Leaving

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

I'm very sorry HP...I don't mean to say anything bad about the Temple...I've just been spiraling with paranoia and negative thoughts, all the abuse I received previously [from people outside of the Temple]. I keep getting obsessive thoughts that someone from here is going to curse me and destroy my life and harm my family. My life has really been on the brink, I came close to dying and even though my addiction is not as bad now, my life is still a mess. I apologize again, I'm very sensitive and I'm sure people here are tired of my histrionics, I promise I don't mean to be a pain in the ass.. in any case thank you for your response, I will give it some thought.

Not only here will not "harm you" but here people are in fact as you see, rushing in to protect you and show the value of your life. It's not bad to vent it all out, in fact, there are many ears here who have not dissimilar stories. I have seen many people being saved from fatal addictions here, massive accidents, brutalities of fate and yet, they come out winners step by step and lead their best lives after some point.

We have all received major blows bordering from loss, insanity, chaos, fatality almost and who knows what else; abusive relationships, torment and all of these, can be overcome, provided one loves themselves, musters courage and does NOT give up.

Life is bound to be a mess when you are on the realization stage of things [it will pass - just start organizing] but if you want my advice, STOP OVERTHINKING, know the situation you are undergoing is essentially a mistake and a lie; leave it behind and start immediately [don't wait for when you will "feel like it" or "think about it"] to fix it. Find a licensed good therapist to fight the drug addiction, directly, starting tomorrow. New year, new chapter, new life.

Here people love you and so far I know the same is the case for the Gods. But you must heal internally and practice self love first and foremost, because yes, you deserve this.

[QUOTE="HailVictory88, post: 1178116, member: 284"]
Thank you all very much...I may not deserve it at the moment, but your kindness means a lot to me. And I promise I'm not as worthless as I currently seem, while I'm far from perfect I do genuinely care about our Cause and have done things in the shadows to help when able, and I sincerely love our Gods and Goddesses and Their people here. I just feel punchdrunk from the blows fate has dealt me. I am going to resume my studies and put together a plan, my hope is that once I start getting healthier I'll be able to help the Temple in one way or another. I know the enemy tries to drive as many decent White people to suicide while the abrahamists have as many inbred retarded spawn as possible. I still have some fight left in me.
[/QUOTE]

Brother please stop with this mentality of self erosion. You have done a mistake; who has not done mistakes in this world? The more you put weight on this and you convince yourself of empty things like that you are worthless because of it, the worse it gets. The mistake is trying to absorb you inside; if it has to an extent, you just stop it and this means it loses all its power. When this addiction will be conquered you will be it's conqueror and you will move on, life continuing far better than before.

Objectively everyone could fall into a mistake, a wrong love affair, self traumatization or an addiction. It's not the end of the world unless you make it so.

Of course they want everyone a nihilist, dead and suicidal. This is what they know best. But there is a lot of love, power and blessing in this world. So they will of course also direct you to the lower recess of existence, to convince you that yourself doesn't matter and that life isn't worth living. But it is worth living and you deserve better things.

Stay strong and gather yourself, when you see the truth that this is do-able I have zero doubts you will succeed. Do it step by step and get out of this mess.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

It's not important, and people won't care, but for purposes of closure I wanted to post this. As of tomorrow I will no longer consider myself a member of the Temple. I have no malice towards anyone here, and certainly no wish to oppose you or your mission, but I can't consider myself a true member.

Over a few years I donated a very large amount to the Temple (and I am not rich at all, just have money from working). I still may donate in the future, but the short story is that a couple years ago I developed a very bad drug addiction. While this is ultimately my fault, i suspect enemy meddling played a role. My life was basically ruined, I lost all of my cash. I mean down to the last dollar. So I couldn't continue donating, and I guess the Temple leaders didn't want anything to do with me. I don't hate any of you, I think you're good people. But you didn't have to pretend to be my friend, I would have donated anyway because I support the cause. If I get back on my feet, I will resume donating, but please don't insult my intelligence by acting like you care for me personally. I've never had any friends, it was very stupid of me to think I could fit in anywhere.

While I'm somewhat hurt emotionally (it has been a very painful few years), I don't hate any of you. I wish you success in your mission.

