Hi, I have been studying your words for some time I even did the dedication ritual, thou I have been on the fence for years never fully managed to commit and even if I try leaving I can't, I'm going in circles for a few years , can anyone advise me? Am I cursed
Discussion
It simply means you never had the courage to take a step and see what happens. You have taken a step through the door but that's all, one foot is still stuck on the other side.
Either commit to this path fully or don't, by staying in this in-between state, you are doing neither and truly wasting your time.
It is possible that you have problems with self-discipline. Set goals for yourself and try to understand why you are here and what you are here for.
You need to start working on yourself, start meditating, doing yoga and doing rituals. Dedication alone does not mean that you will become a divine being in the future. You have to earn it.