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How to deal with intense emotions and flashes

AvatarLightning_Puma2 min to read

Hello,

Ever since the move to a better and healthier, safer, more Zevism environment, I've noticed that part of me that has been locked away for years is opening up.

All the abuse I went through in my life are coming out in intense emotions and flashes.

For example:

I thought I wasn't scared of a man's touch anymore, but I started to be. My boyfriend has been helping me, however, when I feel these intense and overbearing emotions, any physical touch (even my own) feels like my skin is being burned. It hurts and it makes me feel scared.

Or sometimes these flashes of what had happened to me come flooding my psyche that I feel trapped, not safe and like I am in danger again.

Nobody taught me how to deal with emotions or how to better control them.
I have so much anger inside of myself that it just lashes out in every and any direction it can.

And whenever I distract myself by cooking or cleaning or anything else, it's okay for that moment, but when I stop? It's back to square one.

I am exhausted and fed up with everything. I hadn't realized what years of abuse did to me until I moved to a safer environment. I've done like 4 emotional healings. I've done them in the unsafe environment, so that's probably why it didn't help. Could be wrong. I don't know anymore.

Part of me feels that ignoring or pretending like these emotions and feelings don't exist makes it worse. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions.

Does anyone know what I could do?
Thank you.

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#20

Hey, I thought of a couple of other things.

Moving homes by itself is already stressful, and stress can also trigger flashbacks.

Some information I was looking at about addictions is that they say that often they wanted to escape from something, or not feel something. Although we all need a break from stuff from time to time tbf, there are unhealthy ways to do this. Note: I am not talking about alcoholism, smoking and drug abuse here, though these are the most apparent ones.
Keeping yourself busy all day, or binge watching series and being unable to stop doing this (or even obsessive compulsive cleaning) is a form of escapism, but also a trend in addiction.

Sister (if I may call you like that), thank you kindly for your immense help and advices.

The 2 main reasons why I do so much everyday is to 1) escape all these flashes and emotions, and 2) so I don't feel like a burden or like I'm a leech to my bf. He says I've done so much already and to stop and rest, but part of me is feeling like I didn't even do that much.

I think it's to do that even back home even when I did so much it wasn't enough or even appreciated, just critiqued and belittled. I think it damaged my self-esteem in many ways, not just from this, but many other reasons. I hate feeling like I'm not enough.

VUU exercise really calmed me down. Thank you!! I could feel this calming energy overcoming my lower body and solar chakra. It felt really nice. Thank you!!

Munka can get rid of trauma, no?

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#21

Sister (if I may call you like that), thank you kindly for your immense help and advices.

Yes, of course. And you're welcome :)

The 2 main reasons why I do so much everyday is to 1) escape all these flashes and emotions, and 2) so I don't feel like a burden or like I'm a leech to my bf. He says I've done so much already and to stop and rest, but part of me is feeling like I didn't even do that much.

I think it's to do that even back home even when I did so much it wasn't enough or even appreciated, just critiqued and belittled. I think it damaged my self-esteem in many ways, not just from this, but many other reasons. I hate feeling like I'm not enough.

VUU exercise really calmed me down. Thank you!! I could feel this calming energy overcoming my lower body and solar chakra. It felt really nice. Thank you!!

Sometimes its also acknowledging that we can't carry the burden of the entire world on our shoulders. There are unfortunately people out there that do not understand anothers situation and find it hard to have true compassion. It is like they just see you whilst you are on your 15 minute break, and just tell you go to back to work because you're loitering around or w/e.

(Those kind of people do not belong in your life either ... )

It is difficult to overcome but start by accepting that if you are tired and stressed and you still did the laundry, you still did something (even if you did nothing that day, don't blame yourself for it. We all need rest and complete days off). Taking care of yourself, so that you feel happy and healthy and have a buffer for when things don't go as well or don't go as planned.. so you can deal with social situations properly.. is worth way more than overtaxing yourself to 'prove yourself' or something.

Also we humans have something like an 'adjustment period'.. Some people deal with changes better than others but in general getting into a routine takes less energy than constantly having to deal with or compensate for changes or unforseen circumstances coming onto your path.

