I try to work towards my goals, both material and spiritual, I make sacrifices, I meditate for a period of time that I cannot afford.
However, nothing works for me. I keep falling, I do not move forward. I have put all my trust in the gods for so many years. I consume an immense amount of energy working to move forward.
I do not know what else to do. I have had big problems lately. I do not want to return to my old beliefs.
I have fallen many times before the people of the false Jesus, I have fallen at their mercy and this hurts me very much.
My opinion is that the gods do not want me at their table
and they are throwing me away. I do not think they love me and that they have eyes for someone like me. I have tried harder, I can no longer.
You are thinking too much and your brain is running around in many directions right now.
Calm down, yes you have big problems, but the solution lies in what you are giving up upon. Backing off and doing nothing and let things be is NOT a solution, but a problem multiplier.
Fate slaps you, what you are basically doing by having this mindset is turning the other the cheek to it.
What other option do we have even have other than to meditate? None.
Why do you fail? Ask yourself. Is it consistency issue? Or lack of belief in magic?
Start by doing basics, hatha yoga, cleaning with 40reps and protection with any reps you feel comfortable and void stick to it for a week, no matter what comes to mind keep on doing it.
After a week of consistently doing it, you will have a better mindset.
Affirm to yourself before sleep that you have a positive mindset always repeat it during the day, breathe in energy throughout day and program it for same if you can, you dont necessarily need a "perfect" environment for this, you can be sitting somewhere doing something breathe in energy for 2 minutes and affirm in your mind.
You got it, Gods are there always, they guide you but you need to put in work.