONG. I thought last night that my world was over and mental recovery was impossible but I GOT THROUGH IT. That is one thing about me that i love the most and im glad is here to stay. I feel i have the heart of Satan in side of me! ? i really dont know how to word it perfectly but its amazing! SATAN, one great man that never quits and always has hope and everything to back that up, the force of the universe that always points twards light and doesnt die trying to get what it wants. Certain realizations and feeling that i have make me feel super wonderful like this ? with my spirit we WILL win the war and THATS A FACT!!! Life will be beautiful once more and then even more than ever VERY SOON all we have to have is DETERMINATION, WILLPOWER, AND DO THE WORK. ill try to channel this excitement and energy into something great after this? i had a fault that ruined my totally but now im back RISING up and becoming the best ill ever be and keep it that way BUT only getting better and better and never stopping! *psyco laugh* XD i should probably get some sleep soon. I feel better than ever and will do what i can to stay that way, i hope all of you a SUPER SEXY FUN AND AWESOME LIFE and to do ALL YOU CAN to support in our shared goal in this age to take down all who oppose Father and the Gods and to restore the Universe to something not seen in literaly thousands of years XD. (Never a bad time to fit some sort of inspirational speech in somewhere here) LOVE YOU ALL AND I REALLY HOPE WE CAN ALL BE GREAT FREINDS SOMEDAY!!!! ????????