AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
Nobody said it was going to be easy being a human being.
And I know we didn't come with a set of instructions.
Even our parents knew this. Especially the way they were brought up and raised depending on the generation and the household rules. Religion and beliefs etc etc. And I know that I grew up with boundaries and rules myself that wasn't pleasant but then again that's what molds people and shapes people. I was not a perfect kid! As a child I had a struggle learning how to handle myself let alone other people and I had a learning disability.
I was born premature a month and a half early.
And I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 20. It wasn't fair for me to be told that but in the same sense it was a good thing..for me to know. Which makes sense to all of the problems and the struggles that I had throughout my childhood learning how to get along with people and learning how to figure things out! Learning how to figure out rules and how to follow them as a small child the meltdowns that I had and dealing with my moms and Dad's problems as well and they're upbringing and that I can see where it started and how it comes about, knowing this is a kid was not fair but in the same sense it was something that I had to learn to deal with the same with learning how to deal with the fact that I had my problems and I had my shit! And I wasn't happy about it learning how to read and follow instructions in school I would have moments where I would literally freeze and just sit there not knowing whether I should pick up my pencil? Whether I was going to do something right or wrong. I was afraid of getting yelled at and at some point I was afraid of trying or just getting into it and going there to where I literally had to force myself to do it! Like it was Nobody's Business and I was also somebody that did not like doing homework and knew that I had to do it. I was not the easiest child to raise nor was I not the most likable person in the classroom and yet I was a happy-go-lucky kid who loved to laugh and play! A child who love to dream sing and dance paint pictures and have fun! I was hyperactive yes I was on medication and yes! My mom put me in a series of dance classes to keep me busy and it didn't matter whether I sucked it anything at all or not I could see that other girls were having struggles as well and gradually learn to overcome them! And whatever problems are elements I had a hard time with those were the ones that I would work on the most! Until I was able to perfect every move on the dance floor and everything that was being taught in dance class teachers would tell my mother that I was a dreamer and that I wasn't paying any attention because they didn't understand me who and what I was and what was going through my mind at the moment and the personal struggles that I was going through! There were times I hated myself and doubted myself because I wasn't like the other girl who had friends because she was pretty and because she was confident and she was so good at everything it seems like and then to find out that she was a fucking christian! And I figured that if she could do it I could do it whatever the hell she was good at I wanted to learn and I wanted to be just as good as the next person and it wasn't just in dance class it was on the soccer field with sports and it was in the classroom as well! And it's a proud child I wanted to take this home and let people know what I can do and tell people things that I have learned in school even if they didn't believe me even if people laughed at me and made fun of me I could see right through that person and could tell that he had bigger problems than I did because of his attitude and because of the things that people say and do just to brush it off or to escape it because they didn't want to be exposed. In the fact that they knew that they had problems they just didn't admit it but then again you could see right through that person and the fact that he or she was jealous and had their struggles and didn't know how to overcome them and didn't understand the concept of learning and developing character learning how to accept oneself without starting a fight with another another thing that I had to learn to overcome myself as well and learning how to let go of stupidities stupid people and fear! As a teenager developing into a woman introduced to the world of sexuality and dating I had a whole set of different problems to deal with as I got older! Dealing with the family Rules and dealing with church and religion in the family I had to learn to accept the family and I had to learn to accept myself as it is in spite of the rules I had to work around them and I had to learn to work with myself and my own Pride and my own personal emotions trying to be accepted loved and appreciated. And it didn't matter how hard I tried it seemed like nobody wanted me and nobody wanted nothing to do with me other girls had friends and had a social life even when it come to relationships it seems so easy for other girls to get the guy and to get the attention and if I wanted it I would put myself out there dressed up as Madonna or something like that thinking that I was going to give the boyfriend or whatever trying to look like the other girl! When it wasn't necessary I had to learn to love myself and accept myself as is which was not easy realizing that I was just as pretty as any other girl and that I didn't have to try hard focusing on my grades and my education because I knew nobody wanted to date me! And noticing just how obnoxious guys are and wondering if it was worth it or not hearing about all kinds of horror stories about what girls go through in a relationship especially when it comes to sexuality girls getting pregnant at a young age and the guys not taking responsibility and all of this shit that I was exposed to was a teenager things that I didn't want to see and things that I did not want to hear but I also had to accept the reality of it as well in realizing that I didn't have to put myself out there and waste my time the learning how to be alone is not bad and being alone wolf is not as bad as some people think I actually felt more protected and I could actually focus better on my own as a kid I could learn better and I can see the world in different perspectives and that I could read people and see right through them the same as myself and I could also see my own reflection and my own problems and other people as well as curiosity grows wanting to go out and do my very best introducing myself to people and getting to know the world and the environment around me it was not easy learning to be me and learning to appreciate me and my gifts and my abilities and the things that I'm capable of doing and then later on fighting out what I can do with it!? Only letting my folks know in my own subtle ways without starting a fight or getting into trouble I had to be very careful around my family in a lot of cases because of the fact that they were LDS and very active in the Mormon church I didn't want to start any fights and I didn't want to get into any arguments and I didn't want to be singled out and treated like a Bad Apple but I wanted to be proud of who and what I am and what I was as well I was a strong person well-rounded and very level-headed something that I had to learn to do were other people didn't care and didn't even notice especially since I was alone wolf gradually learning to accept loneliness only it wasn't exactly loneliness it was allowing myself some time to grow and develop From the Inside Out learning how to accept myself as is and the world as it is noticing the beauty of it as well as the beauty within myself and the things that I'm capable of learning and doing things that I wanted to show the world with pride and to tell people about it.
