CrimsonMonarch
Active member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2023
- Messages
- 114
Hello JoS, it may seem selfish, but I really need some help, I'm going to present a complicated case as briefly as I can, but it's very personal, I'll try my best:
For a bit of context, right now my family and I are not well off financially, we hang on more or less, but we have some debts and they keep piling up. Sometimes we had to ask for money out of friends to buy food, and I cannot help financially due to going to uni both in the morning and the afternoon and having to commute, which leaves me with very little time in general. I still tried to obtain some side gigs but they don't work out for long, I either end up sacrificing my studies, or sacrificing sleep to work, and both are bad options, I am currently studying only. My mother doesn't work and is not looking for a job either, and my brother is younger than me and can't work. As for a father figure, you might have guessesd it but it's absent, they divorced a few years ago. While in the divorce sentence he is supposed to pay us a bit to survive (mother refused to take anything from him), he has been reducing the amounts gradually without any reason and we can't really do anything about it, we can't afford a legal battle, and he won't tell us why he's reduced the pay (I assume he may be struggling too). We've also stopped talking to him recently, as he had begun harrassing us every time he saw us on the street, and he's still understandably upset after the divorce, but my younger brother cannot bear to be next to him.
The marriage lasted for 18 years, and none of us three remember any positive events from it. Father was pretty absent from our lives even when we were still a family, and let's just say he never really saw mother as more than a dishwasher and a sex provider, which made my mother grow jaded. The reason she even stuck with him for that long was that, when I was 5 (my brother was 2 at the time), they decided to move to Spain (we were born in Romania and living there is awful). Father went first and worked there for a year, and then we arrived afterwards. In Spain, he secretly filmed pornos with other women and cheated on my mother several times (to which he confessed to me in person), and my mother couldn't do anything at that point, as she didn't know the language nor did she have a job. During the next 15 years he was not a very good figure, and ruled the house with an iron fist. He accused my mother of cheating on him and he never considered my brother as his legitimate son because of that. He talked to me sometimes, but he couldn't be bothered to care beyond superficial things, and he is not pleasant to talk to. I will always be thankful to him for providing for the house despite his flaws. And so here we are, mother lost almost 20 years of her life for seemingly nothing.
It's been 3 years since the divorce, and my mother has worked tirelessly to land a job working for the state (it's stable and pays well). She recently passed the exam necessary for the job, but we're still a couple of weeks away from her starting to work, as they need to give her a position somewhere in Spain, and so we're mostly waiting while I try to find a more suitable side gig to lessen the burden without compromising my studies. These last few months have been harsher than usual, food prices have gone up and rent is expensive too, we've cut down on a lot of things to save money, but it's still not enough.
I tell you all this because today she woke up and suicide was the first thing in her mind. She kept asking me why are we here on this Earth, if we're meant only to suffer, who decides where we are born, and what she did wrong to deserve it. She believes in a New Age teaching by a guy named Neville Goddard, which states that everything you see and experience is a reflection of herself, and thus she believes that what father did to her is a reflection of her own shitty nature, when I believe otherwise, as unlike father, mother always cared about my brother and I, and was always generous and kind. This coupled with harsh finances have had her in tears this morning and I calmed her down, but I'm on very high alert, I never would've thought that I'd have to keep an eye on mother in case she kills herself.
As a Satanist I can do more, but I'm still a big noob and I have no idea what to tell her, I still don't understand many things myself, and I don't even know if there's any working I can do to help her to at least feel better until she starts to work. I am at a loss right now, and I would greatly appreciate your help, I have no one else I can really ask, all of our relatives are 4000km apart, and mother is always one not to "bother" other people, despite me telling her that her friends here would be glad to help her in any way.
Is there something I can do? What can I tell her?
