Question #1919: help

[AskSatanOperator]

Ok, I've been with the 40-day meditation plan for a while, but I've been neglecting myself, forgetting to do the morning meditations, all because of how I've been, I don't want to, I don't want to. Previously, I was driven a lot by severe masochism, self-harm and stuff, suicide, disgusting mind, I didn't know who the fuck I was, in terms of self-awareness, so I got used to my mind for who I had become, mainly I ended up doing that for fun Now that I can see that beyond, if not because of everything that has happened in my life and how it has affected it, until well, I guess I found a way to get my brain used to the situation I was in and normalize it. Totally swearing to myself that I was going to be like this for my whole life, I had no other option, I said, until I found spiritual Satanism, many things and I felt that I had finally found a way out, I have been thinking all this time about that moment, but, I feel that the essence of my true self has come out, but it is so strange, that I feel that that previous part of me still terrifies me, I am not that strong, I have Pisces in the sun and Aquarius in the ascendant

I've been telling myself that I can't let myself get caught up in that mental state again. I have prayed for help to God Satan, the same night I had a dream about a crows nest, I felt that a crow was stinging me through the opening of the shoes and when I turned around that is when I saw the crows nest, currently because of the I feel my true essence, but I don't know how to meet her, how to relate to her, how to be her, I have many internal problems with myself that overwhelm me, I don't know how to find myself, it may sound stupid, I have also told myself many times but as soon as I keep ignoring it, it doesn't disappear, I feel that because of how I'm changing I'm moving away from the part with which I was already fine, making me feel bad about myself, I've also wondered a lot, am I a bad person? internally I try to improve in the best way but I feel that I am falling into depression, I don't know what to do with myself, I feel that the idea of self-harming again has been wanting to torment me recently to "see how I feel", but I feel that it is the most easily stupid to fall back into the same thing. I know that this type of path towards the truth is not easy, it is a constant struggle, forming yourself as someone strong, I feel guilty at the same time of disappointing God Satan, too guilty. I don't want to leave this, I was recently vibrating runes to calm myself and they worked to some extent, but they make me feel too empty. How can I continue with this? sounds too stupid.

 

[Korpi]

I assume you've been using Isa.

Care needs to be taken as the rune can also make the user dull and/or obsessive.

This may be why you've been left feeling empty.
The affirmation you use, matters. This will help, Specificity with Workings and Affirmations - Blitzkreig [JG]

"Sananda" is Sanskrit for "Joy" and "Happiness".
[...]

"]Letter by letter:

SS-AH-NN-AH-NN-DD-AH

To vibrate D, hold the tip of your tongue to your teeth like you would when making the D sound, keep it there and vibrate it. A bit of practice makes it easy

The Color Gold rules "Happiness".

[...]

Moon
Shakti Mantra: SHRIM (prosperity, good luck, emotional healing, nurturing, receptivity, devotional attitude)

[...]

SHRIM is a blissful mantra that wonderfully calms and soothes the mind.

Wunjo heals depression.

[...]

"]Berkano is linked to the moon and calms and nurtures.

[...]

"]For example, you can use runes like Wunjo and Berkano together to create social and emotional comfort and happiness. The pain which you have inside is causing your behaviors, and this needs to heal for you to feel better.

[...]

"]As for your horrible experiences, you can heal from them:

Wunjo rune, start today or tomorrow as the Moon is waning in Pisces.

Rune: Wunjo (or any other variations, Waunyo, Vend, Vin, Wynn). Its number is 8 so you can do 88 reps, 40 for people who aren't used to higher reps, or whatever amount you feel is best for you.

Vibrate it the same amount of repetitions every day for 40 days. You can continue for 80 or 90 days if you feel it is needed, or you can do another round of 40 days at a later time.

Affirmation 9x: "In a beneficial and healthy manner for me, the energies of [Wunjo or variation of] are totally and completely healing me from any and all psychological, mental, and emotional damage and pain".

Now, this is going to bring up some ugly stuff. For example, if you lived in fear as a child and always had stomach aches, this working might bring them back. You might also get flashes throughout the day of memories of trauma and so on. But it won't last long. Just keep it up and you will come out of it stronger (and saner) than ever.

You must perform Aura Cleaning and Aura of Protection once a day.
It will slowly, but certainly eradicate the extreme negativity that torments you.
What we experience in life never leaves us. It burrows itself deep within, surfacing at the worst of times.
Cleansing our soul frees us of the dross that continously pollutes the lives that we live, and binds us, preventing our escape.
It denies us our joys, our desires, our willingness to succeed. It takes away your hopes and dreams, crushing it underfoot.
It narrows our awareness, dampens our perception, drains the life from our veins, and damning us to making the same mistakes.
The ideas and suggestions that I present above, build upon this most necessary daily act of self-care.
The greatest obstacle you shall ever face is yourself. No battle harder fought. No war harder won.
In this, Power Meditation is a war against yourself. The untrained mind will do its utmost to see that you fail. Deny it!