And without making a fool of myself! I wanted to go out and work and have a job and be like everyone else I often wondered if Satan wanted me to be alone and if I was meant to have friends or not? That maybe he had something else in store for me? That maybe he has something else for me to do or a different type of plan for me to follow? Considering the family that I grew up in and the struggles that I had as a child learning how to overcome problems of all different kinds and learning how to accept myself as a teenager! Whether I had friends or not I learned to be happy with or without friends I seen how other girls treated each other in school and how they would use each other and take advantage of one another. Especially when I thought I had friends that were worthy and how they would use me and play games with me lie about me and talk all kinds of shit about me how they would talk you into things for their Amusement just to see how you would get into trouble so that they would have something to laugh at and how you grow up carrying this crap with you everywhere you go just because you wanted a friend or just because you wanted a boyfriend and how people take things the wrong way and how they are so misleading and how much trouble people get into when it comes down to it and sometimes it is better off to be alone and sometimes it is better off not to have nosy girlfriends or some bossy boyfriend when I have the chance to go out and meet people and actually have a boyfriend I found out that it wasn't worth the trouble. It made me feel thankful for the fact that I had learned a lesson and that I was better off by myself and making better friends and better choices it's not easy looking for the decent people and for the better in life and that you have to go through struggles in order to develop and become stronger in mind and soul! The things that we go through makes us into a better person it develops character in spite of the problems that we have like PTSD autism and all of these other symptoms that people are born with or develop. A lot of this stuff is inherited and a lot of it isn't and I know that we people have to accept who we are even if it is painful and even if it's not fair! Yes I've had my share of shit and yes! I am proud of who and what I am! It took me a while to find Satan as a child growing up finding out who he really is and not just some fictitious character in a Hollywood movie that I was forced to believe as a young kid! And how hurtful it was to me to hear how people would sit there and Mumble all kinds of crap about him sitting in a church classroom or in the middle of sacrament getting up and talking about their testimonies and this shit they go through and watching them boohoo and cry in front of the whole congregation it made you wonder if they were just making shit up just for the attention or if it was for real or not? I know these Christians love the attention and they love the drama and sometimes I wonder if they're the ones that add to it or go looking for it just because! I know that these Christian families have a lot of struggles and a lot of problems and I know a lot of these people don't live very long they are the ones that add the misery to their life because because of who they are as a people and how they were raised with their mental illness and their sickness going along with the Bible and the enemy putting themselves out there to do what they think is the best baptizing their children at the age of eight going along with the bishopric and the rules these little kids are literally born and raised into the church and literally forced into the enemy system already as it is before they even have a chance or a choice and those that were converts depending on where they come from and how will their children are laugh out loud at least they had a chance to be a regular person or have a type of Freedom that most Christians don't have and it makes me wonder why in the hell would they want to join a fucking church or religion? Throwing away their freedom and changing everything they are just to fit into some world of misery where they are judged and discriminated daily and taught to hate themselves and deny themselves and go against who and what they are? Why would they want to raise a wee little baby into that kind of world? And how could anybody be proud of themselves to join a fucking religion? Which makes sense to me when I look at my own family and the struggle that they had growing up? If It Isn't So Much the diseases that we inherit there is also this belief system that gives you the idea that you are not to help yourself but you were to give yourself up to some make-believe God that don't even exist because if you try helping yourself or go looking for a cure you are considered a threat! You go out and you do the right thing and you get yelled at for that and you go seeking for higher intelligence going to college and exploring the world and they call you a sinner? And then they sit there and judge you just because you're showing interest in something and I was always a defiant little kid who was always looking to do my own thing and do my own research and things whether it got me into trouble or not I had to learn to accept that as well and it wasn't fair just because I show an interest in something and whatever it is right or wrong people have the right to have a curiosity and learning and accepting who they are in the process you learn to develop and you become the better person when you have that right to choose and make your own decision whatever sort of problems you have you got the right to overcome them in your own way even when it comes to dealing with other people and their problems? Learning to accept who you are and being blessed and proud that you're not this way or that you're not that way? And learning to love and accept yourself your own skin that you're in whether you're a girl or a guy at any age that there is nothing wrong with you and that you're beautiful! As you are and that you don't have to try to be like the other girl in the dance class or the other guy on the football team! Just because he's got a girlfriend! I've had to learn to overcome a lot of problems growing up and as we get older we Face A Whole New World of problems more and more and a lot of the times it isn't just us and what comes from our family most of the time it comes from other people and who we choose to hang out with the programs we watch on TV and what we invite into our lives! It took me a while to find Satan and it took me a while to find the truth! I have been in many many groups all over social media and I have been doing a lot of research throughout the years just to find out what Satanism is and what is all about I have been curious about Satan ever since I was a teenager and because of it I was also a fan of metal music and horror movies just because of it and yes temporarily I wasn't an Anton LaVey and yes I read the Satan Bible and it made sense to me at the time and yes I made my first dedication at the age of 13 like many girls at that age just because I wanted to be a part of something and just because I wanted to be accepted! Being the defiant child that I was all I wanted was just the truth and I wanted the answers so I would go looking for them! In spite of the