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

I would recommend to do some spiritual sun squares later on to boost your confidence / self esteem / sense of self worth. But to also work on your mental health, so negative thought patterns won't keep creeping up on you.

... what I meant by this: "I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely" is that due to trauma certain responses can get stuck in the body. Triggers were mentioned before, things that provoke a certain response out of you. You can look at it, think about it, think maybe 'next time I want to try x y or z'.
But sometimes such responses are so hard-wired into you, that you cannot open up to even see new sides to a situation or to even be able to take a step back and try a different response.
Such behavior becomes part of you, some might consider it even being a personality trait of you, but it does not have to appear in your natal chart. Such responses are involuntary.
In example you read something of an unpleasant nature and your vision gets blurry or covered with black spots (=you black out). Or one person says just one word to you and you are immediately trembling on your legs. (I am not talking doctors office bad news talk here. I am talking flight / fight / freeze response *and beyond that* here, taken outside of a healthy situation, wherein normally this response is necessary to protect your life.)

Look, for a working always visualize the best possible outcome that you can think of. I am certain that gains can be made and things can be completely resolved, but depending on the severity of the situation you might need additional help (which is why I mentioned therapy in an earlier post).

If someone disagrees with me on the latter part; it would be interesting to see your opinion/findings too.

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#22

Yes, of course. And you're welcome :)

Sometimes its also acknowledging that we can't carry the burden of the entire world on our shoulders. There are unfortunately people out there that do not understand anothers situation and find it hard to have true compassion. It is like they just see you whilst you are on your 15 minute break, and just tell you go to back to work because you're loitering around or w/e.

(Those kind of people do not belong in your life either ... )

Sister, thank you so much for this!!

I was feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed, but reading your response really helped calm me down and made me feel better. I appreciate what you do! 🙏

For a long time, from both it being drilled into my mind and from low self esteem, I've thought that having time to myself is too selfish and wrong. It would explain why I would end up burning myself out with meditation a lot and doing too much to where it overwhelmed me. It was only because I wanted to feel useful for once, you know?

Thank you kindly!

I do want to go to therapy, but I have to sort out a bunch of legal stuff first before I can. I have a feeling that everything is going to be okay.

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#23

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

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#24

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

Good luck to you! I hope it isn't overwhelming!

0

"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#25

...

Hey, I just wanted to say that my bf got me a rose quartz! At first it took me a bit to get familiar with it, but afterwards it felt like it was actually healing me. It is very nice to hold it!

I ended up falling asleep with it and I had the most peaceful sleep in years. No bad dreams, no feeling like I didn't even get enough sleep, nothing like that! It feels great!! :)

I've been also reading this book about trauma and it is very interesting. It is by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#26

Sister, thank you so much for this!!

I was feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed, but reading your response really helped calm me down and made me feel better. I appreciate what you do! 🙏

For a long time, from both it being drilled into my mind and from low self esteem, I've thought that having time to myself is too selfish and wrong. It would explain why I would end up burning myself out with meditation a lot and doing too much to where it overwhelmed me. It was only because I wanted to feel useful for once, you know?

Sometimes the people that tell you and call you selfish are the selfish ones themselves. A lot of things have been said to me in the past, often without context, and it was just being a reflexion of themselves.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to feel useful for someone, but it must also be appreciated. When you do hard work and there is no reward, not even a compliment though you deserve one, or a positive note on something, you can get hung up on it and it can really harm your self esteem.
Compliment yourself for the things that you can do/are doing. Do not hate yourself (or be mad at yourself) for what you did not accomplish yet.

I still struggle with things. 5 years ago it was suggested to me to consider talking to a psychologist, but I did not want to back then. It's only when things got so bad that I was having trouble in the day to day life that I considered giving it a try. Over here there is a waiting list so its not like you can sign up and get started straight away. In the meantime I ended up trying to finish some big things that were weighing on my mind quite heavily, and therapy just clashed with the amount of effort I had to put into these.
Then when I ended up somewhere we were twisting and turning around the thing, not going anywhere, so I ended up opting for a different therapist.

It has been and still is an ongoing journey for me.

Healing trauma takes time and a lot of energy so its good that you want to finish these legal things first.

