I remember back in the days where I was a child everything felt innocent and I was happy and full of soul. I have reached my 20's now and as age comes I thought everything will improve in my life but it didnt I feel like I have forgotten how to be a human. I barely feel my soul because over the years I have witnessed the scum this society has put on me. When you got heartbroken so many times that you cant even count it you just can do nothing but end up like an empty shell. This disgusting society has poisoned my innocence and took it away. Back when I was loving life I wanted to go to the woods to visit nature with this one girl I've found interesting but she made stupid statements such as "What do you wanna do in the woods? Rape me?" Imagine making such a disgusting horrible statement out of an innocent suggestion which was filled with love... I wanted to show you the beauty of the forest and nature, the fresh air and I wanted to show you the biochemic beauty of trees that are hundreds of years old. Our ancestors were shamanic tribes and they have studied nature which was called "tengrism" and it also had satanic elements to it. Many ancestors of almost every culture were deeply connected with the forest... I wanted to show you that love is omnipresent and that you can vibrate to your ancestors pretty well in the forest because the fresh air and beautiful green helps you witness a meditative state of mind.
I just wanted to do good and how dare you make such a disgusting statement... how dare you project your disgusting world view and poisoned mind on me... It really broke my heart. It breaks my heart that anything that made me "unique" even though it should be something that everyone should find enjoyment in was a threat or was weird to society. Loneliness was always a part of my life and still is. Over the years I came across many people that abused me mentally everytime it felt like a stab into my heart and now my heart is dead. I feel dead and this world is dying. We can see it coming... Humanity is aiming towards more dehumanizement and if the wars wont end us all technology surely will or natural disasters which happen because we threw away natural values. I used to love going to the woods but now when I go there I dont feel as well as I used to. This disgusting society has poisoned me. People used the evil eye to harm me.
I will find my strength once again even it means that I have to go against the whole world. I am alone and that is fine I find strength alone in the dark and I overcome the layers of society and what has been taken from me will find me back and love has died but will be reborn in a whole new form.
We live in a world where it doesnt matter who you are it only matters what you have done and what you have accomplished. If a human who was born rich decides to give 10.000 € to charity with what intentions does he do it and is that like me giving to a homeless guy 2 € ? Many will say that 10.000 € to charity is better as it benefits many people at once but what about me that I gave 2 € to that one homeless guy. The intentions were the same but the guy with 10.000 € will catch the eyes of the people. And then again I think about the true intentions he really had did he give the money to do nothing but goodness or did he give it so that he can get the feeling of admiration and to push his ego. I mean atleast the people have benefited from this but I just cant accept that I am left off with nothing and that no matter what I do people wont care anyways. Its the same with people that live normally and follow the ordinary and happen to make that one lucky move that makes them famous. You have done something that many before you have done but it still made you famous. You are not an unique personality because you talk like pretty much everyone else, you think the same and you do the same things. What does society find interesting in you? Is it really just the fact that you are a little funny or that you are pretty. Why is society so blinded and why am i the one making a post here when I could do it on youtube or tiktok where I would get more "audience" and people would call me "deep" just for the fact that I think different. Most people just fly through but they do not really sink into my words or maybe a few do but most of the time that is not enough to satisfy me...
I do the things I do not for admiration but to talk to other humans and to communicate what I feel because I find a little bit of relief by expressing myself. This helps me with my loneliness but only temporarily. Everyone is better than everyone and everyone wants to be on the top. It was never about love always about who is the best. When you saw my post have you stopped reading in the beginning or are you still reading? What is this toxicity and ignorance I feel... Is it just me or is it true that many people just wanna see me fall and that no matter what I say or do it doesnt matter. Just like outside of this digital world in society I need a social status and then I can talk or do things.
I dream of a world where you show love to the next and that you appreacite everyone and everything where a homeless person is not seen as a crazy loser but as a human just like me and you. This human can say wise things no matter his social status. I am new here and I can say what I want and I expect to be taken serious like others no matter how many years they have been here. In my world... But it is my world the things that I think should be self explanatory are not... not even close. Because my life has shown me over and over again that everywhere you need a social status or a digital status. Why cant the one and other just read my words and feel my presence & energy. Why is it that I have to accomplish something that you need just to accept me in your world?
So that is why I am alone. I wanna remain this loneliness as this world has nothing to offer me. I would rather die outside like a homeless then following your way of life. I have tried many times and I have fallen and I got up many times but it is so worthless in the end to keep trying over and over again. My life is more than accomplishing money or fame. I am not here to do that and to my death I will not take all of that with me. This is me anonymously expressing myself just to feel a little bit of relief that I am not completely alone in this giant universe... I really felt like doing it.
