its ok, now. i understand that i will never experience anything "real" (be there a thing. im not even stressing that imcompletely ignored by evryone, even "family" i refise to hold my breath any longer waiting for just a glimpse of hope, besides, this will most likely never get posted. i blame noone. i just cant imagine how absalutly horrible i must have been in my past life to deserve all this. if it werent for my love for satan, i would be 100% atheist. at least i can say i tried, cant say i gave it my all, as this is a quality i was either born without, or was stolen from me before my memory will allow. at least this will be read by the group owner before tossed out