I’m in the same situation as you. Minus the ability to get a job, i feel godless though I do the power rituals. I go to sleep terrified the other night I was doing a rune trying to send an attack back and it went to my heart and I know the difference between that and health issues because I’ve had a heart attack in the past. Somebody’s been paying someone else to do voodoo on me if I posted a photo you would think my feet are being strangled. But I’ve thought about this just this morning.. but then I realize, we came into this alone brother. There was none of this online no rituals no guidance high priest Mac Friday literally use to respond to me https://templeofzeus.org/External ↗ .. lol
Things have changed but this is solitary. And guess what, if the enemy has attacked you or shows they’re not as powerful as they say they are you can possibly be surviving a whole lodge, a synagogue or even possibly a radionics attack. You are strong. Instead of quitting. And walking away. You can do what I did, I threw away all of my material and started the new meditation program and every single day perfect the new material on there. Instead of hitting the same machines at home I’ve decided after I heal, I’m going back to pushing and pulling at home to build sheer strength and then I’ll give the gym another try. Yes some people have been blessed by the gods as others have not yet. Each persons path is different. I had the drug situation going on for a long time to until about a month ago I realized, people to depend on me and they do look up to me, people will go at anything they can find to be little you because you radiate something that they dont. I’m here for you.

You can overcome these situations. Try to get a job, even if it's just flipping burgers or a customer service job or something. Get as much help as you can from the government for anything medical you need. Just because you have no money, doesn't mean your value as a person drops. Is having money ideal? Yes. Do you get to have it without hard work? No. I believe in you, and clearly, so do many other people here.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

It's not important, and people won't care, but for purposes of closure I wanted to post this. As of tomorrow I will no longer consider myself a member of the Temple. I have no malice towards anyone here, and certainly no wish to oppose you or your mission, but I can't consider myself a true member.

Over a few years I donated a very large amount to the Temple (and I am not rich at all, just have money from working). I still may donate in the future, but the short story is that a couple years ago I developed a very bad drug addiction. While this is ultimately my fault, i suspect enemy meddling played a role. My life was basically ruined, I lost all of my cash. I mean down to the last dollar. So I couldn't continue donating, and I guess the Temple leaders didn't want anything to do with me. I don't hate any of you, I think you're good people. But you didn't have to pretend to be my friend, I would have donated anyway because I support the cause. If I get back on my feet, I will resume donating, but please don't insult my intelligence by acting like you care for me personally. I've never had any friends, it was very stupid of me to think I could fit in anywhere.

While I'm somewhat hurt emotionally (it has been a very painful few years), I don't hate any of you. I wish you success in your mission.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you're in a really bad place, but thankfully it doesn't look as bad as you first described according to the comments later on.

I hope you figure out your situation, I've seen drugs destroy strong people. You need to do whatever it takes to stay healthy and sober.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

ليس الأمر مهمًا، ولن يهتم به أحد، ولكنني أردتُ نشر هذا من باب الإنهاء. اعتبارًا من الغد، لن أعتبر نفسي عضوًا في المعبد. لا أحمل أي ضغينة لأحد هنا، وبالتأكيد لا أرغب في معارضتكم أو معارضة رسالتكم، لكنني لا أستطيع اعتبار نفسي عضوًا حقيقيًا.

على مدى بضع سنوات، تبرعتُ بمبلغ كبير جدًا للمعبد (وأنا لست غنيًا على الإطلاق، بل أكسب رزقي من عملي فقط). قد أستمر في التبرع مستقبلًا، لكن باختصار، قبل عامين تقريبًا، أدمنتُ المخدرات بشدة. مع أن هذا خطأي في النهاية، إلا أنني أظن أن تدخلًا من جهة معادية كان له دور في ذلك. لقد دُمرت حياتي تمامًا، وخسرتُ كل ما أملك من نقود، حتى آخر دولار. لذا لم أستطع الاستمرار في التبرع، وأظن أن قادة المعبد لم يرغبوا في التعامل معي. لا أكره أيًا منكم، فأنا أعتبركم أناسًا طيبين. لكن لم يكن عليكم التظاهر بأنكم أصدقائي، كنتُ سأتبرع على أي حال لأني أدعم القضية. إذا استعدتُ عافيتي، فسأستأنف التبرع، لكن أرجوكم لا تستخفوا بذكائي بالتظاهر بالاهتمام بي شخصيًا. لم يكن لديّ أصدقاء قط، وكان من الغباء أن أعتقد أنني سأجد مكانًا لي في أي مكان.