Outside of here in the real world if I need some company I go out in the night and everyone is home anyway or somewhere doing something. I am standing in the night and I look up and just think about this life no humans near me this world is so dead when humans used to go outside just to look at the stars... Now that everyone is home pretty much anything could show up because humans are so enprisoned they wont notice it anyway and then I begin to see not stars but moving objects... they hide in the clouds and sometimes I see hundreds of them... Who are you? And who am I...?
I just wanted to do good and how dare you make such a disgusting statement... how dare you project your disgusting world view and poisoned mind on me... It really broke my heart. It breaks my heart that anything that made me "unique" even though it should be something that everyone should find enjoyment in was a threat or was weird to society. Loneliness was always a part of my life and still is. Over the years I came across many people that abused me mentally everytime it felt like a stab into my heart and now my heart is dead. I feel dead and this world is dying. We can see it coming... Humanity is aiming towards more dehumanizement and if the wars wont end us all technology surely will or natural disasters which happen because we threw away natural values. I used to love going to the woods but now when I go there I dont feel as well as I used to. This disgusting society has poisoned me. People used the evil eye to harm me.
I will find my strength once again even it means that I have to go against the whole world. I am alone and that is fine I find strength alone in the dark and I overcome the layers of society and what has been taken from me will find me back and love has died but will be reborn in a whole new form.
We live in a world where it doesnt matter who you are it only matters what you have done and what you have accomplished. If a human who was born rich decides to give 10.000 € to charity with what intentions does he do it and is that like me giving to a homeless guy 2 € ? Many will say that 10.000 € to charity is better as it benefits many people at once but what about me that I gave 2 € to that one homeless guy. The intentions were the same but the guy with 10.000 € will catch the eyes of the people. And then again I think about the true intentions he really had did he give the money to do nothing but goodness or did he give it so that he can get the feeling of admiration and to push his ego. I mean atleast the people have benefited from this but I just cant accept that I am left off with nothing and that no matter what I do people wont care anyways. Its the same with people that live normally and follow the ordinary and happen to make that one lucky move that makes them famous. You have done something that many before you have done but it still made you famous. You are not an unique personality because you talk like pretty much everyone else, you think the same and you do the same things. What does society find interesting in you? Is it really just the fact that you are a little funny or that you are pretty. Why is society so blinded and why am i the one making a post here when I could do it on youtube or tiktok where I would get more "audience" and people would call me "deep" just for the fact that I think different. Most people just fly through but they do not really sink into my words or maybe a few do but most of the time that is not enough to satisfy me...
I do the things I do not for admiration but to talk to other humans and to communicate what I feel because I find a little bit of relief by expressing myself. This helps me with my loneliness but only temporarily. Everyone is better than everyone and everyone wants to be on the top. It was never about love always about who is the best. When you saw my post have you stopped reading in the beginning or are you still reading? What is this toxicity and ignorance I feel... Is it just me or is it true that many people just wanna see me fall and that no matter what I say or do it doesnt matter. Just like outside of this digital world in society I need a social status and then I can talk or do things.
I dream of a world where you show love to the next and that you appreacite everyone and everything where a homeless person is not seen as a crazy loser but as a human just like me and you. This human can say wise things no matter his social status. I am new here and I can say what I want and I expect to be taken serious like others no matter how many years they have been here. In my world... But it is my world the things that I think should be self explanatory are not... not even close. Because my life has shown me over and over again that everywhere you need a social status or a digital status. Why cant the one and other just read my words and feel my presence & energy. Why is it that I have to accomplish something that you need just to accept me in your world?
So that is why I am alone. I wanna remain this loneliness as this world has nothing to offer me. I would rather die outside like a homeless then following your way of life. I have tried many times and I have fallen and I got up many times but it is so worthless in the end to keep trying over and over again. My life is more than accomplishing money or fame. I am not here to do that and to my death I will not take all of that with me. This is me anonymously expressing myself just to feel a little bit of relief that I am not completely alone in this giant universe... I really felt like doing it.
Outside of here in the real world if I need some company I go out in the night and everyone is home anyway or somewhere doing something. I am standing in the night and I look up and just think about this life no humans near me this world is so dead when humans used to go outside just to look at the stars... Now that everyone is home pretty much anything could show up because humans are so enprisoned they wont notice it anyway and then I begin to see not stars but moving objects... they hide in the clouds and sometimes I see hundreds of them... Who are you? And who am I...?
. ![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/m/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}