Self-destructive tendencies

Azorm wrote:

Apparently literally everybody can notice that I have a problem with this and I do.

Tho reason why I said I am my own enemy was for another reasons but okay ( because we are to blame for most of the bad things that happen to us blah blah...)

I must start a working to fix my issue. I must pick a good date soon and good runes. I am okay with mantras too. Any advices and tips?

My problem is complex and it's linked to some of the traumas from the past lives and because of my overly strict and abusive parents ( my mother was beating me like crazy every day for years and years because I was too stupid and stubborn kid in her opinion). Part of my personality now is just being too strict and harsh with myself and I always want too much to achieve in life and to be the best in everything.

I'm kinda bad at learning new things because of some traumas and that is often making me feel really bad and I fucked up lot of my meditations too. Also I feel guilty because I was mean to some people and done some shit in the past. So I ended up hating myself. My problem is still here. I am doing 2 workings to heal my traumas and my bodies now, but soon I could start a new one :)

It really depends what you want more specifically. Independence, making peace with your family, detaching from past events...

Depending what you want you can choose a rune from the runes description page. I would advice one at a time for more focused power. A waxing moon is perfect for most workings unless it is something that needs unbinding, destroying a link ... in short a minus of some kind case in which a waxing moon is ok to start the rune cycle. 40 days for a more lasting effect, probably even permanent.

Rook wrote:

But honestly, you did get good advise in your previous topic, especially the ones that told you to clean your aura and soul, so why haven't you started following the advise you got there?
do you really need to make more posts for people to repeat themselves?

She stated that she's doing workings to fix things. As far as I see it all she did was ask for any additional working-ideas that she could add on to her routine in regards to fixing the issue.
You said that you shouldnt expect a tree to suddenly grow instantly after planting a seed, yet here you expect her to suddenly be completely healed and fixed immediately (or atleast substantially better) after getting some advice and starting to work on the issue. From what she has described, these are serious and deep traumas that will take time to heal.

I don't think you need to use runes to fix this issue. Banish negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmation whenever they crop up. Save up your energies for...literally anything else. Money workings or something.

I had the same issue and all it really took is a consious effort to block and banish negative thoughts for a year or so. I've reached the point where such thoughts are blocked and banished subconsiously. Even when I'm feeling down and I start to "build up" such thoughts they are cut off pretty much automatically. I feel resistance when trying to talk down to myself, because my mind is programmed to reject this.

Shael wrote:

Rook wrote:

But honestly, you did get good advise in your previous topic, especially the ones that told you to clean your aura and soul, so why haven't you started following the advise you got there?
do you really need to make more posts for people to repeat themselves?

You said that you shouldnt expect a tree to suddenly grow instantly after planting a seed, yet here you expect her to suddenly be completely healed and fixed immediately (or atleast substantially better) after getting some advice and starting to work on the issue.

I expected this?
what sort of logic did you use or did you use logic at all to assume that i expected this.
I quite literally said that things like this don't happen spontaneously and you even quoted it.
Yet here you are saying that i expected her workings to spontaneously be completed.

Did you even read the rest of my post?
i even suggested she gets a hobby or something to past the time because i already acknowledged the fact that her problems won't be solved instantly and i have also stated this in what you quoted,
so what is your point exactly or do you even have one?

Shael wrote:

1. She stated that she's doing workings to fix things. As far as I see it all she did was ask for any additional working-ideas that she could add on to her routine in regards to fixing the issue.

2. From what she has described, these are serious and deep traumas that will take time to heal.

Yes, thank you for stating the obvious i have read these things on her post.
I think you missed the point of my reply completely.

Yes,
i remember i told you about this before, i also told you that you need to pick up on your meditations and filter these self-destructive thoughts out.

