Leaving

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

Just a Lil update...I'm still alive technically and physically safe, not homeless or in an institution, and I've stayed away from painkillers for over 3 weeks, although I take prescribed suboxone, will switch to the shot then get off that later. Just still in a lot of pain, very sick and confused. The pain and mental shit I numbed with drugs is coming up and it sucks, sometimes it hurts to move, breathe, or think. I've had multiple experienced addicts tell me that 7oh withdrawal is the worst painkiller withdrawal, even worse than fentanyl. I still feel like toasted shit and my life is beyond fucked, but at least I'm alive. Please listen to the Temple and be smart about drugs, I thought I was smart but I got a major spanking from Fate.

Also it's definitely not a priority at all, but if it's easy and a mod has a sec I might want 2 change my username to something less edgy lol. But it's not a big deal sorry for bother

Brother, learn from what you've experienced, let it be a lesson and move on. What happened doesn't describe you as a being and TheoteknonExternal ↗ - Child of the Gods.

As you are healing maybe doing some physical training (calisthenics, etc) might help building a strong fire in you to burn out all the negativity and refresh possible stagnant energy you might have accumulated.

Join us for the Gods rituals! They will give you the necessary boost of energy and attention from the Gods to help you get out of this situation. Don't wait until you are perfectly healthy, do yoga, exercise, meditate as you can, these are part of the healing process.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

It's not important, and people won't care, but for purposes of closure I wanted to post this. As of tomorrow I will no longer consider myself a member of the Temple. I have no malice towards anyone ...

Brother, I remember seeing your name over the years. I want you to know that you are not alone, and as you can see, we do care. If you ever need someone to talk to, i and many others im sure are here for you. I have suffered through addiction too, and have felt the same self hatred and despair.

It makes sense when a disease afflicts one from within such as drug addiction. I remember first reading Lady HPS Pythia'''s writings about the power of the mind and how its used against us, this is one of its worse forms IMO. Ive watched many friends and loved ones be destroyed and even lost their lives to drugs and the mental illness it gives. Don't let the fucked up world around you, the enemy, their programs, or anything take away the most sacred gift that could ever be given to you. Your soul. Your inner temple.
Ask the Gods, your GD or Zeus himself for guidance. I highly recommend asking, especially for such a dire issue and I try to only ask for help from the gods when I'm truly lost and dont know what to do. For addiction, i did ask, and i did recieve but dont expect them to bail you out everytime.

Last night I stayed up all night, pacing and pointlessly trying to stave off invasive thoughts of white children being raped and killed. I'll never have children so at least my worthless genes die with me.

I don't know how everyone can be so sure of their particular religion and not be constantly afraid of being wrong and going to hell. I'm not sure why everyone else can get joy from religion but I get fear, shame, and hatred. The fear of hell really broke me as a child. And with my ego collapsing after my life fell apart, I no longer have self-defensive beliefs.

When I was new and was diving into the rabbit hole of history of the enemy and what their goals are(earlier TOZ days) I had a very terrifying vision of this beautiful sacred planet and its inhabitants basically being a crude, vulger, planet wide blood sacrifice to some extremely evil, parasitic disgusting alien forces. I cant even begin to describe how traumatizing this vision was and how clear it was to me. I could feel the filthy Yehubor's knowledge energy in it and all that great stuff.

I've had my doubts about my beliefs over the years and still do sometimes, but once you get to a certain place of wisdom, its like there's no going back. The only way I know how to get there, is through getting control of the power of your mind and understanding/awareness of yourself and the world.
You really need to deprogram your mind from christianity, your own mind is your worst enemy right now, instead of your strongest tool.

Rebuild your ego, discipline yourself with routine, heal up, have patience with yourself, love yourself. We need everybody on board, we have a temple to build, the greatest Temple that ever existed! And we have a world to restore, this planet, another priceless gift from the Gods. Take some time and try to go enjoy some nature and its beauty, even if its just a community garden or plant nursery or hell even the garden section at home depot lol

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

I am very glad you were wise enough to know to avoid that poison, Brother, I hope people follow your example.

The very scary thing is that it was not a purposeful choice by me as much as it was an accident. I am talking about those "Feel Free" little blue bottles. The only thing it says on it is the name, and it does not even say that it is 7oh. It is in every deli and convenience store that I go into prominently displayed, and nothing says what it is. Some of the promotional signs mention kratom, but not every display has the same sign or any sign.