رغم أنني أشعر ببعض الألم النفسي (فقد كانت السنوات القليلة الماضية مؤلمة للغاية)، إلا أنني لا أكره أيًا منكم. أتمنى لكم التوفيق في مهمتكم.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

It's not important, and people won't care, but for purposes of closure I wanted to post this. As of tomorrow I will no longer consider myself a member of the Temple. I have no malice towards anyone here, and certainly no wish to oppose you or your mission, but I can't consider myself a true member.

Over a few years I donated a very large amount to the Temple (and I am not rich at all, just have money from working). I still may donate in the future, but the short story is that a couple years ago I developed a very bad drug addiction. While this is ultimately my fault, i suspect enemy meddling played a role. My life was basically ruined, I lost all of my cash. I mean down to the last dollar. So I couldn't continue donating, and I guess the Temple leaders didn't want anything to do with me. I don't hate any of you, I think you're good people. But you didn't have to pretend to be my friend, I would have donated anyway because I support the cause. If I get back on my feet, I will resume donating, but please don't insult my intelligence by acting like you care for me personally. I've never had any friends, it was very stupid of me to think I could fit in anywhere.

While I'm somewhat hurt emotionally (it has been a very painful few years), I don't hate any of you. I wish you success in your mission.

For me personally.. I know what you talking about " never had friends & Feeling isolated. " I have never donated because I simply don't have the money. Even my attempts to translate failed because of my stupid device that doesn't work.I didn't fall into addiction, but I know this pain. The words of the High Priest Zevios Metathronos when he spoke to you touched my soul deeply, and I personally needed to hear them, and I hope you will too. Perhaps you will give yourself another chance.I don't underestimate your intelligence, but I'm telling you that I care about you just as I care about every soul here. Yes, you're not my friends and maybe you won't be anytime soon, and I don't know anyone's name here, but you know what? It doesn't matter! We're all under the same sky and share the same religion and faith. Please pray, ask for help from your guardian demon even if you don't know his/her name, he/she knows you very well. Isolation is awful and addiction is disgusting, but you are a strong soul who deserves another chance. Please give it to yourself.

Как говорят в нейробиологии, лекарств нет, есть только гормональная заместительная терапия. Скорее всего, у вас низкий уровень серотонина, например, из-за недостатка солнечного света и личного общения с близкими, а также стресса, низкого уровня тестостерона и повышенного уровня дофамина. Как только вы нормализуете гормональный баланс, вы сразу же начнете видеть все по-другому. Если вам интересно, я могу выслать вам небольшую, но очень полезную книгу о гормонах, в которой описывается, за что отвечает каждый гормон и как его нормализовать. Если вас это интересует, напишите мне по электронной почте.

I used to donate as much as I could. But then obstacles and financial difficulties arose. After that, I couldn't donate anymore. Then I started blaming myself. I panicked and did stupid things in my life. Many times I wanted to leave the forum, but High Priest Zevios Metathronos was always nice to me. So I decided not to give up and to pull myself together. And I will improve myself, my life, and my situation until one day I can donate again.

I have been in this situation for almost two years, but I believe that one day I will break out of it.

HailVictory88 wrote:

removed

So what, a fly has left the room. We must not obsess over flies all our life. Nothing to take personally here.

If a fly is attracted to crap, such as idiots or criminals, it's the fly's fault and not your own valuation or a judgement about yourself. You are who you are, she is who she is. If you observe the fly doing this or even if you loved it, it doesn't mean it was not a fly. It just revealed itself and went to revel in what is in it's nature; ie, crap.

Detach and remove from your mind brother. One by one, eliminate these things and space for better things will open up in your life.