I was retarded idiot as usual and didn't wanted to master void properly. I was afraid that it will ruin my artistic abilities if I void all day. I was an idiot. I realized it. I am trying to correct it. I had visons, tons of them in my mind usuallyy ( sometimes even future prophecies) and I was planning to paint and draw those for a living or to somehow use them for a graphic desing for a gaming industry as they love weird stuff there. When energy touches my aura I get visions, feels, thoughts. I am one fucking huge empath and my mind was ruined a lot by strange visons, emotions and thoughts coming from others. I admit I suck at void still but I am trying now to block it all since they are ruining me a lot.

I had huge privacy issues so I never mastered vibrations properly because I barely could use them. Now I know even when I can't do it out loud, I can whisper them or to do them in my mind. I live alone now but my mother still tends to come over for a few days and to hear vibrations even during the fucking night somehow. As soon as I finish my college I will get a job and isolate myself from my blood family, nothing good coming from them, just money...

I still think I need a working to help myself with this. I know there is something that is making me feel so bad about myself. I know now that 80% of bad things that I felt about myself was coming from the others now. I feel what others are projecting onto me now and what are they feeling. Well, I am sorry others think soo poorly of me, fuck it...but there must be a reason why just certain thoughts get attached to me, and others don't. But yes, I must banish them all no matter what.

I usually pick thoughts from here or people already told me that I am not made for this and that I should give up. People think that I'm retarded and that I am an delusional idiot. That I never fix anything at all, that I just cry all time. As well that I am an attention whore and and a psychic vampire. Fine. I know. Maybe it is true...whatever.Fine. I keep losing my friends, respect and love from others. Fine. But the truth is that I am fucking trying to fix this so not everything is true. I will somehow fix my fucking problems. I become afraid sometimes that I will kill myself. Some people already told me I should. That's also okay.

Tho this all is just a phase while trying to raise this up my spine..I managed to clean my 1.and 2. chakra at least.

I was kinda normal before. Now I am unbalanced as fuck. Sorry guys...

I know I am annoying lately too, I keep annoying myself every day since this has started. I keep talking with people still, and when I do, I am accused of being all those things often. At least 3 of people that I have are still okay with me. Maybe I will lose them too soon. Idk anymore. I know I am unbearable lately. It sucks. Still I am trying not to be isolated completely. Sorry for crying out loud yet again. I just want to change my old ways and to clean my dirt on my soul.

It really depends what you want more specifically. Independence, making peace with your family, detaching from past events...

I might just try basic Sowilo to help me with this and more void. I want to feel better about myself finally. At least I am young enough to work on some things -_-
Anyways, thanks for the replies. ... Dahaarkan and Shael too.

...Thank you Shael for being my friend still :roll:

Rook wrote:

...

For the sake of avoiding infighting, and because we are not talking physically here, I will keep this somewhat short and polite.

Right here you said:

Rook wrote:

so why haven't you started following the advise you got there?

This is what I was referencing.
From my point of view, what you are saying here is that, because she is asking for more ideas on here, it would be safe to assume that she isn't applying any of the advice that she had previously been given.

Basically the way I understood this is that what you meant was, if she applied the advice the she was given, she should just stay quiet and patient until eventually everything is solved.

Yes you gave her some decent advice here recommending a hobby or something of the like. But aside from this you essentially just heavily emphasized that "after already getting advice previousy, you should just keep your damn mouth shut". And this specifically is what is irritating me about you. What issue is there in her making some topics asking for further advice? It's not like she asked the exact same thing and didn't take action. She specifically said she's been taking that advice and now is looking for further additions she could make.

I've always had that issue with you, and this reply of yours just seemed to be a good time to adress that. Naturally, I am nobody to tell you what to do. Just if you think that it's a good idea to go around here trying to discourage people from asking questions, and only giving some small bits of advice wrapped in a package of "you should feel bad for even asking this", then I will also be here to reply to every single one of these messages of yours to correct you.

I believe people here should be allowed to post their questions without having to be scared of "getting a smack on the head by Rook" for it essentially every single time (unless you are busy for some reason). To me this just looks like creating a toxic elitist environment where people feel pressured away from asking most questions out of fear from getting lectured by you or the few other people like you here.