I asked chat GPT what would be roughly equivalent amount of an opioid. It does not work in exactly the same way, but it goes to the same receptors. It said depending on each person's biological sensitivity to the chemical, it can be like the equivalent of 5mg-15mg of oxycodone per bottle. And the manufacturer is not consistent either so it can be twice as much. And there is no warning of what is in there and no restriction who buys it. Even children could buy it. The only thing that it says is some kind of herbal vitamin drink. It is only by accident or by protection from the Gods that I never accidentally tried it without knowing what it is because I try many herbal vitamin drinks.

Grimryper7 wrote:View source

I could feel the filthy Yehubor's knowledge energy in it and all that great stuff.

@High Priest Zevios Metathronos
HP my words were changed here, im curious why? All I said was Yehubor's knowledge energy? I guess Yehuboric energy would mean the same.. but why censor the word YEHUBOR'S LEADER or Yehubor's knowledge?

High Priestess Lydia wrote:View source

You can request a name change from your settings, or just let me know here and I'll change it for you :)

Have you been doing yoga? That will help rejuvenate you, as will the God rituals 🙏

Thank you very much High Priestess. Regarding Yoga, that is a good idea, I hope to start a basic routine soon.

Thank you also to everyone for your replies, even if I didn't respond directly I continue to read and think it over. Today was still tough but went OK. Just went to a lot of meetings for sobriety/treatment, tried to be good to my family and dogs, contemplated the major life changes I need to make, and did a little sweeping/cleaning to help others. Just trying to be less of a scumbag each day lol

Kingfisher wrote:View source

Thank you very much High Priestess. Regarding Yoga, that is a good idea, I hope to start a basic routine soon.

Thank you also to everyone for your replies, even if I didn't respond directly I continue to read and think it over. Today was still tough but went OK. Just went to a lot of meetings for sobriety/treatment, tried to be good to my family and dogs, contemplated the major life changes I need to make, and did a little sweeping/cleaning to help others. Just trying to be less of a scumbag each day lol

Your progress is impressive, Brother. I just wish you to be blessed, and may you overcome any temptations to relapse. I wish you the resolve and perseverance needed to stay on your course leading to a good life filled with truth and meaning 🙏
Don't look back - there's nothing wothwhile there.

Thanks again for the replies and to the mods 4 help w my account. I have to get off subs and weed now so I can be fully sober and enter treatment. Grrrh life still sucks, sub withdrawal is awful, i know i need to get treatment and will but right now it is hard to feel anything but negatives like fear, emptiness, and hatred. Dont do painkillers 4 fun kids

Just another small update I felt like sharing if its ok...today was a rough day, but not without merit. My anxiety was off the charts, and my stomach felt awful. I vomited so hard my ears felt like they would explode. But I had an important realization: I don't want to be a junkie blowing all my money on drugs. I just want to follow the Gods. That is very helpful for my commitment, realizing that I'm fucking done with these drugs.

Kingfisher wrote:View source

Just another small update I felt like sharing if its ok...today was a rough day, but not without merit. My anxiety was off the charts, and my stomach felt awful. I vomited so hard my ears felt like they would explode. But I had an important realization: I don't want to be a junkie blowing all my money on drugs. I just want to follow the Gods. That is very helpful for my commitment, realizing that I'm fucking done with these drugs.

I imagine you like this: with your head held high, going directly through this dark withdrawal, chanting praise to the Gods, being supported by them in invisible ways, emerging as Victor on the other side, stronger than before!

Brother we all are with you, You will be better! Our Dear HP also has given you a couple of tips and good talkings. Think positively about yourself. You will be Great brother.

High Priest Zevios Metathronos wrote:

Give yourself at least 3 months because of this. Just remember THIS WILL PASS, you will not be there forever, as you granted yourself freedom. Now it's happening and you are on the way. What you experience is physical healing, not pain. This is how the body addresses the previous state, until it can enter a new one. You will be fine; even extreme cases recover up to 100% and get their life and extra back.

Feel free if you want to anonymously or however, share details, so you we can help. The key word is not to see yourself as former addict, but a recovering man. You will be 100% on your strong feet also. Just give yourself time and don't waiver.

It's honestly not even worth it to go down this spiral; there is no solace or peace in this. What you seek is peace and strength. This is in the other way from what you left behind. Walk brother, the Community is here so whatever comes, do share and remember there are real people standing with you also.

