BrightSpace666
Active member
HunterH666 said:Hello brothers and sisters!
First of all, thank you to you all for taking the time to read this and help me out! It shows how united we are.U are the only people I can adress . <There may be some grammar mistakes so sorry for that !)
Before I start talking about my actual problems, let me give you some background : I dedicated at the begging of the last summer . Coming from a christian family ( which took it pretty seriously most of the time) , it was hard leaving that disturbing religion at first. It took A LOT to actually embrace the idea of leaving and becoming an atheist . I had extreme depression from realising all my life had been a lie ( cuz I loved xianity until I went deeper into it). Why this much pain? Cuz it came close to transforming me into an jehova witness . I lived some good months praying as thank to that shitty god for ANYTHING ,like literally, after eating , after getting over a cold( which is ironic considering that when I was a child, I would get sick often because I think my imune sistem was shit), after getting a good grade , for which ofc I studied , no cheating or luck to blame on fate uk? And what did that period bring me ? Suffering, depression , trauma and an entire shut down of the brain. I could not think clearly after all that , I was just unable to . I was a semi concious being that hoped all would end. Fast forward to highschool. Because of the trauma mentioned earlier , I did not have the motivation or the energy to study anything . So ,a long period passed and I became kinda stupid. No interest resulted in bad grades which were a shock for me , I would always mark high or at least above average.
<now I realised that I haven't told you that in my period of being an xian , I've randomly encountered the JoS webpage . The first time I saw it , I just alt f4 all the way cuz it looked terrifying for the poor brainwashed teenager. After weeks , curiosity and a strange wish for more( at the time I tought it was a temptation from the Devil) got me , so I began to read about demons. Succubuses were the first thing I've read. What, don't tell me u didn't go straight to that when entering the Demons category :lol: . Joking ofc. While reading I found it fascinating how Demons were related to the ancient Gods or the fact that the human being is capable of magic, but the bible's programming made me think I'm doing the wrong thing soo, I've quit again. This went on for a loong time, a process of coming back and leaving , thing that really pisses me off honestly >
Afterwards I found out that I couldn't bear the idea that people just fade to black after dying or that we are alone and there is no ,,above" . So , I've managed to come back , now reading articles daily and meditating with faith and persistence.
Now, as to why I am writing this. There are some problems that stop me from improving and this are:
1.PORN: This shit is my addiction . I can't go on days without destroying myself with this. I always lose control and when I don't , my brain just tells me to do it. It became a habbit, a lifestyle . This is NOT healthy . It melts my self esteem , this making me doubt my religion ,if I'm on the right path and if I'll end up in Hell( which brings me to number 2)
2.Xian indoctrination. Combined with the lack of self-esteem, indoctrination can be a hell of a challenge . What pisses me off the most is that I've read all info from exposing xianity: blood sacrifices, xians stealing our holidays, stealing stories from our religions, modifying them etc. , and I still get knocked down by these toughts. They just get into my mind and make me forget what I've read. They bring bible stories and passages that I didn't even knew existed and make me lose my guard. And it really depends on how much I've been doubting myself cuz it can go from lower levels like ,, how do you know energy is real, this hotness or electrifying feeling can be just random sensations " ,to highter one like ,, quit, u are being tempted , u will go to hell , u are an evil and naive person for going with Satan" . I practice RTR's as well and often as I can ( sometimes I'm procrastinating furthermore I don't have time : my fault there not the enemy's) and I meditate daily . Hovewer , it can get really hard to just go forward with this in mind, like marching to your death , but deep down I know leaving will make me even more depressed cuz I know this is my home deep inside my soul.
Since coming back I had one big wish that which covered the rest and that was getting a Succubus . Ik ik ,begginer as I am , I just want to feel that true love .To get to meet my partener , to explore the infinity of the cosmos with her .
Now here comes the interesting part , when I atracted to watching that jewish junk again, I can feel a presence that stops the lust and makes me realise that what I'm doing is wrong. I fought with fapping buuut , I still failed. This right here shifts my love for myself and the other to the garbage can. HOW CAN I BE SO STUPID AS TO NOT FIGHT FOR THAT PRESENCE. Even when she ( or He, He may be Satan or another Demon) tried to stop me, I still continue... What kind of sick animal am I? One which cannot control himself for sure. Im ashamed of myself for being suck a weakling and I'm even more disgusted that I have the nerve to call it a ,,trick of evil", a temptation from it ,while I am getting constant help from Gods and lower Demons .