Shael wrote:

Rook wrote:

...

For the sake of avoiding infighting, and because we are not talking physically here, I will keep this somewhat short and polite.

Right here you said:

Rook wrote:

so why haven't you started following the advise you got there?

This is what I was referencing.
From my point of view, what you are saying here is that, because she is asking for more ideas on here, it would be safe to assume that she isn't applying any of the advice that she had previously been given.

Basically the way I understood this is that what you meant was, if she applied the advice the she was given, she should just stay quiet and patient until eventually everything is solved.

Yes you gave her some decent advice here recommending a hobby or something of the like. But aside from this you essentially just heavily emphasized that "after already getting advice previousy, you should just keep your damn mouth shut". And this specifically is what is irritating me about you. What issue is there in her making some topics asking for further advice? It's not like she asked the exact same thing and didn't take action. She specifically said she's been taking that advice and now is looking for further additions she could make.

I've always had that issue with you, and this reply of yours just seemed to be a good time to adress that. Naturally, I am nobody to tell you what to do. Just if you think that it's a good idea to go around here trying to discourage people from asking questions, and only giving some small bits of advice wrapped in a package of "you should feel bad for even asking this", then I will also be here to reply to every single one of these messages of yours to correct you.

I believe people here should be allowed to post their questions without having to be scared of "getting a smack on the head by Rook" for it essentially every single time (unless you are busy for some reason). To me this just looks like creating a toxic elitist environment where people feel pressured away from asking most questions out of fear from getting lectured by you or the few other people like you here.

"Yes you gave her some decent advice here recommending a hobby or something of the like. But aside from this you essentially just heavily emphasized that "after already getting advice previousy, you should just keep your damn mouth shut". And this specifically is what is irritating me about you. What issue is there in her making some topics asking for further advice? It's not like she asked the exact same thing and didn't take action. She specifically said she's been taking that advice and now is looking for further additions she could make.

I've always had that issue with you, and this reply of yours just seemed to be a good time to adress that. Naturally, I am nobody to tell you what to do. Just if you think that it's a good idea to go around here trying to discourage people from asking questions, and only giving some small bits of advice wrapped in a package of "you should feel bad for even asking this", then I will also be here to reply to every single one of these messages of yours to correct you."
Just read the most recent reply i gave her, i couldn't be arsed to repeat myself.

"I believe people here should be allowed to post their questions without having to be scared of "getting a smack on the head by Rook""
Who exactly are these people who're scared to post questions here because of me? lol,
quite frankly you're right they shouldn't be scared, but also quite frankly i don't see anyone like this, and if they are people like this, then it is simply their problem, because i for one see no reason why people would be 'scared' of me, especially when i'm not one to just string a bunch of insults or threaten them, i only point out the problems in things i see, quite ironically this is also what you believe yourself to be doing right now.

"To me this just looks like creating a toxic elitist environment where people feel pressured away from asking most questions out of fear from getting lectured by you or the few other people like you here."
that's life, what else can i say, there're also a lot of people here that i think are a detriment to others ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it doesn't discourage me, mainly because i don't really care for a the approval/disapproval of others, it's also quite ironic but this isn't the 1st time this has happened to me i got ganged up on a old topic insulted and spoken down to, people quite literally say that i'm being hostile or whatever and then there's you, do you realize you're doing the same thing you're accusing me of? but fortunately for me i couldn't really give a shit.

Thank you for the input tho, but from what i see there's noting to address here, as you pointed out these are mainly just your personal feeling towards me so i quite frankly don't see any 'injustice' in what i have said elsewhere in this topic.

I just want some advices on which runes could help me, and I will not stop seeking for help and advices since I am not good at those things yet. Meaning, if I feel like crying, I will cry as much as I want to.

I was using energy drawing and visualisation for my meditations all those years. Now it's time to use more powerful workings to clean some stuff from me.