Performing any working, whether it be to improve upon, add, or remove certain negative traits of ourselves, there is always a backlash. The severity of which depends upon what you're trying to achieve, and how much energy is directed into solving it.
Do not stop simply because one feels worse, that is temporary. It is not forever. Nor could it be, so long you stick with it.
The hopelessness that ensnares you, is NOTHING in comparison to the limitless potential that exists within you!
There is no need to mull it over. Focus upon, visualize and take aim at the filth wrapped around your Aura and Chakras, and DESTROY IT! Visuddhi will make short work of it. Watch as you incinerate it, how it fades to nothing. A weight off one's shoulders.
As only a brilliant light remains, there is hope yet. Of fire once lost, the flicker of embers takes its place.
A wound must first be cleaned, before it is allowed to heal. Cleaning is paramount. It will save your life.

Now, you mentioned praying to Father Satan for help, and that same night receiving a dream of a crow.
Also, that your Ascendant is in Aquarius. So, a thought came to mind.

Flauros aka Havres, Haures rules 15-19 Degrees of Aquarius, and is also known as The Morrígan.

The Morrígan is mainly associated with war and fate, especially with foretelling doom, death, or victory in battle. In this role she often appears as a crow, the badb.

[...]

The way the Morrigan first showed herself to me was in a crow form.

[...]

Hi SSAmonra,

I wrote this post about the Morrigan in the old Joy of Satan forums.


_________________________________________________
I was asked to write this post by Flauros, so here it is. ^.^
I wanted to share my experience and give publicity to this wonderful, powerful, loving Goddess. She is also known as The Morrigan.

I used the Foundation Meditation to inhale Her energy in from the sigil which I had drawn out, not really exhaling the breath fully afterwards but retaining it as much as possible.

Note: These are *my personal* experiences. What works and has happened to me may differ from what happens to you when you invoke the Gods, including how many breaths you need to take in of the particular God/dess' energy.
I don't have a lot to go by, as I have never read or heard of other's experiences of their invoking the Powers of Hell, other then what I read by Vovim Baghie and on the Joy of Satan website.

10 breaths in- I see Flauros sigil, which I have drawn out and framed, with a bright blood red background, with my third eye.
(The paper I have drawn it on is white, with black ink for the writing and the sigil itself.)

I can hear clashing of melee weapons on shields and vice versa. I am starting to get the shakes and feel nervous a bit. I never got the shakes before so I shake it off (pun intended) thinking it may be enemy spirits. But I decide to take another 10 breaths and see if it goes away or remains. If it remains, it's me and it's a reaction from her energy.

13 Breaths in- I feel HER. The warm, loving, powerful and kind energy that I recognize from the past few experiences with meeting Her.

Somewhere between 14-20 breaths, I felt the din of battle as if it were in my room. I heard the clashing of steel with steel; and steel with shield. It surrounded me in my bedroom. It was louder than before (at 10 breaths.) I did not realize it at the time but this was when Flauros was in my room, and had come to me in the guise of the Morrigan, a Goddess of War and Sovereignty, whom I am more familiar with than Her other faces.

I heard Her battle cry, it was with without words and crystal clear, like a clarion. She was urging and encouraging on Her favored warriors on the battle field. To hear Her voice and cry gave me strength inside, an indomitable and powerful strength within the soul and body.
The shakes subsided a bit, and I was more used to them after the 10th breath of breathing in Her energy.

I scribbled these before I felt Her leaving after my 20th breath. I asked a question of Her, and She answered and I was comforted by Her answer. I was strengthened, encouraged and felt more positive afterwards. I also felt elated and wide, wide awake.

When I finished writing I got up and realized She had blessed my room and me. I did not expect that but it was a lovely, thoughtful and pleasant surprise.

Thank you for reading. I hope you have learned more about this majestic, beautiful and loving Goddess.

Hail Flauros! All Hail the Morrigan!

___________________________________________

The Morrigan's Goetic name is Flauros.

I know the ridiculousness that is promoted that you speak of by the Coru Cathobodua Priesthood.

However, putting that aside, there is an excellent book by Morpheus Ravenna called "Book of the Great Queen." I have read it twice, and found it to be quite good. She leaves out 99% of the political leftist and interracial hogwash that is on her site and simply writes about the Morrigan. It's well-researched and informative, if you want to learn more about this goddess. Another good one is by Morgan Daimler, called "The Morrigan: Meeting the Great Queens" which is a small, information-packed book that is good as an introduction to her.

Morpheus Ravenna's website also has video classes that span from 2-3 hours on her. They are $25 USD each, they are information-heavy and I found them to be helpful in understanding Celtic culture, history, and the myths that the Morrigan features in.

I don't agree with Ravenna's political views and the "activist" work she does. I think it's a waste of her time, but that's just my opinion. But her writing is better than the fluffy Wiccan bullshit out there about the Morrigan.