High Priest Zevios Metathronos wrote:View source

So what, a fly has left the room. We must not obsess over flies all our life. Nothing to take personally here.

If a fly is attracted to crap, such as idiots or criminals, it's the fly's fault and not your own valuation or a judgement about yourself. You are who you are, she is who she is. If you observe the fly doing this or even if you loved it, it doesn't mean it was not a fly. It just revealed itself and went to revel in what is in it's nature; ie, crap.

Detach and remove from your mind brother. One by one, eliminate these things and space for better things will open up in your life.

Thank you very much High Priest, talking to you always makes me feel stronger and hopeful, like a bit of your Virtue rubs off. I know what I need to do and will keep moving forward, and I'm sorry again for what I said, truly I do not want to ever leave the Company of our Gods. I'm just so lonely, it hurts me so much to see outsiders receive affection and love that I am denied. A lot of sensitive people are going to have long-term problems from this, but maybe I can play a part in healing them as I can empathize with what they're enduring.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

'm just so lonely, it hurts me so much to see outsiders receive affection and love that I am denied. A lot of sensitive people are going to have long-term problems from this, but maybe I can play a part in healing them as I can empathize with what they're enduring.

Man, there is. Always, for everyone here. A time in life when things seem to fall apart, when you feel lonely, defeated and scared.
I know what it mean on myself, by direct experience, by the same feeling you have now.

You are extremely right : as long as you empatizhe with those feelings, like I do, you can play a major role in supporting other here with the same issues.

A lot of good people here told you very valuable words, it is exciting to see how this community is prone to help and sustain others, every day!
I will add just one : you are NOT alone. Never.
I would like to read weekly or montly or even daily posts from you, telling us how you progress to recover again. Let us know, talk, describe, motivate yourself.

I passed through one of the worst life-crashes I could experience.
Today, everything is fine - tomorrow life is at ground zero.
So what? I rebuilt. Stone by stone, bit by bit.
I was used to practice an activity in life, of which I was proud and was essential to keep my Ego and self strong. Life crash, prevented me to practice it.
I recollected my scattered pieces and put them together. I re-started from zero that activity, but by bit, like beginning again. With time, I built even more than before and with better results. I woul't have believed this, if told, at the time.

I add another word.
Your feeling of being unworthy, defeated, and not deserving love - comes from a part of you that is traumatized, scared and hidden in your unconscious. "It" comes to the surface when your Ego / 3rd chakra is too low.

Rebuild. Stone by stone. And tell us your story.
Can be whatever. You like gardening? Take a small flower and a vase, plant it. Water it even if the flower is weak and small. Let it grow.
Then a second vase, or you can plant a seed. And see it fluorish. Even if you are cracked down, sustain yourself. Do something of which you will be proud, even if, at the beginning is very small and humble.

I like flowers, but I am no expert in that.
If one day you will post a picture of your garden, or whatever you achieve, I will be extremely pleased to see it. Please do that, here.

Don't let your inner scared self put you down. Your "self" will learn to love yourself for your accomplishments.
So, you will find also love, the same love other feel. Or... not the same. True love, yes, you can. Many others live in fake feelings, you can find, true ones, in time. Zeus will guide you. Don't leave. Say, and please us with your flowers. Or whatever you can do.

High Priest Zevios Metathronos wrote:View source

You are listening to guilt, self-shaming yourself and you allow guilt to take over your mind, secluding yourself in a false feeling of unworthiness brother. Now you are in this situation and you are allowing yourself to fall further, because you listen to that nonsense out of the generated fear of this.

Nobody has changed any opinion of you; you have always been a most loved person. Nobody will hate you, and yes, everyone cares. At least I do personally. The situation is the more you reject this and the more you perceive things this way, the more you also feed the habit as these things have to do primarily because one experiences this isolation and they self-induce it further to feed wrong habits.

The more you distance yourself, you allow the habit to dictate who you are and now it whispers you falsely that you lost worth in the eyes of others and in yourself.

The false habit is therefore, generating a false perception of your world and yourself, and even others, for what? To drain you like quicksand until nothing remains. At this point you will understand it’s very destructive. But this is not YOU, it’s like something heaped upon you, it’s not YOU.