Yes I am bad for everyone lately and I should be avoided most likely. But still I think I am not full blown retard all the time, I have sometimes few hours a day when I am unstable. I just wanted a working. Just to pick nice runes. That's all.

And I know I need a working. I literally know that I must heal my chakras more. I am listening to advices, that's how I already fixed tons of my stuff and I will fix more.

Rook, you Should not attack people and be so mean just because they are behind the monitors. You will attract so much bullshit to your Karma, you already did. You aren't advanced enough to stop that completely still. You can't stop all the hate and negative feels from everyone. Some people can act harsh and they usually have some good reasons, but you are just bored it seems. Maybe you should get a hobby...

You said I should not isolate myself, but if everyone would be like you, we would all be isolated and angry at each other all the time here. You do make some valid points, but in the same time you tend to create even more problems to some people and even more chaos here. Yes we need not to feed those who are bad for us, but even if I am now acting crazy, later when I fix some of my things, I will be grateful for all the help I recieved. I am here to advance and I am already advancing fast.

Anyways, it's okay to have opinions. Feel free to to think what you want. I am done here. As you said I should so void more and more cleaning, and I will, and yes sometimes I act in a weird manner here as everybody noticed. If you don't have any advices on my new working then you should stop wasting your time on me.

quit the bullshit, get serious with your meditation and stop crying it does noting but fuel your victim mentality, at the end of the day the only person being affected negatively the most is you, problems that are not confronted only get worse in time and this will only make your meditation harder when you do decide to start it.

Yo Azorm, why is your picture of burning wood?

LightAlgur wrote:

Yo Azorm, why is your picture of burning wood?

Are you Rooks friend? Lol

No, it's a sword. If you want to insult me try better, but I am good at that myself anyways. :)

Have a nice day xP

Rook, seriously :!: your word and reality attacks are so strong...

it took out my left nut.

Stop being such a meanie :cry: :( please

LightAlgur wrote:

Rook, seriously :!: your word and reality attacks are so strong...

it took out my left nut.

Stop being such a meanie :cry: :( please

lmao my bad bro, maybe it grows back.

Azorm, giirrrrllllll, what does that signature means?

It’s starting to freak me out lol

Plz don’t write me an essay thx

just trying to figure out an acquaintance here

LightAlgur wrote:

Azorm, giirrrrllllll, what does that signature means?

It’s starting to freak me out lol

Plz don’t write me an essay thx

just trying to figure out an acquaintance here

"Ohhh yes time for some passive-aggressive comments on the one who insulted my friend Rook. Just make sure to add enough fake-niceness to get the post through. Oh yeah"
*rubs hands*

LightAlgur wrote:

Azorm, giirrrrllllll, what does that signature means?

It’s starting to freak me out lol

Plz don’t write me an essay thx

just trying to figure out an acquaintance here

I'm starting to think you really should be ignored all the time

You should stop this negative mindset you have about yourself, constantly feeling sorry and negative thoughts/ feelings, repetitive words written. We give advice to our members, but the members must act upon them. Working just a few days, weeks might not be enough, If you really want to change these negative habits will have to work hard every day on yourself. It may take a long time, as Hps Pythia wrote on her sermons, and this is true.
You drawing is negative, gave me a bad feeling, like you really need work on freeing yourself. Start cleaning your chakras, each one of them daily, and your aura.
Is very important for every Zevist to clean their chakras, and aura daily, this removes negative energies attached and curses also which is probably why you been feeling/ write this way.
Visudhi mantra you can vibrate each on your chakras, and your aura to clean it. Use sun mantra ( Suryae) Runes like Urus
for freeing your soul, and Munka. ToZ has a list of meditations you can use it.
If you work on yourself every day at least 30min to 1 hr since you don't have much privacy, it will help.
Time people spend like going out for stupid stuff, they could use to advance and get rid for once everything that is holding them back. Time spending on drawing negative stuff could be used instead to do you meditations, I hardly doubt people are constantly over you when you are drawing.