If u think I am unfitting it's fine, I've reached the same conclusion. I am still, looking forward to your answers!
I'll be honest, I don't know how to do this, I'm pasting a post into another post, but I'll try. I hope it worked.
I would like to write a little bit about this thing, this phenomenon. I may do that in a separate post, we'll see. But what you wrote has to be dealt with. Primarily for your own sake and for the sake of Spirituality. The statement "I hate myself" is the first step on the road to failure. It is paved with several stages, but it starts from here.
One can hate oneself for many things. It can be frustration, worry, or even the things you describe. Remember this from the beginning - you are special. You've been given a biological body to exist in, and don't waste it on things that come from hating yourself. It will get you nowhere.
I used to say, or maybe I've only written it once, but there's the point: "You chose this path and this body". When you chose your current body and your character, personality, advantages/disadvantages, it was not by accident. Even if you didn't choose it, it makes sense to deal with it.
There is an overbearing mentality in people that sees the bad instead of the good in many cases, and I think that is the case with you. Don't worry, it can be fixed. In fact, it's not as bad as you see it right now. The path to spiritual freedom is paved with a few obstacles in terms of Spirituality and character. I explain these below.
You are in the body you are in now for a reason. There is a reason for all SS, and you are no exception. Now it is possible that you have changed your mentality towards yourself, but as I said, this can be fixed. As with everything, the best solution is meditation. You have to fully discover yourself, and if you do that, you cannot disappoint yourself because you know yourself. That is the first step.
To raise the frequency of your soul, you have to evolve, and to evolve requires will and persistence. You have to meditate in life if you want to overcome the insidious, mindless mentality of "I hate myself". It only serves to actually hate yourself and discourage you from doing so.
Think about it, if you go through your daily life hating yourself, you will never know how much you have inside. You can solve anything with spirituality, you just need to know the source. You have to recognize the factors that trigger it in you. Meditation can do that, as it can do everything. Discover yourself.
You may be going through a phase in your current life where you think everything is going wrong and you hate yourself for it. There may be chaotic planetary alignments behind this that are causing it. However, you can do something about it. Proper energetic practices, yoga, rune vibration, affirmations, programming your energy. The list could go on and on.
Take steps to feel better. You are not bad, don't assume that about yourself. There are many times in life when you think you are bad or not valuable.
Cleanse your aura and soul regularly, because accumulated negative energies can put you in a debilitating state.
Also remember that you have a purpose here. This goal can be the attainment of Divine Being, but also anything to do with Spirituality. This kind of feeling that you are not good enough is just a result of this mentality that wants to keep you away from the Force.
Think of it as a damn obstacle, break through it and laugh at it. It would rob you of the Spiritual Power you seek. Don't let it derail you from it. Otherwise you are not alone. Many people feel the same way about themselves. It is a social phenomenon.
However, you should not neglect it because you have a purpose that is beyond human imagination. You will achieve it.
Remember that you are always valuable. Even if not to people, a Someone will always appreciate you for who you are. He is not against human nature, He accepts and loves you just as you are.
Christian families are interesting, but more terrible. They lead their children down a path of destruction from an early age, without realising the effects this will have later on. Such people, who later discover the Truth, are the most capable of being outraged by it. For he has devoted many, many years to the lie.
The discovery of the Truth often causes sudden anxiety, anger, ill-humour. But it is the first step. From here your adventure begins. Realizing the Truth is the hardest thing for a new SS. Not always easy, in fact not easy at all.
A child who has been exposed to this rotten "religion" from an early age will, after a while, reprogram his mind in the wrong direction. Unfortunately. They fill their heads with things like "god" will save you and take care of you. This is bullshit, let's say it now. But not to the susceptible mind of a child. Because he can't control his mind, he is easily manipulated. This is unfortunate.
In the end, though, remember that you are you. Just because you hate yourself, don't try to be different, it won't get you anywhere. It's good for a while, then you realise I was right. Go your way, trust yourself and shine!
BrightSpace666