Thank you very much High Priest, for your kindness and everything you do. I wouldn't have expected to grow in such a way given my past, but the evolved understanding and recent clarifications make perfect sense to me. I know I messed up, but I still remember your kindness and wisdom, and I look back on when I supported the Temple with fondness, I want to work as hard as I can to get back on my feet so I can give back, for all I've been given.

Thank you to you all for your support. And for any other Zevist struggling, there is hope on this Path.

Aquarius wrote:

I just said "that's retarded" giving good advice to a guy that calls himself a retard. Fml ☹️

Sorry for sperging out, I'm just super depressed and sleep deprived. I'm not giving up, but unfortunately this is just a super difficult part of my life. But I recently resumed meditation and study, I may add to it soon. Idk if anything will work out in the end, but I guess I need to try

Sorry, I'm not quitting, just super depressed over my financial situation, which by itself could push someone to the edge, plus I'm dealing with all these other issues. I know it takes time and strength is required, but it's disheartening to feel tired and sick for so long.

Aquarius wrote:

I just said "that's retarded" giving good advice to a guy that calls himself a retard. Fml ☹️

Retarded is sometimes a choice of mindset. It is choosing to do the wrong thing when you know what is the right thing. "Retarded" literally means when something is being limited, slowed down, or held back to be worse than it is supposed to be. So people can choose to be retarded by choosing to not do the work that they know they should do.

Kingfisher wrote:

I am trying to hack this sobriety thing, but i am so fucking depressed and negative all the time that i don't even feel like living. I hate that i was born an ugly male cumskin nobody wants. I wish i could be something beautiful. I should have been born a cute Japanese anime schoolgirl, but instead i have to live life as an ugly piece of filth. I think males in general [mainstream society, outside of the Temple] are just ugly, weak bullies and rapists, and i will always hate that i was born a mistake.

The one reason i have for living is to support the Temple, but i am afraid ill never be able to do that again due to my financial destitution and lack of a job. I have no skills and am an unlikable retard. My 4 older siblings all have advanced degrees and good jobs, they sucked up all the good genes. I got my family's ugly and autistic genes, but not the smarts. The only reason I was born is that my parents are traditional catholics and don't believe in birth control. They already had 4 good children, but years later they were horny (or maybe I'm a rape baby, idk), and thus i was born since condoms are verboten.

There used to be a guy here who I hope is still here and just has a different name now. He had multiple names before, and at the time of the story I am going to tell I think his name was Grey1234567890. English was not his main language, and this caused some misunderstandings to happen. One of these times he gave me the funniest insult that I have ever heard. He told me "You are just a worm that is pretending to be a snake."
🤣

Well now you are being a snake that is pretending to be a worm. You might be an old or sick or unhealthy snake, but you are still a snake and you are still alive to continue working on healing yourself. You are not a worm in the dirt.

Kingfisher wrote:View source

Sorry, I'm not quitting, just super depressed over my financial situation, which by itself could push someone to the edge, plus I'm dealing with all these other issues. I know it takes time and strength is required, but it's disheartening to feel tired and sick for so long.

Everyone has issues, to some extent or another. And let me assure you, having financial hardship or serious addiction issues is not the worst, nor is it something insurmountable. Life is precious, carry on.

These past couple days have been very mentally exhausting but productive. I've done a ton of meetings/networking related to sobriety. I've resumed meditation and am studying the site a lot more than I used to. The new updates make perfect sense and our High Priest put a ton of work into rationally explaining them and calmly responding to concerns.

Maybe this is a dumb question, but it is something that is bothering me: to what extent do material things matter to the Gods? If one is a "man" who is short and ugly, and has other physical deficiencies, is it possible to avoid Tartarus through good works? If one is judged after death by a female Goddess, will this hurt one's chances? (I don't mean to be disrespectful or to speak for the Gods and Goddesses, but such things matter greatly in the material world, so it's not totally insane to worry about how they might matter spiritually).

Just adding that, while I seek clarification on the matter, I will defer to the Gods' stance regardless of what it is.

Gods are not petty humans, you will not be judged on these unimportant features but on what you do with your life.

The Gods see through you, knowing more than we could imagine, seeing EVERYTHING. I'd say, the main thing is the intent behind your deeds, so studying and applying the principles of Ma'at would give you a good life, and a light heart. Physical appearances have NOTHING to do with it all.

I'm so relieved and happy about your progress, Brother! Keep on rising, like a Phoenix!