You are experiencing something negative such as an addiction. This does not delete your previous honorable acts. They are still there and valid. The situation is that it lies to you so you sacrifice every hope just to feed this worthless addiction, until it takes a great man down. This is how these things work. It’s like a plague that spreads in the mind and tells you, that you are worthless or that you never done anything. But you did do what you have done, there’s no erasing it.

You do not have to donate anything and nothing has to do with money in regard to this. At this point one should actually treat money as the last thing; the first priority is regaining control from this damned worthless addiction and tell yourself that you are a great man, who deserves BETTER than this worthless vacuum that tries to pull you in like quicksand.

Feel free to mail me directly for anything. Regardless of what you do, real bonds in this world do not change. Mine stands true as I told you before and that will never change. Pull the brakes on this downward spiral, because of all people I have known, you deserve this the least.

There is also no word that can change this, you simply have to pull the breaks, go in relapse, take it like a man, or seek professional help to detach from this drug induced soul enemy of you. If this was someone else, you would pull the brakes to save them, think of yourself as a man you must save. Stay strong and do it.

Greetings HPZM, I made a mistake on Vultus, I apologize. I used an Islamic word, I did it in anger, and I had doubts in my mind. They banned me from Vultus for 7 days. I'm very sad to be separated from the Zevists during this time. I love this place and all of you. I'm waiting for my ban to be lifted. It's been 6 days, and I don't know when it will be lifted. The ban expires tomorrow. Please accept my apology(

(I'm writing this from a translation, sorry for any errors.)

Aydinlikyol wrote:View source

Greetings HPZM, I made a mistake on Vultus, I apologize. I used an Islamic word, I did it in anger, and I had doubts in my mind. They banned me from Vultus for 7 days. I'm very sad to be separated from the Zevists during this time. I love this place and all of you. I'm waiting for my ban to be lifted. It's been 6 days, and I don't know when it will be lifted. The ban expires tomorrow. Please accept my apology(

(I'm writing this from a translation, sorry for any errors.)

Yes, you wait for the 7-day ban to expire, and then you can join the chat room. No need to fill other unrelated chat rooms with your nonsensical queries when the duration is clearly stated!

Soul Wings wrote:View source

You can overcome these situations. Try to get a job, even if it's just flipping burgers or a customer service job or something. Get as much help as you can from the government for anything medical you need. Just because you have no money, doesn't mean your value as a person drops. Is having money ideal? Yes. Do you get to have it without hard work? No. I believe in you, and clearly, so do many other people here.

It’s beyond that I kinda got black balled from getting jobs in my town idk there’s some things not worth explaining because unless someone is experiencing it I’ll just look crazy or on drugs but I got sober and I record everything that goes on now like. I have videos of microphones in my house and stuff, I’m willing to show anyone but this is a rather common thing going on right now I still just keep working on my soul and moving forward. It’s sad to say that yes. Some of my own family and so called friends have sold me out to these people but it’s all good. It’s not an unknown phenomona look up gangstalking. I had weird stuff on my soul to things that weren’t really from witchcraft like, these arrows and pieces of metal looking things in my chakras but I found using the color silver sort of makes them not be able to harm my soul and a lot of them come out with crystals or the removal methods they have on here and I’m doing a banishing to remove certain peoples curses and bindings

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

It's not important, and people won't care, but for purposes of closure I wanted to post this. As of tomorrow I will no longer consider myself a member of the Temple. I have no malice towards anyone here, and certainly no wish to oppose you or your mission, but I can't consider myself a true member.

Over a few years I donated a very large amount to the Temple (and I am not rich at all, just have money from working). I still may donate in the future, but the short story is that a couple years ago I developed a very bad drug addiction. While this is ultimately my fault, i suspect enemy meddling played a role. My life was basically ruined, I lost all of my cash. I mean down to the last dollar. So I couldn't continue donating, and I guess the Temple leaders didn't want anything to do with me. I don't hate any of you, I think you're good people. But you didn't have to pretend to be my friend, I would have donated anyway because I support the cause. If I get back on my feet, I will resume donating, but please don't insult my intelligence by acting like you care for me personally. I've never had any friends, it was very stupid of me to think I could fit in anywhere.

