I'm not exactly sure how I should start this post. I'll just try to be as truthful as I possibly can. There will be people who call bs, of course. Regardless, I think it's important to record my experiences here for anyone else that might one day find themselves in a similar position. Think of this as an anecdotal experience, rather than some attempt to prove anything.
I've spent the last year attempting to initiate my personal magnum opus, and it has been a rough road. I won't share how I managed to attempt this, because the methods were very degenerate and dangerous to most people's standards and I don't have much to argue it was worth the risks (yet?).
I've been using a modified classical interpretation of the great work, where there's 6 stages: Nigredo, Solutio, Albedo, Citrinitas, Coagulatio and Rubedo. This is a part where I must be exceptionally honest, I'm not nearly studied enough in academia to piece together something this advanced in a coherent manner, so I used AI to help me do so. There are a lot of sources that I slept on that are similar to what I've run into so far, in particular the work of Carl Jung. Of course, AI doesn't understand the material enough either, especially in it's application, so I've had to resort to experimenting with everything and learn what works the hard way.
So far, I was very wrong how this cycle would work, and underestimated just how devastating the negredo process can be, especially when it appears to be the most frequent one. After countless ego deaths and chaotic dysfunctional repeated cycles, which I now realize have been occurring earlier without my awareness of it, I'm starting to recognize the patterns and what they mean.
One of the major findings thus far is the first thing to dissolve is morality and other superficial societal norms. Initially I thought I had already overcome this earlier, but I was wrong, even now as I write this I still operate on them.
According to Carl Jung:
The Ego: Your conscious identity—the "I" you think you are. It's the manager of your conscious mind, making decisions, maintaining your persona (social mask), and trying to keep things orderly.
The Shadow: The hidden, unconscious part of your personality containing everything you repress or deny about yourself—traits, desires, impulses, and capacities that are incompatible with your conscious self-image (e.g., rage, selfishness, "taboo" urges, but also hidden talents).
If you read between the lines, this is everything you must know in terms of function. The ego has to be challenged, because it actively prevents our power through self suppression of the shadow. We often think the enemy prevents our ascension, but we play a big part of it too. We suppress our psychic potential because it has a significant social cost not to. From what I have seen in myself, the erosion of the ego removes oneself from so called common sense and makes connection to other people difficult. That is to say, your ego is essentially what makes you human, at least to general consensus... and they might as well be right.
Once you remove the self suppressing ego, you don't only get the "hidden talents" you probably were hoping for, but also every other part of you too. You release a primal part of yourself as well, that in my case pretty closely matches descriptions of what a "demon" is, and that's definitely not a coincidence-- that christianity would so precisely align itself against it. But here's the thing, I sorta am too. Is that shocking to you? That primal part of me is so degenerate and psychotic that it genuinely worries me. It worries me enough not to share how to initiate this process, and it's actually bad enough that I probably as is more than qualify for the nut house. If I didn't have an extreme amount of earth in my natal, I'd probably already have succumb to my shadow. The initial annoyance of a resistant ego is showing itself to be a blessing once I popped the hood, so to speak. I'm being pushed closer to the edge of a cliff at an acceleration I no longer have control of. Or maybe I actually do, it's hard to say.
I forgot the point of me writing this. It was probably a waste of time, but I might as well press post since my time has already been wasted here.
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