Hey, I just wanted to say that my bf got me a rose quartz! At first it took me a bit to get familiar with it, but afterwards it felt like it was actually healing me. It is very nice to hold it!

I ended up falling asleep with it and I had the most peaceful sleep in years. No bad dreams, no feeling like I didn't even get enough sleep, nothing like that! It feels great!! :)

I've been also reading this book about trauma and it is very interesting. It is by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Glad to hear this!
I heard that name before - I think I saw it mentioned in a youtube video.
There was a video about how trauma changes the brain - I am not sure if Bessel Van Der Kolk was linked to that or if it was someone else.

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#27

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

I noticed when doing Lydia's psychological healing that at first it'd seem to do a lot, but over time it lessened. Like maybe it needed more of a buffer or it needed to build up more for more deep seated things? Increasing the reps helped, I remember. I wonder if you experienced the same thing?

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Temporarily inactive.

#28

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

When we are talking about emotional trauma one needs to harmonize their mind from such events. Munka distances yourself from what caused it, but the consequence, ie. trauma, has to be operated on separately.

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#29
This is the targeted message.

Sometimes the people that tell you and call you selfish are the selfish ones themselves. A lot of things have been said to me in the past, often without context, and it was just being a reflexion of themselves.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to feel useful for someone, but it must also be appreciated. When you do hard work and there is no reward, not even a compliment though you deserve one, or a positive note on something, you can get hung up on it and it can really harm your self esteem.
Compliment yourself for the things that you can do/are doing. Do not hate yourself (or be mad at yourself) for what you did not accomplish yet.

I still struggle with things. 5 years ago it was suggested to me to consider talking to a psychologist, but I did not want to back then. It's only when things got so bad that I was having trouble in the day to day life that I considered giving it a try. Over here there is a waiting list so its not like you can sign up and get started straight away. In the meantime I ended up trying to finish some big things that were weighing on my mind quite heavily, and therapy just clashed with the amount of effort I had to put into these.
Then when I ended up somewhere we were twisting and turning around the thing, not going anywhere, so I ended up opting for a different therapist.

Sister, I am so sorry you went through such terrible stuff, it is not nice.
I hope you are feeling better. You are doing great!

And you are right, not being thanked after doing something good is bad. I never got a thank you when I did something good.

Like there was this one time when I went to collect my dogs droppings in a trash bag and then my mom was thanking, yes, thanking, my dog for literally shitting. That made me feel absolutely pathetic and useless.

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#30

I noticed when doing Lydia's psychological healing that at first it'd seem to do a lot, but over time it lessened. Like maybe it needed more of a buffer or it needed to build up more for more deep seated things? Increasing the reps helped, I remember. I wonder if you experienced the same thing?

Yes it happened to me, when there are many accumulated traumas at the beginning there is usually a lot of resistance and then as you go cleaning it and freeing yourself it becomes less hard.
I already did another similar work in 2019 that was even harder than this one.

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#31

Sister, I am so sorry you went through such terrible stuff, it is not nice.
I hope you are feeling better. You are doing great!

And you are right, not being thanked after doing something good is bad. I never got a thank you when I did something good.

Like there was this one time when I went to collect my dogs droppings in a trash bag and then my mom was thanking, yes, thanking, my dog for literally shitting. That made me feel absolutely pathetic and useless.

There are people out there that unfortunately do not think or consider this towards another person. And it seems to be something that is more common in the earlier (or at least, the last before us) generations.

What you said here does not sound like she appreciated you.. It sounds more like what a slavedriver (literally translated this word from dutch so its probably non excistent in english - slavendrijver - it is someone that would put slaves to work; work till you drop kind of vibes) would do.

Growing up in the household that I did grew up in, I didn't feel that much appreciated either, but at least my parents cared, and tried to help me (though they didn't really show it, and it was in a rather distant manner). It just really sucked that it felt like I could not trust them with what was going on in my life outside of the house (because of their behavior and things they said).

I was looking for some course paperwork that I had followed when I was 13. But I cannot find it. It had some exercises on it and I was thinking that maybe they could be helpful for others. But then I need to find it and see what they were first haha.

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#32

There are people out there that unfortunately do not think or consider this towards another person. And it seems to be something that is more common in the earlier (or at least, the last before us) generations.