While I'm somewhat hurt emotionally (it has been a very painful few years), I don't hate any of you. I wish you success in your mission.

Dear Brother! Forgive me for this late answer. I am always late with everything.

Not to insult your intelligence but let me please represent other position on money issue than Yehubor ideology of «nothing personal only business». I am not a Yehubor and for me materialism represents zero value but only the way how people use their resources. So for me you are not represented by any your past karma (if it is your karma at all which I doubt) but by your today deeds alone.

You are greater man than me and deserve being here more than I do. Between you and me I am the one who represents this community much less than you do. A lot of people here never impacted at all let alone via donation and they still are here and no one kicked them out. Just because some unworthy racial traitor made a wrong choice is nothing to represent you and your choices. The only person she ever destroyed was herself and herself alone – by giving herself to an orc who will probably beat her to death as all orcs usually do with their women. I know these my words are of no consolation to you but this is just a matter of gruesome reality: rejecting a Zevist to a piece of crap has a consequence. This does not represent you in any way or form though, nor speaks of your own value. Your value is represented by your deeds and your own impact alone.

No matter your current situation and no matter whatever other people’s karma you have taken on yourself out of nobility, you are a Zevist I kneel before as my Example in your great impact and donation. I stay by your side and I tell you that you do not need drugs to feel good. Endless White noble women are at your feet for you being Zevist and an Example of the Race after what you have done, and you do not need one extra unworthy among them. Place at your feet is taken and she does not have a chance with you. You might feel the opposite but I tell you the reality not how anyone feels it to be. We do not always feel our reality as it is.

Please stay here and shine on us as a Sun you are and will always be. You are my Sun, Brother.

I guess I should provide an update on this post lol. In the past couple months, I quit my one job due to my health issues. I then lost my other job, that I've had for 7 years, and my life has totally fallen apart. Afterwards, i got some fentanyl and overdosed, paramedics gave me 2 Narcan and a Zofran and i was put in a psych ward, as previously, right after i lost my job, the police forced me to go to the emergency room. I have no money and am buried in debt. I live with my parents and they're forcing me into a treatment center, so it'll be months before I can work, if I can get a job (lol).

I lost my faith in Paganism and that saving my People was possible, and I was so cold and lonely (cant get friends or a partner) that I reached out to lds missionaries, and tried to be Christian. But then I lost my faith in that too. I no longer know anything, much less what God is real and what I should do. I feel extreme despair. Maybe I died during my overdose and this is my hell. I know nothing, but suspect that all I have to look forward to is a hell in this life and a hell in the next. I guess I have betrayed my values and deserve this. I am going through painkiller withdrawal now and can barely eat, sleep, or function. Last night I stayed up all night, pacing and pointlessly trying to stave off invasive thoughts of white children being raped and killed. I'll never have children so at least my worthless genes die with me.

I don't know how everyone can be so sure of their particular religion and not be constantly afraid of being wrong and going to hell. I'm not sure why everyone else can get joy from religion but I get fear, shame, and hatred. The fear of hell really broke me as a child. And with my ego collapsing after my life fell apart, I no longer have self-defensive beliefs. I'm pretty sure I'm a worthless piece of dross and will suffer horribly. I guess my story can be a cautionary tale, lol. But it makes me sad. I really wanted to become something good and do good.

Apologies for last post, I went to lds service n remembered I h8 abrahamic religion. My ego is barely starting to grow back, fell for the trauma based mind control

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

I guess I should provide an update on this post lol. In the past couple months, I quit my one job due to my health issues. I then lost my other job, that I've had for 7 years, and my life has totally fallen apart. Afterwards, i got some fentanyl and overdosed, paramedics gave me 2 Narcan and a Zofran and i was put in a psych ward, as previously, right after i lost my job, the police forced me to go to the emergency room. I have no money and am buried in debt. I live with my parents and they're forcing me into a treatment center, so it'll be months before I can work, if I can get a job (lol).

