I’ve been introduced to JoS when I was very young, since then and before I felt like I was a very special person and had great potential. I do. But right now at this point in my life I’m no where near special, I’m actually doing worse in life than most of my peers or normal people.
I’m not blessed with heritage, I don’t have a powerful rich family, connections, I don’t have great looks at the moment (I’m aging terribly despite being very young), I’m not very smart (academically I mean) and I’m not very skilled at an art form, I’m not spiritually powerful. At least not to the required degree.
Despite this I’m cursed with extremely large dreams and potential that I’m nowhere near.
I can’t accept even being a millionaire (I’m dead broke actually) I want and I feel destined to be a billionaire, I want to be beautiful, artistically gifted and talented, have extreme spiritual power, and build an actual empire and just have so much power, influence, and I want it to be extreme.
Recently, I’m starting to realize more and more what it takes to be extraordinary.
And I really don’t know if I have what it takes, actually it seems I don’t.
It all ties to discipline, hard work, consistency, patience, but to an extreme level tied to the level you want to succeed but 10x.
And I feel this is so suffocating to me. I have been struggling with consistency and progress since forever.
Hps Pythia was once homeless, suicidal, and depressed and she mastered and transformed all this till she became a Hero and Goddess.
I’m dealing with similar things that make me hopeless and powerless but I just don’t have it in me to turn it all around.
I keep trying and trying but trying’s not enough.
I feel and I know that I’m very unremarkable in the grand scheme of things I feel like an insect that’s going nowhere and keep getting crushed and I just don’t have it in me to turn it all around. I keep trying and I haven’t lost hope. But I have no results or anything material.
I wish I was supported, everyone tells you no one’s coming to save you but I really do need someone, I just feel like I can’t do it alone. I wish the Gods would help me a bit and help me in a material real way. I have no support from my family and I’m all alone and I don’t think I can make it alone.
I just wish I can be blessed and not have to work extremely hard for something and be patient for extremely long amount of times to get something. I’m not very good at patience and it really hurts.
At least if I have to work hard I need to at least work hard in something that makes sense to me. I need a north star. But right now I’m just very lost.