family and the rules and the bullshit I grew up with and in spite of all the controversy I have been through as a kid I was still bound and determined to find out who Satan was and what he was all about. Yes I would get angry at times and say things and maybe I have said some horrible things that were Unforgivable and maybe at that time I wasn't myself and maybe I was active in the church at the time just to please my parents but in the same sense just like every other kid out there I wanted to know what Satanism was all about without trying to please my parents are trying to please both sides and without getting into trouble! I wanted to go about this the right way I did my first dedication however I didn't use a Black Candle.. I didn't go about sacrificing an animal or a baby or anything like that! But I did draw some blood from my own hand using a small paring knife cutting into my finger just to get blood out I didn't exactly cut blood out of my left finger I just figured that if I can cut myself and get blood out of me somewhere I figured that it was enough reading something out of Anton LaVey thinking that I was showing my dedication I forget what I had read but that was when I was just a kid and that is of the past! I remember I drew a picture and I remember I wrote A Small poem to Satan and told him how much I love him and that I want to be a part of him and his world the dedication only took me maybe 5 minutes and after that it was done I didn't think about meditation at the time I remember turning on some metal music and stripping down to my underwear turning off the lights figuring that maybe I can feel his presence in the room or something? Nobody did or said anything which made it more comfortable for me to think about Satan I probably didn't know what I was doing at that time but in the same sense I was proud of who and what I was I did feel a little different but in the same sense that didn't last very long! I think it only lasted me maybe a day or two and that I was disappointed because I knew that I didn't do something right! And I have that sense of knowing and when you know you do something right you feel it and it lasts you more than a day and sometimes it is very motivating and sometimes you're enlightened with the thought or an idea especially when you know you have done it the right way because you feel it and it becomes a part of you I learned my lesson well! A month went by and I had forgotten all about that angry and disappointed I went to church feeling like an idiot I didn't know what else to do I know that my mother and I got into a big argument about music and other things she was always asking me questions and wanted to know what was going on! I didn't tell her much I pretty much kept that to myself when it come to Satan because I didn't want to get into trouble and get into an argument and I didn't want to get kicked out of the house! But I do remember standing in front of my bedroom mirror venting all kinds of shit and making all different kinds of threats and Promises and I do know that if I did or said anything to Satan and if I said anything or directed anything to Father Satan at all I regret it and I want to confess right here right now! If I ever did or said anything made any promises plans or threats of any kind? I take it all back and if there's any way I can turn it around and prove to Father Satan and show him how much I care about him and how much I love him and to let him know that I am sorry! For the things that I did and said! Because I was just a kid then and I didn't know what I was doing or getting into! I was a different person then and I was going to church trying to please my family and I was confused at the time and I was pretty stupid at the time as well! And now here I am years later looking back at all of this scratching my head and wondering if all of this made any effect on him? And if I hurt him in any way? And if there is a way that I can turn this around and make it up to him! And to let him know how much I appreciate him now that I have become an adult! And now that I'm a different person! I have come a long way from the person that I was back in the days! I am not a Christian I have denounce Christianity and I have denounced Jesus christ! Especially that I have made a proper dedication to Father Satan! And did it the right way ever since I discovered this website and started reading into it more and more my curiosity begin to fade the more my mind opened up finding out who Satan really is and what he is all about brings tears to my eyes I didn't have to go through all of this crazy shit just to find him and I didn't have to go very far but I went through a lot of stupid shit and I went through a lot of changes and a lot of stupid faces just to find him and I went through a lot of stupid groups and had to put up with a lot of stupid people! Just to be able to find this website and just to be able to find the truth and get a proper education on Satan and a proper education Within Myself looking back at the mistakes that I've made learning a serious lesson in an all and learning how to forgive myself and let go! Truth is I want to know how father Satan feels? And what he was thinking at the time and how he feels about me and what he wants to say to me? And if there's anything I could do to make it up to him? I will do anything in the world to prove my love to him and my worthiness! And I want to tell him sorry in so many ways and I want to make it up to him the best I can! And to let him know that I'm not an idiot! And to let him know that I'm an adult now and now I look at things in a different way and I look at things in different perspectives now much more different than I used to! And I want to let father say to know how serious I am showing my interest in him and his gods and demons and to learn of his world and his history and who and what he is all about and what he truly is compared to that of the Hollywood figure that the enemy has tried to make him into throughout the years and the minds of the Christians who see him and why so many of these Christians have their problems! And why I have chosen to walk away from that world of Christianity and stupidity and there are many many reasons why? I don't have the time to explain all and everything! But I will tell father Satan right now how much I love him and how much I appreciate him! And that I am sorry and that I will never do or say anything to hurt him and his gods and demons again! Whatever it is that I did or said in front of my bedroom mirror? Even if I was angry! Still I think about it and it bothers me to this very day! In spite of my dedication to him and how much energy and effort I put into it I still want to let father say to know I love him and that I apologize and that I make my promise here loud and clear right here right now! And I swear on my oath that I will never do anything to hurt him or upset him that I will always stand up for him no matter what! And I want to let him know how serious I am and how dedicated I am! And to let him know that I will always be on his side no matter what I will fight for him left and right and I will do everything I can to protect him and his name! And I will learn about him as much as I can! I love to study and read and I love to look things up and I