Had a brutal fight with my mom

Henu the Great wrote:View source

You should go read and learn Satanic Ethics before you instigate some meaningless argument with me that is long settled. Back to the ignore list you go.

Like I give a F or something

I only read the first message in which you describe the situation, avoiding reading the rest. However, compared to what you wrote I would like to add something.
From direct experience, repeated, and endless stories that I have heard, I can tell you that the only way to truly help someone sometimes requires walking away and helping yourself first. When you are a broken shard, you risk hurting those around you, because obviously, you are a soul that needs to heal.
So evaluate the best ways to start helping yourself, and if your financial situation is of particular interest to you, and you are studying for this very reason, if your peaks are monetary and not just professional, I would like you to reflect and evaluate your priorities in this case. College is absolutely worthless if what you TRULY want is money, and not a profession. In your case, you might have as a priority, a profession. But if not, change path as it can lead to absolute failure and disappointment.
I would advise you to start evaluating controlling your anger; I know people who have lost their entire lives because of their temperament, ending up without family and work, in depression, at 50 years old. And I don't think any of you deserve to live such brutal fights.
Pride is useful to wake up from a situation of sleep, and it should be the lever with which you rise above any situation of abuse and disrespect in an intelligent way, pride in these cases is a constructive force. It is not the force with which you send everything up in the air.
The confrontation you had is not normal. You should not be considering your family situation as normal, and you should absolutely commit to growing economically for yourself, and perhaps also to guarantee your mother a safe place in which to recover from the trauma she suffered with her husband.
You should perform the Healing the emotional body work by HPS Lydia.

Hello. I'm not going to suggest any meditations, but I only want to touch on a few things I personally find helpful to think of.

First of all, regarding the big fight, I definitely suggest that you apologize to your mother when things have calmed down (hopefully, by now, they have?). It is the best to apologize when we know we are on the wrong - otherwise, trust me, this guilt will follow you around and only make you feel bad. It's useless. Apologize even if she talks back to you. If she is calm, maybe she will be more rational? Of course, she also said very, very bad things, but she was also angry and not thinking straight (I hope). Apologizing will remove a burden off of your chest.

Secondly, can you go to Erasmus with your education? https://erasmus-plus.ec.europa.eu/programme-guide/part-a/eligible-countriesExternal ↗ If you can, you could try and find a job to another place (I have heard that some companies even offer housing for a couple of months until you get into your feet financially).

Thirdly, I trust what you say about jobs not paying enough in your country. Do you know other people your age who are working and are capable of living on their own? Are you perhaps able to get a roommate (you can trust of - who wouldn't call the police if they saw you meditating...) and live with that person? If there are other people who are working and making more money, what jobs are they doing? Is your education going to help you find a good job in your home country (or would you rather move out of it anyway because of the dictatorship religion)?

You don't have to write your answers to any of my questions - these are the things I would consider in your place. I would try to rationally think of a way to get out of this situation. Living with others and having a toxic relationship with them can be very problematic. Also, since your country is infested with islam, it's important to consider how this shitty religion is affecting your family, as well. How about doing a protection for your house? Or use mantras like Sananda (sanskrit word for "happiness") or the Wunjo rune, or some other rune, and visualize your house in protective and Satanic energy.

To be honest with you, even if your mother was a bad person (I understand that she is not, but even if she were), since you have siblings, it wouldn't be easy to just "escape." (move out of your country) Somehow, you need to make things work out, at least for some time.

I believe it would be great if you could move out of your home country, make good money (and an infinitely better life) in a more advanced country, and send an X amount of money back to your home. That would be great, and it would also remove a lot of the stress that your mother is carrying. I know that it's not easy to save enough money in order to move to another country (even more so, now that you do not have a job). However, consider that some countries (like the Scandinavia) help people from less-developed countries that are outside of EU.

MercuryWisdom wrote:View source

Warning: trigger warning, and there’s lots to unpack here.

It happened yesterday. It happened so fast and suddenly. It was ugly.

Basically my family and people in my life situations are shit. I’m fucked up.

Dad is an evil narcissistic stupid cunt who abused me and my mother and was violent, unreliable, and insecure then left us.

He married another woman years ago and mom divorced him herself. Ever since then our situation has been fragile. I never felt secure.