I lost my faith in Paganism and that saving my People was possible, and I was so cold and lonely (cant get friends or a partner) that I reached out to lds missionaries, and tried to be Christian. But then I lost my faith in that too. I no longer know anything, much less what God is real and what I should do. I feel extreme despair. Maybe I died during my overdose and this is my hell. I know nothing, but suspect that all I have to look forward to is a hell in this life and a hell in the next. I guess I have betrayed my values and deserve this. I am going through painkiller withdrawal now and can barely eat, sleep, or function. Last night I stayed up all night, pacing and pointlessly trying to stave off invasive thoughts of white children being raped and killed. I'll never have children so at least my worthless genes die with me.

I don't know how everyone can be so sure of their particular religion and not be constantly afraid of being wrong and going to hell. I'm not sure why everyone else can get joy from religion but I get fear, shame, and hatred. The fear of hell really broke me as a child. And with my ego collapsing after my life fell apart, I no longer have self-defensive beliefs. I'm pretty sure I'm a worthless piece of dross and will suffer horribly. I guess my story can be a cautionary tale, lol. But it makes me sad. I really wanted to become something good and do good.

Nobody is going into any "Hell". This is shame and subconsciously, you have shame for what you did to yourself. This is not ethical or moral consequence, it's the damage you self-inflicted and you must understand you gain truly nothing by causing damage to yourself.

Psychotherapy might be required (conversation about these); you need to disassociate your own identity, self worth and value from your being completely absorbed by the job. It has happened to many people I know and even myself in the past; and when something happens, pain kicks in and then the need to punish one's self by blaming one's self for failure.

But in real life, not everything that happens is your fault. In this case, almost nothing is "your fault" besides thinking it was and punishing yourself for it (you were the least person in this occasion that deserved punishment). If you cut yourself some slack, you would never want to engage in drugs as self-retaliation, nor you would feel so much self guilt that you had to soothe it with drugs; this is what led there where the situation is today.

Life took a turn and you punished yourself assuming you have made unforgettable errors; the reality is that nobody will hold it against you if you fail. If they hold it against you, their opinion doesn't matter.

There appears to be a core belief that you are not a useful or good human being but only through your work. Yet you are the same valuable and strong man you was before, minus you did some mistakes. What gives? You will recover - but you must allow yourself to recover.

Everyone has weaknesses and everyone can fail in a severe turn in their lives.

What you did with the drugs was wrong but it's not the end of life or the end of the world. Everyone has had a moment of weakness and you have went through strong and considerable shock.

Now you must not concern yourself with complexities, Gods, defenses and "saving anyone". The Gods are there as they were during the better times; they never leave someone. The Gods don't rely on your work - just self perception does.

This is secondary to the core issue: Saving and caring for your own self. The love of self must be restored first. Leave the people and the world; you owe them nothing in this time of your life.

HailVictory88 wrote:View source

Apologies for last post, I went to lds service n remembered I h8 abrahamic religion. My ego is barely starting to grow back, fell for the trauma based mind control

Don't apologize for nothing you are always welcome here. Speaking from the heart should never be the case to need to apologize.

Thank you so much everyone...really cringing at the drama lol, I'm sorry for causing it. I apologized to the Gods for my errors, and am resolved to better my life...just got a very traumatic wake up call. Trying to go slow, really want to be better but in lots of pain. Getting help though, and I'm blessed to be in a safe place where people care about me somewhat. Sorry again lol, I'll probably just lurk occasionally until I'm a lot healthier, I don't mean to cause more stress

Just one last thing (mods please disapprove if I'm wrong): is it true we've evolved somewhat on race matters? Maybe that's good, while I love my People very much, maybe my focus on extremist politics wasn't helping decent normal White people. Maybe what matters is that people may come to spirituality and the Gods. The progress is amazing in any case

Adversity in all forms provides a great opportunity to build a close relationship with the Gods
Addictions, pain, job losses, losing loved ones ect can be better understood and worked upon by the help of Gods
For many of many starting years, two way communication was not possible and the only way I had to get better was to pray to Lord Zeus's sigil
Life didn't get better infact it got insanely tougher and after years of chaos life finally started getting better
Stick to the Gods strongly, they are the only way. All adversity is an opportunity to learn
Have faith in the Gods and yourself

Stay Blessed