love to do research! I want to let him know how dedicated I am! No matter how much it hurts I forgive myself as well and I want to see him face to face and tell him with my own words how much I love him and to let him know that I am sorry! Please forgive me Father satan! I love you and I don't want to lose you! You are everything to me! You have blessed me with the Beautiful Life you have blessed me with talents and abilities Beyond measure! In spite of the problems and the struggles that I had growing up I knew that you were there by my side the whole time in spite of the crazy family I was born and raised into even if I was born and raised into a Mormon family I knew that you were there by my side the whole time and I know that you can see me and I know that you can read me like the back of my hand and I know that you are the real God and The One and Only God! I know this for a fact because of the way people stop and talk because of the way people make politics and it doesn't matter how many times people have read the Bible in the Book of Mormon I know that those books are nonsense and still I can see the truth the more I look back and the more I look into these things I recognize you more and more! And I just want to tell you how thankful I am to be on this website and how thankful! I am to have you and to get to know you and to find out who you are more and more everyday! And learning how to forgive myself and learning how to let go along with it and growing mentally and physically and spiritually from the inside out each and every time I meditate! I recognize your signs in this world especially when I study and do research showing my interest in education history and science! I knew that you had something to do with ancient Egypt and I knew you had something to do with yoga and Kundalini because when I got into that and studied it I recognize the energy was a lot different than what I would feel inside of some silly Christian Church laugh out loud I know the difference between the two different Energies Satan's energy is very healing and it is very uplifting and inspiring but when you sit inside of a Christian Church you feel your energy draining and you get bored and tired quick and that is not the type of energy I want! I want father Satan and I want the truth and I want to learn about the truth as much as possible therefore I will continue on educating myself on Satan and I will keep going and growing! Because the more I learn about you the more I want to learn about myself as well and the more I learn about myself the more I learn about my ancestors! And the more I learn about ancient history and learn about the gods the more I learn about father Satan and because of that I become more and more aware and I become more and more advanced in my knowledge more and more enlightened growing closer and closer to father satan! This is what I have wanted ever since I was a young kid! In spite of all of the problems and the crap I have been through all I wanted to know was the truth! Why do people always talk so much shit about Satan and why is he always on the list? And why do people have to fear him? Why all of this misleading nonsense put out there by the enemy? All out of jealousy and hatred? It all makes sense when I sit there and look at how pathetic Hollywood is and all the fucking discrimination the people of the world throw out there all of the negativity it's not fair and it doesn't make sense how people put all of that energy out there and how it gets nowhere! The only thing it does is hurt them! Father Satan can see right through this and he can see the struggles that these idiot people are going through! And that they will regret it! And I don't want to be one of these stupid people! I never wanted to be one of these stupid people! My family on the other hand stands on their own and they make their own choices! And I stand on my own and I make my own choices and I know whose side I'm on! Now that I'm an older woman and I can see right through all of this and I know what makes sense to me and I know what doesn't! I know that there's a lot of lies out there and they're getting worse and worse! And I know that there's a lot of Truth and wisdom out there and I know what makes sense to me and what makes me feel comfortable! Father Satan to me has always been about comfort! He was the one that was all about love and healing laugh out loud it never had anything to do with Christianity or Jesus Christ like they claim they have still in so many things from the spiritual Satanist and from the European people throughout the years that it's not even funny! Even my own family finding fault with one another and putting each other down judging one another day after day instead of just letting people Live and Let Die and letting people make their own choices and show their interest in what they care about and to grow with wisdom not that they haven't but in the same sense they've had a lot of struggles and they have done things that they will always regret! And here I stand on my own two feet shaking my head wondering how these people manage to survive and live the way they do? And knowing who I am and what I believe in even if they did yell at me and even if they did give me a lot of shit over it! I still stick up for who and what I am and what I believe into this very day! And I'm not going to change a fucking thing about myself! I know father Satan is real and I know that he is the real God and the true God the people don't even understand or recognize he will always remain a controversy to other people but to me Father Satan is the truth he is knowledge he is wisdom he is food for the mind and the soul! Spiritual healing mentally physically spiritually emotionally and sexually through and through he has helped me in many many ways and he has healed me of many problems! And has made me stronger and stronger more and more everyday especially since I found this website! I want to let father Satan know how much I appreciate him and how much he has helped me in so many ways and I want to help him in return and I want to let him know how dedicated I am and how serious I am! He can have anything he wants from me! And I will do whatever he wants me to do and he's got my word and my oath and my promise right here right now! I will do anything in the world for him day or night and I don't care how hard the task is and I don't care what kind of struggles I have to face in doing so! I will take it and I will go for it with all my heart might mind and strength! And let him know how worthy I am! He is the most beautiful person I have ever seen! And I would like to meet him one of these days and tell him with my own words how much I love him and prove it to him with everything I can and everything I've got mentally and physically and spiritually and I will keep going and I will show him how worthy I am and let him know what kind of a warrior and what kind of a soldier I am as well! Because I also protect my friends and family as well and those that are on Satan side and those that stick up for him and fight for him! And I will do everything I can to protect this website!
and every member of this group! Is also family we may not know each other but then again we will sooner or later! My home is Satan's home.,and his home is mine. 
