Hi everyone. what is happening is that I can't study, I'm a damn narcissistic and depressive person. When I start making a lot of mistakes, the only thing I think about is killing myself, and I self-harm. I'm desperately trying to solve this, but it seems pointless and it's getting worse and worse, and I can't stay stuck like this. How do I heal from this? How do I fight against myself? My narcissism regarding academics is incredibly strong; it feels as though my life depends on it, yet I’m terrible at everything I do—which is a contradiction—and it feels like I’m digging my own grave. It gets to the point where, when I see people—even those close to me whom I love—surpassing me in some area (which isn't very hard), I explode inside. I feel guilty about it because I love them and want to improve and see them doing well, but I still explode for some reason. How do I heal from this? I’ve taken antidepressants before, but I nearly committed suicide because of them, so I stopped taking them—I think a month ago. I’m working on emotional healing, but it isn't reaching the area where I need healing the most. What should I do?
Discussion
Active HelperHi. First of all, I'd like to thank you for reaching out to us. I understand how difficult situations like your can be, and the help provided by a supportive community is invaluable. For some people, it takes a great deal of energy to reach out to others, so you need to acknowledge this is a great step in itself.
That being said, your priority is to seek professional therapy. This can be arranged through your GP / family doctor; however, some organisations in your area may allow self-referrals. Collaborating with a good therapist will allow you to understand where to look to find the area you most need help with.
In addition to that, we have some pages on our website that can provide you starting prompts for reflection. Bear in mind, this is in addition to professional help, not as a replacement for it.
Stages of Psychological DevelopmentExternal ↗ - many people in life struggle either because they're stuck in a developmental stage that they already completed, or because they skipped ahead without completing previous stages. Reading this article can help you understand what applies to your specific situation.
Living Your LifeExternal ↗ - many people neglect aspects of their human experience or suppress them, denying themselves the opportunity to fully appreciate life. This happen often because of a mix of internal misconceptions about life and external conditioning from the culture they were raised in. The linked article will put some of those things into perspective.
All Flowers Bloom in their Own TimeExternal ↗ - often people are also impatient and don't understand that certain things in life can come later than they may want them, which creates frustration because where you are doesn't match your expectations of where you should be.
Liturgical TermsExternal ↗ - some people just feel empty a lot of the time regardless of their internal or external achievement. A powerful aid in banishing this emptiness is the YehuborimExternal ↗ prayer and to fill it the TheophorosExternal ↗ prayer can work wonders for some people. Doing them daily (or at least weekly or twice weekly) will transform you, and adding the other prayers will also increase your sense of purpose and your clarityExternal ↗ in life.
Preparation for Every FortuneExternal ↗ - some people have a weak internal foundation, which can be astrological and relate to incomplete developmental stages growing up. This article helps you understand what a strong foundation looks like and how to build it in your life.
Beyond that, the emotional healing working by High Priestess Lydia Coventina will also guide you to understand where to look. Cleaning your chakras often also help. Sharing what you're feeling with others, whether you just need a listening ear or you want advice and support is also helpful, and it is best done with your loved ones.
I hope this helps, and feel free to keep reaching out to us so we can help you. We all want you to be alive and thriving,
Also, now that the Gods love youExternal ↗ and that you are part of the Family of the Gods. The following sectionExternal ↗ of the websites goes very in depth about how deep the Gods' love is.