Another priestess of the Morrigan is an Irish author named Lora O'Brien. I also don't suscribe to or like her political views (they are the same as Ravenna's) but she has a 6 month course that covers a lot of ground. I took it and got a lot out of it. It's 500 Euros though (if I recall correctly.) It's a lot, but if you are on a tight budget there are scholarship offers (where you don't have to pay) or you cay pay in installments (which is what I did.)

No, they did not ask me to promote these books or sites for them. I get nothing out of talking about these women and their work.

However, I do respect the work they have done in the Pagan community and the work they have done for the Morrigan.

I am just stating and listing what helped me in my relationship to the Morrigan. To understand the culture, history and myths that she came from is to understand her better.

I have found in my relationship to her is that what you ask her for, she will give wholly and fully. She will turn your life upside down if it suits her to chisel, carve and shape you into the person you need to be. Whether in general or to work with her, and carry out her will.

If she is sending you signs and you wish to answer her Call, know that she sees something in you that you may or may not see in yourself, and perhaps she wishes to work with you. I have found being extremely respectful, honest, and keeping your word and promises/contracts/oaths to her is very, very important. She will keep her end of the contract as well, as long as your keep up yours.

I hope this helped a bit.

All hail the Morrigan!

[...]

I have worked with the Morrigan in the past for 10 years and she is very kind, patient and helpful. She will sit down and talk with you about your problems and offer different solutions. She is a wonderful listener, and very strong. She is a daughter of Lilith. The description of her appearance in the JoS Demons list is accurate, although she has appeared in my dreams and visions as a crow with red-tinted eyes.

She is Flauros/Haures in the Demons list on Joy of Satan website.

If you search some old posts about the Morrigan in these forums, I would like to add I made some posts, but at the time I was under heavy spiritual attack. I would like to correct some things I wrote back then, in this post.

Satan, The Morrigan and the Powers of Hell that I have interacted with, are all trustworthy, and will help you, when you ask and before you ask.

See also, Satanic Symbols

The Black Sun, the Raven, the Crow, and the color black also in regards to the star in reverse: symbolize the Nigredo [transformation] stage. The Black Sun is the astral Sun.

 

[Henu the Great]

I was recently vibrating runes to calm myself and they worked to some extent, but they make me feel too empty.

Raising energy: https://satanslibrary.org/Rtrs/Raising_Energies.html

Another easy and quick way to raise energy is breathing exercises. Breathing exercises can be done before, during, and after other meditations you are doing to keep yourself energized. To this end, Yoga asanas are great as well.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

You are being pretty hard on yourself. Although it is good to be proactive in your healing, you should not be beating yourself just because you are still learning and growing. No, the Gods are not disappointed. No, you are not a bad person.

What you describe is normal for a Pisces Sun, as the Sun rules the sense of self, self-esteem, confidence, and so on. As Pisces is the sign of Neptune, you can experience feelings of confusion about this. Pisces is mutable water and can feel like it is absorbing what is around it, rather than expressing itself here.

Pisces is also sensitive and desires perfection and purification, as it is an expansive sign. It opposes Virgo, which also desires these things, but in its own ways. As Pisces is also self-sacrificing, this can create self-harm tendencies. Being intuitive, you may be trying to harm yourself as means of both "purifying", but also to explore your emotions by provoking some sort of reaction.

Who you are is someone who is compassionate, emotional, sensitive, and ethereal, in a way. However, these same tendencies can turn negative, and this is what results in your confusion and stress.

Remember that Pisces also senses the future by probing cause and effect. It tries to predict what can happen based on what it presently sees. This is the manner in which it can become seriously disturbed, but also overreact to things which have not actually manifested yet. In regards to you and your identity, you are basically scaring yourself and allowing your feelings to get the better of you.

---------------------

What you should be doing is trying to strengthen your natal Sun, not in a way that destroys your existing Pisces uniqueness, but in a way that balances it with the missing confidence and self esteem in which everyone should have.

Focus on your solar chakra. Clean it, empower it very well. Do the breath of fire. Chant Sowilo and use it to make you feel a bit better about yourself. These are short term solutions.

Do your very best to maintain your spiritual routine because there is hope here. With some power in your soul, you can plan a larger working, especially as the Sun enters Leo very soon. You can start a working with Surya on the days marked "Sun Square" on the calendar.

Chant Surya perhaps x40 or x88 times; whatever you can comfortably do daily. Then affirm 8 times that is has positively and permanently strengthened your solar energies. You can visualize a white-gold aspect of your solar growing, or you can view your solar chakra and the areas of the soul it rules as growing and advancing inside you.

Feel a positive and warm fire growing within you, as this is what the energies have improved upon, as the solar energy of your soul is what creates a strong sense of identity and self-esteem. You will feel more happy about yourself and able to laugh about things which may be imperfect. You will feel more joyful and able to express yourself. You will have more energy and vitality, as the Sun rules all of these things.