And I know we didn't come with a set of instructions.
Even our parents knew this. Especially the way they were brought up and raised depending on the generation and the household rules. Religion and beliefs etc etc. And I know that I grew up with boundaries and rules myself that wasn't pleasant but then again that's what molds people and shapes people. I was not a perfect kid! As a child I had a struggle learning how to handle myself let alone other people and I had a learning disability.
I was born premature a month and a half early.
And I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 20. It wasn't fair for me to be told that but in the same sense it was a good thing..for me to know. Which makes sense to all of the problems and the struggles that I had throughout my childhood learning how to get along with people and learning how to figure things out! Learning how to figure out rules and how to follow them as a small child the meltdowns that I had and dealing with my moms and Dad's problems as well and they're upbringing and that I can see where it started and how it comes about, knowing this is a kid was not fair but in the same sense it was something that I had to learn to deal with the same with learning how to deal with the fact that I had my problems and I had my shit! And I wasn't happy about it learning how to read and follow instructions in school I would have moments where I would literally freeze and just sit there not knowing whether I should pick up my pencil? Whether I was going to do something right or wrong. I was afraid of getting yelled at and at some point I was afraid of trying or just getting into it and going there to where I literally had to force myself to do it! Like it was Nobody's Business and I was also somebody that did not like doing homework and knew that I had to do it. I was not the easiest child to raise nor was I not the most likable person in the classroom and yet I was a happy-go-lucky kid who loved to laugh and play! A child who love to dream sing and dance paint pictures and have fun! I was hyperactive yes I was on medication and yes! My mom put me in a series of dance classes to keep me busy and it didn't matter whether I sucked it anything at all or not I could see that other girls were having struggles as well and gradually learn to overcome them! And whatever problems are elements I had a hard time with those were the ones that I would work on the most! Until I was able to perfect every move on the dance floor and everything that was being taught in dance class teachers would tell my mother that I was a dreamer and that I wasn't paying any attention because they didn't understand me who and what I was and what was going through my mind at the moment and the personal struggles that I was going through! There were times I hated myself and doubted myself because I wasn't like the other girl who had friends because she was pretty and because she was confident and she was so good at everything it seems like and then to find out that she was a fucking christian! And I figured that if she could do it I could do it whatever the hell she was good at I wanted to learn and I wanted to be just as good as the next person and it wasn't just in dance class it was on the soccer field with sports and it was in the classroom as well! And it's a proud child I wanted to take this home and let people know what I can do and tell people things that I have learned in school even if they didn't believe me even if people laughed at me and made fun of me I could see right through that person and could tell that he had bigger problems than I did because of his attitude and because of the things that people say and do just to brush it off or to escape it because they didn't want to be exposed. In the fact that they knew that they had problems they just didn't admit it but then again you could see right through that person and the fact that he or she was jealous and had their struggles and didn't know how to overcome them and didn't understand the concept of learning and developing character learning how to accept oneself without starting a fight with another another thing that I had to learn to overcome myself as well and learning how to let go of stupidities stupid people and fear! As a teenager developing into a woman introduced to the world of sexuality and dating I had a whole set of different problems to deal with as I got older! Dealing with the family Rules and dealing with church and religion in the family I had to learn to accept the family and I had to learn to accept myself as it is in spite of the rules I had to work around them and I had to learn to work with myself and my own Pride and my own personal emotions trying to be accepted loved and appreciated. And it didn't matter how hard I tried it seemed like nobody wanted me and nobody wanted nothing to do with me other girls had friends and had a social life even when it come to relationships it seems so easy for other girls to get the guy and to get the attention and if I wanted it I would put myself out there dressed up as Madonna or something like that thinking that I was going to give the boyfriend or whatever trying to look like the other girl! When it wasn't necessary I had to learn to love myself and accept myself as is which was not easy realizing that I was just as pretty as any other girl and that I didn't have to try hard focusing on my grades and my education because I knew nobody wanted to date me! And noticing just how obnoxious guys are and wondering if it was worth it or not hearing about all kinds of horror stories about what girls go through in a relationship especially when it comes to sexuality girls getting pregnant at a young age and the guys not taking responsibility and all of this shit that I was exposed to was a teenager things that I didn't want to see and things that I did not want to hear but I also had to accept the reality of it as well in realizing that I didn't have to put myself out there and waste my time the learning how to be alone is not bad and being alone wolf is not as bad as some people think I actually felt more protected and I could actually focus better on my own as a kid I could learn better and I can see the world in different perspectives and that I could read people and see right through them the same as myself and I could also see my own reflection and my own problems and other people as well as curiosity grows wanting to go out and do my very best introducing myself to people and getting to know the world and the environment around me it was not easy learning to be me and learning to appreciate me and my gifts and my abilities and the things that I'm capable of doing and then later on fighting out what I can do with it!? Only letting my folks know in my own subtle ways without starting a fight or getting into trouble I had to be very careful around my family in a lot of cases because of the fact that they were LDS and very active in the Mormon church I didn't want to start any fights and I didn't want to get into any arguments and I didn't want to be singled out and treated like a Bad Apple but I wanted to be proud of who and what I am and what I was as well I was a strong person well-rounded and very level-headed something that I had to learn to do were other people didn't care and didn't even notice especially since I was alone wolf gradually learning to accept loneliness only it wasn't exactly loneliness it was allowing myself some time to grow and develop From the Inside Out learning how to accept myself as is and the world as it is noticing the beauty of it as well as the beauty within myself and the things that I'm capable of learning and doing things that I wanted to show the world with pride and to tell people about it.