Mom had been financially supporting me and my siblings after the divorce. I was financially supporting as well in a big way when I could but my financial situation is not very secure atm.

I moved out for 1-2 years but it was torture I ruined my health, grades, being and soul, and much more and was suicidal because of a shit high-stress job while half my pay check went to mom to support as well since she works seasonally. She kept telling me to come back home and after a couple more months I did.

When I returned she took care of me, I felt like a burden and that I was a foreigner between my siblings as I was fucked up from traumatic experiences so I was cruel and also misunderstood a bit. I felt bad I was useless but I was dying and she kept saying its okay so I tried to relax a bit.

A year passed, I tried to work from home for a bit but that ended badly as well. Any livable-pay jobs here require us to have no dignity, and be stressed and destroyed. So I gave up trying to work since it’s meaningless money and work anyway.

I had ups and downs, but recently I was doing good towards my well being. I’ve been meditating, advancing, hitting the gym, doing what I can for the Gods and ToZ. And I was joyful despite a couple traumatic events happening in November as well where some of my closest friends knew I was an “atheist”, my secret got out because of some situation and cut ties with me (again, I’m used to it by this point so it was okay).

Past few months maybe ever since my SR there’s been increasing tensions and fights between my family and especially me and my mother. Which was unheard of we usually have good relationship with each other and she favors me between my siblings always, (which is part of the problem and fight). But when we do fight with each other it’s absolutely traumatic, cruel, intense, and gets ugly real fast. I’ve also been increasingly cruel as trauma and life has hardened me to no end I don’t give a fuck about anyone anymore, I can be a real psychopath if I put my mind to it.

My sister and I are especially fucked up since the age gap between us is not large and we went through a lot of the shit together (although I suffered most at the hands of my dad and my mom at times) unlike my younger brother who has a large age gap and he needed a father and I just feel stressed out by him that he wants something I can’t fucking give him because I never had it in the first place.

Yesterday my sister and brother went into a fight. My sister went into a neurotic fight and kept screaming at 1 am because my brother disrespected her and called her retarded. She screamed that he should have some fucking respect and kept yapping. Mom woke up and I went to see what happened. It was just a silly fight and my sister was just fucking angry which I understood. (It’s funny because she can be disrespectful as well, and I get the same type of angry and she thinks I’m crazy, I was like serves her right lol.) then went back to do yoga.

Then suddenly out of nowhere after the situation has ended my mom went to punish my sister. She told her very hurtful and hateful words that she can never dare to say to me because I’m the favorite and sister is the black duck of the family.

And basically told her never ever speak to my brother again, never scream at him, don’t dare touch him, and don’t ask him to get you anything, I just heard this and was fucking pissed at how hypocritical this was since my brother was the one at fault and my sister’s fault was that she got angry. Then she said to her if you didn’t like it leave and go to your daddy.

Apoi am avut-o extrem de defensivă, dar am fost calm la început am întrebat-o de ce vorbești cu ea așa și spun aceste cuvinte dureroase. Apoi restul luptei a fost între mine și ea practic. Amândoi am spus lucruri monstruoase, de exemplu, ea a spus să plece și eu nu vă dau un dracu despre tine I-am spus că tufără cel care ar trebui să plece, atunci ea a spus că ar fi lipsit de valoare fără mine, i-am spus dracu și banii tăi atunci când fac bani Tweetinger vă va arăta valoarea mea etc., etc.

Într-un alt moment i-am spus de ce vorbești cu sora mea în acest fel, în timp ce dacă aș fi făcut același lucru fratelui meu, nu l-ai fi spus niciodată. Ea a spus și care te-a desemnat ca avocat, am fost emoțională și ia spus că nu sunt tipul de persoană care acceptă abuzul, nu am acceptat-o de la tată și nu există nici un fel de tutun în dracu naiba.

Apoi mi-a spus că mă rog lui Dumnezeu ca tu să mori, i-am spus să-l îmbrățișezi pe cel care ar trebui să moară de cățea.

Apoi a plecat de acasă și am încercat să dorm pentru că am avut o prezentare la facultate a doua zi.
:)

Same situation with my mother /my father/my brother another marriage my mother first .