Kiara. March 2007 - Januari 2025. My beloved favorite cat.
She lived a long life for a cat - 18 years.
She got less and less active the last years. Slept and rested more, but was still socially active and cuddly to the very end.
Eventually she got sick somehow, and started puking and mjauing more often.
These last days she gradually stopped eating and hid herself under the sofa, and later in the bathroom under the bathtub.
I desperately tried putting water and food under the sofa, and she ate some at first, but was better at drinking.
This morning I found her on the bathroom floor, sounding very sad when I put my hand on her fur, which felt like it was at least still in good shape.
I hoped for the best; that this was temporary, but when I picked her up from the floor and noticed how lifeless she was... I started crying.
I don't cry easily, but what happened moments later just killed me from the inside.
I carried her to my bed, cuddled with her, tried to give her food, but she could neither drink or eat. Completely drained of energy.
Then she started gasping for air, opened her mouth and stayed in that position until she stopped breathing. I picked her up, and there was no life left in Kiara. That moment I felt like I could die too as well.
I've cried so much now that I'm afraid to wake the neighbours. Pure terror. I miss her so much and also regret all those times I should had taken more good care of her.
All those times I raised my voice to her, or was selfish enough to not see her needs of comfort and playfulness as a cat.
You truly don't know how much you love someone until he/she is gone, regardless of it being humans or animals. This is something for all pet owners to remember. You will regret all your selfishness, so be there for your pet. Be there even if it feels tiresome.
Years ago, when I was working full time and being away all day long; I actually tried to give her a better home, and consequently sold her to a family with children, with a bigger apartment etc. so she could enjoy her life more.. or so I thought. She was so desperate to get away from them that she smashed her head against their glass window, charging at it like a bull into it in order to flee. So I had to take her back.
Deep inside I missed her just as much, but also knew that she was going to be very lonely in a small apartment with me being away so much.
I write this post in order to process all this, and for all you pet owners out there to really remember to give as much love and care for your beloved pets as you possibly can.
I have given this cat much love and care, but not even close to as much as I Should have. I've been a selfish bastard at times, and that hurts to the core right now.
I remember my first days with Kiara; how she as a small kitten hid under the bed and could not properly mjau.
Then some three days later, I found her laying on top of my bed all of a sudden. As I layed my head against her soft fur she started to spin. The connection of love was established.
That's where we connected, and that's also where she died in front of me today. I've seldom felt such saddness in my life. No advancement could ever keep it away. Tears keep coming.
“Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.” - Yogi Bhajan