And without making a fool of myself! I wanted to go out and work and have a job and be like everyone else I often wondered if Satan wanted me to be alone and if I was meant to have friends or not? That maybe he had something else in store for me? That maybe he has something else for me to do or a different type of plan for me to follow? Considering the family that I grew up in and the struggles that I had as a child learning how to overcome problems of all different kinds and learning how to accept myself as a teenager! Whether I had friends or not I learned to be happy with or without friends I seen how other girls treated each other in school and how they would use each other and take advantage of one another. Especially when I thought I had friends that were worthy and how they would use me and play games with me lie about me and talk all kinds of shit about me how they would talk you into things for their Amusement just to see how you would get into trouble so that they would have something to laugh at and how you grow up carrying this crap with you everywhere you go just because you wanted a friend or just because you wanted a boyfriend and how people take things the wrong way and how they are so misleading and how much trouble people get into when it comes down to it and sometimes it is better off to be alone and sometimes it is better off not to have nosy girlfriends or some bossy boyfriend when I have the chance to go out and meet people and actually have a boyfriend I found out that it wasn't worth the trouble. It made me feel thankful for the fact that I had learned a lesson and that I was better off by myself and making better friends and better choices it's not easy looking for the decent people and for the better in life and that you have to go through struggles in order to develop and become stronger in mind and soul! The things that we go through makes us into a better person it develops character in spite of the problems that we have like PTSD autism and all of these other symptoms that people are born with or develop. A lot of this stuff is inherited and a lot of it isn't and I know that we people have to accept who we are even if it is painful and even if it's not fair! Yes I've had my share of shit and yes! I am proud of who and what I am! It took me a while to find Satan as a child growing up finding out who he really is and not just some fictitious character in a Hollywood movie that I was forced to believe as a young kid! And how hurtful it was to me to hear how people would sit there and Mumble all kinds of crap about him sitting in a church classroom or in the middle of sacrament getting up and talking about their testimonies and this shit they go through and watching them boohoo and cry in front of the whole congregation it made you wonder if they were just making shit up just for the attention or if it was for real or not? I know these Christians love the attention and they love the drama and sometimes I wonder if they're the ones that add to it or go looking for it just because! I know that these Christian families have a lot of struggles and a lot of problems and I know a lot of these people don't live very long they are the ones that add the misery to their life because because of who they are as a people and how they were raised with their mental illness and their sickness going along with the Bible and the enemy putting themselves out there to do what they think is the best baptizing their children at the age of eight going along with the bishopric and the rules these little kids are literally born and raised into the church and literally forced into the enemy system already as it is before they even have a chance or a choice and those that were converts depending on where they come from and how will their children are laugh out loud at least they had a chance to be a regular person or have a type of Freedom that most Christians don't have and it makes me wonder why in the hell would they want to join a fucking church or religion? Throwing away their freedom and changing everything they are just to fit into some world of misery where they are judged and discriminated daily and taught to hate themselves and deny themselves and go against who and what they are? Why would they want to raise a wee little baby into that kind of world? And how could anybody be proud of themselves to join a fucking religion? Which makes sense to me when I look at my own family and the struggle that they had growing up? If It Isn't So Much the diseases that we inherit there is also this belief system that gives you the idea that you are not to help yourself but you were to give yourself up to some make-believe God that don't even exist because if you try helping yourself or go looking for a cure you are considered a threat! You go out and you do the right thing and you get yelled at for that and you go seeking for higher intelligence going to college and exploring the world and they call you a sinner? And then they sit there and judge you just because you're showing interest in something and I was always a defiant little kid who was always looking to do my own thing and do my own research and things whether it got me into trouble or not I had to learn to accept that as well and it wasn't fair just because I show an interest in something and whatever it is right or wrong people have the right to have a curiosity and learning and accepting who they are in the process you learn to develop and you become the better person when you have that right to choose and make your own decision whatever sort of problems you have you got the right to overcome them in your own way even when it comes to dealing with other people and their problems? Learning to accept who you are and being blessed and proud that you're not this way or that you're not that way? And learning to love and accept yourself your own skin that you're in whether you're a girl or a guy at any age that there is nothing wrong with you and that you're beautiful! As you are and that you don't have to try to be like the other girl in the dance class or the other guy on the football team! Just because he's got a girlfriend! I've had to learn to overcome a lot of problems growing up and as we get older we Face A Whole New World of problems more and more and a lot of the times it isn't just us and what comes from our family most of the time it comes from other people and who we choose to hang out with the programs we watch on TV and what we invite into our lives! It took me a while to find Satan and it took me a while to find the truth! I have been in many many groups all over social media and I have been doing a lot of research throughout the years just to find out what Satanism is and what is all about I have been curious about Satan ever since I was a teenager and because of it I was also a fan of metal music and horror movies just because of it and yes temporarily I wasn't an Anton LaVey and yes I read the Satan Bible and it made sense to me at the time and yes I made my first dedication at the age of 13 like many girls at that age just because I wanted to be a part of something and just because I wanted to be accepted! Being the defiant child that I was all I wanted was just the truth and I wanted the answers so I would go looking for them! In spite of the