What you said here does not sound like she appreciated you.. It sounds more like what a slavedriver (literally translated this word from dutch so its probably non excistent in english - slavendrijver - it is someone that would put slaves to work; work till you drop kind of vibes) would do.

Growing up in the household that I did grew up in, I didn't feel that much appreciated either, but at least my parents cared, and tried to help me (though they didn't really show it, and it was in a rather distant manner). It just really sucked that it felt like I could not trust them with what was going on in my life outside of the house (because of their behavior and things they said).

You are right, thank you.

And I am sorry it was like that with your parents. Hopefully the new generation of parents (either Zevism or good people that care) are better parents than the previous generation in all honesty.

I hope you can find those exercises then! I hope they help you too! :)

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )

#33

You are right, thank you.

And I am sorry it was like that with your parents. Hopefully the new generation of parents (either Zevism or good people that care) are better parents than the previous generation in all honesty.

I hope you can find those exercises then! I hope they help you too! :)

Well, I did not find them.. but thats fine. I remember some of the things that I had to do though.

Like... write down a scenario, and the behavior that I had. Write down the thoughts, flip it around, make it a positive thought (I was not good at this). Compliment myself on the things that I did well.

Most that I struggled with back then, was that I thought, that any compliment that was made by someone else (I rarely got any anyway) they just made as a joke and that in reality they thought something really awful of me. Like it wasn't meant. That they were just playing me for a fool.
...

Anyway, I found this article. Its something that you are asked to fill in if you do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Its an example of a behavioral diagram:

Event
I walk through the forest and see a man with a dog.

Feeling and how strong was this feeling in %
Fear 80%

Behavior, what did you do or did you not do:
With a wide circle I went around the dog and the man.

Thinking out automatic thoughts / images and testing them. Why does it feel so nasty to think this? What can happen in the worst case scenario? What does this mean for my life / future?
If I get attacked I get injured and I end up in the hospital.

Select the central thought and the credibility. Write the most important thought that you want to explore.
I get attacked by the dog 80 %

Evidence for those that support the central thought:
I have been attacked before by a dog.
I have seen on tv that there are a lot of people bitten by a dog.
The dog looked at me as if it was wicked (or mad).

Evidences that devalue the central thought:
I walk a lot through the forest and I've never been attacked by a dog.
The dog listened good to the man.
I saw the dog was wagging its tail. Then he is happy.

How credible is the central thougth now in % ?
60%

Helping thought. Realistic balanced thought, credibility of this new thought:
Dogs can attack, thats why its good to be careful. But a small circle is enough.

The effect of the new thought:
Relief, had a bit more excitement about going to the forest.

What am I going to do as a concrete step to belief this thought? Which behavioral experiment am I going to execute?:
I am going to watch to a video of Martin Gauss to see how to act with dogs and then I am going to make the wide bends that I've been walking, smaller.

What were the most important thinking mistakes that I've made previously?
I did not estimate the chance well enough.
I underestimated my own possibilities.

[Source: Vizier, Winter 2019, page 11] Sorry, I probably butchered some sentences. Translating from dutch to english out the top of your head is not the easiest.

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#34

Well, I did not find them.. but thats fine. I remember some of the things that I had to do though.

Like... write down a scenario, and the behavior that I had. Write down the thoughts, flip it around, make it a positive thought (I was not good at this). Compliment myself on the things that I did well.

Most that I struggled with back then, was that I thought, that any compliment that was made by someone else (I rarely got any anyway) they just made as a joke and that in reality they thought something really awful of me. Like it wasn't meant. That they were just playing me for a fool.
...

Sister.. The things you describe feels like you are describing me 100%... I am sorry you experienced so much negativity in your life, but I am glad you are here with us.

I hope your life gets better in the future, I really do!

And you are right, translating from another language at the top of your head is hard.

But thank you, this is interesting. I hope I can go to therapy in the future.

Good luck to you, sister. :)

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"There might be Darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have the Light (Power) inside you!" - Lord Eligos

"Being yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself." - Lord Phenex

"Don't forget that you have all of us!" - The Gods (To All Members: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=435533#p435533 )