Take care

Hps.mlimlal666 wrote:

You should stop this negative mindset you have about yourself, constantly feeling sorry and negative thoughts/ feelings, repetitive words written. We give advice to our members, but the members must act upon them. Working just a few days, weeks might not be enough, If you really want to change these negative habits will have to work hard every day on yourself. It may take a long time, as Hps Pythia wrote on her sermons, and this is true.
You drawing is negative, gave me a bad feeling, like you really need work on freeing yourself. Start cleaning your chakras, each one of them daily, and your aura.
Is very important for every Zevism to clean their chakras, and aura daily, this removes negative energies attached and curses also which is probably why you been feeling/ write this way.
Visudhi mantra you can vibrate each on your chakras, and your aura to clean it. Use sun mantra ( Suryae) Runes like Urus
for freeing your soul, and Munka. ToZ has a list of meditations you can use it.
If you work on yourself every day at least 30min to 1 hr since you don't have much privacy, it will help.
Time people spend like going out for stupid stuff, they could use to advance and get rid for once everything that is holding them back. Time spending on drawing negative stuff could be used instead to do you meditations, I hardly doubt people are constantly over you when you are drawing.

Take care

I seriously don't understand how majority of the people are just picking my negative stuff, even you and no matter what I do it keeps being like this.

I felt little bit better and more confident to share one piece of artwork, and I was so shy that I actually planned to not even say that it was mine, but I guess my art is just piece of crap of the eyes of others same as I am.

I am actually cleaning myself. I am meditating. I am having my AoP up. I am doing warfare. I am doing my workings. I am doing the best I can. I am spending about 4-5 hours solely on my meditations and yoga. Maybe one day someone will actually see that I am doing something.

Sorry for upseting people with my freaky atrworks and my negative energy, I will not put more of those anymore and I don't need any attention anymore, nor I will ask for advices or help. No reason to, I can actually do my stuff alone most of the time, at least I found it out to be like that.I am fine now, aside from problems with my solar plexus I am okay, and I will fix that too soon. If my words and energy is too dark now it's because I am really frustrated by how people can't see that I actually have something nice in me. I will calm down now however and I will not think about that. I guess my artwork is not supposed to be here anyways, which is okay. I can share it somewhere else. This one just means a lot to me, that's all.

I am not a kid anymore, so I will try to act as an adult from now on. Things are changing, and in the end it will be fine, even when nobody sees it, things are changing slowly. Sorry I felt the need to say this, no need to reply.

Here I will nicely put how things are now.

I don't seek for any more help or advices as I already recieved too many, it's on me now to apply those successfully and to fix my things. I don't want to talk about my self-destructive tendencies, as it's pointless.

All those who are trying to help me right now are just losing their time as I can't be helped by anyone here, since all help I could recieve is already recieved, now only one who can help me is me myself, and maybe someone who actually can see what is going on with me better, but I see no reason for anybody to waste their time and energy on me anymore, as I am already working hard to fix this. Runes and workings and all I already can manage on my own, I am not that big idiot. I did asked for advices on my problems but I don't want or need any more of them.

My artworks will not be displayed here until I don't draw something that is suitable for this place actually. This is about life and light, not about freaky dark stuff tho I didn't tried to put bad energies in that drawing but okay, I understand how people tend to pick bad vibes from me.

Those who maybe become interested in future about my other stuff will be able to see it on some another place, tho even my nice stuff will be hated by some people, but there is nothing that I can do about that. That is how art works, actually, life works like that.

I will again thank to those who helped me or tried to help me. I will try not to cry much more as it's no longer needed now, I am feeling better already and I will try to fix my stuff alone from now on. And those who think I never fix anything are wrong, but that is not my problem anymore. I will try to help other people here as they need it more than me. I still love my family even when everything is so far from perfect now.

Hahahaha… I thought “holy shit, a self portrait?!?!?!!!” and I was right… hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah

if you don't believe me, you can analyze my energies and then attack me…

is what you like to do