family and the rules and the bullshit I grew up with and in spite of all the controversy I have been through as a kid I was still bound and determined to find out who Satan was and what he was all about. Yes I would get angry at times and say things and maybe I have said some horrible things that were Unforgivable and maybe at that time I wasn't myself and maybe I was active in the church at the time just to please my parents but in the same sense just like every other kid out there I wanted to know what Satanism was all about without trying to please my parents are trying to please both sides and without getting into trouble! I wanted to go about this the right way I did my first dedication however I didn't use a Black Candle.. I didn't go about sacrificing an animal or a baby or anything like that! But I did draw some blood from my own hand using a small paring knife cutting into my finger just to get blood out I didn't exactly cut blood out of my left finger I just figured that if I can cut myself and get blood out of me somewhere I figured that it was enough reading something out of Anton LaVey thinking that I was showing my dedication I forget what I had read but that was when I was just a kid and that is of the past! I remember I drew a picture and I remember I wrote A Small poem to Satan and told him how much I love him and that I want to be a part of him and his world the dedication only took me maybe 5 minutes and after that it was done I didn't think about meditation at the time I remember turning on some metal music and stripping down to my underwear turning off the lights figuring that maybe I can feel his presence in the room or something? Nobody did or said anything which made it more comfortable for me to think about Satan I probably didn't know what I was doing at that time but in the same sense I was proud of who and what I was I did feel a little different but in the same sense that didn't last very long! I think it only lasted me maybe a day or two and that I was disappointed because I knew that I didn't do something right! And I have that sense of knowing and when you know you do something right you feel it and it lasts you more than a day and sometimes it is very motivating and sometimes you're enlightened with the thought or an idea especially when you know you have done it the right way because you feel it and it becomes a part of you I learned my lesson well! A month went by and I had forgotten all about that angry and disappointed I went to church feeling like an idiot I didn't know what else to do I know that my mother and I got into a big argument about music and other things she was always asking me questions and wanted to know what was going on! I didn't tell her much I pretty much kept that to myself when it come to Satan because I didn't want to get into trouble and get into an argument and I didn't want to get kicked out of the house! But I do remember standing in front of my bedroom mirror venting all kinds of shit and making all different kinds of threats and Promises and I do know that if I did or said anything to Satan and if I said anything or directed anything to Father Satan at all I regret it and I want to confess right here right now! If I ever did or said anything made any promises plans or threats of any kind? I take it all back and if there's any way I can turn it around and prove to Father Satan and show him how much I care about him and how much I love him and to let him know that I am sorry! For the things that I did and said! Because I was just a kid then and I didn't know what I was doing or getting into! I was a different person then and I was going to church trying to please my family and I was confused at the time and I was pretty stupid at the time as well! And now here I am years later looking back at all of this scratching my head and wondering if all of this made any effect on him? And if I hurt him in any way? And if there is a way that I can turn this around and make it up to him! And to let him know how much I appreciate him now that I have become an adult! And now that I'm a different person! I have come a long way from the person that I was back in the days! I am not a Christian I have denounce Christianity and I have denounced Jesus christ! Especially that I have made a proper dedication to Father Satan! And did it the right way ever since I discovered this website and started reading into it more and more my curiosity begin to fade the more my mind opened up finding out who Satan really is and what he is all about brings tears to my eyes I didn't have to go through all of this crazy shit just to find him and I didn't have to go very far but I went through a lot of stupid shit and I went through a lot of changes and a lot of stupid faces just to find him and I went through a lot of stupid groups and had to put up with a lot of stupid people! Just to be able to find this website and just to be able to find the truth and get a proper education on Satan and a proper education Within Myself looking back at the mistakes that I've made learning a serious lesson in an all and learning how to forgive myself and let go! Truth is I want to know how father Satan feels? And what he was thinking at the time and how he feels about me and what he wants to say to me? And if there's anything I could do to make it up to him? I will do anything in the world to prove my love to him and my worthiness! And I want to tell him sorry in so many ways and I want to make it up to him the best I can! And to let him know that I'm not an idiot! And to let him know that I'm an adult now and now I look at things in a different way and I look at things in different perspectives now much more different than I used to! And I want to let father say to know how serious I am showing my interest in him and his gods and demons and to learn of his world and his history and who and what he is all about and what he truly is compared to that of the Hollywood figure that the enemy has tried to make him into throughout the years and the minds of the Christians who see him and why so many of these Christians have their problems! And why I have chosen to walk away from that world of Christianity and stupidity and there are many many reasons why? I don't have the time to explain all and everything! But I will tell father Satan right now how much I love him and how much I appreciate him! And that I am sorry and that I will never do or say anything to hurt him and his gods and demons again! Whatever it is that I did or said in front of my bedroom mirror? Even if I was angry! Still I think about it and it bothers me to this very day! In spite of my dedication to him and how much energy and effort I put into it I still want to let father say to know I love him and that I apologize and that I make my promise here loud and clear right here right now! And I swear on my oath that I will never do anything to hurt him or upset him that I will always stand up for him no matter what! And I want to let him know how serious I am and how dedicated I am! And to let him know that I will always be on his side no matter what I will fight for him left and right and I will do everything I can to protect him and his name! And I will learn about him as much as I can! I love to study and read and I love to look things up and I