Sorry for the lengtht post, I'll be sticking around in case I need to clarify something, I tried to summarize 20 years in a paragraph, but I'm not sure it ended up that well. Also, please don't personally attack me, those comments will be ignored.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read, I hope you have a wonderful day
For a bit of context, right now my family and I are not well off financially, we hang on more or less, but we have some debts and they keep piling up. Sometimes we had to ask for money out of friends to buy food, and I cannot help financially due to going to uni both in the morning and the afternoon and having to commute, which leaves me with very little time in general. I still tried to obtain some side gigs but they don't work out for long, I either end up sacrificing my studies, or sacrificing sleep to work, and both are bad options, I am currently studying only. My mother doesn't work and is not looking for a job either, and my brother is younger than me and can't work. As for a father figure, you might have guessesd it but it's absent, they divorced a few years ago. While in the divorce sentence he is supposed to pay us a bit to survive (mother refused to take anything from him), he has been reducing the amounts gradually without any reason and we can't really do anything about it, we can't afford a legal battle, and he won't tell us why he's reduced the pay (I assume he may be struggling too). We've also stopped talking to him recently, as he had begun harrassing us every time he saw us on the street, and he's still understandably upset after the divorce, but my younger brother cannot bear to be next to him.
The marriage lasted for 18 years, and none of us three remember any positive events from it. Father was pretty absent from our lives even when we were still a family, and let's just say he never really saw mother as more than a dishwasher and a sex provider, which made my mother grow jaded. The reason she even stuck with him for that long was that, when I was 5 (my brother was 2 at the time), they decided to move to Spain (we were born in Romania and living there is awful). Father went first and worked there for a year, and then we arrived afterwards. In Spain, he secretly filmed pornos with other women and cheated on my mother several times (to which he confessed to me in person), and my mother couldn't do anything at that point, as she didn't know the language nor did she have a job. During the next 15 years he was not a very good figure, and ruled the house with an iron fist. He accused my mother of cheating on him and he never considered my brother as his legitimate son because of that. He talked to me sometimes, but he couldn't be bothered to care beyond superficial things, and he is not pleasant to talk to. I will always be thankful to him for providing for the house despite his flaws. And so here we are, mother lost almost 20 years of her life for seemingly nothing.
It's been 3 years since the divorce, and my mother has worked tirelessly to land a job working for the state (it's stable and pays well). She recently passed the exam necessary for the job, but we're still a couple of weeks away from her starting to work, as they need to give her a position somewhere in Spain, and so we're mostly waiting while I try to find a more suitable side gig to lessen the burden without compromising my studies. These last few months have been harsher than usual, food prices have gone up and rent is expensive too, we've cut down on a lot of things to save money, but it's still not enough.
I tell you all this because today she woke up and suicide was the first thing in her mind. She kept asking me why are we here on this Earth, if we're meant only to suffer, who decides where we are born, and what she did wrong to deserve it. She believes in a New Age teaching by a guy named Neville Goddard, which states that everything you see and experience is a reflection of herself, and thus she believes that what father did to her is a reflection of her own shitty nature, when I believe otherwise, as unlike father, mother always cared about my brother and I, and was always generous and kind. This coupled with harsh finances have had her in tears this morning and I calmed her down, but I'm on very high alert, I never would've thought that I'd have to keep an eye on mother in case she kills herself.
As a Satanist I can do more, but I'm still a big noob and I have no idea what to tell her, I still don't understand many things myself, and I don't even know if there's any working I can do to help her to at least feel better until she starts to work. I am at a loss right now, and I would greatly appreciate your help, I have no one else I can really ask, all of our relatives are 4000km apart, and mother is always one not to "bother" other people, despite me telling her that her friends here would be glad to help her in any way.
Is there something I can do? What can I tell her?
Sorry for the lengtht post, I'll be sticking around in case I need to clarify something, I tried to summarize 20 years in a paragraph, but I'm not sure it ended up that well. Also, please don't personally attack me, those comments will be ignored.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read, I hope you have a wonderful day
![Power of Justice [JG]](/data/avatars/m/21/21556.jpg?1705626106){kind=avatar}