love to do research! I want to let him know how dedicated I am! No matter how much it hurts I forgive myself as well and I want to see him face to face and tell him with my own words how much I love him and to let him know that I am sorry! Please forgive me Father satan! I love you and I don't want to lose you! You are everything to me! You have blessed me with the Beautiful Life you have blessed me with talents and abilities Beyond measure! In spite of the problems and the struggles that I had growing up I knew that you were there by my side the whole time in spite of the crazy family I was born and raised into even if I was born and raised into a Mormon family I knew that you were there by my side the whole time and I know that you can see me and I know that you can read me like the back of my hand and I know that you are the real God and The One and Only God! I know this for a fact because of the way people stop and talk because of the way people make politics and it doesn't matter how many times people have read the Bible in the Book of Mormon I know that those books are nonsense and still I can see the truth the more I look back and the more I look into these things I recognize you more and more! And I just want to tell you how thankful I am to be on this website and how thankful! I am to have you and to get to know you and to find out who you are more and more everyday! And learning how to forgive myself and learning how to let go along with it and growing mentally and physically and spiritually from the inside out each and every time I meditate! I recognize your signs in this world especially when I study and do research showing my interest in education history and science! I knew that you had something to do with ancient Egypt and I knew you had something to do with yoga and Kundalini because when I got into that and studied it I recognize the energy was a lot different than what I would feel inside of some silly Christian Church laugh out loud I know the difference between the two different Energies Satan's energy is very healing and it is very uplifting and inspiring but when you sit inside of a Christian Church you feel your energy draining and you get bored and tired quick and that is not the type of energy I want! I want father Satan and I want the truth and I want to learn about the truth as much as possible therefore I will continue on educating myself on Satan and I will keep going and growing! Because the more I learn about you the more I want to learn about myself as well and the more I learn about myself the more I learn about my ancestors! And the more I learn about ancient history and learn about the gods the more I learn about father Satan and because of that I become more and more aware and I become more and more advanced in my knowledge more and more enlightened growing closer and closer to father satan! This is what I have wanted ever since I was a young kid! In spite of all of the problems and the crap I have been through all I wanted to know was the truth! Why do people always talk so much shit about Satan and why is he always on the list? And why do people have to fear him? Why all of this misleading nonsense put out there by the enemy? All out of jealousy and hatred? It all makes sense when I sit there and look at how pathetic Hollywood is and all the fucking discrimination the people of the world throw out there all of the negativity it's not fair and it doesn't make sense how people put all of that energy out there and how it gets nowhere! The only thing it does is hurt them! Father Satan can see right through this and he can see the struggles that these idiot people are going through! And that they will regret it! And I don't want to be one of these stupid people! I never wanted to be one of these stupid people! My family on the other hand stands on their own and they make their own choices! And I stand on my own and I make my own choices and I know whose side I'm on! Now that I'm an older woman and I can see right through all of this and I know what makes sense to me and I know what doesn't! I know that there's a lot of lies out there and they're getting worse and worse! And I know that there's a lot of Truth and wisdom out there and I know what makes sense to me and what makes me feel comfortable! Father Satan to me has always been about comfort! He was the one that was all about love and healing laugh out loud it never had anything to do with Christianity or Jesus Christ like they claim they have still in so many things from the spiritual Satanist and from the European people throughout the years that it's not even funny! Even my own family finding fault with one another and putting each other down judging one another day after day instead of just letting people Live and Let Die and letting people make their own choices and show their interest in what they care about and to grow with wisdom not that they haven't but in the same sense they've had a lot of struggles and they have done things that they will always regret! And here I stand on my own two feet shaking my head wondering how these people manage to survive and live the way they do? And knowing who I am and what I believe in even if they did yell at me and even if they did give me a lot of shit over it! I still stick up for who and what I am and what I believe into this very day! And I'm not going to change a fucking thing about myself! I know father Satan is real and I know that he is the real God and the true God the people don't even understand or recognize he will always remain a controversy to other people but to me Father Satan is the truth he is knowledge he is wisdom he is food for the mind and the soul! Spiritual healing mentally physically spiritually emotionally and sexually through and through he has helped me in many many ways and he has healed me of many problems! And has made me stronger and stronger more and more everyday especially since I found this website! I want to let father Satan know how much I appreciate him and how much he has helped me in so many ways and I want to help him in return and I want to let him know how dedicated I am and how serious I am! He can have anything he wants from me! And I will do whatever he wants me to do and he's got my word and my oath and my promise right here right now! I will do anything in the world for him day or night and I don't care how hard the task is and I don't care what kind of struggles I have to face in doing so! I will take it and I will go for it with all my heart might mind and strength! And let him know how worthy I am! He is the most beautiful person I have ever seen! And I would like to meet him one of these days and tell him with my own words how much I love him and prove it to him with everything I can and everything I've got mentally and physically and spiritually and I will keep going and I will show him how worthy I am and let him know what kind of a warrior and what kind of a soldier I am as well! Because I also protect my friends and family as well and those that are on Satan side and those that stick up for him and fight for him! And I will do everything I can to protect this website!
and every member of this group! Is also family we may not know each other but then again we will sooner or later! My home is Satan's home.,and his home is mine. 
